AGM Fatboy

Good Evening one and all! And greetings from a very warm and happy place that is the post AGM weekend h*sh trashing. If you want to know what happened at AGM you should have been there, or you should pester your other new scribe: Sugar Plum Fairy! I got nothing on that one. What I do have is the valiant tale of a few brave h*shers who braved the rain and wrath of new GM’s. Yes, what I have for you now is the tale of the Post-AGM, Hungover, Fat-Boy Trail.

Pre-lube: Doyle’s
Hares: Our new GM’s: Bend Over Mommy and High Anus
Bag Car: Goat Throat
Virgins: Nope. Only used up ol’ H*shers here.

Pack: The Buttler Hit It, Peppermint P#ssy, Jamaican Me Cum, Cocktologist, Pat My Fly, Maid of Honor, and last but not least, one of our new favorite h*shers Just Jean….keep reading to find out more!!!

My morning started off stupidly early to do Hub on Wheels. It was wet and they gave us schwag for riding bikes around Boston. But who effing cares? I got home and Jamaican reminded my dumb arse that the h*sh started at 1. Davis and Forest Hills are not that close together. I ran out the door and hopped on the T. I dashed into the bar at 1:15 expecting to find pack away and a hunt for trail in front of me.

But no. MOH is an ignorant “baby-h*sher” (thanks for reminding me of that several times at MJ h*sh Fisty) and in fact this was a fat boy h*sh. A beautiful time when h*shers slow down, get fat, and do a very relaxed version of our normal shenanigans.

I moved into Doyle’s and found a small, but dedicated group of h*shers drinking their first round and looking at the menus. Then we got ourselves the back room and proceeded to order up a great brunch and booze. Many of us paid homage to our roots and got big steaming plates of h*sh. It is delicious and you all should do this. All the food any of us were unwilling to eat, Buttler found a place for. IN HIS BELLY! I tried to figure out what drink to order to go next to my coffee, but then found I can get it IN my coffee. Terrific way to start.

Hares were away somewhere after 2:00. Pack was away shortly there-after. Goat Throat let us all know that there were marks and that we should follow them. So we did, at a very brisk walk. Wouldn’t want to spoil the digesting of a fine h*sh!

Very soon we came to our first be3r check. There was High Life and a giant spider that had a thing for Goat and Buttler. We told stories. We noted stories from Just Jean.

Hares Away….5 minutes later and Pack Away!

Still at a brisk saunter, except for Peppermint who ran off deciding she needed to stretch her legs. Moments later we were treated to another be3r check! Here the wise new GM’s served us healthy doses of Be3rmosas. Truly brilliant creation using the champagne of be3rs and OJ. Quite tasty.

Hares Away….3 minutes later and Pack Away!

Peppermint runs off followed by the shambling mass of h*shers. And Lo and Behold! What did we see? Doyle’s! The deja-vu On-In. And here is a handy map of our harrowing journey.

We returned to our back room table and sat back in our still-warm seats. We were well be3red and started circle (at the table.) Everyone had their turn at this Circle.

• GM’s High Anus and Bend Over Mommy drank for their sh!tty trail
• Cocktologist drank for being a backslider (claims he has a job)
• Just Jean drank for having special needs when she claimed she couldn’t drink our fine be3rmosas as she has “citrus allergies”
• Pat My Fly for not realizing he was drinking booze in his be3rmosa
• Overachievers: Peppermint P#ssy, Just Jean, and the Maid of Honor
• The Buttler Hit It for being boring
• And Goat Throat for setting off his car alarm at a be3r check and drawing the attention of small children… which he claims he is usually very good at sneaking up on.
• A few accusations were tossed around and then the H*sh went in pieces.
• Well that really involved a continued stay in our seats and more pitchers.
• Memorable Quote: “He tried to bleach the NAMBLA out of his @ss”

But now for what was one of the best parts of the h*sh and what I think will be the most amusing part of this h*sh trash. The fun facts we learned about Just Jean……. And her spontaneous naming!!!!! Just Jean is one of the newest additions to the BH3, but she has h*shed with both the Portland, ME and Baltimore harriers. She is a feisty type who tries to beat up everyone once she’s had a few. She was playing the quiet game to avoid us getting too much dirt on her…. Since apparently there is quite a bit to be found. And most importantly, she isn’t on the list serve yet so we thought it would be fun to share this with all of you now.

Fun Facts:

• Last night Just Jean was out with some ladies and got into a bunch of “lady drama” instead of joining us for AGM. Instead she walked away with a wad full of $1’s. She wouldn’t divulge further.
• Recently, Just Jean was approached by a guy with the line: “I have some peppermint schnapps and I lost my virginity while drinking it. Want some?” And it worked! So she spent the evening drinking rumple mintze with the guy and chasing it with monkey bread.
• Finally, She enjoys tanning naked on her porch with her coffee whenever she can. She is working on her “nipple tan”.
• This folks is a fun h*sher who you will all enjoy getting to know. We all had been discussing the recent onslaught of spam that the listserve has been getting hammered with, and kept joking about the “Screaming Japanese Girls.” Jokingly we told Just Jean that if she didn’t spill the beans we would have to name her that. She gave a very strong reaction of dislike… and we know how that works in the h*sh. Spontaneous name vote goes out, RA makes a ruling, and voila!

We present to you: *Screaming Japanese Girl* (Just Jean no longer)

Also she then made pouty faces, voiced her indignation, and attacked us with fearsome blows. All of this only further cementing that she is in fact a Screaming Japanese Girl.

Hope ya'll enjoyed this edition of H*sh trash

-the Maid of Honor

AGM 2009 aka Assholes on Ice

HARES: Goes Down On Buoys, Nice Tits
BAG CAR: My Chemical Homance
PRE-LUBE: The Corner Pub, Leather District Boston
BEER CHECKS: Alleyway in South Boston and Our Lady of Great Sodomy Park in South Boston
ON-IN: Kiley’s in the Horseshoe Pit out back.
SCRIBE: Sugar Plum Fairy
VISITORS: 2nd Cumming’s Hot Mom
LATE CUMMERS: Cums Alone, Crucifux, Jamaican Me Cum and Just Brigid

PACK: High Anus, Necro Jack, Dick Jockey, I Eat Cum, I Licked Butts, Better Late Than Pregnant, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Cocktologist, Coochie Monster, Bend Over Mommy, Hare Club For Queers, Peppermint Pussy, Brigham Tongue, Catheter the Great, Dirty Latte Sanchez, The Butler Hit It, The Jizz Mopper, Nipples Erectus, Target Practice, You Oughtta Blow, Fire In The Hole, The Second Cumming, Taj My Hole, Beat By A Girl, No Boner Left Behind, An Inconvenient Poop, Dude Where’s My Virginity, Schindler’s Fist, Dooky
Plows Her VD, I Eat Tea Bags, Sextra Credit. Justs …… Ellen, Katie, Sarah, Raina, Adam and Heather

TRAIL

It was sphincter shrinking time at the Anal General Meeting Hash as we kicked out the old and ushered in the new group of losers we call Mismanagement. It all started at the Corner Pub near South Station in the Leather District. Arriving early I was told that Goes Down On Buoys was, “Out looking for cock.”

I said that maybe he should be looking for chalk as that would be more helpful to setting and marking trail. When he did show up he had his chalk in his hand. No word on his other search.
We circled for chalk talk in the alley behind the Corner Pub which had all kinds of exotics smells.
“I especially love the smell of Urine,” said 2nd Cumming’s Mom. Didn’t know she was into that kind of thing, but then again she is from California and was a Raiderette so….?.

I followed several Zen masters out of the alley way and as they took off for the Boston Common, I shadowed the pack expecting them to go left, which they didn’t. Trail went through Chinatown and took u-turn back to South Station. I could see this from a distance as I took a wide swing around Federal Reserve building assuming the beer check would be under the bridge near the Itching… uh I mean Barking Crab. Trail actually went into the South Station T-stop and came out on Summer street leading hashers over the Fort Point Channel into the Seaport area.

Trail cut across a large parking lot and went back through the courtyard of one of the seaport hotels and came out by the Convention Center. Trail then turned toward South Boston and after a long straight away and a detour provided by I Eat Cum we reached the first beer check in an alleyway behind an industrial area.

Hashers were greeted with all different kinds of microbrews, the kind that makes most people happy and Hare Club sad. Beat By A Girl was also sad because he was hoping for really shitty beer and even threatened to drink a non-alcoholic beer. He was so distraught he went to a liquor store to by some Colt 45 to make up for things.

We must have looked like a gang of meth addicts, because a woman driving down the alley in her SUV and yakking on her cell phone looked up, saw us and immediately backed out of the alley. IEC led the hashers out of the beer check and up toward Broadway which was unfortunate because he wasn’t following trail just making up his own.

Peppermint Pussy, Nipples Erectus and I zenned our way to Telegraph Hill where I saw a rogue arrow courtesy of IEC. I went down the other side toward Carson Beach and realized I had overshot the trail which wound it’s way around Dorchester Street a and deposited hashers in an assphalt park with some benches know as Our Lady of Sodomy Park with a statue of Mary as it’s centerpiece. Surprisingly lightening did not strike anyone.

Trail then made its way to ward Old Colony Ave past a tit check where I sadly missed a pair of perky breasts being displayed. Doh. Almost immediately we were at Kiley’s, a wonderful dive with a horseshoe pit in the back which was perfect for Circle.

When hashers arrived and were fully lubed up, the RAs, a doubled headed estrogen monster known as Crucifucks and Bend Over Mommy called the hairs and outgoing GMs. Nice Tits and Buoys, into circle to place there asses squarely on blocks of ice their to listen to lonnnng drawwwnnn out discussions about how shitty their trial was and to suffer for their years of crimes against Hashmanity.

After we were sure they had frostbitten cheeks, they were kicked out of circle and more asses were placed on the ice for different violations of the unwritten hash laws. At some point Buoys pulled his shorts down and hopped around in the circle. Nobody knows why.

We finally came to the point of this whole nonsense and ushered in a new group of saps that can be blamed for everything that goes wrong this year.

Here now is the list of the sacrificial lambs (including yours truly).

HASH HO – Nipples Erectus
HASH FLASH – Better Late Then Pregnant
HASH DRUNK – Beat By A Girl
MARATHON CHAIRS – Dirty Latte Sanchez and Spank Me May I have My Mother
HOLIDAY PARTY – Pubic Service Announcement and Fire In the Hole
DEMENTING – Bbag and Jamaican Me Cum
BEER BITCH – I Licked Butts and according to my notes, cny
SCRIBE – Me and Maid of Honor
HABERDASHERY – My Chemical Homance
HASH CASH – Nice tits and Taj Ma Hole
RELIGIOUS ADVISORS – The 2nd Cumming and High Anus

Swing Low was sung and we were fed some tasty lasagna, salad and cookies. And that, as they say, was that until next time.

QUOTED

• “Put the beer down and I’ll grab a load.” Catheter The Great. The look of disdain when she saw me writing this down was priceless.
  

Playground Hash

* A quick note I was at the abortion masquerading as a hash last weekend and took notes thank god Dude wrote it up because I had noting but bile and invective.
Anyway, without further ado here is the Hash Trash...

Hares: Maid of Honor, Anal Beads and Special Guest Hare Cuffed and Stuffed in the Buff
Bag Car: The Second Cumming
Pre-Lube: Cross Roads Pub, Beacon Street Back Bay Boston
Beer Checks: Under the bridge near Longwood T and Playground in Coolidge Corner, Brookline
On-In: Ringer Park Playground Allston
On After: Our House on Comm Ave Allston
Distance: A long ways
Scribe: Me with Nice Tits as the attendance beyotch

Pack: Dirty Latte Sanchez, Goat Throat, Wang Chunks, Beat By A Girl, Stick It to the Bros, Vagitarian, Nice Tits, Grease My Monkey’s Nuts, High Anus, Nipples Erectus, Pat My Fly, Mr. Rogers, Necrophiliac Jack, Brigham Tongue, Goes Down on Buoys, Spunk In the Trunk, Dooky Plows Her VD, Night of the Giving Head, Shawskank, Inconvenient Poop and Peppermint Pussy

Nameless Wonders: Justs….Jean, Billy, Ryan, Becky, Ellen, Sarah, Raina, Alex, Adam, Catherine, Allison, Thomas, Jenny, another Sarah?, Ted

Virgins: Ryan and Michelle
Visitors: Fuwangi Boner (RIH3)

Amazingly this trail did not take place any where near Somerville.  Also amazing was that20Wang Chunks didn’t do trail in his car but used his legs. Hope someone got a picture of that because you are more likely to see Sasquatch in person than to see Wang Run.
After circling in the alleyway behind Cross Roads, trail went toward Kenmore Square and past the first playground also known as Fenway Park where the Red Sox play with themselves and others.  Trail then veered through the parking lot next to the Boston Beer Works toward Beacon St and the long lamented PJ Kilroys.

At this point I decided that trail would eventually turn toward the Fens and I made a B-Line line for the D-Line Fenway stop and lo and behold I saw a trail mark pointing toward the Fens.  I found myself in the rarefied air of the overachieving FRBs like JMo, Inconvenient Poop and Shawskank I fell behind at the soon after the trail wound it’s way through the Longwood Medical Area and we were at the first beer check underneath the bridge over the Muddy River near the Longwood T station.

After the beer check, trail continued through Brookline and we passed through the first actual playground. MJ would have been excited. Trail turned toward Coolidge Corner and I was sure it would go up Summit Hill but was happily proven wrong and after going up Beacon St a ways and finding that trail turned down an alley behind an apartment block and ended at the second beer check which as fate ordained at a playground near a pond luckily for us all the mosquitoes were
dead.

Trail then craniumed up toward Washington Street and up a flight of stirs and then a Cuffy inspired CB brought us back down the stairs and toward Washington Square and into a schoolyard for a song check next to you guessed it; a playground.

Trail then skirted Summit Hill and turned down toward Comm Ave and across at the Allston Street intersection a turkey/eagle split brought us by different routes to the us the Ringer Park ALL TOGETHER NOW……. Playground! Where circle commenced

About this time I was dizzy dehydrated and experiencing hallucinations and was late for circle to start.  So I missed quite a bit and had trouble keeping up

I was told later that we had two virgins Ryan and Michelle.  Ryan likes golf and masturbation whereas Michelle likes pigs and Sugar Plum Fairys.

Just Allison was leaving so she needed a name and we found out that she passed out at Floppy’s house and woke up and put on his pants which led to suggestions like What Is Rufulin?  It was revealed that she was a therapist for old people so we settled on the The Rapist.  Yayyyy!

We then made our way to Our House on Comm Ave where beer and pizza were consumed in mass quantities and that as they say was that.

Playground Hash

Date: Wednesday September 23, 2009Hares: Maid of Honor, Anal Beads and Special Guest Hare Cuffed and Stuffed in the Buff
Bag Car: The Second Cumming
Pre-Lube: Cross Roads Pub, Beacon Street Back Bay Boston
Beer Checks: Under the bridge near Longwood T and Playground in Coolidge Corner
On-In: Ringer Park Playground Allston
On After: Our House on Comm Ave Allston
Distance: A long ways
Scribe: Me with Nice Tits as the attendance beyotch
Virgins: Ryan and Michelle
Visitors: Fuwangi Boner (RIH3)

Pack: Dirty Latte Sanchez, Goat Throat, Wang Chunks, Beat By A Girl, Stick It to the Bros, Vagitarian, Nice Tits, Grease My Monkey’s Nuts, High Anus, Nipples Erectus, Pat My Fly, Mr. Rogers, Necrophiliac Jack, Brigham Tongue, Goes Down on Buoys, Spunk In the Trunk, Dooky Plows Her VD, Night of the Giving Head, Shawskank, Inconvenient Poop and Peppermint Pussy

Nameless Wonders: Just Jean, Billy, Ryan, Becky, Ellen, Sarah, Raina, Alex, Adam, Catherine, Allison, Thomas, Jenny, another Sarah?, Ted

TRAIL:

Amazingly this trail did not take place any where near Somerville. Also amazing was that Wang Chunks didn't do trail in his car but used his legs. Hope someone got a picture of that because you are more likely to see Sasquatch in person than to see Wang Run.

After circling in the alleyway behind Cross Roads, trail went toward Kenmore Square and past the first playground also known as Fenway Park where the Red Sox play with themselves and others. Trail then veered through the parking lot next to the Boston Beer Works toward Beacon St and the long lamented PJ Kilroys.

At this point I decided that trail would eventually turn toward the Fens and I made a B-Line line for the D-Line Fenway stop and lo and behold I saw a trail mark pointing toward the Fens. I found myself in the rarefied air of the overachieving FRBs like JMo, Inconvenient Poop and Shawskank I fell behind at the soon after the trail wound it’s way through the Longwood Medical Area and we were at the first beer check underneath the bridge over the Muddy River near the Longwood T station.

After the beer check, trail continued through Brookline and we passed through the first actual playground. MJ would have been excited. Trail turned toward Coolidge Corner and I was sure it would go up Summit Hill but was happily proven wrong and after going up Beacon St a ways and finding that trail turned down an alley behind an apartment block and ended at the second beer check which as fate ordained at a playground near a pond luckily for us all the mosquitoes were dead.

Trail then craniumed up toward Washington Street and up a flight of stirs and then a Cuffy inspired CB brought us back down the stairs and toward Washington Square and into a schoolyard for a song check next to you guessed it; a playground.

Trail then skirted Summit Hill and turned down toward Comm Ave and across at the Allston Street intersection a turkey/eagle split brought us by different routes to the us the Ringer Park ALL TOGETHER NOW Playground! Where circle commenced.

About this time I was dizzy dehydrated and experiencing hallucinations and was late for circle to start. So I missed quite a bit and had trouble keeping up.

I was told later that we had two virgins Ryan and Michelle. Ryan likes golf and masturbation whereas Michelle likes pigs and Sugar Plum Fairys.

Just Allison was leaving so she needed a name and we found out that she passed out at Floppy's house and woke up and put on his pants which led to suggestions like What Is Rufulin? It was revealed that she was a therapist for old people so we settled on the The Rapist. Yayy!

We then made our way to Our House on Comm Ave where beer and pizza were consumed
in mass quantities and that, as they say, was that.

The MJ Memorial Hash

Good Morning H@shers! Hope you’re all waking up around now and strapping on those dirty shoes, getting ready to H@sh like this AGM deserves! It’s been almost two weeks since the MJ memorial h@sh and I have slacked for long enough on this h@shtrash! Forgive me if it gets a little loopy. The Nyquil is wearing off and the caffeine is just kicking in.

Hares: Shawskank & Just Sarah
Bag Car: Just Ted
Virgins: Becky, Lisa, Billy, and Melvin…. Oh Melvin

Pack: Just Sarah (another one who needs naming pronto) Time of the Munch, Goat Throat, Just Adam (I guess we broke Nabeel on the best trail ever), The Buttler Hit It, Peppermint P#ssy, Schindler’s Fist, Sugar Plum Fairy, Necrophiliac Jack, Ski, Mr. Rogers, Nipples (erectus?), High Anus, My Chemical Homance, Spunk in the Trunk, Sketchy Ho, Just Ellen, 5” Penalty, Just Ryan, Bend over Mommy, and a bunch more that I couldn’t write fast enough to catch… and admittedly had too many later to remember.

The Pack met up at the Tavern at the End of the World and started our pre-lube. We drank our refreshing beverages and marveled at our Hariettes’ well-chapeaued, single-gloved, sparkling-chested attire. The Hares departed and Necro called bag car and chalk talk. But the Hares and Bag Car were still sorting things out. Silly Necro, going to have to learn not to go off early like that! We went back in and got some extra lube. Which, as I write about it now makes perfect sense on an MJ h@sh (Sorry Macaulay.)

Bag Car called for real and Chalk talk ensued. Necro lead it. I am pretty sure someone stole my notes at this point as there is something about Necro that says “Glove and Moose knuckle” Weird right?

We warmed up the virgins with a rendition of the S&M man. It really is a beautiful sight to see some of them cringe as they comprehend just what they have gotten themselves into.

Shortly there-after pack was away. I could tell you all the details of the run…. Or I could share the super hi-tech interactive map of it. (interesting notes are included if you care to read)

Not sure if the map covers everything, but it is way beyond what I was up for remembering.

Some key points if you chose to skip the map:

• Unique check of this h@sh was an MJ check which involved singing and a h@sh-like amounts of crotch grabbing.
• We had a return of the blue chalk. Pack got itself lost just a few times.
• When we eventually did find BC #1 we were down some h@shers and virgin Melvin. Virgin Melvin is a quick lil Smaht kid who thought that scouting was more his cup of tea. I don’t know what he found on his travels… but it was not the beer check. Not for a while at least. Eventually we rounded folks up and Sketchy Ho found us. She apparently did this by asking the cops how to find us. Pretty sure I’m missing part of this story, or we are just that awesome.
• Ran more etc etc

Beer Check #2: Pack was much more together this time. And then we were treated to the sight of the lady virgins sneaking off into the dark together. Details were not forthcumming on what happened in those short, shared moments in the dark. One can only assume what two cumly, sweaty virgins who have been drinking would be doing out there alone.

More running… and we reached Porter! From whence a barrage of insights arose: “We must be going to Sligo!” “Hurray we’re almost there!” “Wait! Why the hell are we going this way? Porter is behind and this is nowhere near Harvahd.” And my personal favorite from Goat Throat “Well sh1t! I am never again accusing chicks for laying short trails”.

Eventually made it in to Paddy’s. And may I take a moment to say Bravo! That’s a dive I would never have dreamed of and it was perfect for the the hash. Lots of food, as much of the bar to ourselves as we wanted, and a lot of cheap beer!

We circled up and got to the festivities.

Virgins!

• Virgin Melvin (surrogate sponsor Just Ted) was asked the sqare root of 69 and worked long and hard to give the right answer… but failed to get 8 something
• Virgin Billy (Mr Rogers) I believe this was the second week in a row we had a virgin decline to demonstrate favorites sex positions on the grounds of incest. He was then asked what MJ’s favorite position might be: bent over a see-saw.. He then capped off his performance with a superb MJ O-face satisfying the H@sh’s perverse desires.
• Virgin Becky (Just Ellen) Turns out her favorite barnyard animal is the horse (I was impressed) and then she gave us first a horse faking an orgasm followed by a horse having an angry sex orgasm.
• Virgin Lisa (Just Ryan who doesn’t even cum for his own virgin! Shawskank to the rescue again) Turns out Virgin Lisa, when faced with a bus of lesbians would not get off.
• Good virgins – despite Melvin getting lost, and ESCPECIALLY for the lady virgin rendezvous in the woods. (Also, we like the just Lisa and Becky since they came back this week for the plague filled playground tour)

Accusations!

• Just Ellen – coaching the virgins and warning them of what is to cum.
• FRB – High Anus
• FBI – Spunk in the Trunk
• DFL – Virgin Melvin
• H@sh Crash – Just Ryan
• Racist Behavior – 5” Penalty
• Female Virgins – for their trist
• Cranium cover in circle – Just Sarah… when one hare drinks, so do Shawskank and Just Ted.
• Sweat Test Failure – Just Allison (TheRapist as of this past wednesday) showed up late but we applaud her for making it out in the face of adversity and work.. responsibilities eh?
• Backsliders – Mr Rogers
• False Accusation – Fisty
  

We sang songs, we were impressed with the neat type-face on the ridiculously well planned out itinerary (have picture to prove), we drank beverages, we enjoyed a sandwich tray, salad, and wings!

Great H@sh! Thanks Bag Car and Hares!

I don’t know if anyone took many notes for this past Wednesday’s Playground Tour. Hope you all enjoyed at least some bits of it. If you want to see where you were supposed to run here is our map.

On-h@shing-cures-the-pig-flu-ON

Maid of Honor

No Theme Hash

Evenin Wankers! And welcome to a special drunken collaboration Hash Trash! Special thanks go out to Jamaican Me Cum for assisting a surprised to be scribing, well-inebriated Maid of Honor. Any who!

PARTICIPANTS: (sorry if we missed you) Jamaican Me Cum (Special collaborating scribe), Maid of Honor, Bend Over Mommy!, Willa wanker, Bringham Tongue, Second Cumming (suited up!), Fire in the hole (bag car), Just Ellen, Bbag, Just Camilla -> Sextra credit!, 5 " penalty, Shawskank, Shorn Scrotum, Just sager *, *Just ted, Just Raina, Just Sarah, Nice tits, Goat throat, Just Allison, I lick butts, Far from fucking, Peppermint Pussy, and a very Smaht, late, and drunk ‘Ed master

VIRGINS! Virgin Molly, Virgin Megan, Virgin Kim,* *Virgin Nabeel, Virgin Adam, Virgin
Alex

THE START: Started out the evening at The Tam in the theater district. Arrived and ordered a bud light. Bartender mumbled something to me and I grunted back. Surprisingly this translated to “I would like a bud light and a regular bud, which I am more than happy to pay you for screwing up the order.” Hashers do not shy from opportunities though! So Shorn and MOH proceed to scientifically test if the two taste different. Shorn’s palate is still maturing, and insists they taste the same. MOH knows better and even after telling Shorn the taste difference is at the back of the throat (a well developed spot for hashers) he said they were the same. Further research to continue on Wednesday.

The Hares took off and the pack circled the virgins into an interlocked ring of fear and future depravity. Virgins spun around, names were yelled out, songs were sung and…

PACK AWAY! Quickly found some marks leading into the Boston common where the pack was
accosted by hula hoop bearing women and their hippy masters. Ran up the hill and circle jerked a monument (It was a thing of beauty). Just Camilla was spotted running off and shouting something about “On-???” Good enough! So off to the Public Garden we sped. Honking traffic, ducks, and disapproving mothers all were left in our wake.

Here we started to see the magical blue hash marks. Why are they magical you ask? Well it turns out though great LED fleshlights we all love are are actually more blue than white. Smaht kids, this one’s for you: What happens to Blue marks when you shine a blue light on them? Whatever it is, it is pretty F’n magical because they all disappeared.

Followed along in the park for a while and cut across towards the river. Very scenic blah blah blah, Crossed back over Storrow and got thoroughly off trail. Here a bit of Zenning happened with MOH following what may have been Shawskank or Nice Tits (either way not an unpleasant experience.) Eventually found a giant pink hash mark pointing across Mass Ave bridge and thought the hares had cum to their senses with a new color of chalk. Nope.

We found some of the pack running up from along Storrow and dragged them out across the bridge. Many Smoot marks but no hash marks. And back we went.

Beer Check #1 right next to the Mass ave Bridge… Where Fire, 2nd Cumming, and the Hares enjoyed a thrilling display of Adonis like runners backtracking all over. Found the check, jumped off an overpass to get there, and drank some beers. Here MOH learned he was scribing. This news coincided with a sharp spike in his alcohol consumption, linked to Just Sager deciding he could not in fact handle his beer on his own. His loss, your gain, shenanigans ensue!

The pack is away, and for real this time we cross the Mass Ave Bridge. 364.4 Smoots later we reach the other side and find the bastion of Smaht kids begging for our distractions. I caught a ride on Just Raina at this point. She was excellent, and was very happy when I got off.

Found our first Turkey eagle split. Eagles are directed into a frat party. Not a welcoming audience, even after learning we were running for beer. Neither let us in, nor offered any of their fine brews. We found a chalk message saying: “look up” and found what appeared to be a hash check. Goat Throat and MOH run off behind some dumpsters to find trail and strangely came back with pants around their knees. Say the least, it was not a hash check, and that was NOT trail.

Found Beer Check 2 soon after in some park. Jack’s friend showed up with a head contusion. More Beer!

My recollection starts getting suspect here..

Pack away. Goes the wrong way. Goes the right way! Finds what may be marks leading across a baseball field. Players tell hash they didn’t go this way, please go around. Hash hears none of this and goes over. And shortly after under a dark and sketchy overpass finds….

Another Beer Check! Jaimaican’s direct quote on this: “Like homeless people we drank amidst
manholes, rocks and needles” eloquent! We start to see a theme that the Hares are devious fuckers who plan on getting us all drunk. Their plan is succeeding.

Away again and find what will turn out to be one of the more dramatic Turkey eagle splits in recent memory. Pack of sound mind follows the turkey trail and heads over the BU bridge. A smaller contingent of idiots follows Eagle path. Of note: Could barely blow a load without it landing on a virgin at this point. Very gung-ho, and well-represented group of virgins! Down into the depths of fences and briar we descend. And find Geese! I was kinda sloshed by now and found this very exciting. We find trail amidst the goose excrement and cigarette butts.

It lead onto the LIVE tracks going under the BU bridge. So scampering along, looking down through the ties at the murky waters of the Charles, listening for the oncoming roar of a commuter rail embodiment of death, we went. And found...

Another Turkey Eagle!! And I shit-you-not, the eagle trail was straightdown. It was a drop down between the ties to a foot path under the bridge. If you stretch out a virgin Megan to her full length (you may have to get her to demonstrate for a proper measure) it was still a good 3-5 foot drop. My knees helped solidify that I do in fact deserve a un-manly moniker, and I joined the turkeys to run around and meet the double eagles on the bridge underneath. We ran off and came up on the other side of BU bridge. Where we found no marks. So we ran. And found no marks.

Strange… Three-ish Hash veterans and virgins Megan, Adam, and Nabeel search near and far with the vets trying to corral the virgins back to something like a trail. We give up and call the hotline to be told the pack is right on the other side of the BU bridge. We later hear from the hares that they were laying this trail and thought no one was dumb enough to drop through the ties and take that trail.

It’s the Hash! We do this shit right! Also we missed a train by 2 minutes.

So after round 2 of dragging a bunch of zealous virgins past the check we hoof it back and hop the fence and find the...

ON~IN! Jamaicain says: On-in was in a HUGE park near BU East near to ANOTHER overpass and we had to climb ANOTHER fence to get there. Some people stupidly went down stairs only to climb over a MUCH taller fence.

Just Camilla's naming:

• Story #1 --- Hooked up with her professor but didn't go all the way. Potential names ---- Sextra Credit, Blows for Bs, Teacher's Pet, Head in the Class, the B Job.
  
• Story #2 --- She was at her gyno earlier this week who, funny story! Was also her mother’s Ob/Gyn for the birth of Just Camilla. In the Beer-addled mind of MOH, this evoked a beautiful image of those Russian Nesting dolls, which I thought were Kachina dolls ---- Potential name ---- Kachinacunt. Turns out they are actually Matryoshka dolls (and what funny name can cum from that?)
  
• Just Camilla is henceforth known as Sextra Credit!

Virgins

• Virgin Molly (Brigham Tongue) –drunk and don’t remember
• Virgin Megan (Just Ryan) – Drunk and don’t remember but I think it was decent
• Virgin Kim (Came by her own doing) --- favorite barnyard animal is a sheep and apparently they don't have orgasms. Poor sheep!
• Virgin Nabeel – Doesn’t remember his first B Job. So sad, and I think we could get some helpers to jog his memory…
• Virgin Adam --- would help his Uncle jack off
• Virgin Alex (Doogie Plows Her) --- Alex doesn’t really have a favorite, but big brother Doogie's favorite sexual position is 69 --- declined to demonstrate on account of it being incestuous to suck on each other's dicks. Details details.

Accusations

• Racist behavior --- Virgin Adam (he was also a fan of pint sized shorts (thanks for pointing that out Jamaican))
• New shoes for Virgin Megan ---- Bad sponsor Just Ryan gets her shoe, and when one hare drinks, All Hares Drink!
• Getting-what-he-deserves-for-that-double-eagle-split Necrophiliac Jack gets the other shoe.
• Late cummer ---- ‘Ed master --- He was off being too smaht (dissertation defense) but did run the whole 6 miles to find us!
• Beat by a Girl for being a crap Hash Drunk and skipping the third beer check
  

We go to the On After at the dugout and find out the Hares still had 5 30 racks ready for us if the Bag car had caught up to us at the On-In. We go in and all is well. Until some assholes decide it is ok to just walk up and grab a few slices of our pizza. Seriously, who the hell does that? Just Ryan glares at them and flexes. They cower. Are convinced they should buy us a pitcher to make up for it. They leave and we are less annoyed at them.

End of the night arrives and Fire in the hole is nice enough to give Shorn, Nice Tits, Peppermint Pussy, Just Allison and me a ride back to davis. I have the pleasure of getting a peppermint pussy in my lap. Let me tell you: This is an excellent and refreshing experience! Try it.

Memorable Quotes

• Peppermint Pussy climbed a tree cuz she "likes to climb things"
• Just Raina comments on how she loves "mouth to mouth" claims it is cpr related.. sound like bullshit to me, to me.
• A Hasher (who may or may not be known for her Nice Tits) tells a story of how she got back at a douche bag by pissing on his Benz. Bravo!
• Sorry for the novel. Hope you enjoyed my first attempt at scribing. And again thank you so much Jamaican for jogging my memory!

Maid of Honor