Thursday, June 7, 2018

Divorce Hash


What: Divorce Hash
Where: Friendly Patio
Who:
Hares: Do Me Decimal, The Butler Hit It, Shits and Ladders, Honorable Vaginal Discharge
Bag Car: Spank Me
RA: Yellow Dick Gnome
Pack: Lets see if can remember them; long haired virgin, virgin from Seattle (how wasn’t really a virgin), other virgin, just people, Ceritfied Poop Accuntant, Wikipedophilia, 5 Inch Penatly, Orgasmn Falmon, Goat Throat, Barrey Manbelow, Other vistor from Oregon, First Visitor From Sac-town, Second Visitor from Sac-Town, Visitor from South Carolinia, Dry Hose, Justine Beerber, Twat My Mom, Udder Whore, Anal Disco, Pop Cum Ear I’m Inefected, Rammerhead Shark, her husband who I’m calling Salt on the Wound? (It’s not his name), Sonic BUM, Pole in the Family*, Bottom Wrangler, Dribbles, Clit Notes, others I’m probably forgetting.

Start: It was kids night at the Friendly Toast, so the bar manager very wisely set up the patio for us. It should be noted that before he did that he asked if the two gentlemen passed out on the benches outside his bar were with us, upon questioning we found that they were - they were the hashers from Sacramento! Pack slowly assembled, but like all marriages doomed to fail, there was a bit of a timing issue as one of the hares arrived on the north side of 7 o’clock, not that it mattered as we were all poudning ‘gansetts.

Chalk Talk:
Gnome led us through a not entirely inacurate chalk talk - note to hares; if you’re going to use non-standard marks, tell the RA so they can explain them to us - we are drunks, after all, using chalk which was almost visible.

The Early Dates:

The beginning of trial was fun and easy to follow, though I did get a glare from a driver who disagreed with my opinion that highway on-ramps are a fine place to run diagonally across. There was some (alot) of bad zenning into and around various parking garges before we found what should have been a very obvious shot (chamapnge!) check in front of the Copley Square Chruch.

What followed was a very pleasant hash through the allies and backways of downtown Boston; through the gardens, around the Theatre disctrict - a honeymoon section of trial if you’d like. We ran past fancy threates then went on a long vacation through south east Asia (chinatown) to another round of shots - tequillia - outside the Chinatown gates. Those rub and pulls were beginning to strain the marriage.

From the tequillia trial went past some construction as both parties tried to rebuild what they once had and crossed a pair of bridges to begin thinking about (the) children(‘s musem) for another one of the almost uncountable hash sitapeeds. No children were had, but a case of the (barking) crabs showed that there had been some fucking around and that the end was near as we approached the courthouse.

Pack ran past some fancy laywer party (with bar and security) to find the hares hiding in the bushes - Sean Spicer style - with more champange, more tequilla and some food. We chased them away after taking in views of the airport and thinking maybe we should just fly away from this marriage (trial, whatever, I’m losing myself in my metaphores).

After more bad scouting there apparently was a “Mommy/Daddy” split which (I think) the Daddy’s got a shot check at Trillium? I’m unsure, the pack was about a split up as a failing marriage at that point. We tried to reground with S&M man, but only managed to find about half of what we started with. There was a bit of a death march through what counts for shiggy in Boston behind the convention center to a happy/unhappy check. The smart people took happy and after a quick group hug/gang bang ended up at Whiteys to end this fucking trail.

Half an hour later, the RA started circle; the pack which went on the unhappy split apparently went to South Afirica and back.

CIRCLE:
[*Editoral #1]
The hares were called in and I hope someone sang the “she dated a hash house harrier who’d fuck her but wouldn’t marry her” verse, but it was nearly impossible to hear the RA. The hares were made to drink for their crimes - which would be enumerated later - and we told them to use more flour and chalk because there seriously wasn’t any beer out there. We then called in FRBs and DFLs - some of which we still getting back from South Aferica. Then we called in our plethora of visitors and Barely sang us a song which, sadly, I can’t report on since I couldn’t hear it. After that virgins were called in and demented by clit notes. They weren’t worthy, but we’re desperate - like a hasher recently divorced - so we took them anyway. We then had to deal with a tragety the likes of which the hash has never seen in the last 7 years. Certified Poop Accuntant, Founder and GM of Space Unicorn, PornStar - CUNTFACE, WhoreDock - Papa Johnson - and Power Bottom H3s - was called in for ABANDONMENT! She’s LEAVING BOSTON and moving to Jacksonville, FLA! We all drank for this, and she drank, and then I think she drank again, and we drank again. I think we then tried to rename Pole in the Family? Again, I couldn’t hear what was going on - I was busy buying all the beer (there was a pause as they had to change the keg) - before accusations were opened up. I took this as an opertunity to accuse the hares of not having any beer checks. Butler was then accused of trying to lay trail to his ex (South Aferica). There were a lot more accusations, but, again, I coulnd’t hear them and continued buying beer. Eventually it was time for announcements - which are listed below, and we swang low and devored enough pizza to feed a small village.

On - ‘till blackouts do us part - On
-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:
Sunday 6/10: Taco Brunch Trail. All tacos are invited to a brunch to celebrate everyone’s favourite corgy’s birthday! Also, maybe run. Princess Billy will be there. Rage.

Wednesday (6/13): Quater Mile Queer and Bottom Wrangler are haring a mid-7D7S week trail starting at the Hong (Wrong) Kong in Phanual.

All next week: The hash will be at the Hong Kong for 7S7D - 7 days of hash kareookee, there are rumors of patches, pins, etc.

Saturday (6/23-4) Have you ever wanted to hash all night long? June Ballbuster will be the shortest night longest trail hash! Starting at the Barking Crab at sunset we will run all night to an overlook and watch the sunrise over the city.

July 13-15: Burlington Invishash

Augst 3-5: BOSTON MOON AWAY: SUMMER CAMP EDITION

[Editorial #1] Normally I try really hard to pay attention and remember what happened in circle, but circle participation was only about 60% (WTF) and everyone else was talking. Not getting into not wanting to participate in circle, if you’re going to just drink beer and wait for us to finish so you can get your food, kindly go far enough away from circle that you aren’t drowning it out. I know it’s a small bar, but, you know, maybe shut up and join circle - it’s the reason we’re here, after all]