Thursday, January 22, 2015

1/18 Furry Hash

A Famine/Shart Production

Furry Hash!
Prelube: Seven’s Ale House
Hares: Wiki and Udder
Bag Car: Show me the Penis
Pack: Luva Lamp, Blondie, Gaywol, Butler, Just Bryan, Queer and Foaming, Disco, Po-Po Peep show, Fellowship of the cock ring, Just Trevor, Jello, Sex the final frontier, Shart of Darkness, Blubber, Whack a Hole, Bloody, Goat throat, Just Megan, No Man on the Moon, Mud Slut, Friar, Dribbles, Necropheliac Jack , Coonass, Yankee.
Late comers: CEP, Cum Ear, Easy, Black Cock Down

I find it ironic that the furry hash happened on the warmest day of January to date. For the one hash where the theme allowed for as many layers as our hearts desired mother nature decided to make it so warm most people’s furry costumes seemed a cruel and newly sweaty joke. Did the RA’s forget to offer sexual favors to the proper cosmic entity this week?

We gathered in Seven’s on Charles Street to prepare for trail with whatever combination of food, hangover cures, or drinks we deemed prudent. Sometime during my first beer I realized nobody had asked me for money yet and some strange responsible part of me volunteered to begin collecting hash cash. Apparently my technique of shoving the ever-growing wad of cash down my shirt inspired much confidence because hashers seemed remarkably eager to give me money. As our furry menagerie grew and patrons of the bar gave us increasingly odd looks our esteemed hares (a bunny and a cow) departed in a cloud of orange chalk. An appropriate amount of time later 6.9 minutes and 69 seconds were called and we trooped out into the balmy weather to bag car. Chalk Talk proceeded in a disappointingly clean ally. We were informed trail would be in chalk but there was none to demonstrate the marks so a few of them were depicted in chalk. Bloody jumped up and down with most of his usual abandon and Blubber once again proved that RA’s need not be sober. Some brilliant soul suggested hashers get on with it and everyone ran off.  That is everyone except for me and the other walkers.

Walker's trail: Yes wankers, I am a poor injured hasher so at least my portions of this trash will teach you about the wonders of walkers trail. As everyone else ran off I proceeded to pull a bottle of orange juice and a flask of vodka from my bag, drink a swig of orange juice, and replace the displaced liquid with vodka. Once my fellow walkers and I had shared in my bounty we investigated the map the bunny and the cow had kindly provided. We set off through Beacon Hill and quickly came upon some lost Flordinian’s who asked our motley group for directions to the science museum. We declared we were going in that direction so they should just come with us. Then we offered them nourishment from my orange juice bottle and they held up a vitamin water bottle and informed us they already had a vodka’d beverage! We all decided we would get on famously and proceeded to continue with them in tow. Along our scenic walk next to Storrow drive we learned they spent the night before at the glass slipper, were surprised by the level of nudity Boston strippers get to, and liked Hub Pub. Before our paths diverged we congratulated them on getting drunk enough at a bar on the freedom trail that they lost the trail and sent them off to the science museum properly inebriated. My fellow walkers and I found a group hug check and then the beer check. After I fell on the ice and added a bruised knee to my collection of mystery bruises (ok perhaps this one was not mysterious) we decided to warn the runners about the ice when they arrived. As runners trickled in we drank beer, ate orange food, took a photo to document the furry, and eventually the runners departed. I added a beer to my mostly empty orange juice/vodka concoction and it became an extra strong beermossa. Yankee joined the walkers for our second leg and we walked through the north end passing around the boozy drink. As we approached the location of the second beer check over-achieving runners began passing us and didn’t even stop when I offered them booze! The second beer check was in a playground, which seemed an odd location for our beer. We enjoyed the swings but were disappointed by the lack of good peeing locations. Po-po Peepshow made do with a small clump of bushes. Very hashwoman like behavior. When runners departed the drunken walker brigade ambled on. I would normally say that I have an unfailing ability to get myself to the Rover and the Wrong Kong but apparently my sense of direction was somewhat clouded by drink because we ambled through the north end and towards downtown with somewhat less than lazer-like focus. At one point we spied part of pack and Mud-slut was enticed to join our merry band. As we commiserated about injuries and drank away our sorrows we approached the Wild Rover just as pack arrived and we all climbed the stairs to our furry animal den together. - Famine

Runner's trail: Trail got off to a good start by taking us through as many crowded areas as possible. We amused and delighted the people in the Public Garden (I'm sure) before crossing over to the Common, where we came upon a shot check -- Haterate covered in gunky orange flour. In fact, the shot check tasted mainly of flour, so this may have been an intentional move by the hares.

We crossed up toward the State House and into Beacon Hill to give John Kerry a chance to admire us in all our furry splendor. After a few checks, we discovered yet another shot check, making the shot check to running ratio very good for this trail. The shot check was once again covered in moist orange flour, but being hashers, we were not dissuaded.

We followed trail toward (and through) North Station, where we found a song check on the other side. Some passersby took pictures (though we don't appear to be Reddit famous yet - damn, maybe next time) and one particularly persistent man filmed us despite Goat and Just Bryan standing directly in front of his camera to block him, finally calling us "fucking freaks" as we ran off. Boston is full of winners, indeed.

We quickly came upon the beer check, located at some park in the North End. We imbibed beverages and took a photo on the stairs (where did that photo end up, anyway?) before heading off.

I don't remember much of the next leg of trail. In fact, I had forgotten there were two beer checks until I read Famine's account, so that shows what a reliable narrator I am. There was indeed a beer check at a playground, although I couldn't tell you where said playground was if you paid me. There was definitely a hash sitapede at some point, which I remember because it worked unusually well. There was at least one more shot check somewhere; we were taken through Faneuil; finally, we ended up at the door of Wild Rover. - Shart

Circle: I was so drunk for circle that I have very fuzzy memories so I hope one of the real scribes takes over here. What I do remember is watching the end of one football game, being called into circle for performing jobs other hashers had failed to receive tags for at AGM, drinking much beer, struggling with the hand motions during swing low, and watching the beginning of the Patriots game! - Famine

Indeed, circle was short (but sweet?). Upon arriving at the bar, someone was told that the $2 beer we had been promised was not available upstairs. We first coped by buying nice beers (Lagunitas at circle? Say what now?) but some ingenious thinker realized we could just go downstairs, buy $2 beers and carry them up. This did not endear us to the bartender upstairs, but did provide us with a hearty stock of an alcoholic-ish beverage.

Beyond that, there's not much to remember about circle because it was extremely short. Blubber called in people whose tags he still had from AGM. There was another accusation or two. And then circle was wrapped up with announcements, and we actually finished circle *before* the food was ready, an unusual happenstance for any hash. We made do with watching football until the trays of chicken, quesadillas, pizza, and whatever else were set up, and then continued to engage in the American pastime of getting fat while watching grown men grapple with each other. - Shart

The day after: I realized I really was incredibly drunk the night before because it became apparent that even though I do not remember buying a drink once hash cash ran out I left my credit card at the bar. When I went to the Rover to retrieve it the only slightly judgmental bartender informed me she also had Just Bryan’s card. - Famine

On-Drunken walking adventures-My liver hopes I can run again soon-Not enough yiffing-On

-Orgasm Famine & Shart of Darkness

Monday, January 12, 2015

Tropical Hash XII

What: Tropical Hash XIII
Hares: Hare Club for Queers, Mastor Gator
Bag car: Pat my Fly
Start: Punters Connar Larkins

Pack: Nice Tits, Fellowship of the Cockring, Poo poo peep show, Jello Wreck ‘em, Some Virgin, High Anus, Yankee Pay $5 More, Sex The Final Frontier, THE 2nd Cumming, Just Jeff, Stuff that Reich Now, Orgasm Falmon, Twat My Mom, Blowbot, Swedish Eagle, Whack A Hole, Spunk In The Trunk, The Butler Hit it, Clitnotes, Skechty Ho, Clitnotes, Placentos the Freshmaker, Queer and Foaming in my Anus, Pubic Service Announcement, Five In Penatly, E=ImDouche, Pop cum ear I’m ineffective, Super Teflong Dong, Oink Oink Ohhh, maybe others? I tried to keep attendance but failed.

Prelube:

The start was not at Punters, but apparently, Popo, Fellowship, Jello and their virgin hung out there for a while as the cleaning staff was moping before eventually moving the prelube to Conar Larkins. Once everyone was at Conar Larkins, they might have posted in the FB event, and Tits joked about updating the hotline because no one ever checks it, maybe, in the end, she did, I don’t know. Pack slowly started to arrive at the start and we all tried to find the most tropical beer they had (there was a beer from Hawaii on tap) and donned our lays and Hawaiian shirts over multiple layers of thermal “exercise” gear. The hares left right on time, 15 minutes late, at 3:15, and bag car was called about 15 minutes after that.

Trail Antiqua (holy shit I spelled that right! First try!):

Starting with a very animated (to stay warm) chalk talk, our RA for the day – Clitnotes – instructed us on all of the marks we would see, and all of the checks we wouldn’t. The bag car was parked two blocks towards the city from Connars, and the first mark was in front of the bar pointing towards the MFA, so, in an effort to dispel the cold, we took off looking for beer. Trail ran straight from Conars back to Punters before crossing Huntington and going through parts of Northeastern, before turning we’ll call it right-ish towards some abandonded lots and “light” housing projects. At the edge of the abandoned lots was a bottle of yellow liquid (gatoraid?) and half a bottle of coconut rum, which the FRBs completely destroyed leaving empty bottles for the rest of pack. Leaving the shot check was a most interesting mark – CB0 – which apparently is just a normal check, but YHS decided to run a lap around the block just to make sure. Trail continued vaguely up hill, skirting the edge of what I’m calling mission hill, before turning left and crossing over what I think is called Columbia road and into RCC. Nice Tits commented that she hadn’t hashed through here in a while, and I said that I vaguely recalled a trail by Goat and Fire (bikini/parking garage hash?) that beer checked at a park near by. We did not go to that park directly; instead we scrambled up some shiggy – with the requesit ‘get off my lawn’  from the property owner – and then through an interesting warren of alleys and passage ways, around (or through?) a church, and then to the very park that I had mentioned earlier, where we indeed found cold, refreshing, good beer.

Beer Check Bora Bora:

The beer was surprisingly good – Sam Winter and Yeungling for the FRBs – and the rest of pack got PBRs. There was orange food and what looked like Hare Clubs holiday party left overs (chocolate dipped pretzels, peppermint bark, etc). Despite the good beer and surprising food, the BC was a bit exposed to the light tropical breezes coming off the South Pacific, so, after strong urging from the pack, the hares were gay, and, in the time it takes for beer to freeze (I don’t think any beer actually froze, but I like that metric), so was pack.

Trail Maldives:

Since we were able to watch the hares lay the first two checks, we followed trail quiet easy down the stairs and across some road before turning into another college-esque building before some more “light” shiggy, more street crossing and housing projects. I was generally confused as to what area of the city we were in until we immerged from behind a building to a crossing over Columbia again, and a bridge over the rail tracks in the distance. In front of the bridge, though, there were a group of hashers milling about looking in trash cans, kicking bushes, and looking in trees. They were confused because they saw an “SC” mark, which we finally decided meant “Song Check” not “Shot Check” so we sang about how much we love our girls, before taking off across the bridge, only to be stopped by a tit check. Released by the lovely Po-po (who I think also flashed a security guard), we ran through some parking lots then through the Northeastern dorms. This weekend was the Northeastern Res Hall Fare, since there were chalk drawings of cartoons and arrows promising a great time. We edited these to indicate the Hash was more fun than the Res Hall Fare, plus tit checks. Running through Northeastern can really only yield one result, so no one was surpised when we ended up crossing over the original trail which had been marked out and label “ONIN” at Punters.

ONIN:

After congratulating themselves on running an amazing B to A trail, the beer started flowing and circled started going. The hares were called in and we told them to use more flour and chalk, while they brought Whack A Hole in to be allouetted (was she a real good sport, yes she was a real good sport). FRBs and FBIs were called in; I’m calling them Five Inch and Whack a Hole, as were DFLs (some of whom had not made it to the ONIN when DFLs were called), so Cum Ear drank for them. The virgin was then called in and assumed the position as he was demented by Cum Ear and Falmon. He sucked a math, I forgot what question Twat asked, likes to make cows cum, and had no idea what a dollar menu was. Jello showed him how to do a down-down, and while he was by no means worthy, we’ll take him anyway. After that Douche showed up (note: we did chant Douchesquatch 3 times right before he walked in), so he drank for being the real DFL. Backsliders, bald guys and former GMs drank, anyone not wearing hash attire drank, blood on trail and alcohol abuse drank. STD showed up, so he drank for being a vistor and a sweat test failure. The Bud Light switched to IPA at some point and circle began to disintegrate as the smell of pizza wafted in from across the room. Announcements are at the end of the trash, but we swang low and stuffed our faces with vaguely pizza-like food things. Blubber showed up about 30 minutes after we swang low so he could maintain his “no trails when there’s snow on the ground.” Or, to quote him directly “I’m a summer RA.”

On – travel hash to the tropics next year? – On

-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:

Tonight: TACO trail, somewhere? I don’t have a taco, so I don’t care. It’s on the website, FB group, somewhere.

Tomorrow: Januarary Moon Trail; starting at the Tam at 6:30 HST. Hares are Jello, Popo and Cockring. It’s goth themed, so bring your eyeliner, angst, life-is-pain, nihilist, pleather, and cranium covers.

Saturday: Might be a ball-buster?

Sunday (1/18): nth-Annal Furry Hash, starting at 7s Ale House 2:30HST. Hares are Wikipedophilia and Udder Whore. Wear your furries!!!

Saturday (1/24): Poof in Northborough.

Sunday (1/25): Robbie Burns with Yellow Dick Gnome and Nice Tits. Scotch, Hagus, you know the deal.

Moon Away:  Feb 13-15, $35, I think? There might be spots left? Rego link is in the FB group.

2/28-3/1: Burlington Mardi Gras (I think?) Harlot’ll spam us when it gets closer. Beads, glitter, retronome, rage.

April 17th-20: Boston Marathon Weekend. Rego is currently $69, but goes up to $79 on 2/1. Rego now!

May: NURD

July: Invihash

August: GAP

October: AGM

Novemeber: Saddie

Decemeber: Antibuffet.

January 2016: Tropical Hash XIV