Mary Queen of Scots Hash Trash

Hash Trash

Trail: The Mary Queen of Scotts Trail

Hare: Yankee

Prelube and surprise(!) On-in: Rice Post

Bag Car/pizza and beer unicorn: Wiki

Pack: Foreskin abortion, Dry hose, Sex the final frontier, Goat Throat, Orgasm Famine, Butler, Gator 

BH3 I am disappointed in you. This trail happened in balmy 69 degree weather with nary a cloud in the sky, on a football-less Sunday the night after a wine party. Why pack consisted of such a pathetic handful of us continues to confound me. All I can say is everyone who didn’t make it to Dorchester are a bunch of wankers. 

The somewhat snow infested red line did not make too many troublesome noises as I rode our illustrious transport system to JFK. When I got to Rice Post, our distinguished destination for the day, I was thankful to Yankee for arrows to help me overcome my hesitation to enter an establishment where the doors are locked and a buzzer must be rung to get in. Since I was running fashionably late I was greeted by pack who informed me that I had brought up our collective vagina quotient by 1069 percent. Yes this hash trash is written by the sole, lonely, and sober harriette for the day. 

We stuck around for a bit, befriended the bartender, and most everybody drank enough beer to fend off the cold, slush, and snow we knew lurked in our future. Yankee departed with a bag of yellow flour at some point and we bid our friendly bartender farewell not too long after. Bags were deposited in Wiki’s car and Goat led a quick abbreviated chalk talk where we introduced ourselves, but due to a lack of flour pack was left to figure out marks on their own. Upon our departure we lost trail almost immediately due to the hazards of yellow chalk. The list of things that can be mistaken for yellow marks in the snow includes yellow sidewalk crossings, dog pee, and human pee. This issue remained salient throughout trail.  Pack ran through the snow at speeds sure to instill fear in the heart of any hare. A few blocks in experienced hashers began to notice some similarities between this trail and past Yankee trails, which meant we knew to look forward to a quick off-road trek that, at this time of year meant snow up to our knees. Not long after that we found our esteemed hare standing next to a familiar looking park, clutching a bottle of whisky. He informed us this was the beer check but the beer had yet to arrive so we should drink the whiskey he happened to have on him to fend off hare snares. After everyone else had time for a few sips, a pink unicorn appeared with a box of Sam Adams Cold Snap. I thought this was a remarkably fitting and decent beer for the setting, but Butler seemed rather disgusted with the pink unicorn’s offering. Despite the grumbling pack drank, the hare departed in a flurry of yellow flour, Wiki gathered the bottles, and we ran on. Roughly two blocks later we found the hare yet again and he informed us that he was giving us the bottle of whisky to finish, he was low on flour, and the on-in was Rice-Post. (surprise!) We passed around the bottle for a decent amount of time, men took the opportunity to decorate the snow with more yellow marks, and around the time everyone started getting cold we ran off. It was at this point we slowly realized that Yankee had not been lying (as hares are wont to do) when he said he was out of flour and on-in was Rice-Post. We searched in vain for marks, came up empty handed, and followed our pink unicorn into a pizza place where we waited for our pizza in warmth and passed around bottles of Cold Snap craftily hidden in glove cozies. We were about as good at hiding our beer as you would expect drunken hashers hiding out from the cold in a pizza place in Dorchester to be. When the laughing pizza proprietors handed over the goods we trudged the few blocks back to Rice Post, left what remained of the whisky in the snow bank outside, (did anyone pick that up on the way out or should we return for it in spring?) and joyously returned to our bartender friend. 

After we produced beer we sang Yankee into circle, commented on our short, drunken, yellow trail and Yankee led us in a rousing round of friggen in the riggen. Goat RA’ed because apparently he and Krusty rub off on each other? There were some accusations. Even though I was sober I don’t remember what they were, but I do know that Dry Hose and Sex the Final frontier ended up in circle for various offenses and were instructed to stand ass to ass, reach one hand through their legs, clasp hands and perform their down downs in this position. It took them 2 down down songs before they got it right and I now have a whole new image in my brain for the term ass to ass. Circle wrapped up rather quickly with hash religion and we inhaled pizza, drank more beer, and hung out with the 1 or 2 locals who had braved the storm. When I departed Billy told me to keep the boys out of trouble and I expressed my doubts about my ability to do so but promised to try my best.

On- Why did you make me hash all alone?-On

-Orgasm Famine

Announcements:

2/13-3/15 Moon Away

2/15, 2:30HST -  BH3 Herding Cats Hash, Prelube Baracuda Tavern

2/18: Marathon Plan meeting! Open to all Hashers! Come if you want to help with marathon (or if you want to drink and watch us plan for the BEST BH3 MARATHON MAIN EVENT of 2015)

Sometime in March: Ivy League Interhash in Boston

3/15: Last day to register for marathon to be garunteed an amazing giveaway!

4/18 Have you chosen your Disney Princess for Marathon?

256th Annual Robbie Burns Day Trail - Sunday January 25, 2015

Hares: +2 coonass (hare), Dribbles (hare), yellow dick gnome (hare)

Bag Car (aka: haggis car): Sex, The Final Frontier

Start:  Stoddard's, 48 Temple Pl, Boston

Whiskey Check: by the Robbie Burns statue in downtown Boston, of course

Beer Check: crazy as it seems, in the new North End apartment of 2 hares

On-in (this was reportedly a last minute substitution): Biddy Early’s Pub, Boston

Time:  2:30 p.m. HST (pack away around 3:30-ish)
Total Distance:  about 3 miles walking … the rest of the pack ran around a bit more (they beat the walkers to the checks and on-in, so trail was relatively short)

Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: cold … maybe in the 20s, cloudy

Promises from the hares: some [very] good scotch whiskey, some okay-ish scotch whiskey, scotch eggs, scotch tape, scotch guard, scotch haggis, scotch pizza, scotch H3 markings, and AN ALL NEW NEVER-BEFORE-USED ON-IN!

Hashers Present (if this is off, blame Wiki, he gave me the list): +2 coonass (hare), Dribbles (hare), yellow dick gnome (hare), Sex, The Final Frontier (bag car),Wikipedophilia, ski bobbit, jello wrecked 'em, popo peep show,fellowship of the cock ring, orgasmn falmon, 5 inch penalty, blowbot, twat my mom, willy wonka and the backdoor factory, necropheliac jack, bum fucking vagabond, friar fuck, goes down on buoys, grease my monkey’s nuts, no man on the moon, mudslut, luvalamp, E=Iamdouche, cums alone, krusty the meat miser, easy to please, stuff that reich now (he has a new name Wiki doesn’t remember  … maybe One Dry Hose,  since I have that name written in my notes??), bloody slip inside, velvet pelvis, just bryan (later named foreskin abortion), blondie mc fucksalot, he's gone gaywol, queer and foaming in my anus … and others

Virgin:  Joe or John?? (I have “John”, Wiki has “Joe”, so I’ll alternate)

Late Cummers: none (at least I don’t think so)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Start and the Run:

The pack prelubed at Stoddard's and eventually gathered outside.  Krusty and Bloody Slip explained the trail and marks. They said trail was in honor of a wonderful man they know nothing about.  Marks were pretty standard, except for the flying dick check (I have no idea what that was!). There was to be a shot check and a beer check.  I was with the walkers. It was a relatively short distance to the shot check; we arrived after the pack, so their trail must have been pretty reasonable, as well. There were 2 choices of scotch: Johnny Walker Red and some real scotch from (where else?) Scotland.

After the shot check, trail led toward Faneuil Hall.  The hares entrusted the remaining scotch to Virgin John, since he looked to be the most trustworthy (Necropheliac Jack relieved Virgin Joe of the responsibility, and the bottles were passed around among the walkers). We trudged on toward the North End, with the pack passing us once or twice on the way.

The Beer Check was on a side street in the North End, at Yellow Dick Gnome’s and +2 Coonass’ brand new abode … a 4^th floor walk up, that they’d moved into less than a week ago (but you couldn’t tell by looking around).  The pack drank most of the remaining scotch, along with the beer that was provided.

From the beer check in the North End, it was a direct trail to the on-in at Biddy Early’s Pub in the Financial District.

The on in:

Bloody Slip Inside and mudslut?? were co-RAs, with some additional help from Krusty – again needed due to the boisterous pack. Note: Wiki blocked my view of the circle so all of this is sketchy.  The hares were ushered into the circle for the usual abuse.

Comments included: Not enough bananas (there were dozens smashed on the sidewalk around the Robbie Burns statue), Not enough tourists said Wiki had a p*nis on his head, not enough black ice, not enough top floor parties, is the flesh colored chalk made of people?, BS that this is a never before on-in, etc.

The hares recited a Robbie Burns poem of some sort, which no one could understand due to the brogue. They did their down down and were banished from the circle.

Virgin:

Yellow Dick Gnome and Bum F-ing Vagabond demented Virgin John. 

Ski Bobbitt made virgin John come, and Virgin Joe can’t wait to go down on Ski. If Virgin J was a ski slope he’d be a double black diamond. And Virgin John let the pack know that Ski’s is only 2.5 centimeters when it’s not inflated.

Naming:

Just Brian was overdue for a name. He had been holding back on any good stories to provide fodder for a hash name, but that didn’t stop the pack.  There was some rumbling about his circumcision gone wrong.  Names that were proposed included:  Back off My foreskin, Baby Fighting Cock, Steel Clap Trap, Failed Cock, Left Dick Fighter.  The name that was chosen by popular acclaim:  Foreskin Abortion (proposed by Friar F)

Accusations, etc.:

*birthdays - several, didn’t get the names (the bar was small and, again, my view was blocked)

* All kilt wearers were given a down down

* backsliders

* sweat test failure – Luva Lamp

* Same Shirts

* FRB, FBI, DFL etc.

We did hash religion. And then we had lots of pizza, and plenty of haggis to put on top.

--- Cums Alone, scribe

Upcumming Events:

St. Patrick’s Day Hash

Nor’easter/blizzard hash on Tuesday

February 21 – 25^th annual X-C ski hash in Rumney NH

April 19^th 2015 Marathon