June 30, 2021 Hash Trash

Swedish Midsummer Trail v5.0

Hare: Swedish Eagle

Bag Car: C*ntcussion

Pack: Blondie McF*cksalot, Body in Lotion, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Goat Throat, Just Harry, Luva Lamp, Marbellous Asshole, No Man on the Moon, O'Boner, Po Po Peepshow, Sex the Final Frontier, Silence of the Skin Flute, Sketchy Ho, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, The Second Cumming, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Pizzeria Regina at Station Landing

Shot Check: Train tracks behind the August A. Busch plant

Beer Check: Morrison Park

On-In: Fellsmere Pond

To mark the Swedish Midsummer, forget the aquavit, the poles, the hopping like frogs, the cinnamon buns, or the picking herring, our hare gave us a little bit of Thor (lightning and thunder), mixed with a touch of Loki (mischief and chaos, or what we in Boston like to say, a shiggy trail). He took us over train tracks through greenery like the branches of Yggdrasil. Treated us to an aquavit that I really enjoyed. Led us to a beer check where we witnessed a glorious lightning show. Then like a Norse god, he had an epic hash crash that slashed up his arm, and he still finished laying the trail! A trip to urgent care and 14 stitches later and he now has his own lightning shaped scar to show for it.

I didn't catch too much of what happened. I went into the last bit of shiggy with Just Harry and Body in Lotion and we managed to find a check in flour by a fence that was bent over. I crawled across the fence only to find a large parking lot with a police car circling it. Figuring that was not a direction I wanted to continue in, we walked out of the woods and started zenning around the park before we found trail again. That might have been around the place where Sweagle had his hash crash. Allegedly, he bloodied himself up, then laid trail to the on-in where there were two Malden PD cruisers already on the scene breaking up a gang of teens who were lighting fireworks. After presenting ourselves as an innocent running club, Sweagle asked the cops if they had any gauze, so they stuck around and helped bandage him up. They drove off and we circled up.

In circle, I didn't catch the comments, but Sweagle led about two-thirds of the pack over to a trio of tall flag poles where he demonstrated the hoppity hop dance and got everyone over there to join along. It was only two-thirds of the pack because there was still an active lightning storm overhead and those flag poles were about 50 feet tall. O'Boner drank for her birthday; Second Cumming, No Man, and Sketchy were FRB, FBI, and DFL in some order; Silence of the Skin Flute, Blondie, Sex the Final Frontier, Second Cumming, and Strap On all drank for backsliding, and we had no virgins so it was on to accusations.

Blondie kicked things off by accusing Wiki of being Wiki, which our RA deemed false, so Blondie drank. Sweagle drank for a hash crash so bad he needed help from the local 5-0. Wiki accused everyone who didn't get yelled at by the cops, which was basically the part of pack that lingered on the second leg of trail to watch the fireworks at Trum Field. Then O'Boner accused everyone who got hit by stinging nettles. Around this time, like Heimdall swooping the Marvel heroes away with the Bifrost, my transportation arrived, so I missed the rest of circle, but if you have announcements, throw them below in the comments.

June 23, 2021 Hash Trash

Hares: Dribbles, Topless Barbie

Bag Car: E = I'm a Douche

Pack: Clitoris Notes, Cums Like Clockwork, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full Frontal Fireball, Just Ali, Just Harry, Just Joel, Just Remy, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Panic at the Dildo, Po Po Peepshow, Sketchy Ho, Snatchchat, Spunk in the Trunk, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Virgin Ethan, Virgin Jennie, Virgin Kagan

Pre-lube: Cambridge Common

Beer Check: Riverside Press Park

Shot Check: Vail Ct Parking Lot

On-in: Cambridge Common

After the heat and rain from earlier this week subsided, the pack expected a treat at last night's Cambridge-based trail, but instead were given tricks from the hares. It started when trail turned into Harvard Yard before leading to a locked egress. Sketchy examined the lock and felt confident that it was Dribbles' bike lock. Not a big deal, there were plenty of other exits to leave from. We picked up the trail and found ourselves joined by a skateboarding virgin named Matt. Picking up a virgin on trail--a treat! But after singing one of our lewd songs at a song check, virgin Matt peaced out--a trick. Then trail continued over one of the bridges into Allston--a treat! Before counting back to the Cambridge side--a trick. But wait, another bridge to cross over the Charles on. Another count back? Not this time! An excuse to do a riverside death march before crossing back over to Cambridge at the next bridge down? Tricked again. On the back half of trail pack found the shot check, treats! Except for Clockwork's nip where the label was completely worn off, as if it had been left in a pants pocket on laundry day, tricked.

At circle, Snatchchat left early because she was scootering home, and wanted to get back while it was still light out. Comments on trail included not enough locked gates and not enough port-a-potties. I was the FRB while No Man and Just Ali were co-FBIs. Buttler was our DFL, but that was because he was distracted by the turkey in Harvard Yard. It would not be his only brush with wildlife on the night. Clockwork drank for his June birthday, then it was onto the virgins. Virgin Kagan (like the Supreme Court Justice) was brought by Clit Notes, except Kagan called him Clitoris Notes. Virgin Ethan found us on the internet, and Panic at the Dildo brought Virgin Jennie. Po Po led the dementing and asked the virgins what advice they would give to a bachelorette for her wedding, to which they answered do not clench, bring a friend, and have fun. They weren't worthy, but we took them anyway.

During accusations, Panic at the Dildo accused Just Remy of having a dildo in his backpack. It was one of those push tubes that you compress to squirt liquid out of, and it was indeed shaped like a penis. He struggled to fill it with beer, at which point Just Ali, who has professional experience with specula, helped show him how to handle his insertion tool. He drank his down-down from the dildo tube to all of our amusement. Remy hadn't hashed for two years, but if he sticks around this time, keep this story in mind for his naming.

I was then accused for sprinting to the shot check, but that's because I had inside info that there were some decent shots in there. Testicular accused Just Ali of trying to recruit the skater boy before saying see you later boy. Then Just Remy, Douche, and Clit Notes drank for backsliding. Now remember Buttler and the wildlife? At some point in circle he saw two hares in the darkness, and Buttler being Buttler, he gave chase around Cambridge Common. So we accused him of hare coitus interruptus. Clitoris Notes was then accused of bringing an anthrax expert to trail, which gives us something to ask Virgin Kagan about next time we see him.

Just Ali was accused of alcohol abuse at the beer check--she only had half her beer before we were on-out, but that was really my fault for having a conversation with her that was so engaging she forgot she was holding a drink. So I joined her for the down-down. As did Buttler for some reason. The hares were accused of saying there wouldn't be any tit checks or dick checks on trail, then laying them anyway. (I guess that's one trick that turned out to be a treat.) Lastly, Buttler proxy drank for Snatchchat's early departure.

Announcements on the night included Dribbles' Beantown trail on Sunday starting from the Beacon Hill Pub, a trail on July 14 that will be exclusively laid in hash sitapedes, and antibuffett. On a personal note, honor to all the veteran hashers I overheard welcoming and getting to know our 7 combined Virgins and Justs.