Evenin Wankers! And welcome to a special drunken collaboration Hash Trash! Special thanks go out to Jamaican Me Cum for assisting a surprised to be scribing, well-inebriated Maid of Honor. Any who!
PARTICIPANTS: (sorry if we missed you) Jamaican Me Cum (Special collaborating scribe), Maid of Honor, Bend Over Mommy!, Willa wanker, Bringham Tongue, Second Cumming (suited up!), Fire in the hole (bag car), Just Ellen, Bbag, Just Camilla -> Sextra credit!, 5 " penalty, Shawskank, Shorn Scrotum, Just sager *, *Just ted, Just Raina, Just Sarah, Nice tits, Goat throat, Just Allison, I lick butts, Far from fucking, Peppermint Pussy, and a very Smaht, late, and drunk ‘Ed master
VIRGINS! Virgin Molly, Virgin Megan, Virgin Kim,* *Virgin Nabeel, Virgin Adam, Virgin
Alex
THE START: Started out the evening at The Tam in the theater district. Arrived and ordered a bud light. Bartender mumbled something to me and I grunted back. Surprisingly this translated to “I would like a bud light and a regular bud, which I am more than happy to pay you for screwing up the order.” Hashers do not shy from opportunities though! So Shorn and MOH proceed to scientifically test if the two taste different. Shorn’s palate is still maturing, and insists they taste the same. MOH knows better and even after telling Shorn the taste difference is at the back of the throat (a well developed spot for hashers) he said they were the same. Further research to continue on Wednesday.
The Hares took off and the pack circled the virgins into an interlocked ring of fear and future depravity. Virgins spun around, names were yelled out, songs were sung and…
PACK AWAY! Quickly found some marks leading into the Boston common where the pack was
accosted by hula hoop bearing women and their hippy masters. Ran up the hill and circle jerked a monument (It was a thing of beauty). Just Camilla was spotted running off and shouting something about “On-???” Good enough! So off to the Public Garden we sped. Honking traffic, ducks, and disapproving mothers all were left in our wake.
Here we started to see the magical blue hash marks. Why are they magical you ask? Well it turns out though great LED fleshlights we all love are are actually more blue than white. Smaht kids, this one’s for you: What happens to Blue marks when you shine a blue light on them? Whatever it is, it is pretty F’n magical because they all disappeared.
Followed along in the park for a while and cut across towards the river. Very scenic blah blah blah, Crossed back over Storrow and got thoroughly off trail. Here a bit of Zenning happened with MOH following what may have been Shawskank or Nice Tits (either way not an unpleasant experience.) Eventually found a giant pink hash mark pointing across Mass Ave bridge and thought the hares had cum to their senses with a new color of chalk. Nope.
We found some of the pack running up from along Storrow and dragged them out across the bridge. Many Smoot marks but no hash marks. And back we went.
Beer Check #1 right next to the Mass ave Bridge… Where Fire, 2nd Cumming, and the Hares enjoyed a thrilling display of Adonis like runners backtracking all over. Found the check, jumped off an overpass to get there, and drank some beers. Here MOH learned he was scribing. This news coincided with a sharp spike in his alcohol consumption, linked to Just Sager deciding he could not in fact handle his beer on his own. His loss, your gain, shenanigans ensue!
The pack is away, and for real this time we cross the Mass Ave Bridge. 364.4 Smoots later we reach the other side and find the bastion of Smaht kids begging for our distractions. I caught a ride on Just Raina at this point. She was excellent, and was very happy when I got off.
Found our first Turkey eagle split. Eagles are directed into a frat party. Not a welcoming audience, even after learning we were running for beer. Neither let us in, nor offered any of their fine brews. We found a chalk message saying: “look up” and found what appeared to be a hash check. Goat Throat and MOH run off behind some dumpsters to find trail and strangely came back with pants around their knees. Say the least, it was not a hash check, and that was NOT trail.
Found Beer Check 2 soon after in some park. Jack’s friend showed up with a head contusion. More Beer!
My recollection starts getting suspect here..
Pack away. Goes the wrong way. Goes the right way! Finds what may be marks leading across a baseball field. Players tell hash they didn’t go this way, please go around. Hash hears none of this and goes over. And shortly after under a dark and sketchy overpass finds….
Another Beer Check! Jaimaican’s direct quote on this: “Like homeless people we drank amidst
manholes, rocks and needles” eloquent! We start to see a theme that the Hares are devious fuckers who plan on getting us all drunk. Their plan is succeeding.
Away again and find what will turn out to be one of the more dramatic Turkey eagle splits in recent memory. Pack of sound mind follows the turkey trail and heads over the BU bridge. A smaller contingent of idiots follows Eagle path. Of note: Could barely blow a load without it landing on a virgin at this point. Very gung-ho, and well-represented group of virgins! Down into the depths of fences and briar we descend. And find Geese! I was kinda sloshed by now and found this very exciting. We find trail amidst the goose excrement and cigarette butts.
It lead onto the LIVE tracks going under the BU bridge. So scampering along, looking down through the ties at the murky waters of the Charles, listening for the oncoming roar of a commuter rail embodiment of death, we went. And found...
Another Turkey Eagle!! And I shit-you-not, the eagle trail was straightdown. It was a drop down between the ties to a foot path under the bridge. If you stretch out a virgin Megan to her full length (you may have to get her to demonstrate for a proper measure) it was still a good 3-5 foot drop. My knees helped solidify that I do in fact deserve a un-manly moniker, and I joined the turkeys to run around and meet the double eagles on the bridge underneath. We ran off and came up on the other side of BU bridge. Where we found no marks. So we ran. And found no marks.
Strange… Three-ish Hash veterans and virgins Megan, Adam, and Nabeel search near and far with the vets trying to corral the virgins back to something like a trail. We give up and call the hotline to be told the pack is right on the other side of the BU bridge. We later hear from the hares that they were laying this trail and thought no one was dumb enough to drop through the ties and take that trail.
It’s the Hash! We do this shit right! Also we missed a train by 2 minutes.
So after round 2 of dragging a bunch of zealous virgins past the check we hoof it back and hop the fence and find the...
ON~IN! Jamaicain says: On-in was in a HUGE park near BU East near to ANOTHER overpass and we had to climb ANOTHER fence to get there. Some people stupidly went down stairs only to climb over a MUCH taller fence.
Just Camilla's naming:
- Story #1 --- Hooked up with her professor but didn't go all the way. Potential names ---- Sextra Credit, Blows for Bs, Teacher's Pet, Head in the Class, the B Job.
- Story #2 --- She was at her gyno earlier this week who, funny story! Was also her mother’s Ob/Gyn for the birth of Just Camilla. In the Beer-addled mind of MOH, this evoked a beautiful image of those Russian Nesting dolls, which I thought were Kachina dolls ---- Potential name ---- Kachinacunt. Turns out they are actually Matryoshka dolls (and what funny name can cum from that?)
- Just Camilla is henceforth known as Sextra Credit!
Virgins
- Virgin Molly (Brigham Tongue) –drunk and don’t remember
- Virgin Megan (Just Ryan) – Drunk and don’t remember but I think it was decent
- Virgin Kim (Came by her own doing) --- favorite barnyard animal is a sheep and apparently they don't have orgasms. Poor sheep!
- Virgin Nabeel – Doesn’t remember his first B Job. So sad, and I think we could get some helpers to jog his memory…
- Virgin Adam --- would help his Uncle jack off
- Virgin Alex (Doogie Plows Her) --- Alex doesn’t really have a favorite, but big brother Doogie's favorite sexual position is 69 --- declined to demonstrate on account of it being incestuous to suck on each other's dicks. Details details.
Accusations
- Racist behavior --- Virgin Adam (he was also a fan of pint sized shorts (thanks for pointing that out Jamaican))
- New shoes for Virgin Megan ---- Bad sponsor Just Ryan gets her shoe, and when one hare drinks, All Hares Drink!
- Getting-what-he-deserves-for-that-double-eagle-split Necrophiliac Jack gets the other shoe.
- Late cummer ---- ‘Ed master --- He was off being too smaht (dissertation defense) but did run the whole 6 miles to find us!
- Beat by a Girl for being a crap Hash Drunk and skipping the third beer check
We go to the On After at the dugout and find out the Hares still had 5 30 racks ready for us if the Bag car had caught up to us at the On-In. We go in and all is well. Until some assholes decide it is ok to just walk up and grab a few slices of our pizza. Seriously, who the hell does that? Just Ryan glares at them and flexes. They cower. Are convinced they should buy us a pitcher to make up for it. They leave and we are less annoyed at them.
End of the night arrives and Fire in the hole is nice enough to give Shorn, Nice Tits, Peppermint Pussy, Just Allison and me a ride back to davis. I have the pleasure of getting a peppermint pussy in my lap. Let me tell you: This is an excellent and refreshing experience! Try it.
Memorable Quotes
- Peppermint Pussy climbed a tree cuz she "likes to climb things"
- Just Raina comments on how she loves "mouth to mouth" claims it is cpr related.. sound like bullshit to me, to me.
- A Hasher (who may or may not be known for her Nice Tits) tells a story of how she got back at a douche bag by pissing on his Benz. Bravo!
- Sorry for the novel. Hope you enjoyed my first attempt at scribing. And again thank you so much Jamaican for jogging my memory!
Maid of Honor
