Sunday Slutty Sunday

Hash Trash 11/13/22: Sunday Slutty Sunday

Hare: Mudslut
Bag Car: Spunk in the Trunk
Pack: Blue Balls Matter, C*ntcussion, Fellowship of the Cockring, Frosty the F*ckman, Full Frontal Fireball, Just Enzo, NAMBLA (Normal American Making Beer and Loving Ass), Oral Instructor, Orgasm famine, Popo Peepshow, Shits and Ladders, Slothy Seconds, Strap On Strap Off, Swedish Eagle, Triceratopped

There were several factors conspiring against this trail. Originally scheduled as the divorce trail, those hares didn’t follow through on their commitment (which probably should not have been a surprise). 

Then, Spunk in the Trunk, our bag car, got a flat tire 2 hours before trail. Thanks to the miracles of AAA and Mudslut drunkenly agreeing to hare, trail came together.

Mudslut wrote lots of cute little notes to the pack. Everyone thought this was a huge flex that she is fast enough to have the spare time to write these, a notion which was only somewhat undercut by the fact that she got snared twice. For her part, Mudslut was disappointed not to be pantsed. She also fed us Jell-O shots that were almost certainly congealed cough syrup.

Goat Throat kept finding large appliances and giving me rides on them. Any lawn mower is a riding lawn mower if you’re brave enough! The vacuum made a horrible scraping sound on the sidewalk and the mower was kind of scary, but how good of a ride should I have expected from Goat?

NAMBLA (officially a transplant) stopped mid-trail to get donuts, the only kind of nut he’ll be sharing with anyone else. Fellowship was also in a sharing mood, flashing muggles twice on trail. Shits and Ladders accused people of not dressing in the slutty theme with him, believing himself to be in theme because he was wearing shorts, which were not even the shortest shorts he owns.

In the “what does that mean?” category, Sweagle taught us what a Zoidberg is via live demo. If you don’t know, I recommend not attempting it with two people with a heigh difference of >1 foot between them. Asked to provide a one-word reason for backsliding, Frosty the F*ckman said, “porcupine,” which is the new “rosebud.”

On - more stuff might have happened but my fingers got cold and I stopped taking notes - On,
Slothy Seconds

Spooky ShIt Trail

Hash Trash: 10/30/22 Spooky Shit Trail

Hares: Taco on a Tacos, Shits and Ladders*
Bagcar: The Buttler is a Patriot
Pack: Angry Crotch*, Beeeestiality B4 Skeletons, Cookies for NoCostume*, Devil Sissy Hands, Devilgasm Famine, Father Rodgers, Fellowship of the Gladiator, Golden Snitches Matter, Mudcorset, NAMBLA (Naughty Aroused Mouse Briskly Looking for Alcohol), O’Bone’Ren Faire, Popo Baconshow, Princess Luva Lamp, Slothy Mike Wizowski, Testicular Slothcanics, Wikibunnyphilia

The hares took the well-costumed pack (*shame on the non-costume wearers) on a tour of Halloween décor around the city. This tour is also known as the Freedom Trail. It was very well-marked in red brick. Shits and Ladders left his phone at the start (by my count, this is the second time this year he’s lost his phone while haring), both hares left nearly full beers at the first beer stop, and several of their drink stops stank in the olfactory sense.

There was an orange jelloshot check that just absolutely did not look right to me, although everyone said it was good. The hares later revealed that the shots had been layered like candy corn before they ran with them and I just want to say I freaking KNEW the essence of evil was with those shots.

Blue Balls Matter shared her location to various groups so that latecomers could find the pack, and then promptly ditched the pack to spend like 20 minutes in pursuit of Starbucks. Somehow both Cookies for Nookie and Mudslut found us late, regardless, both with questionable sartorial choices. Mudslut was wearing a corset she found on the ground, and Cookies for Nookie required us to make a human wall so she could change her pants without exposing herself to children.

Some evangelical dude with a microphone in Boston Common had words of praise for Mr. Rodgers, who was dressed a little too convincingly as a priest. But he admonished Edward Sissy Hands to “take off your horns, man.” More supportive of us was the security guard at the first beer check, who was easily bought off by us sharing our snacks with him.

The trail description said to come dressed as “your deepest fear or your heart’s desire,” and Testicular Mechanics came dressed as a sloth (which is it???). Angry Crotch showed up in a pantsuit which was her actual conference attire, and everyone thought it looked like a costume, which feels like some kind of sad commentary on how we view professional women in 2022.

At the end circle there was a concrete wall spraypainted with “Wiki Leaks,” which Wiki described as “my own private urinal.” On this note, the pack migrated to our own private karaoke bar, where Shits and Ladders tested the hypothesis that the instrumental break in Total Eclipse of the Heart is long enough to leave the stage to get a beer (it isn’t).

On – your deepest fear AND heart’s desire – On,
Slothy Seconds