2nd An*l Waterwars Hash

What: 2nd An*l waterwars hash

Where: John Harvards Brew House

Who:

Hares: Shart of Darkness, Easy as 123, Bum Fucking Vagabond

Pack: Listen, I’m writing this three week late, feel honored if I mention you below, otherwise, be more memorable.

Prelube-

 I arrived at the prelube at the reasonably sensible hour of 6pm, and found a visitor from Northborough - Revered Blowho - talking to the visitors from Check assuring them that the Boston Hash was all well and fun, and good and ragey and stuff. I mumbled a beer order and quickly corrected that opinion. Pack - there were 75 of you fuckers - trickled in over the next hour. I know this because I went up to all of you and demanded you give me money, unless you were a virgin, in which case you gave me slightly less money. For some reason I remember doing shots with Yankee, for reasons, then shots with Pappy because they were out of the beer we wanted? I’m assuming those were good ideas. The amount of “I’m gonna get wet tonight” or “I’m gonna spray your vissage jokes” were, well, predtictable. Eventually the hares were gay so we downed our beers and left the rest of the patrons of John Harvards wonder what just happened.

Circle:

Bloody did his best to manage circle, but most people were trying to figure out just how far their guns could shoot. I think he asked us what the weirdest place we got wet was? No? He should have. In fact, he did, because I say so.

Trail Squirt-Gun:

From the same enterance to the harvard quad we used last year, pack took an inordinate amount of time to find trail marked straight down Mass Ave past the Kong; perhaps some zenning was involved because as we were standing there serinading the customers of whatever restaraunt is on that corner, the rest of pack showed up saying that we had missed a song check in Harvard square proper. From there we began to scout down towards the river - the most common call was “I’m scouting, no marks, but they went this way last year” - more on that later. Back on trail on Mass Ave there was our first water ballon/water fight check outside the Belgain waffle place. Again, pack really wanted trail to turn down to the river, but, again, they were wrong and it continued along Mass Ave. At a check in front of the old Create and Barrel, trail finally turned down towards the river but immediately we came upon a song check, from which my memory fuzzes up (not due to the beer and shots before trail but because I have no idea how to navigate Cambridgeport) until we came out just past the marathon on-in to another park. Trail - true trail - in fact was marked left, but pack, in their inifite wisdom turned right and ran all the way to the foot bridge before coming back. Foreskin, Sex and I watched from the bushes as we ambushed them with water ballons before dashing away. We didn’t get far because trail was immediately marked from there into, and across, the Charles. Not being on to fear getting wet, I ran right in. It was terrifing, and the longest open water distance I have probably ever swam, but, whatever, I made it. Unfortunately, I decided to walked the last dozen yards to shore and my shoe still - 3 weeks later - smell like the Charles. I love that dirty water. From there trail crossed whatever’s on the other side from Memorial drive, or so we thought...but it didn’t. It waited until the intersection by the Double tree to do that. For the record, running in wet kilts suck. Everyone knew where we were going so we ran through the quassi-dangerous intersection and over the bridge to the beer check by the blessedly gone ice pile. Some hashers decided to roll down the hill, and arrived at the beer covered in goose shit. Oh the Eagles they fly high...

Beer check #1

Had a lot of surprisingly good beer; did you want a pale ale from cisco? A collection of Sam summer veritals? Would you just perfer a PBR? Or maybe a high-light? Did I see a few Bud Light Limes? Who knows? Were there also jello shots? That’s a rhetorical question - of course there were! Pack milled about, generally confused about what was happening given the quality and quantity of beer, but as the sun was beginning to go down, the hares darted off and, definetly more than 10 drunk minutes later, we chased them.

Trail Water-blaster:

Allegedly someone saw them scramble back up the hill we just came down, so some of us ran up it, but most of back rain straight back out the enterance to that area, since, you know, trail went that way last year. I was running (foolishly) with the FRBs at that point, but I’d catch back out with the zenners later. Trail did not, as we all assumed, go towards the (former) land of the taquitos, instead it crossed right back over the otherside of the bridge we came in on and returned to my nemisis - Cambridgeport. Given how horrible I am with directions in that warren of urban streets, I’ll summerize this part of trail as “we ran to every park in Cambridge south of Mass Ave.” After a fair number of these parks, I decided it was time to start heading towards beer, and followed, or tried to, CEP and 2nd, in a futile attempt to zen trail to the end. We first ran out a check by MIT to George Washington Park, where there were no marks, hares, or beer, then decided that the trail MUST end at the goose-shit bridge, so we zenned some more, again, finding no marks, hares, or beer. At this point those two had far outpaced me, so I decided I had no other options but to try to find my way back to the last check I had found (about 10 minutes ago at this point) and eventually found it, running into the group of people who had run the other way from the beer cheeck - remember I said they’d come back into the story. From there, we actually found, and followed trail (a novel idea), maybe a block away from where I had given up zenning and found BN/BC at Magazine beach. RAGE.

Pre-Circle Water Ballon Fight:

Happened. Also, the ballons were filled with glitter. Thank you and your welcome. Luckily, I was off procuring food, so I was not ineffected with the glerpes.

Circle:

RA’d by the faStest GM/stand in RA, Can’t Eat Pussy. First things first, as always, we called in the hares. Since pack was roughly 70 people CEP ran around in a circle and we all yelled out our comments on trail, which he then summerized with a song - You Should’ve Used More Flour and Chalk...We then called on the hares to sing and they did something I’ve never seen anyone intentionally - but maybe they were sad that they weren’t went and no one had sprayed them - anyway, they started in with “Old McDonald” which lead, inevenitably, to us spitting beer on them. They’re cray, but we hearts them.  Next our gaggle of virgins were called in, and I think Gnome and Udder did a mass dementing on them. They aren’t worthy (they never are) but we’ll take them anyway (because we’re cheap and easy, and they were pretty). At this point I’m pretty sure circle decended into some form of controlled chaos. I have no idea what acctually happened, but I’ll say that the visitors were called in - Northboro, Checks, maybe some Aferican visitors, Chinese and Rhodies? We then called just the visitor from Rhode Island back in and asked her opinion of trail “15 times the price, with 15 times more people, 15% (charitably) poorer quality beer and 15% of the dirty of old men” will she come back? Probably, she, like us, is cheap and easy. We then called into a visitor from China, who tried to have us sing a boot camp training song, and that went about as well as you could have expected. After that, as the burgers were getting cold, there was one more matter to attend to - Just Jeff has been hashing since November and was somehow not named. This shocked everyone in attendence, so he was called into circle and went down on his knees. Stories were told about his first aborted naming, and his sexual exploits in college, however, someone asked a question “have you ever stuck anything up your butt?” to which he responded “Yes, Marbles.” This seemed like a legitimate story to us, so from hereon and hence forth in the world of hashing, Just Jeff shall be known as Marbleous Asshole.

EDIT:

Pack then raced off to decend upon, and devour 3 trays of tasty burgers, 2 trays of fries and a tray of toppings that some drunken hashers mistook for burgers. "What did you get?" "Um, lettuce and tomatos." "What?" "I reached in a grabbed something that looked like a burger, but it was just lectuce and tomoates." "Idiot, those are the toppings, go back and get a burger." I actually overheard that conversation. 

On - heart taqitos - on

-Wiki

PS: CEP was noted as the "fatest" GM, this is, of course, a bold face lie, he is the FASTEST gm, having running 2 marathons in less than 3 hours, and pretty much out running everyone on trail, including the hares.

On - I got wet, did you? - On

-Wikipedophilia

Announcement (from date of writing, not date of trail)

TONIGHT: 8/5 - A sketchy wiki trail starting at Clerly’s, by Back Bay station.

August 14,15,16: GAP (the last gap ever, of 2015). Float down a river and get drunk. www.413h3.com

August 29 (maybe 22nd), not sure: PooF trail in Cape Cod.

September 12: PooF trail in Rhode Island

September 18-20: BUFFET, Happy Valley, but I forget their website. Look it up.

September 27th? - NERD - New England Offical Red Dress Run in Worcester.

October 3rd: AGM!!! If you are a masocist, or sadist, I always forget, and want to volunteer to help the good ship boston hash sail boldly through the endless sea of beer, (ie, you want to be on mismangament), contact anyone currently running this shit and let them know. Fun jobs like Holiday Chair, Marathon Chair, Scribe (best job!), RA, Beer Bitch (Butler, 2016!) are out there...

October 9-12: PooF middle of nowhere. www.poofh3.com

Novemeber: Maybe Sadie?

Decemember 11-13: ANTI-BUFFET. Like BUFFET, but with Skiing at Jay Peak.

December 18-20: Antrax in Chicago? Boston Invasion?

Feburary (Something) - Moon Away

Feburary/March (something) - Burlington Mardi Gras

March 5th - PooF in Myrtle Beach

April 16th - BOSTON MARATHON WEEKEND

May - NURD

Stop reading this, drink a beer, then go back to work!!!