C*ntcussion’s Bday Trail

Hash Trash 10/12/22 C*ntcussion’s Bday Trail

Hare: C*ntcussion
Bag Car: Tacos on a Bridge
Virgins: Kevin and Yang
Visitor: Backdoor Steward
Pack: Beeeestiality Before Boys, Blue Balls Matter, Bodies in Lotion, Bring Out the Gimp, Cookies for Nookie, Chunderellie Chunderellie, Dr. Blow, Dribbles, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full Frontal Fireball, Goat Throat, Holy Dumpster Fire, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Mr. Rogers, O’bone’R, Oral Instructor, Orgasm Famine, Popo Peepshow, Puker Blooper, Sex: The Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Sketchy Ho, Slothy Seconds, Spunk in the Trunk, Strap On Strap Off, Swedish Eagle, The Buttler Hit It, The Testicular Mechanics, Topless Barbie, Triceratopped, Wikipedophilia

C*ntcussion used her birthday trail to prove she can make a lot of people cum - at least 38, by my count. She truly fucked us with a YBF and led us on a bit of a death march at the end but rewarded the people who made it to circle* with an apple tart. There was a lot of stretching at the beer checks; apparently bag car is providing eye candy in addition to orange food these days. As bag car, Tacos on a Bridge was slapping people’s hands away from the Oreos at the beer checks, only to later be heard begging people to eat them “for the love of God” at end circle.

*Not everyone made it to the end - RIP to Cookies for Nookie who left during the first beer check and missed out on the many calls to accuse her of r*cist behavior for running her first half last weekend. Mudslut ran her first full, and a bunch of clowns either just ran or were about to run ultras (and at time of press they have done that. Clowns, the lot of them).

Topless Barbie accused Extra Terresticle of knocking her up! He counter-accused her of pulling the goalie. I can’t wait to welcome little Topless Terresticle!

Luva Lamp falsely accused Oral Instructor of being a massive backslider, even though she’d been out 2 weeks ago. But before THAT it had been 10 years! What she really should be called out for wasn’t revealed until after circle: this trail was her very first time ever drinking Bud Light. And on Wednesday BH3 said, “Let there be (Bud) light!”

Lots of folks were accused (accurately) of backsliding because they’d been away at Oktoberfest. Shits and Ladders introduced a well-received, relevant song that started with yelling “Hitler,” and I just gotta give props cause that’s a hard thing to pull off.

We had two well-prepped virgins. Virgin Kevin said the alcohol he no longer drinks currently is Vodka. Why? “Because I ran out!” Virgin Yang (pronounced “young” and yes, there were young virgin jokes) no longer drinks Jack Daniel’s because she got hospitalized on it at 17, though she didn’t even get a stomach pump out of it (Bring Out the Gimp wanted to name her Too Drunk To Pump on the spot). She claimed that her favorite animal, fish, do not cum, but really proved her mettle with her demo that what doesn’t go in you goes on you by dumping a lot of beer on herself. In a break from tradition, the virgins were deemed acceptable!

There were a lot of announcements and no one knew the dates of their own events. So I guess just go out and drink whenever you like.