Thursday, September 9, 2021

September 8 Hash Trash

Happy Jew Year Trail

Hares: Dry Hoes, Quarter Mile Queer
Bag Car: Sex the Final Frontier
Pack: Chunderellie Chunderellie, Clit Notes, C*ntcussion, Dribbles, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Five Inch Penalty, Frosty the F*ckman, Holy Dumpster Fire, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, Popo Peepshow, Shits and Ladders, Slothy Seconds, Snap On Snap Off, Spunk in the Trunk, Swedish Eagle, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: 3 Amigos
Beer Check: Fellsmere Park
Shot Check: Pinnacle Rock Trailhead
On-in: Pine Banks Park

When it comes to Malden trails, Swedish Eagle just can't catch a break. A few months ago he suffered the epic hash crash, then this time he suffered choice words from a Karen in an SUV with a Massachusetts Animal Coalition special license plate. Pack had just wrapped up at the shot check when this woman pulled up next to Sweagle, who was running with Butt Pug, to tell him he was overheating his dog. Sweagle calmly pointed out that his dog frequently goes running with him and has no problem indicating when he needs to walk, and that he had cold water with him should his dog need it, but this driver wouldn't let it go. It escalated to Sweagle saying that his dog was fit whereas her dog was fat. A few other hashers joined in. Slothy, our transplant from Philly, squealed in delight over the whole episode. The driver continued by yelling out something about how she volunteers at an animal shelter, as if that qualifies her to accost people who were just minding their own business, before eventually driving off. I really thought we were going to get the cops called on us, but we managed to dodge that bullet.

Trail last night was themed the Happy Jew Year trail to recognize Rosh Hashanah which occurred earlier in the week (Happy 5769 plus 13). Hares supplied pack with one apple byproduct: cider, but did not bring a shofar to blow (I was prepared for shouts of tequila, shevodka, and terurum). We finished up past Oak Grove at the Pine Banks Park and started circle with comments of not enough chalk, too much chalk, not enough people, too many people, not enough Karens, and too many Karens. Wiki was the FRB and for some reason was also the FBI, while Clit Notes was the DFL. We formally welcomed our transplant, Slothy Seconds, from the Ben Franklin Mob. She said she's in Boston to earn her hash cash, and she sang us an OG hash song to the tune of Let It Go. Luva and Frosty drank for September birthdays, while QMQ also drank for Fireball's birthday. Backsliders were many, while Justs were non-existent.

Accusations opened with one for C*ntcussion and Sweagle for being yelled at for giving their dog heat stroke, then one for Testicular, Wiki, and Spunk who all had a hash crash. QMQ drank for losing his clear sunglasses, and he did his down-down to what I think was an OG song from Mudslut and Popo. There was a Chosen People down-down, then an accusation for Slothy, Fellowship, and Popo who thought Butt Pug liked them when he actually was giving them attention in exchange for tortilla chips. Same shirt wearers did their down-down. Five Inch sang his Malort song. Wiki accused the RA of it being too hot. Sweagle gave the RA an honor down-down for no rain. Wiki accused Shits of something that didn't make enough sense for me to write it down. Sex was accused of driving his mom's car. Wiki accused Sex of Wikiing a song. Buttler gave Wiki an honor down-down for getting a song mostly right. (This is going to keep going on. Circle went 45 minutes and we're only halfway there.)

QMQ, Popo, Fellowship, Mudslut, and Snap On all came in for a private party, which was the perfect time for a 10-minute rendition of Jesus Saves, where pack essentially turned it into a Bible study by creating verses for just about every character in the Old and New Testament. (We covered Abraham, Moses, Noah, Jonah, and Aaron just to name a few. Not sure if anyone did "Goliath can't go hashing cause he's busy getting stoned," but that's my personal favorite in the extended verses edition.) At some point Fireball showed up, so she drank for her sweat test failure. Then QMQ drank for drinking for Fireball during the birthdays down-down. A few hashers drank for phones in circle (Scribe is exempt, bitches). Shits accused Jeppsen of being too cute. Then Sex accused anyone who stroked Jeppsen affectionately. (How did they not get accused of using Butt Pug's nerd name?) Buttler accused Slothy of not hashing with her home kennel recently, but the accusation was so weirdly worded that I think he joined her for the down-down. Wiki accused Testicular of drafting a fantasy team during circle, which was followed by Testicular being accused of calling Spunk Sketchy. At this point, despite all the beer that was still left over, Chunderellie wrapped up the accusations and moved us to announcements.

Next week Sex is haring a Somervillens trail with a recent transplant. A Harbor Islands campout will eventually happen. Wiki is still plugging his June 2022 trust me. AGM is October 2. Volunteer for MisMan. September 22 is Barbie and my Tutus and Nuptials trail, possibly starting at Alibi if we decide the space can handle us. Shits, Fireball, Testicular, Chunderellie, and Sweagle each had an announcement, but aside from "we're going to drink 99 beers before we even leave the pre-lube," I didn't catch any of them. We did our hash religion, then proceeded to head home.