Thursday, August 12, 2021

August 11 Hash Trash

One Year Closer to Death: Do Me Decimal
Hare: Do Me Decimal
Bag Car: Wikipedophilia
Pack: Chunderellie Chunderellie, Dribbles, Edward Sissy Hands, El Pornito, Extra Terresticle, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Joel, Kooter Kunte, No Man on the Moon, Patron Taint of the Willing Tongue, Poked My Stripper, Quarter Mile Queer, Testicular Mechanics, Topless Barbie
Pre-lube: Biddy Early's
Shot Check: Bridge next to Barking Crab
Beer Check 1: A Street Park
Beer Check 2: Peters Park
On-In: Rolling Bridge Park
The last time I ran a Do Me trail in South Boston, I was salty from running an extra mile on the turkey/eagle split. This time I was salty from sweating so much in the sweltering 90.69+ degree weather (thanks, RA). There were some rumblings about how trail seemed eerily familiar to the Divorce Hash, but fortunately we did not have to death march to Castle Island and back. Although I may actually have enjoyed going for a swim in Pleasure Bay. In honor of their birthday, Do Me gifted the pack with a very well-marked trail complete with no fewer than 25 song checks. I even wondered at one point whether we were going to go through an entire hash hymnal on trail. And while there were so many song checks, we had just one hash sitapede, which only four hashers attempted while the other 10 said, "yeah, no, that's not gonna happen."
At the on-in, trail comments included didn't sweat enough, sweat too much, too many song checks, not enough song checks, and Do Me is hot. Testicular was the FRB, No Man was the FBI, and El Pornito was the DFL. Our visitors were Kooter Kunte from DC, Patron Taint from Long Island Lunatics, and Poked My Stripper who tried to explain the history and politics of the northwest South Carolina kennels to me, but he only thing I remembered was that he has never hashed with the Trash. Testicular sang them the jellyfish song which people were actually excited about. Backsliders included Barbie, Pornito, and Poked, and their excuses were working, twerking, and kids. Do Me received a down down for their birthday and analversary, and then high fived half the circle.
Accusations opened with Testicular accusing Do Me of wearing The Flash socks, but they were actually Batman socks, so both did a down down. Quarter Mile drank for delegating song duties to Testicular, then drank for getting his kinds of alcohol confused (someone retold the story of when he used Fireball to clean off his eye makeup). Four of us drank for signing a chalkboard in the South End, Do Me for haring three trails in seven days (and being bag car for one), Wiki for his carbon neutral beer carrying wagon, and Quarter Mile for confusing a witchy way with a turkey eagle. Do Me accused Barbie and me for getting married in October. All the Genesee drinkers were accused of drinking a beer from marathon, all the hashers who told stories from trails that happened in the past drank, and all the Long Island natives drank.
At this point Dribbles was accused of having a cool shirt. The shirt happened to be her daughter's, and so Dribbles told us the story of her daughter stealing her pink marathon shirt (you all know which one I'm talking about) and wearing it to soccer practice. Then Just Joel was accused of not having been accused of anything yet. Wiki was accused of missing Do Me's happy birthday song, but it was with good reason as he was busy getting them an ice cream cake. He got plates, but couldn't find forks so people had to use kebab skewers to eat the dessert. We were winding down, but still had a few more accusations. Everyone who was too young to run for president drank, then Wiki accused Quarter Mile of not being at the White House to witness the Monica Lewinski incident. (That one doesn't make much sense to me either.)
Announcements included Dribbles' Beantown H3 trail on Sunday starting at the Harp + Bard, Barbie and my Tutu trail on September 22, a Carolina Trash Flash Hash that you can sign up for, and the DC RDR on October 9. BH3 needs a hare for next Wednesday, AGM is on October 2, Wiki's doing a trust me on June 18, 2022, Misman is seeking volunteers for next year, and Do Me wants you all to eat their ice cream cake.
Phew, that was a lot. Thanks for reading.