7/6 XXXth anal IndePanties Day!

Hash Trash: 7/6/22 XXXth anal IndePanties Day!

Hares: Sweagle and C*ntcussion
Bag Car: Do Me Decimal
Virgin: Bird
Transplant: Zam-bone-me
Pack: Beeeestiality Before Boys, Blue Balls Matter, Clit Notes, C*ms Like Clockwork, Dr. Blow, Dribbles, Fellowship of the Cockring, Goat Throat, Frosty the F*ckman, Holy Dumpster Fire, Moaning Lisa, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Orgasm Famine, Popo Peepshow, Shart of Darkness, Shits and Ladders, Slothy Seconds, Spunk in the Trunk, The Buttler Hit It, Testicular Mechanics, Triceratopped, Wikipedophilia

Word warning: the word panty or its derivative appears 11 times in this trash. If that word is like nails on a chalkboard to you, just be glad they aren’t moist.

A pack gathered on Canal St. to celebrate an important milestone in American history: IndePanties Day. 225 years ago, our founding fathers (particularly Ben Franklin) were really into the idea of people having the freedom to take their panties off and switch with someone else. They don’t teach it in school, but most of the American Revolution was actually about sex stuff. The Boston Tea Bagging Party? One if by man, two if by she? No taxation without consummation? The cumshot heard round the world? Ben Franklin? Anyway, old Tommy Jefferson wrote a strongly worded letter about Life, Liberty, and the Panties of Happiness, and now we gather every year to thank the guy.
Participation in the theme was high, with panties ranging from (in order from best to worst to end up with in a swap) a pair of taco-themed briefs that said “all you can eat” across the front, a pair with a goat making a horrified teeth-baring expression, a pair with “On On VT” where the V was a hash foot, some lacy boy-shorts, thongs (glittery and otherwise), and a 5-pack of granny panties from CVS. At one point Wiki bent over to tie his shoes while wearing the goat panties and I’m telling you, if you haven’t made eye contact with a horrified stretched out goat on Wiki’s ass, your life is better than mine.

The hares knew what they were doing, and strategically placed panty-swap checks in very crowded locations. The men of the hash did not know what they were doing, and looked like a bunch of actual virgins handling ladies underwear. Panties were put on upside down, inside out, and sideways. Yes, sideways. Fellowship of the Cockring probably made it about ¾ of a mile in a sideways thong covering one cheek without even noticing that something was off. I tried to teach the boys about gussets, but I couldn’t even feel it when Goat Throat inserted his finger into mine.
Mudslut got in on the do-you-know-how-to-wear-underwear action by somehow getting a brown stain on the white granny panties. We will optimistically assume this was mud. The other notable trail fail falls on the shoulders of the whole pack: the hares reported that they left 27 shots for a pack of 30, and 3 went unconsumed.

We had a virgin! Virgin Bird. He’s probably not real. Popo Peepshow was both his sponsor and his dementress, because why make it a threesome when two will do. Although the “all you can eat for under a dollar” question was enhanced by the model wearing panties that literally said "all you can eat" under the dollar, V-Bird’s answer was a still-laudable “moneyshot.” I hope he comes back if he’s not a drone.

After circle closed, Blue Balls Matter came through with an 11th hour hash crash while helping carry some trash to the bag car. Ya’ll, she broke her thumb! And got some horrible road rash on her shoulder that looks like a nipple if you squint just right. This is your reminder to never do nice things.

A townie spoke for everyone who witnessed this trail when he accosted Sweagle at the first beer check and said, “Stop doing that shit.” So, eventually, we did stop doing that shit, and went to Hong Kong.

On – Semper Ubi Sub Ubi – On,
Slothy Seconds