Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Return of Mastor Gator*

The Return of Mastor Gator!
Hare: Master Gator*
Bag Car: Marblelous Asshole

Pack: Dribbles, Fireball, Wikipedophila, Shart of Darkness, Sketcy Ho, Popo Peepshow, Spunk in the Trunk, Blonde, Fellowship of the cockring, Qater Mile Queer, Chunderlli Chunderelle, Knuckle, O’boner, Mechanics, Shits, Noman, The Buttler hit it, Barbie, Twat my mom, Goes down on Buoys, Jiggly Tits, For the love of god, Disco, Easy as 123, others I’m forgetting


Pack arrived on time at Harry’s and had a few drinks and snacks. Chicken wangs were a popular choice. Master Gator was welcomed back after a long hash absence. The hare left on time and everyone saw him make the first check outside of the bar. Eventually 6.9 was called and we left to find bag car and chalk talk.

Chalk Talk:
No Justs! No Virgins! Shart was missing on a “work call” and Disco went in bag car.

Leg 1( dammit hills):

Trail went up ALL the hills. And stairs. At some point, QMQ had to “take a shit” and left pack. People remarked "yeah that sounds right". Wiki went off to zen and Chunderelli was missing. Buoys refunded into a bush. There was a rum shot check that no one really wanted. Vanilla flavoured nonsense, we hates it. Knuckles gracefully fell. Eventually, pack made it to the...

Wine Check (baggo!):

Before Shart caught up to pack at the wine check, Easy informed us that she wasn't Shart's keeper and therefore didn't know where the fuck Shart was. Blondie said we were missing a handful of pack including Wiki and QMQ, though Fireball swore she saw Wiki’s Marks on trail.We finished a pretty good amount of the bag of wine (a rare white), our enthusiasm stoked by various hashers showing off their 'And1 Baggo' moves that they'd perfected on the summer tour. We did not finish it all and Fellowship of the Winebag bore the weight of the bagho out of the wine check.

WC to BC(oh look people) At this point Fireball was getting increasingly worried about the length of QMQ’s shit. Tech on trail reassured that QMQ had “found pack” and was no longer glued to a toilet. During this leg pack was in awe of Gator’s newfound love of mileage.

BC (beer and snacks)
In a shocking turn of events for the Boston Hash, we drank beer in a park.

BC to End (beep beep!):
A car nearly ran Wiki over. We gave the motorist a citizen issued citation for rolling through the stop sign. He is due to appear in kangaroo court next week. Jiggly asked a muggle for his phone to show him the hash website. He seem enthralled with our antics and took a swig of hatorade before heading off to a tea party.

Circle (shit escalates):

Circle started with the location of beer and pizza being argued over. Some thought that we should circle right where were on the hill (a pretty level spot), while others thought we should proceed a few hundred metres more to another spot. We compromised by taking 5 steps up the hill and doing circle there. Pack started getting incresingly worried that Gator was no where to be found. There were theories floating around that he was stationed up the hill, and FTLoGF went and shouted for him to no avail, before returning quickly due to fear of wolves. And The Hares started, and 5 different people jumped in. To what seemed to be everyone's complete surprise, we were all learnt at this pointt that the trail had been hared not by Gator, but instead by Wiki. And Shart. And Qmq. And Disco. And Chundrelli. Gator had gone home after prelube. Actual hares had engaged in some extreme trickery/COLLUSION to lay trail, unbeknownst to the rest of pack. Please see the Strava flyby for more details on this. Hares were called in for they fuckery. With no virgins to dement, and limited visitors to entertain ourselves with, we moved on. FTLoGF was still confused where Gator was. Accusations were hurled around, true and semi-true alike. We would eventually swing low, and then leave leave.

Scribed by Master Gator*
Anonymous Grizzly, Anonymous Chinchilla, Anonymous Kraken, Anonymous Dinosaur

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Divorcee Hash 2.0

What: Divorcee Hash 2.0
How: Swedish Eagle, Yellow Dick Gnome, Chunderelli Chunderelli
Where: Whitey’s Harvard Sq
young just, old just, ass cowboy, quater mile quack quack queer, do me decimal, po po peep show, wikipedophilia, anal disco, peeping tom pussy, strap on strap off, kunckles deep, orgasmn falmon, necropheliciac jack, the butler hit in, oboner, dribbles, dry hose, luva lamp, full frontal fireball, vagabond, sketchy, testicular mechinaics, foreskin abortion, probably others i’m forgetting, no capital letters.

Start: Pack made up the entirety of the crowd at Whitneys and Vagabond did a much more friendly impression of “give me yo money” than I ever had. We discussed why we were here, and our sincere hopes that this trail would be better than the last divorce trail . The hares were eventually gay - if only, that might have helped their marriage - and we continued talking amoungst ourselves. Eventually two people showed up who looked like they were going to be the bouncer for the night, and we ignored each other. Pack away was called and we played another game of “cram bags into small cars” as we filled quater miles’ transport with our shit.

Chalk Talk:
Was relivitely calm; we said what we wanted to get in the divorce, and went over marks...some of which were used, some of which weren’t. We were told that there would be an abritraity number of “bad decision splits” - the hares would make them up as they go but we could expect things like “401k/vacation house.” Cool idea, we left to find marks.

Leg Honeymoon:

Well, this was no honeymoon. This marriage was off to a grey start as the first leg of trial [note: I -am- trying to spell trail but google (I’m writing in google docs) is -always- correcting it to trial.] was marked in grey and sidewalk color chalk. Combine that with us running through the never-thronged-with-tourists-and-summer-camps-harvard-square and you could just tell that pack was already harkening back to the early days of crushing and mid-day bangs. Eventually we found a mark which was a perfect metaphor for the divorcee trial; a true trail leading to a locked gate. On the other side of the gate was one of the best splits I’ve ever seen; a “Drinking Alone/Therapy” split; the drinking alone just looped you back to the locked gate true trail and the same split again. In order to continue on trail, you NEEDED TO TAKE THERAPY!!! On the other side of the therapy was a song check in the middle of Hahvahd Yahd, at which I thought it was appropriate to educate the denizens of The Yahd about how you can have a balanced diet - and stable marriage - if you eat hot viginia for breakfast, lunch and dinner! There was a kids/pets check on the other side of the Yahd, and then trail rejoined and we run through “lower Cambridge” towards Cambridgeport and a beer check in the park near the Western Ave Bridge.

Beer check:
Had Beer! Though, to be fair, it was divorcee-able beer, as it was, we hope, finally the last of the marathon beer check gennie cream and warm PBR (though bag car had placed it on ice to try and gas light us into thinking it was good beer). Speaking of gaslighting, some people talked about early 2000s German ciniema and no one had heard of The Edukators. Kool.
Pack away was called (or I thought it was)

Leg Working Through It:

The second leg of trail was one designed to remind pack of everything they hadn’t as we trampsed on various paths through Harvard Business School. There was a Mom/Dad/Runaway check. Your humble narrator took the “Mom” path which was a pleasant stroll passed some pavillions, gaint out-door chess and a “cool art” check. Nerco and Vagabond ran off to have sex, and I scouted trail alone across whatever extension Hahvavd is building into Lower Alston, and ran into the 401k/Vacation house check. The vacation house led quickly to a “B”N so I looped back and ran the 401k backwards hoping to find “shots” but none were to be found, so I caught up with the walkers and ran into the “B”C.

Not Almound Champaign Check:

The B was in quotes because the refreshments on offer were cosco-champaign and the champange of beers - High Life. Blessedly there was no Almond Champange and pack began to think “maybe the hares aren’t gunning for ‘Worst Trial Of the Year’”

Leg Run to the Courthouse

From the second beer check trial meandered again through LA to an obivous check-back on Hooker st, which I blew through and found true trial a block away pointing to a “CN/CC” where the hares had hidden the other six bottles of champange under a bridge. Second rolled up to the check with a posses coke-addicted doll which he used as a batton to pass around champange. I think her name was ... Sally? He found her in an Alley? I forget. Trial continued across the North Harvard Ave Bridge to the Most Obivous Checkback Ever (TM) back across the Mass Pike to a pretty much straight shot to where all marriages end; the backroom of the Shilloute.


Was the backroom of the Shilloute. Bags and pizzas were distributed and we stuffed our faces with pizza and free pop corn until Ass Cowboy called us into circle. The hares were called in for being hares and laying a shitty trial. They admitted to their crimes and sang that they were dumb. Visitors were called in - one whose name I forget from Everyday Is Wednesday - whose naminy story involved banging in the Hahvad Library, and a visitor from Boulder CO, #PossiblyTheBestBH3. They were welcomed and song “Dead Whore.” Then July birthdays were called in - second, popo, butler, maybe others - and we sang to the linear progression of time. I was called in any number of times for any number of crimes. Strap on Strap off was called in for following me and I massarced the “Like a Virgin” song. Dry Hose and Luva serinamed us with their weird song, though I forget which accusation drove it. Eventually the beer was running low and the more constrained passing of time which we were aware of was getting close to the end so ass cowboy called for announcements (see below) then we swamg low.

On - there are no such thing as mistakes just wrong decisions in the moment - On

TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT: Choir practice at the Owl’s Nest Beer Garden on the Esplinade. Google maps:
I will mark trail from the Feedler and Dartmouth St footbridges.
Saturday: Zig-Zag Trail starting at the Shilloute, 8PM HST
Next Wedensday: Revere Trail, Bill Ashes’ Lounge
Saturday 7/20: Bullbuster
Saturday 7/27: Boston Moon H3 Present: Tour de Franzia 2.0
Wednesday 7/31: Mastor Gator is haring a trail which isn’t the Tropical Hash

Saturday September 7th: Green/Yellow Dress Run!!