Friday, December 9, 2011

Chasing Boston Strangler

Chasing Down the Boston Strangler Sunday Hash 11/20/11
Hares: Boston Strangler and I Eat Teabags
Bag car: Twat Tart
RA: +2 Coonass
Dementress: CPeeA
Hash Cash: Oink Oink (How did I get roped into that?)
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Otherside Cafe/Mass Ave Tavern
Virgins: Virgin Taylor

Just like the previous week the pack was lost from the get go. Took at least 10 minutes to find trail and get going in the right direction. To be expected; look who the hares were! The pack traipsed through the Fens park (stopping for hidden beers along the way), and into the Roxbury Crossing area. We lost High Anus at a left turn; he thought he could zen the trail and he was sorely mistaken. About a half mile down the road from that point, past a police officer with a curious look on his face, we found our delicious amber beverage at the first beer check.

After the check, we r*n past picturesque condo buildings with manicured lawns. The hares led us through a high school complex where the pack promptly got lost once again. We followed marks that led us to a backwards true trail mark - we had been duped or cut out part of trail. We finally collected ourselves and found trail again through some neighborhoods and wound up at the second beer check, at Dudley Town Common.

We all knew where we were headed. Boston Strangler has a great backyard, understanding neighbors, and a hot tub... there was no question. Lo and behold, we arrived at Boston Strangler's place for circle, food, and more beer!

-FRB, FNI, and DFL were +2, Snap Off, and Pat My Fly, respectively.
-CPeeA called Virgin Taylor into the circle, who was already WELL past drunk (very hashman like), to start her dementing. TBags was a kind gentleman and let the virgin kneel on his back, but really he was just trying to get closer to her crotch. Her favorite barnyard animal was a pig (!!!!) and she had to demonstrate how a menagerie of farm animals would perform in the bedroom.
-Visitors were called into the circle, so Just Beat It (transplant) came to accept his fate. It somehow turned into a social with Bros, Mexican, +2, Just Paul, and Senor Cocksucker - no idea.
-Douche got called into circle for a hash crash
-Late comers were Bros and Buttler
-Sexy cop costumes were brought by Preggers, Just Lisa and Virgin Taylor. They were handcuffed together for more fun and made to drink.
-Bros and Mexican caught Boston Strangler so he was forced to drink for the Hare Snare.
-Other things happened but the scribe was busy drinking and her handwriting had deteriorated by the end of the night.

Patriots-themed Foray into Dorchester and TWO NAMINGS!

Patriots Theme 11/13/11
Hares: Just Brandon*** and Stick it to the Bros
Bag car: Sketchy Ho
Chalk Talk: Krusty the Meat Miser
Dementress: CPeeA and Clit Notes
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Brendan Behan Pub
Virgins: Virgin Jesse and Virgin Dave

You know it's a Bros trail when the pack gets lost before they even lose sight of the pre-lube bar. It took a solid five or so minutes to get us on track (what a terrible omen), but FINALLY trail was found and we were off. We traveled down Centre street - miraculously no one was shot - and made our way into Roxbury towards the first beer check. The hares really chose a safe environment to stop in; we sang, drank adult beverages, and made sure to avoid the used syringes strewn about while sitting atop rocks at Horatio Harris Park.

The second leg of trail led us through projects and dilapidated homes (what else?). The driver of a giant pimped out SUV got out of the car to start running with us and a hasher threatened to steal the car! We make friends where ever we go. Somewhere in there was a Group Hug check next to a giant head (who said head?) statue. Creepy. Some hashers took the opportunity to roll down a hill full of leaves. We're all really five years old on the inside. Second beer check was in another park. And yes, we were all thinking, "Maybe that promise/lie about three beer checks was true?"

Trail continued on AGAIN and the pack searched for even more beer. One man yelled at the pack while we were r*nning with some very good advice: "Pick yo' kneeeees up! Pick yo' kneeeees up!" he screamed from his car. Thanks random guy. Beer was found another two miles through one of the scetchiest areas of Boston (Dorchester) in a park located across the street from what looked like it could be a porn shop or "Gentleman's Club" but was in fact a car stereo place. The hares provided not just beer, there were shots to be had! Blue and Orange drink with what I'm sure was the very best and most expensive top shelf liquor mixed in.

And then the horror set in: There is yet ANOTHER LEG OF TRAIL. Who let Bros destroy Just Brandon*** by allowing him to hare a trail? It was turning into a nightmare. More r*nning was awaiting us at the bottom of the gallons of shots.

Luckily, those tricky hares set off to mark trail that only went another block! We took one right and down the street just one hundred feet away was our On-in!! The Dot Tavern.

-We of course sang "Shitty Trail" to our hares and they returned a lovely favorite of the hash, "I love my girl yes I do..."
-FBI Spunk and FRB toomuchhead were flipped off in "Not #5.." and DFL Spunk (yes she was both), sang us a song that doesn't get used to often: "I'm a harriette..."
-Visitors: Knight of the Cocksucker (transplant) from Rochester and Massive Cock Check from San Fran sang us some songs
-CPeeA and Clit Notes jumped in to dement our virgins Jesse and Dave. Virgin Dave would not get off the bus full of homosexuals AND his favorite barnyard animal is a PIG! #1 in my book, too. Virgin Jesse would help his uncle Jack off that tricky roof, but his favorite farm animal is a chicken so I'm a little disappointed in him.
-Willy Wonka and Friar had to drink from Virgin Jesse's very white shoes, and Friar even licked up every last drop. No surprise there; we'd expect nothing less from Friar.
-Snap Off got an honor down-down for her first trail after becoming a US Citizen!
-Backsliders Snap Off, Poopie Chutes, Yankee, and Puff and Stuff were called in to drink for their blatant disregard for the hash.
-Toomuchhead did a hot dog down-down! (It was as impressive as it sounds.)
-Sweat test failures included Downward Facing Dyke and Twat Tart.
-Puff and Stuff was called into circle to celebrate 10 YEARS of hashing! We also sang a very Hashy Birthday as well.

***Namings of Just Brandon and Just Katie***
First, our hare Just Brandon was called into the circle. He'd been with us for a while, c*mming every week since his virginity was taken. Hell, he'd c*m everyday if he could. Many suggestions were thrown out there by the pack: Lumber Jack Off (he won some lumberjack competition), Erect Penis Ass-ociation (EPA), Swollen Balls, Two Girls One Family (a personal favorite of mine). He told us a story about this one time he was fisting his sister, or maybe it was some girl and his sister walked in and joined them ... who really knows. The important thing is he got named "Little Sister Fister"! Please refer to him by his hash name from this day forth and always.

After Sis got covered in beer, it was time to call Just Katie into the circle. She had been once thrown back and the hash was determined to get her a good name. She told us a riveting tale about how this one time she was 20 at a college party and she hooked up with a 15 year old! "He told me he was 18," was all she had to say for herself. She also happens to be from that place in California where all the swallows go. Suggestions were as follows: Cradle Bitch, 15 Will Getcha 20, Just Swallows, and Baby Boinker. Ultimately, "Statutory Swallows" won out! She will hence forth be referred to as that forever. Or until she does something really dumb.

*Hashers, please know that the Dot Tavern is a very hash friendly place to be! They had free hot dogs, and after a while, the bartender loved us so much he was passing out free pitchers for our circle. If you will be haring a trail in that area, consider stopping at Dot Tavern at 840 Dorchester Avenue in Dorchester!

Overheard on Trail:
"She walked out of the bar and all I heard was, 'I can't find my vagina.'"
-Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory

"I feel bad running through these projects, like we're assholes."
"Nah. We're just showing them they should be running."
"So you're saying WE'RE not assholes?"
-Exchange between Just Katie*** and a guy, (possibly a virgin) with long hair

Thursday, November 10, 2011

AGM Weekend

There are a lot of good combinations out there: Peanut butter and dark chocolate, cake and ice cream, pizza and beer, scribing and beer ...

Wait, wrong combo. Actually, it can be a pretty entertaining mix, but in this case the beer was a detriment. Yes, it's taken this long to decipher the drunken scribbles in the scribing notebook, a sure sign of just how AMAZING a celebration this past AGM was. So, without further ado, here is your AGM weekend hash trash!

Halloween Themed AGM 10/29/11
Hares: Outgoing GMs THE 2nd Cumming and Dirty Latte Sanchez
Bag car: ummm...
RA: Twat My Mom
Dementress: Yellow Dick Gnome
Hash Cash: Hare Club for Queers
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Beacon Hill Pub
Pack: About 50 Boston wankers and visitors!

It was a cold and rainy day (a snowstorm was looming!) when costumed hashers from far and wide made their way to the Beacon Hill Pub to meet up for what was promised to be an amazing trail from outgoing GMs 2nd and Latte. Trail wound about MGH and through the appropriately named "Beacon Hill" area where the pack's collective quads screamed for a long downhill path. We came upon Boston Common and the Public Gardens, but at this point the pack was already lost and zenning to pick up marks as we were desperate for beer or - there it was! Along the esplanade near the Hatch shell stage was a glorious shot check; your pick of red drink or blue drink with gusty winds and rain pelting your face.

The pack took off quickly after the shot check on account of the rain and all, and crossed over Storrow Drive towards the hoity-toity Back Bay area. Soon they were scaring rich residents and pretend rich shoppers along Newbury Street. After meandering around Boylston Street for a while, the second beer check was discovered! Slightly shielded from the rain and wind, (or hardly at all...), underneath a Mass Pike bridge.

The pack didn't stay long at the check. We all knew where we were going to wind up. About a half mile up the road was Ramrod and the hash and Ramrod have a deep, meaningful, mutual love for each other. We barreled into the On-In for the warmth, the beer, and our dinner.

Circle (which the scribe tried to keep notes on... silly scribe):
Twat took the mic and called up our outgoing GMs, THE 2nd Cumming and Dirty Latte Sanchez. We knew that these two LOVE the ice so we sang as many songs as we could to prolong their joy! The pack serenaded the two of them with Chicago and S&M Man. They then witnessed a de-virginizing (yes, there was a virgin at AGM!), and the calling out of the FRB (Douche), FBI (Jello), and DFL (Buttler). Hare Club took the mic (while they were still on the ice), and read the names of ALL the past Boston Hash GMs and the dates they signed the Sword. Those present made their way to the circle and sang More Beer all the way up to the number 34! Zoopada Zoopada was sung to keep those GM asses nice and cool, they signed the sword, drank from the shoe, and FINALLY they were released from the ice, their duties as hash GMs complete.

Incoming GMs Goat Throat and Sketchy Ho took their places on the ice while Velvet Pelvis gave some sort of speech, and then we sang them Yogi Bear and When it's Hog Calling Time in Nebraska! Outgoing RAs Twat and Bend Over Mommy listened to us croon Yo Ho, and incoming RAs Krusty the Meatmiser and 2nd had to suffer through Gangbang.

Other ice block sitters:
-Outgoing Hash Cash: Hare Club, High Anus, and Spunk in the Trunk (sang There Was a Little Bird...)
-Incoming Hash Cash: same as above!
-Outgoing Haberdashers: Mexican Humping Queen, My Chemical Homance
-Incoming Haberdashers: Willy Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Mexican, and Homance (sang Wiener breath)
-Outgoing Hareraiser: Goat
-Incoming Hareraisers: Senor Cocksucker and Twat
-Outgoing Scribe: Goes Down on Buoys (sang Some Die of Masturbation)
-Incoming Scribe: Oink Oink Ohhhhhh
-Outgoing Beer Bitch: The Buttler Hit It (sang You're #1)
-Incoming Beer Bitches: Buttler, I Lick Butts
-Outgoing Dementress: Cum Locker and Yellow Dick Gnome (sang Shitonya)
-Incoming Dementer/tress: Certified Poop Accuntant and Clit Notes (sang Put Your Left Tit)
-Outgoing Holiday Party: Bondage Barbie and Mexican
-Incoming Holiday Party: Just Victoria and Miami Slut Machine
-Marathon Chairs: Twat and Gimp
-Outgoing Hash Hos: Spunk, Bondage Barbie, and 2nd (sang Follow the Hares)
-Incoming Hash Hos: Twat and 2nd (sang Glorious Victorious)
-Songmeister: Velvet Pelvis and Piss Stop (sang He's the Meanest)
-Alcohol Abuse: Pierce My Saur-ass, Goat, Coochie, and Buttler
-New hasher badges: Front Running Bork Bork Bork, Senor Cocksucker, Clit Notes, Oink Oink Ohhhhhh, Jello Wrecked 'Em, Balls Deep, and Pierce My Saur-ass.
-Visitors: Rainbow Fuckin' Brite and Face Down (sang Face Down Ass Up)

-Sign up and pay for Marathon!! Only $49 until November 20th!!
-See 2nd Cumming for information on how to get your very own Boston Hash mug!! Complete with your name carved and painted.

Then hashers split off for more drink, chatting, and of course, strippy cup. The hash isn't complete without strippy cup.

AGM Fatboy 10/30/11
Hares: Incoming GMs Goat Throat and Sketchy Ho
Bag car: None, this was a fat boy trail!
Brunch Pre-Lube: Club Cafe (11:30 am)
Trail Pre-Lube: Clery's (1:30)

To be honest, this scribe drank way too much. I didn't make it to the Fat Boy trail because my liver was still screaming at me from the debauchery the night before. I think the pack eventually appeared at Hong Kong, an excellent choice.

But you can help write this hash trash! Comment on this post and let everyone know what happened! You know you want to.

Don't forget to check out and @bostonhash for all your Boston H3 information and news!!

ON-I don't know how my liver will survive another year-ON

Monday, October 31, 2011

Boston Moon Trail #110

Here it is! An actual trash from not only someone that was present at the last moon trail, but from a hare herself!! Holy hell fire shit, tell us about it Balls Deep!!!

Boston Moon - Trail 110
Hunter's Moon - 10/14/2011
Hares: Balls Deep and Dildo Vajayjay Baggins
Bag Car: Friar F*ck
Trash writer: Balls Deep
Edited by: Oink Oink Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It was a dark and rainy Friday night. The hashers creeped and crawled their ways to the White Horse Tavern for a pre-lube experience. Balls Deep arrives hashinably late but is greeted with smiles and orgasms by several other wankers. We enjoy a beer... and another beer... slowly realizing that the co-hare, dildo vajayjay baggins, is nowhere to be seen. "Why are we waiting? We could be......" He finally arrives around an hour late... still hashmanlike behavior. Hares away.

Disclaimer: the events of trail are mearly a speculation as the trash is being written by the hare. Any inaccuracies.. and accuracies are purely coincidental and do not reflect any actual stories.

We followed trail through the ghetto shiggy of Lower Allston, grabbed a slice of pizza at Regina's, over the pike, through the houses, and we came (oh yes we came) upon an illuminated statue of Jesus. The hash sang their praises; can I get a Hail Mary? Then ON-ON we went. Shortly thereafter we played at the playground of some higher learning establishment. OH NO - a fence! The plight (or joy!) of moon hashers. The first over-achieving wankers scaled the fence while the slower and wiser hashers realized there was a hole in the fence. Oh Glorious hole! Around the corner, past the Dunkin Donuts, and all of a sudden the pack was stonewalled... literally a stone wall. Easily scaled by said over-achieving wankers to find the golden brew for the first BC in Franklin Park.

Introductions were had since the rain had subsided. Those stupid idiots who came included the aforementioned hares Balls Deep and Dildo Vajayjay Baggins, The hasher from Rhode Island whose hash name I cannot remember, Stick it to the Bros, The Buttler Hit it, Friar F*ck, Chap Dick Charlie, Takes it in the @ssburger, Clit Notes, E=I'maDouche, Roscoe P. Cumstain, I Licked Butts, Yoron Weed, +2 Coonass, Pubic Service Announcement, Wikipediphilia, and Rogaine Sally. Rogaine brought with him a virgin: Virgin Mary. I'm not shitting you, and she was quite hashmanlike. We drank and we sang, the hares pounded their delicious PBRs and were away once again.

The hares scaled the outfield fence with the ease of gazelles, laying flour and chalk for the pack to follow. The trail took the pack past the CBS station with the giant satellite dishes. The hashers all turned into mutants. Not X-men like mutants, but like Teenage Mutant Ninja Hashers. The trail then went near the Shaws supermarket and around the construction, I swear it crossed Western Ave 69 times and then we came upon a check. Yes, trail can go in any direction including up... which it did - over the soldier's field road and into the park next to the Sweet Charles river - Can I get a Proud Mary??? Can I get a Count Back? Yes, count back and then the ON-IN at the Publik Theatre. We drank and we sang, we sang and we drank, it rained and rained some more. We spanked the virgin and she was a virgin no more.

FRB was Chap Dick Charlie due to his pre-cognative abilities, and because he helped BD scout trail... hey lower Alston can be scary at night. [That's not an FRB, that's a secret hare! Tricky Charlie!] FBI was Bros. DFL was +2 coonass. RAs were Dildo and BD. Accusations were made and many were called into the circle. I honestly can't remember who was accused of what or what comments were made cause I was pretty toasted - so much beer. All I remember is +2 wearing the disco tron ON-ON marquee shirt. Crazy honey badger.

On-After ended up being at Charlies in Harvard Square, where we finally dried off and thawed out over decent beer, warm food, and lots of humping.

Balls Deep

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Epic Hashing Weekend

This scribe got lost in that damned Danvers Corn Maze this week. I REFUSED to call 911 like those pansies though, (seriously, you can WALK THROUGH CORN "WALLS") so that's why this post is a tad late...

Hashers, there were three, count 'em, THREE opportunities to hash this past weekend! This only happens maybe once every six months: Full Moon Friday, 3rd An*l Pearl Necklace Saturday, and the good 'ol standby Sunday hash.

SO: Here's what you missed if you didn't hash at all this weekend. (...more virgins and beer for the rest of us!)

BMH3 #110 Friday 10/14/11
1) A rainy, cold moon hash that included locals and visitors from far and wide alike!
2) SO MUCH BEER at said moon hash.
3) Inaugural trail for new GMs Balls Deep and T Bags!
4) An hours late T Bags blaming traffic for his tardiness, but we really know he was working on his swag in the mirror to try to seduce harriettes later that evening...
5) It really cannot be stressed enough that there was SO MUCH BEER. This is why Moon trails are the best trails.

3rd An*l Pearl Necklace "Wicked Itch of the East" Saturday 10/15/11
Hares: There were a lot of them
Bag Car: There were a lot of them (or just one?)
Pack: About 45 unlucky wankers from near and far that were crazy enough to rego!
Visitors: Yoron, Harlot, Squatch, Roscoe ... and a lot of other people.

Pre-lube started at Tavern on the Water. In case you were wondering, Tavern on the Water is in fact on the water, and no where near any T stop. Except one bus line. Who's idea was that? There was, however, a magnificent view of Boston to remind us all of the city we crisscross weekly. And most importantly, there was BEER.

After a quick chalk talk where were all discussed where one visiting hasher may end up after sufficiently drunk that evening, we went out to find trail. (Anyone know what actually happened to him?) The pack promptly got lost within the first five minutes. Tricky hares. The first leg led us to some glorious truck stops with Porno Mags galore! The first circle included some big butt beauties found on the pages of those magazines, and some very, VERY drunk hares. It ended when we ran out of beer. A sad sight to see.

The second leg of trail led us through Chelsea and East Boston for a beer check under Route 1, a terribly marked trail where this scribe got separated from the pack, got lost, and ultimately ended up stopping into Dunkin Donuts to refuel with a delicious hot latte. Not the Dirty Sanchez kind, sorry boys. Poor AB got injured and had to limp off to lay down and die... By the time the scribe caught up with the pack at the second circle in Belle Isle Marsh, the pack had picked up a spontaneous virgin!! Can you believe it? We are an attractive bunch; I guess she couldn't resist our charm. We also celebrated the completion of the 13 beer challenge by FRBBB, Maid of Honor, and someone else. They could barely stand.

Third leg of trail finally included some lunch, and found us drunkenly stumbling into Beachmont and Revere. Honestly, I don't really remember what happened, except that we r*n in a straight line for a very long time until we wound up at The Cove! Third circle and the celebration of the end of Pearl Necklace commenced. We renamed an out-of-town hasher from Burlington, VT. Her NEW name is Harlot Globe Fondler!

Hashers listen up! We named Just Kathryn! She will forever now be known at the hash as Tail Gagger! She also goes down in history as the fastest naming ever at the Boston Hash.

BH3 Sunday Trail #(figuring that out...) 10/16/11
"The Longest Fat Boy Trail EVER"
Hare: Wikiepedophelia
Bag car: Butler
RA: Nips
Sub-Dementress: Oink Oink
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Punter's Pub
Pack: Roscoe, Nips, Assburger, Goat, Bros, Douche, Better Late then Pregnant, Dribbles, Just Dave, Just Frank, Sugar Hump Fairy, Just Brandon, Just Arjil, Pat My Fly, Just Mark, Just James, Oink Oink, and Virgin Liz!

We all knew it was c*mming. A wonderful fatboy trail where we could drink beer while slowly moseying along. Wiki was dressed in jeans at the bar and he didn't even bring chalk or flour to mark trail and was begging for donations. And then Bros happened. Bros made a comment to Wiki that not everyone had been at Pearl Necklace the day before. Wiki felt compelled to give these lazy wankers a trail; he changed into appropriate clothing and took off.

The hare got lost. And so did the pack. A huge Mass Ave intersection left us completely blindsided and lost for 15 minutes. In fact, we trudged along for almost FOUR MILES before we found the first beer check in the Fens. Our favorite game Bag-O began! Pat got into the check just as we were leaving and had no beer to drink and no orange food to eat! About a mile after the first check the trail changed to cajun. Wiki was out of chalk and the pack was about to be on their own. After two miles we came upon a Shaw's Supermarket. Second check was in an alley behind it - chosen specifically so Wiki could buy flour to continue trail. You heard that right. We had now covered over six miles and Wiki was buying materials to continue trail. Fortunately, Wiki knew there would be a mutiny if he didn't mark trail and lead us to some beer soon. Flour was strewn all about the sidewalks - not in clumps - in lines so the pack couldn't get lost. And then it happened: We found the On-In exactly where we had left it. We staggered into Punter's Pub, an A-A "fat boy" trail complete.

-Wiki got called into circle of course. Who sets a 7+ mile trail after a Pearl Necklace?
-Bros was called into circle for causing the 7+ mile trail
-Virgin Liz was called into circle and Oink tried her hardest to de-virginize properly. At least we got to witness the demonstration of her favorite sexual position!
-Overachievers were called in for attending all three trails: Assburger, Roscoe, Wiki, Bros, and Yoron
-Visitors: Yoron and Roscoe
-Sweat test failure: Cherry Poppin' Patty
-A few wankers stopped for food on trail: Yoron, Better Late, and Douche all stopped to eat! In the middle of trail!
-FBI: Dribbles
-FRB: Bros
-Backslider: Better Late than Pregnant

So there you have it! Detrails are of course fuzzy due to copious amounts of beer, but you can be sure you missed an epic weekend of debauchery.

Don't forget that AGM is this upcoming weekend! See or our very own twitter feed @BostonHash for detrails.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Angry Birds Hash

Hello Wankers, Discussions were had at last night's trail re: what a "Hash Trash" is? That made me realize that no one has written one up in a while. I will try and attempt one, and will allow myself to be corrected by the current Scribe if he did in fact take notes.

Disclaimer: No notes were actually taken, all is from memory or fabricated.

Trail: the Angry Birds Hash 8/3/11
Hares: Twat My Mom & Clit Notes
Bag Car: Willy Wonka and the Back Door Factory

The Pack: Dirty Latte Sanchez, Sketchy Ho, The Butler Hit It, Yankee Pay $5 More, Jello Wrecked 'Em, CPA, The 2nd Cumming, Spoonful of Semen, Peppermint Pussy, Bend Over Mommy, Goat Throat, Frontrunning Bork Bork Bork, +2 Coonass, Yellow Dick Gnome, Stick It to the Bros, X Marks My Twat, Dribbles, Cherry Poppin' Paddy, Nice Tits, Mexican Humping Queen, Vagaterian, Mangina, Oink Oink Ohh!, Goes Down on Buoys,and more that I cannot recall. Just Prezel, Just Mike, Just Max, Just Dave, Just Many Others... (see Disclaimer above, or hurry up and get named)

Visitors: Pork Boy from Baltimore; Just Baker from somewhere; female hasher from Burlington; male hasher from Chicago; and others. (see Disclaimer above)

11 Virgins: one wore a boa, one was a very tall slender woman, many looked like angry birds

Chalk Talk: I, Nice Tits, tried to get everyone assembled and explained marks to our 11 virgins, who promptly forgot them within 5 minutes. Introductions were made, virgins were sized up by the rest of us, and then we all sang about Father Abraham before heading out.

If you want to make birds (or hashers dressed like birds) angry, all you have to do is circle jerk them around the Longwood Medical area ending with a very long drawn out hill. The 1st part ended up having an interesting cross of the J-Way that almost decreased pack size, but luckily only ended up with many horns being honked and no fatalities. 1st BC was outside the Bird Sanctuary in Brookline after we ran along wooden boardwalks; 2nd was in between parking garages at Beth Israel hospital. This was where Just Max decided to shimmy down a rusty pole to reach the pack when he was mistakenly 2 floors above while Buoys yelled encouragement. We finally made our way around the projects and through a park (at this point it was dark and many people fell) and up Mission Hill where we ended in an even darker parking lot

Circle: Mommy took over RA, while I (T*ts) went back to collecting your $$$

Virgins: Too many to count, were demented in quiz show style with 3 questions being asked by Yellow. Only 2 virgins knew that we were there to drink Beer... bad sponsors, bad!

Visitors: listed somewhere above sang a short non-verse song. Boo.


  • Just Baker tried to give a false name, so he was made to drink along with
  • Paddy (a reformed self-namer)
  • Blood on trail - at least Peppermint and CPA went down, cannot recall the rest as I did not push them
  • Yankee had to drink for getting so lost that he ended up at Circle 2/3 of the way through
Best Dressed: Nominations were made, and the winners included Oink Oink for her amazingly home knit blue angry bird hat and throw balls. She swears she is not a spinster and "her friend" made them. Bork Bork Bork won for dressing like a Blue Man Group reject, or at least one who was colored blind, in a full green body suit covering his face and hands. He somehow still managed to drink his down down beer in this. What a talented Swede!

  • 2 very long trails are coming up: Ball Buster's Labored Day Run on Saturday 9/3 and the 3rd Annual Pearl Necklace (East Side!) on 10/15. Both promise 13+ miles, have rego beforehand and a cap in the number that can be accommodated. Contact +2 for info on the 9/3 Ball Buster version, and either Nice T*ts or Anal Beads for the Pearl Necklace on 10/15. There are rumors that IEC may be helping to hare the later.
  • If you like free beer, come to the Summer BBQ. 1230 HST on 8/13, there will be a short trail and free food. Check the list for more emails re: start location
That pretty much ends what I can remember or make up. Oh, we ate wraps and pizza and there was an on-after at The Crossing.

Thanks to Twat and Clit Notes for setting this trail, and Willy for getting all our sh*t to the end!

-T*ts (1/2 RA, Scribe, and Hash Cash for this trail)

BOM Says Other things which should be included in this Hash Trash:
  • Just Max For sliding down said aforementioned Pole has now been named:Tetnus in my Rectus.
  • Also Named was Just Mike. For a story about being an army helicopter pilot and falling asleep at the helm along with his co-pilot he iis now know as: Black Cock Down.
  • Please address your Hash brothers accordingly from now on...-on

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hot Tub Redneck Hash

The Pack: around 40-45 - I dunno... the 2nd cumming has attendance, ask him.
Prelube: Banshee / Dorchester JFK T-Stop
Chalk-Talk & RA: Tw*t My Mom

Hares: Boston Strangler and Accidentally An*l.

So this is basically what happened if you were too lazy / hungover to cum last Wednesday: So we had about 6 Virgins, but I got 3 names I wrote down - Jason, Duong (The Duong-er), James and Paul. OK, so that's 4.
The Virgins were brought into chalk-talk and we sang "Hey, My Name is Joe" for warm-up and off we went.

Trail was actually pretty well marked, and I would say with the penmanship of a writing teacher. That was probably the high point of your trail, Strangler. Good penmanship with the chalk. Actually this trail rocked out with its c*ck out, so if you missed this one that's your loss. Wankers. We went through, around, over and below various spots in Dorchester to wind up at our first beer-check, Malibu Beach - around 2 miles or so 'til the first BC. We drank cheap beer and it was good.

Trail then went another mile or more and the Boston Strangler took us to a nice little playground where little Buoys / errr... boys like to play. We know how your mind works there, Strangler, lucky for all the little buoys out there we were able to chase you down pretty quickly. There was more beer, and life was good. I believe we were at Downer's Avenue playground, or so my sketchy writing says...

The On-In was at Boston Strangler's House in Dorchester, close to Savin Hill. The REAL On-In was his hot-tub where after circle about a dozen naked hashers sat in the tub, staring at their toes with their hands neatly folded. Yeah, right. Anyway, I digress.

Comments on trail included: "Get 'er Done" and "My Mustache is gonna get gray" as well as "I wasn't supposed to be within 15 feet of a playground"

The Hares sang "Hog Calling Time in Nebraska" - which nobody in the entire hash seems to know more than 3 or 4 verses to so it was a short song.
The Virgins were demented, now they are Just Paul, Just Jason, Just James and Just DUONG (still think the Duonger is a good name) and maybe I heard Just Sharma.

FRB was Stick it to the Bros, FBI was Pubic Service Announcement, DFL was Plus Two Coonass and 2nd Cumming.  Backsliders claimed to be F*cked by Job and Whiskey D*ck... well, that's what I wrote.  Implant from the New Orleans Voo-Doo Hash are Like a Virgin.

Tallest and Shortest Drank: 2nd cumming and Goes Down on Buoys. They held hands, the pack sang, it was cute. Apparently there was Ice Cream on trail by the Savin Hill T-Stop near Strangler's place, I thought the chalk mark was mocking us. Peppermint P*ssy and possibly Miami Sl*t Machine partook. Possibly not. Willie Wonka may have partook of said cream. Vagitarian too.

Oh, DRIPPY SPIGOT was on trail! He had lots of iced cream. We miss you Drippy, you big backslider.

Best Redneck was easily Oink, Oink, OOoooohhhh. Drippy, Tw*t My Mom, JC Whore and An*l were runners' up.

Naming O' The Evening: Just Kyle. One of the many brothers, who's been hashing for about a year and a half. Kyle, what the f*ck haven't you been doing?  Just Kyle pissed on his father one evening while drunk... but apparently stories having to do with this great feat didn't get him his proper name. He was not named Princess Choad, but will now forever be known as "Family Business". Go figure.

We Swang Low, made announcements about NURD and Pittsburgh. Then we ate pretty damn good redneck food, and somehow about 1/4 of the pack got into the hottub nekkid. Too bad you weren't there.

Goes Down on Buoys

Just Kyle was named accidental golden shower. Family business was rejected. There you have it. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Too bad this story wasn't good.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Mardi Parking Garage Hash

Hares: Goat Throat and Fire in the Hole
RA/Bag Car: Bend Over Mommy
Scribe: Jolly GREEN Vagina
Sweat Test Failure: Just Meg
Weather: Overcast and cool

Pack: HR Puffnstuff, High Anus, Sh*tty Meats, Grease My Monkey’s Nuts, Virgin Collins, Virgin Michelle, Just Kat, Just Kyle, Virgin Sean, Inconvenient Poop, Virgin Mike #1, Virgin Mike #2, Just Nicole, Just Matt, Time of the Munch, Rosetta Bone, Necrophiliac Jack, Yankee Pay Five Dollar More, Dribbles, Wikipedophelia, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Friar F*ck, Stop the Flood Plug the Dyke, Boston Strangler, Peppermint P*ssy, Vagina Dentata, Just Brad

Last Sunday’s trail began at Cornerstone Pub at Broadway. I don’t recall ever going there before, and it seemed like a fairly unremarkable kind of place. Except for the GMILF convention going on in the banquet room. I’m not really sure what the occasion was, but hey ... GMILFs. Rawr.

The trail was ostensibly a Mardi Gras theme, although there was little evidence of this. Fire and Goat were both wearing some sort of white face paint, but on the other hand it could have been sunscreen because this is the time of year that UV levels start getting dangerous if you're a ginger. Friar showed up in some sort of blue leotard that made me thankful I’m colorblind; however, this is also fairly typical Friar attire more or less year round. Stop the Flood was wearing a green bikini over her r*nning clothes. When pressed to explain how this related to anything remotely Mardi Gras-like, she explained, “It’s the warmest day of the week, so why not?” So ... yeah.

Trail started out by going over that weird overpass over 93, and then immediately took us into what I have since realized was the real theme for the afternoon’s hash: parking lots. Lots and lots of parking lots, in all their infinite varieties. Wide open parking lots. Wide open parking lots covered with snow banks. Wide open parking lots covered with snow banks and surrounded by chain link fences. Wide open parking lots in hollowed out brick buildings patrolled by cranky janitors and surrounded by snow banks. And, of course, parking garages.

After our first song check in a parking lot in a hollowed out brick building patrolled by a cranky janitor, we climbed over a snow bank and blundered into a playground full of Tit Check. Let me explain: there were some sort of hopscotch-looking circles painted on a walkway that went halfway around the area. Each one had been thoughtfully tagged with a nipple, so that even that chick with the three hooters from Total Recall would have had to spend like a full minute flashing in order to pass all of them legit. Or I suppose she could have just run through and left the guys in the cold, like our harriettes did.

Then we ran through another parking lot. Then we ran under a parking garage. Then we ran half way around the BU Medical Center Parking Garage. Then we ran up into the BU Medical Center Parking Garage, where we had a beer check. Afterwards, we ran around the other half of the BU Medical Center Parking Garage and then sang “My Girl is a Vegetable” in front of the Emergency Room.

Trail then took us through a blissfully short stretch of non-parking lots before pulling up to a T/E split ... in the middle of a parking lot. Since almost everyone was Zenning around the edge of the parking lot, and the Eagle was clearly, “Climb this half-acre of grungy snow bank and then rejoin trail,” everyone opted for the Turkey.

Peppermint, however, realized that the hares had left a bottle of some quality whiskey (by which I mean it maybe cost upwards of six bucks a quart) on the snow bank. In an amazing display of hardcore alcoholism, she climbed a chain link fence, retrieved the whiskey, and returned to the pack with it, whereupon Sh*tty Meats and Grease My Monkey’s Nuts drank about half.

Beer check #2 was at Roxbury Community College. In a parking lot. However, it was a parking lot right next to a Roxbury Community College building, so that we could look through the windows and check out the students’ projects for their Shop Class while we drank. We were also directly across the street from the Boston Police Department, which made the pack a bit nervous, so that when some random guy drove up and parked next to the bag car, everyone panicked, chugged, and bolted.

The final leg of the trail was fairly short, mostly consisting of a circle jerk around the ugliest architecture that Northeastern University has to offer. As ugly architecture goes, Northeastern has some pretty impressive sh*t. Trail ended at Punter’s Pub.

Highlights of the circle included Goat going topless and then performing an impromptu (and unasked for) Dick Check, although it took him an uncomfortably long time to locate his junk. When Virgin Mike #2 was asked his favorite sexual position, he responded, “Pile driver,” which I had thought was more of a professional wrestling move than a sexual position, although apparently I was mistaken. He was then asked to demonstrate this position with Virgin Mike #1, which Virgin Mike #2 attempted with both great enthusiasm and a certain degree of confusion as to which parts plug into where. For his part, Virgin Mike #1 seemed very eager to bottom, leading Just Matt to remark, “No doubt about who’s the man in this one.”

Wikipedophilia was brought in for a down-down for having “gay-ass” shoes, which were slip-on leather penny-loafers or some kind of crap. There was a token protest, but when you’re wearing slip-on leather penny-loafers to a hash, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be drinking out of those motherf*ckers because they are clearly f*cking gay-ass. Circle ended with Swing Low, towers of beer, and some vaguely pizza-flavored grease.

Overheard on trail

  • When one bald guy drinks, one bald guy drinks! –Yankee, explaining why he will soon be needing a liver transplant
  • I’m kind of a whore. –Rosetta Bone
  • Who *hasn’t* made out with Kosher in a bathroom? –Jack
  • When you’ve just been talking and you see the scribe furiously writing stuff down, that’s not a good sign. -Jack