Thursday, September 7, 2017

Nadia Virgin Lay Trash

What: Just Nadia’s Virgin Lay
Where: Vito’s Tavern, North End, Boston
Hares: Just Nadia, Not Dead Yet
Bag car: Luva Lamp
Barry Man Below, Wondering Whore, Black Cock Down, Udder Whore, Dribbles, The Butler Hit It, Wikipedophilia, Senior Sodomizing Slut, Honorable Vaginal Discharge, Sex The Final Frontier, Fellowship of the Cockring, Shart of Darkness, other people I forget

I arrived early and added their bathroom to the list of “place which aren’t bad to change in” - not all bar bathrooms make for easy changing, and had a nice pretrial conversation with the racist Yellow Dick Gnome and Plus 2 Coonass, who were joining us for pretrial wine before packing to go run a marathon...shame! Pack filtered in, and I would have expected a larger crowd for a down-town trial, but maybe it was the weather, which was fine at the start. The bar was none to pleased with having a dozen people hanging out around the bar, and I doubt would have tolerated our numbers if we were any more than double that. Eventually the hares showed up and were shooed out and pack left, getting tired of the RA bragging about how great the weather was going to be.

Chalk talk-

Was held in a parking lot/alley type place in front of the North End, there were no virgins (and limited pack chalk) so it was mainly for visitors.

Trial “What does ‘Near’ mean?”:

Trial started out running up through the north end, and turning quickly right to a song check in front of the Chatuaex 2: The Electric Boogalouex, and we sang the the residents therein a song about a maiden who wore woolens in the winter, and silk in the fall, but sometimes when it’s really hot she wore nothing at all...From there trial hit a strangely successful hash sitapeed in front of a famous pizza place before running up hill to a tit check. I did some bad zenning, ran down the hill then looped around to find pack by the north end skating rink. Pack was running full speed, having hit a Beer Near near the rink, but there was no beer, anywhere, near. We ran under the bridge to Charlestown to a tit check. I followed a two and out up the bridge and watched pack run over the locks before coming into the beer check from the other side.

Beer Check “Hey look, it’s Shart!”

Shart showed up at the beer check and told us about how she got all her coworkers drunk tasting shitty beer. Surprisingly, they couldn’t tell the difference because they all taste like shit. Our beer also was shitty, so she kept on dranking. The hares quietly scampered off and we followed them.

Trial “Well, maybe this won’t be so bad”:

There was a song check at the base of the footbridge over the train tracks to lechmere, then trial went over the bridge to a shot check (fireball and apple juice) in the park/playground where we beer miled for marathon. Trial left the park, ran behind the Museum of Science (with 2 sets of 2 and outs back to Boston), to another beer near over the canal and a beer check in the park behind the MoS on the Cambridge side of the river.

Beer check #2...maybe onin?

The hares had said it was a short trial - most of pack had run less than three miles  - with one beer check, so we kinda thought maybe onin? But now, it was just a beer check, but we were told the end was near, and since it was beginning the mist heavily, the hares took off.

Trial “Yeah, no we were no where near the OnIn”:

It came out later that trial had only been scouted to the second beer check The onin was back in the North End, in the park overlooking the harbor and the aforementioned ice rink. The hares had run out of chalk - pack found a couple of large pieces by the shot check - and forgot to buy flour. What proceeded from the beer check to the onin is every hashers favourite game; agressive scouting, in which park runs mark to mark (block to block) and fans out and scouts each mark, since most of the checks, and half of the marks had been washed away. At some point, after crossing the Longfellow, the hares started to mark on the sides of buildings which was better, but not ideal. It took us quite a while, about an hour in windy mist - to finally find trial to the onin. I’m gonna be honest; i love shitty, washed out trails! I hate them so much when I’m on trial, but the accomplishment is so cool! Eventually we found overlaid marks through the north end and a beer near up a hill to bag car.

Circle (or, oh, right, now the rain stops):

The rain stopped and it got cold just as everyone had stopped running and was soaking wet. Since the pizzas were already there, pack ate before we circled. We tried to keep the volume down - it wasn’t a true whisper circle, but my throat doesn’t hurt. We called in the hare and made sure that they knew that they should’ve used more flour and chalk. The hares then tried to sing us “Assoldier I will be” but just started yelling “For cunt! For cunt!” We corrected them, then sang them of their stupidity. The FBI - Udder Whore - and FRB - The Other Whore - were called in and we sang to their crimes, then the DFL - Shart - was called in and we wondered if she was lonesome. Given the lack of virgins, visitors were called in next; and Barry sang us an amazing song about the Kennedys...I need to get the lyrics. Circle was then opened up to accusations, and the hares were called in from losing chalk on trial. Then everyone who left the shot check early was called in and Barry again treated us to verses of “Face Down” no one knew. Somehow that turned into Barry telling a story about the first, and best, Boston trial he’d ever been on, and I will do my best to retell it here:

The Background is that two hashers were getting married, but didn’t want all the hashers at their wedding, but you know, still wanted to party with them, so they arranged for a trial to be laid with a beer check (open bar) at their reception. Great idea, right? So the hash made their way up to Nahanet (pinkies out, bitches) for trial. On their way to the start, they drove by the Nahhanet Country Club and saw a very obvious wedding party gathering, churtle, churtle, this is going to be fun! Trial starts and it immediately dives into chest-deep rotting sea-water marsh, which the hash slogs through. There’s a check at the bottom of the hill, with clear marks leading up to the main kitchen building of the country club, sweat, it’s time! Thinks the hash as they charge up the hill - covered in mud and seaweed and reeking swamp death rot - and they burst right into the main reception hall just as the bride and groom are cutting the cake! Perfect timing! Except no. They misread the X at the door the kitchens as a check, when it was a FALSE TRIAL. This was the wrong wedding! Everyone turned to this group of mudy runner-looking people in the middle of their black-tie wedding. The groom asked “Um, can we help you?” And the hash beat a hasty retreat back down to the swamp to find trial leading to the Nahant Yatch Club! Therein they found the correct wedding party, had all the open bar drinks and sang with the bride, groom, brides family, grooms family, and everyone had a great time.

Dribbles - while not admitting to be on trial - did admit to this having happened under her GMship, so when one ex-GM drinks, we all drink! From there no other accusations could really hold up, so we swang low.

On - the weather was fine for the part of trial they scouted - On

Saturday 9/9: Beaver AGM -> I think the details are in the FB group
Wednesday 9/13: Yankee trial in Dorchester. Details will be announced soon; start and end will be near the JFK stop on the Redline.
Friday 9/22-24: Boston Ballbuster Hardcore Hash House Harriers Trust me! Details are on the calendar at (click the calendar link on the top menu bar)
Saturday 9/30: Boston H3 AGM -> Our an*l leadership change-over party! Congratulate the old Mismanagment by getting them black out drunk and keep the new mismanagement black out so they don’t remember what they sign up for!
Sunday 10/1: TRIALS SWITCH TO SUNDAY, and it’s the Fat Boy trial hared by your new GMs!