Sunday, January 25, 2009

Annual Robbie Burns Hash

WHAT: Robbie Burns Hash
WHEN: Sunday, January 25, 2009, 2:30 pm HST
WHERE:A: Silhouette Lounge, Allston and B: The Model Cafe, Allston
WHISKY CHECK: by the stairs near the Mass Pike Lower Allston (LA)
BEER CHECK: behind the Model Cafe
HARES: Ski Bobbitt, Dribbles, and a slightly incapacitated Cream Whora was replaced by Just Jenn (note the two Ns)
WEATHER: friggin cold maybe 20 degrees and a bit breezy, but not snowing for a change
VIRGIN: Camilla
LATE CUMMERS: Super Teflon Dong, Wang Chunks

Sugar Plum Fairy, High An*s, Headmaster, Cum is Kosher, Friar F*ck, Taj My Hole, Sphinctersicle, Rodent Feltcher, Pat My Fly, My Chemical Homance, Necrophiliac Jack, Just Laine, Shorn Scrotum, Stick it to the Bros, Hare Club for Queers, Shawskank? Cootie Monster?? Peppermint Pussy, Bend Over Mommy, Sperm Breath, Krustie the Meatmeister, Better Late than Pregnant, Just Kristin, General Ass Pounder, High Anus, Puff n Stuff, Grease My
Monkey's Nuts, Second Cumming, Abercrombie's Bitch, Pubic Housing, The Second Cumming, Goat Throat, Mr. Rodgers, 3's Company, Just Adam, NABLA, Donkey Punch, 5" Penalty, Cums on Brie, Shitty Meat, Pubic Service
Announcement, Hoover, Decibell (da Pitts Hash, Pittsfield MA), Dr. Who (RI Hasher), Basket Boom Boom (RI Hasher), Pig F*cker (Half Mein Hasher), plus me Cums Alone (and possibly a few others, there were a lot of hashers present, plus my pen doesn't work well in 20 degree weather)

Hashers took over the ever-lovely Swillo bar from the 5 regular patrons. A number of hashers wore kilts in honor of Robbie Burns’ birthday. I believe Basket Boom Boom was the only one who went commando … however, he
regretted that almost immediately. Friar gave him a glove to cover the package, but it wouldn't stay on. Then, Friar remembered the doggie doo doo bags I had given him for Christmas (they are larger than the small baggies
he usually carries with him for Shitty Trail). One of those provided proper
insulation for Basket's family jewels.

The pack circled next to the drive through window of the Burger King for an explanation of marks. The back-of-the-pack walkers had a map to follow, and Sperm Breath was entrusted with the whiskey for the whiskey check. Ski must have hit the lottery, as the whiskey was in a glass (not plastic) bottle. It was actually drinkable.

The map showed that the pack had a nice long circle jerk over toward Comm Ave. The walkers made directly toward the whiskey check that was less than a mile away, on the far side of the Mass Pike, next to a flight of stairs in lower Allston. We weren't there very long before the FRBs showed up. Eventually, the rest of the pack arrived, and all were given little cups of whiskey that most chose to drink. Except, as we were cleaning up after the pack left, we did notice a bit of whiskey on the snow. The shame!!!

From the beer check, the pack was off on a long circle in Lower Allston, while the walkers went directly to the beer check, behind the Model Cafe. Ski was there in his car when we arrived. And, being first, we were treated to some really GOOD beer that Ski had bought (he also had the usual hash swill). Before too long, a couple of FRBs appeared … we pointed past where we were standing, and they kept going … until we called them back. Silly FRBs. The pack eventually arrived. There were so many that we filled the entire section of the parking lot, and had to make a hole when cars from the condos wanted to enter or leave. There was only one broken bottle of beer, which was fortunate. From the beer check, trail went around to the front of the building and into the Model Cafe. Bonus points to Ski for a short trip to the on in on a cold day.

The circle commenced, with Bend Over Mommy as RA. Comments on the trail included: Circulus jerkily maximus, not as good as sheep but still warm, never follow GAP, not Ski's funeral, I still haven't found the beer check
and a bunch of other stuff I forgot to write down.

Virgins: Puff & Stuff demented virgin Camilla. Krusty made her cum (and the rest was obliterated by the noise in the circle)

There were down downs for various infractions, for the visitors, etc. etc.

Naming: Just Jenn with two ns was due for a name. She used to (or may still, I'm a bit unclear on this) be a roller derby competitor. This led to a whole lot of possibilities. She was not named any of the following. Video Hash Bitch, Beaver Fever, Anal Smurf, I smurfed all over her face, Blue Balls, Skanky Couric, Scum Guzzling Crack Ho, Tra La La La La La Tra N N, Smurf on My Face, Blue Period, I'm a Lesbian, Grease My Wheels, Clit Wit, Dirt Digglers Bitch. She was almost named Slut Dog Roller Whore, but NOT. Just Jenn with two ns was named The Wheels on My Butt Go Round And Brown. Which is actually a song.

The pack did hash religion, and we adjourned to eat pizza. I bit into the first slice, and the cheese had a funny texture, it was really granular. The flavor of the cheese was off-putting. It was nasty. If you scraped the "cheese" off, it wasn't bad. Hashers were eating it (everyone was hungry by that time), but the expressions were priceless. Ski Bobbitt ordered pizza from the closest restaurant (a vegan joint near the Swillo). At some point a $5 hash was initiated so there would be more beer to wash down the nasty pizza. And there was much rejoicing.


  • They're all drunk, they'll never notice. - Ski Bobbitt
  • Oh yes they did notice. - Cums Alone
  • What's with this pizza? - Hare Club
  • After the last hash Just Adam slept with Schindler's Fist. He said, "It's true, it was the best 15 seconds ever."
  • Two words I never want to hear together ever again: "vegan pizza". —-Cums Alone
  • T-Shirt slogans of the day: Be All You Used to Be. Real Men Wear Kilts.