Monday, March 16, 2015

An Easy Green Dress Weekend

What: Seacoast RDR (anyone know how many)?
Where: BKs, Revere
Cum Titty, Friar Fuck, Avalanche, The Butler Hit It, Salty Mud Flaps, Watch me Elmo, Bring Out the Gimp, Takes it in the Rectory, Wikipedophilia, Virgin.

Beers were had by all, and some late arriving members of pack were worried that we would leave without them, but Friar left at some time (lets call it 1) to pre-lay the beer checks, but hadn’t returned until well after 2 – apparently he got lost. This did not bode well for pack, but it did give the Gimpy one at the Butlerly one time to show up. Salty also arrived, and when it was announced that Frair was lost setting the beer check, Avalanche decided that meant it was time for him to buy a couple of pitchers for the hash to tide us over until trail started. Smart man. Eventually Frair returned and an  abbreviated circle was held in the parking lot behind Bill Ashe’s Lounge. The marks were all washed away by the rain before chalk talk ended, and Gimp informed us that every time he went to BKs he was propositioned by ladies of the night, though he never said if he decided to contribute to their business ventures. We returned to BKs for another beer while giving the hare a solid 15 minute cranium start.

Trail Meath:

Leaving BKs trail crossed Revere beach boulevard and got to a check on the beach. Despite YHS yelling that there were two sets of foot prints going right, true trail was called going left, and we all ran down a good quarter mile on solid marks before gimp pealed off to smell out a check back. His hashy sense was only slightly off, as we quickly found a YBF in the surf (no one was actually being f’d, probably because of the weather). Turning around and running back down the beach to the direction which had two sets of foot prints, trail took us to the end of the beach and through a slush-filled round about with very confusing SH3 marks (in which 3 is still false and 4 is OnOn) leading pack astray. Meandering through a quiet beach-side community pack made it’s way towards the gazebo where STD had a gun pulled on him (I think)? As we were approaching, a muggle was on her porch, talking on the phone and said “Hold on, a group of men in green dresses just ran by.”

Irish Car-Bomb check

[Note, since the Irish are no longer detonating car-bombs, can we come up with a new name for this drink? Maybe a Bagdad Blaster, Mossel Memory Eraser, Alepo Alibie or Demascus Detonator?]

As pack arrived at the gazebo, CT and Friar had Irish Car Bombs lined up for us, which we all quickly downed. By we I mean the runners, Gimp, Wiki, Virgin, and Rectory. The rest of pack, the walkers, were relatively slow in showing up; we had finished our car bombs, finished the left over Guniesses, and were waiting for the hares to be gay when we saw a sole Avalanche approach the check, to be followed a few minutes later by Salty and Butler. When the walkers finally arrived, the hares were gay and more car bombs were had by all.

Trail Cork:

From the beer check trail ran along the sea wall to an intersection at the bottom of a hill. For no apparent reason, Rectory and the virgin took of scouting along the beach while all the other hashers stared at the hill with hatred and started our accent. We were greeted by green marks in snow to justify our decision and slowly made our way up to the crest, where marks disappeared. Gimp and Elmo ran straight, but pack turned around to look for trail from the last mark, which was about two blocks back. We ran all around the hill top, checking every intersection – and finding a previously un-scouted check – though not finding trail, and we all pretty much dispersed. I reluctantly followed where Gimp had gone, as it had been about 15 minutes and he hadn’t returned, and saw an almost washed away pack mark leading down the stairs a quarter mile from the last mark, but no other marks. I doubled back to collect pack and we had a pow-wow near the Suffolk Downs  station to decided “which beer check we should zen to.” As we were about to turn towards the marshes we luckily saw a line of marks in the snow leading away from the marshes and followed trail, through a YBF (that we approach from the wrong side) and eventually saw bag car, the hares, gimp and elmo, hanging out by the abandoned stop and shop for the beer check.

Beer Check Smithwicks-

Were had by all. There were also warm towels. The hares left quickly after pack arrived.

Trail Mayo:

I have no idea. I took off from the beer check thinking “I know where I am, I’ll just zen back to the bar.” Funny story, I didn’t know where I was so I ended up getting lost and pulling out my phone to get directions to the bar. I read the map, decided which way to go and ran on. A few minutes later, no bar in sight, I pulled out my phone again and saw that I had run down the wrong hill, and I turned around, ran back up the hill, the back down and finally arrived at the bar, DFL.


(pre-circle pack had a few beers and changed into dry clothes)
[well, some people did]

The hares were called into circle and after we informed them that they should have used more flour and chalk, they sang to us the Seacoast song.  Next, well, my memory gets kinda fuzzy during circle, but lets say that FRBs and FBIs were called in, and then zenning DFLs. Before we started accusations, we called in the virgin, and Avalanche demonstrated a down-down. Salty demonted her – reverse alphabetical non-sequenally. When then opened the circle to accusations, and CT was called in as a proxy for Meta who was running a race, so all other raciists were called in. At some point we sang the Engineer song, the muggles at the bar bought us two pitches,  and debauchery ensued. Anyway, eventually pots were down, cranium covers we off and we swang low. The buffet was then opened. By buffet I mean the 3 trays of boiled food the Frair brought – a lot of cabbage, some potatoes and some beef; but mostly cabbage and potatoes. There was way too much food for the hash, so we opened the buffet to the locals. Eventually pack changed out of our prideful green dresses and made our way into the night.

What: A Very Easy St. Patricks Day Trail
Where: Kinsale, Government Center
Hares: Easy as 123, Easy to Please
(Bag car – brokeback baby)
Um, I’m sure I’ll forget some…

+2 Coonass, Yellow Dick Gnome, Where’s My Vaganina (visitor from Texas), Clit Notes, Dry Hose, Virgin, Orgasm Falmon, Goat Throat, Blowbot, No Man, CEP, Anal Disco, The Butler Hit It, Wikipedophilia, Bring Out the Gimp, Bloody Slip Inside, Blonde McFucks A lot, GAYWOL, E=IMaDouche, Udder Whore, Bum Fucking Vagabond, others?


Disco and I were FRB to the start and were quickly joined by Dry Hose and Virgin Assad. As we were sitting, minding our beers, a girl in a Karlsberg shirt asked us if we wanted free beer. We just kind of looked at her blankly and gladly accepted the 8 shots of Karlsberg she gave us. We gave her the hash website, and maybe we’ll see her again? Pack slowly began to trickle in and by 3pm, we had effectively taken over the back bar, and the hares, after stretching, were gay.

Trail Limirick:

Circle was held by the stairs to the courthouse (or whatever, that’s what I’m calling it) and after fearlessly scouting across the street (there were no marks) trail was called down Charles street to a check near Beacon hill. Fearing that trail would lead up hill (but it didn’t) I half-heartedly scouted down by the (real) court house, and found trail turning into an alley (dry hose actually found it) before turning down hill again and heading towards the back of north station, through a song check and a “New Job Check” for OF. Trail came out by Haymarket, and I scouted the locks (there were no marks) then turned around a caught up with pack at a dog-shit-covered shot check in the glitter park in the north end. (Called the glitter park because of the glitter beer check during Hot Mess II). After sipping daintily on a handle of Baileys trail went up hill to a Turkey/Eagle by the cemetery on the top of hill, knowing instantly that the eagle would involve fence-jumping, I took off through the graves, braved a spikey wall, and after accidentally flashing some muggles (who I think were teenagers drinking in the park), jumped off the wall and ran to the hares in the distance at the beer check.

Beer check homebrew-

The beer check was at the end of the park/pier area past the play ground where the furries BCed. It was a beautiful day on the water – clear sky and a warm sea breeze to refresh us as we drank good beer. One of those statement is true, the others are lies. After having much discussions about topic both pithy and profound – mainly about all the dog shit on trial – the hares were gay and since pack was not much enamored of hypothermia, we decided to chase them perhaps before giving them the full 15 minute cranium start.

Trail Donegal-

In a surprising turn for a “Saint patricks day trail” trail turned into a tour of the North End. In fact, a local tour guide – the ones who dress in cololnial garb – recorded our rendition of “Free Beer” sung in front of the old north church – “Paul can’t go hashing because he has to ride to Lexington” (make it work!), then continued through the north end and to the green away, where pack searched in every direction, except back into the north end. Eventually checking left, we found trail going through one of many remaining ice-banks (it’s not snow any more), then out to Christopher Columbus (that famous Irishman) park.  After laying a check, one of the hares squelled and ran away on a false, letting her co-hare calmly lay marks to the beer check down at the end of long warf.

Beer check gulf stream:

The gulf stream was no where near close enough to sure to warm the beer check, but the genny cream (and trail heads, it was 4:20), were a good substitute. Goat demurred from diving into the harbor – apparently he’s no fan of hypothermia, and with the snow and wind picking up, we chased after the hares after definetly not giving them 15 minutes.

Trail Sligo-

Did not go to Sligo. Instead it ran back down the worf, across the green away and into the warren of streets that is the finical district. Marks were quiet hard to see, but we managed, and after randomly running into bag car, found trail going by the Fiduciary trust building, which had a pair of tit and dick checks. It was only as I was looking for trail, after solving the dick check for the harriettes, did I notice that both checks were well within view of the security cameras. Hopefully we made a sad, lonely, security guard a little happier. From there trail continued through down-town crossing to an impromptu song check/not a hare snare. After singing an aborted Yogi (since we were cold and didn’t know it was really a hare snare), trail continued through the common. With deference to the main tourist attraction of our fare city, the hares decided not to desecrate the pathways of the common with marks, but pack eventually found their way through and ended up in the basement of Sweat Cheaks.


 After much beer was drunk, circle was started and the hares were called in to account for their sins. We instructed them to use more flour and chalk, then asked them to sing to us, or show us their tits. After showing us their amazing tits, they handed out lyrics to a new song and we all sang “Drink the Beer” (to some Disney tune). FRBs, FBIs, and DFLs were called in and circle began to get ragey. After they were mocked for being speed racers, they drank and were thrown out of circle, next virgins were called in. After stoping Dry Hose from humping his virgin (apparently “fire brother” means something else down south),BFV and Gnomey demented him. The high light of the dementing was that he got soooooo close to guessing the square root of -69…”I, eight…um 7 maybe?” SOOO CLOSE! It’s 8.some(i)! Dry Hose showed him how do a down-down, and even though he isn’t worthy, we’ll take him anyway. Before accusations, visitors were called in – “Where’s my vagainia” from Dallas, and, after flashing us, she told us what to do in Texas when you can’t find a c*nt. After that anyone who was wearing a Philly Green Dress scarf was called in; they were joined by “one happy coat” and then “one kilt” and “one hare” and “one ex-gm” so with majority of the pack now in circle, I don’t think it really mattered what song we were song – maybe we were stupid? Following that accusation, all hashers who had been hashing 10 or more years were called in, this being Kursty’s 10 year annalverisy. Easy (to please) has been hashing basically since she was in uterio, and there was some other old faht who’d been hashing longer than some hashers have been alive. They all need to get a life.  Gnome then called YHS for an honorary down-down; in which she ran through a dick check but I called out “hey gnome” and, when she turned, solved it for her. Speaking of stories, CEP also was called for an honorary down-down for going home last night with an amazon of a german au perie and her mother/employer. Apparently they live in Belmount and “Arlington is on the way….” Sweat test failures were called in – the Philly crew plus shart, but I’m not sure what we sang them. Announcments happened, I might list them below if I think they are important; with the beer running low and the nachos getting cold, cranium covers came off, vessels went down and we swang low.

On – [something witty] – On


TODAY TODAY TODAY – Is (probably) the last day to rego for marathon to be guaranteed an amazing giveaway – we’ll try our best after this, but you might end up with a pile of junk the boston hab can’t sell.

Saturday 3/21: E4BH3 1st Anal Beaver Plunge, in Bartlet NH. Check out Spunks FB event, or maybe the E4B Website.
Saturday 3/21: Eaasy to Please Going Away Ballbuster – Starting somewhere in the city. There will be shiggy shiggy shiggy and booze.
Sunday 3/22: Cookie Monster hash – Cookie Monster is coming out of hypernation and will hare a trail. Cookie Monster is also known as Shart, and I think she’s looking for a bar car. She promises cookies on trail, talk to Butler for specials.
Monday (either 23 or 30, I forget): Is the next mismanagement meeting, at Tasty Burger. We’ll talk about marathon planning and how beautiful the GMs are.
Saturday 3/28: Poof, I think. I think they need a hare.
Sunday 3/29: Wrestle Mania XXXIV trail, in Eastie – urban shiggy, hared by Clit Notes and Wikipedophilia.
Saturday 4/10: Start off “Week of debauchery” with Poof in the Bluehills.
[The rest of marathon week schedule will be out soon]
July 10-12: Invihash (I think)
August: LAST GAP (of the year)
September: INTERAM!!!!!!!!!
October: AGM
November: Sadie
December: Anti-buffet