Sunday, February 9, 2014

Freedom From Trail Hash

What: Freedom trail
Who: No Man On The Moon, Mud Slut
Bag Car: Schindler’s Fist
Where: Tavern at the End of the World

Plus 2 Coonass, Velvet Pelvis, Visitors from Mexico*, A Virgin, An Amaazing Male Just*, A Female Just, A transplant from New York, Double Fisted Fence Fucker, Twat My Mom, Yellow Dick Gnome, Harlot Globe Fondler, Ignorance Is Piss, Peirce My Sourass, Goat Throat, The Butler Hit It, Another Female Just, Half of Can’t Douch Pussy Land, but I forget which, Sweedish Eagle, Senior Cocksucker, Friar Fuck, Little Black Cock in my Pocket, probably a few others?


Before chalk talk got underway the RA came back saying that we would need id’s on trail. From that point on, trail was basically “running in the general direction of Hong Kong.” Coonass did a passable job of chalk talk, and I only say that because no one got lost following marks on trail. Well, more on that later. Introductions and chalk talk over, we set out looking for marks.

[Trail Phase 1]

                We didn’t find any. We found irregularly spaced brownish splotches of snow, and minisucle arrows that were, more often than not, wrong. Trail cross under or over of through the highway/train tracks/whatever and into Charlestown to a check in front of a gas station. This was a very brilliantly laid check, since there was an open hill directly a-cranium of it, or a two and out across a high way. After scouting every possible direction for a good ten minutes – including your humble scribe scouting the other side of some four lane highway and almost getting hit by a cop car (he had he’s lights on, I just didn’t see him) – we decided to scout behind the abandoned building and found ourselves a nice circle jerk that ended up on the stairs to the Bunker Hill momument. There was a hash-sitapeed for the tourists. If the beer were British soldiers, we would have been able to shoot them at that point, but the willey little hares decided to run us back down Bunker hill to a CB 6 (it should have been 5) which turned down a side street ending in a stairway to the beer.

[Stairway to beer check]

The hares, and some zenning bastards, were waiting and laughing at us as we charged up the stairs to the, we’ll call it sub-roomtempature beer. There was plenty of orange food and beers were drunk and stories were told and eventually the hares decided to be gay again and left us standing around wondering in which amazing direction the trail could go.

[Trail Red]

Trail immedietly hit a song check in front of a church, and we got out the refrain of “Free Beer for All the Hashers” before deciding that we wanted to run on in search of said free exliour of good ideas. Trail continued straight, then turned down a hill to a false, though trail come down the next street to a song check by another church, at which pack was sarindated by the velvety vocal stylings of your humble scribe with “As I was walking ‘round saint pauls…” Trail then hit a second tit check and ran under the bridge at the end of Charlestown. At this point, I stopped following trail because of my previously stated preminition about where trail was going. Trail went over the road bridge, but I ran through the locks and scouted out around the Garden and the greenway looking for trail to make the cross toward Fanual Hall, but never found anything. Hearing the whistles of the pack getting further and further away, and remembering that there was in a hill in the North End that can be accended by stairs, I ran off in that direction, eventually finding myself on the other side of a locked cemetery gate from the beer check. Fences and locked gates cannot stop hashers, so I made up my own eagle trail and eventually found my way to the beer. Upon my arrival I was greeted with a beer from Mud Slut and the male just saying I was his hero!! I’m someone’s hero! As soon as pack heard this, they quickly whisked him away to a retraining camp. It was getting cold and the hares left again.

[The hareless trail]

                It was now just a matter of time until we got to the HK, and Gnome, Goat and I tried to follow trail until it stopped just after a song check, but we kept going to the Holy Hong Kong. We found the walkers just arriving, and Twat sitting at the bar, but no sign of the hares, or bag car. We were definitely ending at the Kong, but, hares? Pack? Beer? These things were no where in sight. We were contemplating mounting a search party for the hares, and the pack, when everyone – hares and pack – came running it at the same time. Apparently the reason why the marks stopped after the song check is that we had almost snared the hares, but the pint-sized beer-leaders had ducked into a crowd to evade detection by the front runners, but could not hide from the rest of pack. Pack and hares having successfully reached the OnIn, beer was provided and we stood around waiting to get warm.


                Starting off with calling in the hares, we asked them if they had anything to say in their defense, and they didn’t, so we sang to them that they should have used more flour, or chalk. In hindsight, that was a bit mean because while they diffinetly could have used more flour or chalk, there are significant doubts as to whether or not they could have actually carried any more. Visitors – with the exception of the Mexican who disappeared – were called in, and this turned out to be just Harlot, and she sung as a song of her people about sex in the pack of pick-up-cars. Moving on quickly Velvet’s virgin was called in, and was demented by Gnome and Disco. We asked him what his first blow job tasted like and he insisted that he did in fact taste it, but he wasn’t gay? He then preformed a reverse cowgirl on a sleeping Velvet and we’d seen enough. Goat, I think, got in on the action too, or he was just dry humping Velvet for the fun of it. I was called into circle for about 5 different offenses, but luckily on had to drink once. Transplants were called in, and people in happy coats, and the hares a few more times. Same socks, I think was an accusation? Pizza arrived, and we swang low.

On – Running in 25F is better than 25C – On


This weekend: New Haven Hashmat – Friday/Saturday/Sunday trails, give aways and running from the Hazmat teams.
TONIGHT: Something, but I don’t have a taco so I didn’t pay attention.
Thrusday 2/13: Marathon MM meeting at the Burren in Davis; 7pm to talk about amazing shit!
Friday, 2/14: Moon trail at The Cove.
Sunday 2/16: Hares might still be needed?
March 1st: Mardi-Gras in Burlington
March 15th: Green dress in Happy Valley