Monday, April 20, 2009

Marathon Beer Check & Crossroads

Hares: General Ass Pounder, Spank Me May I Have My Mother
Bag Car:
Beer Check:
Spank Me's place
about 6.9 yards
cool and windy, upper 40's?
Spank Me May I Have My Mother wrote this from "memory"

Late Cummers:
Sugar Plum Fairy, and probably others

The Pack
Without notes? I'll try: Peppermint Pussy, Taj My Hole, Just Vicky, Beat By A Girl, G String, Goat Throat, High Anus, Sketchy Ho, Save A Tree Ride A Cowboy, Super Teflon Dong, Catheter The Great, Dude Where's My Virginity, Harpoontang, Better Late than Pregnant, Wang Chunks, Ass Spelunker, Late Night Drive-Through, those brothers from Sweden, that guy from London, a young blond virgin, and about 40 more hashers I can't remember and probably just pissed off because I forgot you.

When I, Peppermint Pussy, GAP, Taj My Hole, and Just Vicky got to Crossroads at 4:00, it was at capacity, and there were apparently only a few hashers already inside. Ditto for the nearest backup bar — the new Corner Tavern (formerly the Last Drop).

But Taj had been given strict orders by Hare Club for Queers to spend the remainder of the Marathon weekend's cash on beer for everyone. So we were not going to let overcrowded bars get between hashers and free beer. Like a well-oiled machine of gay men on fetish night, we sprung into action — Just Vicky bought flour at the Sketchy Mart, which GAP started to use to lay trail from Crossroads. Taj and I shopped for beer at Marlborough Market while Just Vicky and Peppermint Pussy hit the chips and cookies aisles. I updated the hotline and went to my place to hide all the gay porn and warn hash crasher Ass Spelunker that he would not be able to rest after his 26.2 mile run.

Trail was Beacon to Mass Ave to Marlborough, ending at 439. GAP laid flour arrows so big that people were tripping over them. He even had a check, because, being typical GAP, he got lost on his own trail and had laid a mark down my alley instead of to my front door, so he had to mask an incorrect arrow with a check.

Someone realized that since we technically had a trail, we should have a circle, so Wang Chunks stepped in as RA and gathered people on my porch so that we could really annoy my neighbors. I was handcuffed to GAP so that I wouldn't run away screaming. Comments on trail included the obvious: "BEST GAP TRAIL EVER". Hares did their down-downs and tortured people with "Follow The Hares".

Many visitors were called in to circle; this gave the Swedes the chance to sing something that sounded like Chewbacca gargling a chicken, but we politely smiled and pretended we were listening.

G-String had brought a virgin, who was demented by a visitor. As usual I forget her name, but she was so young that I'll call her "Just Don't Tell Daddy I Served Alcohol to a Minor". (And if she ever escapes from my storage closet, I might need the services of one of you lawyers.)

There might have been a few accusations, but Wang was either bored or cold, so circle was mercifully short, without even doing Swing Low.

The partying continued, even after Taj's hash cash budget was exhausted. Not even two broken glasses and Late Night Drive Through passing out on the sleeper sofa could stop things. A spontaneous $5 hash cash collection and 2 more beer runs and some pizza kept the action going until maybe midnight.
You overachieving alcoholic wankers managed to drink 237 beers. Now if only Marlborough Market sold kegs…

  • "Does anyone know how to get the smell of Sugar Plum Fairy out of a sofa?" - Anonymous
  • "She's literally HALF your age!" - A female hasher, to an anonymous male hasher who thought that the virgin was cute
  • "How do you say 'anal sex' in Swedish?" - G String

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Boston Marathon Hash

The Official Marathon Hashers! It's official because it came from Hash Cash…
6.9 on the Rectum Scale, Anal Beads, Arachnophobic Dyke , Ass Spelunker, Avalanche, Beat By A Girl, Bend Over Mommy, Better Late Than Pregnant, Big Brother, Bisexual Bondage Bitch, Bleeps, Sweeps, and Creeps, Butt Floss, C*m is Kosher, Catheter the Great, Chinwacker, Circle Jerkinator, Cock A Doodle Do Me, Cocktologist, Coochie Monster, Counterfeit Dick, Crucifux, Cum Fly With Me, DEEP Black Hole, Diaper Rash, Dick Jockey, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Donkey Ho Té, Dribbles, Dude Where's My Virginity?, European Whore, Fire in the Hole, Folker, Friar F*ck, Fuk Stik, GAP, Gay Pride, Goat Throat, Goes Down on Buoys, Hare Club for Queers, Harpoontang, Head-Master, Hi, I'm Gay, High Anus, Hiscocksin, Hoover, Hornytail, Hungry Hungry Homo, I Eat Cum, I Eat Tee Bags, I Heart Poo, I licked butts, Immaculate Erection, Inconvenient Poop, Jimmy Crack Whore, John Cleese, Just Adam, Just Dan, Just Danielle, Just Elizabeth, Just Jess, Just Kristen, Just Lisa, Just Tomas, Just Zeth, Kick Me In The Nuts, Knees Up, Krusty the Meat Miser, Laa-Laa, Late Nite Drive Thru, Legally Bound and Gagged, Lickety Slit, Little Brother, Make Banana Cry, My Chemical Homance, NAMBLA, Necrophiliac Jack, Nice Tits, Nipples Erectus, One Hasher At a Time (OHAT), Ossie, Panic Button, Pat My Fly, PBVPVbpvpbpbvpppbzzzzzz…, Pelvis Chestley, Peppermint Pussy, PigFucker, Piss Stop, Pubic Service Announcement, Puff'n Stuff, Rear Protein Injection, Red Tip Shark, Rodent Feltcher, Roscoe Pee C*m Stain, RTD, Save a Tree, Ride a Cowboy, Scooby Do Me, SeizeHer Cooch, Seizure Salad, Shawskank, Shindler's Fist, Shorn Scrotum, Siren Cums Loudly, Sister Golden Showers, Sketchy Ho, Ski Bobbitt, Sleep In Sister's Bed, Snatchsquatch, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Spermatologist, Spitz, Splat, Spoonful of Seamen, Spunk In The Trunk, Stick Bite, Stick It To The Bros, Stinky Digit, Stretch Pussy, Sucks Hard for the Money, Sugar Plum Fairy, SUPER Teflon Dong, Sux To Blow, Taj Ma Hole, Target Practice, The Jizz Moppa, The Second Cumming, Tubslut, Virgin Wendy, Wang Chunks, Watergate, Willy Wanker, Wooden Eye FHITA, Yeast Infection, and You Oughta Blow

High Anus, Bisexual Bondage Bitch & Goes Down on Buoys

Due to the um, graphic nature of this event all photos are posted on hashspace. Look for the hashspace event or search for pictures from the hashers named Spunk in the Trunk and Better Late Than Pregnant.