Thursday, August 25, 2016

Turkeys Together, Turkeys Forever!

What: Turkeys Together, Turkeys Forver!
Where: Sligos
Hares: Anal Disco*, Chunderelli, Chunderelli
Bag car: No man
Visitor from Abu Dahbi, Motherload, Just from North Carolina, Just Anne*, Boner Doner, O’Boner, Wikipedophilia, Bring Out the Gimp, Wifeout, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Vagatarian, PTS-DD, Virgin, Luva Lamp, Twat My Mom, Dribbles, Hoover McSuck and Fuck, Goes Down on Bouys, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, Mudslut, O’Boner, Friar Fuck, Orgamsm Falmon, Shits and Ladders, others I forget...

Was at sligo, which we took over rather quickly. While the bartenders admitted that Django was cute (and everyone loved corgis), he was not allowed inside, so O’Boner sipped her ice-tea on the sidewalk, while we sipped our PBRs in the air conditioning. Eventually bag car showed up and I’m assuming the hares “ran” away. We finished our beers and CEP led up in chalk-talk with the question “What your favourite way Disco got you drunk?” - Blue Drink, and Happy/Sad were the winners.

[quick note: I looked up the trail section names for different names for turkeys, and almost every non-english language calls them “[some other country] chicken” where [some other country] is the country they were first imported from...anyway...back to the trash...]

Trail  Meleagris:

Chalk talk was actually two checks into trail, but we scouted around and found trail leading through the weird warren of streets between Davis Square and Mass. Ave before eventually crossing Mass ave, in a manner which can only be described as packs best approximation of how a flock of turkeys would - with a wild indifference to the presence and movement of motor vehicles. After more running around the neighboorhood between Mass Ave and the commuter rail tracks we came upon a Turkey/Eagle split at the bottom of a hill; and people actually took the eagle! It was a false up the hill; turkey trail turned right and ran through some condos before coming to a park with tennis courts and a cool tunnel.

Wine Check:

There were two bags of wine. They were drunk.

Trail poults:

Did not go through the cool bridge but wound through the neighboorhood some more before cross the tracks (I think, I’m not gonna pull out my phone to check) and we came quickly to the beer check in an abandoned parking lot.
Beer check:
There was beer, some of it was cold.

Trail ocellata

Left the beer check and ran past a cop who couldn’t care less about us. It then cross the street and looped through an apartment complex. We were finally getting our legs going when we stumbled upon a bottle of fireball.

Shot check laeta aut tristis es:
Was fireball; we were both happy and sad.

Trail Galliforms:

Was out of the condo/apartment complex and to the edge of Doherty park.

Beer check gallopavo:
There was no bag car (she had gone to the original beer check), but the hares had decided that turkeys don’t run up hill, so they stayed at the bottom and one of the hares was dispatched to get the beer and the walkers. Since we arrived at the beer check at maybe 8:15, we were told we had to finish the wine and shots (at least) before leaving. A half an hour later, the hares left; at 8:50, they altered us they were at the onin and we left.

Trai Meleagris gallopavo silvestris:

Was around the park, past a softball game, and to Paddys.


Circle, a bit chaotic, started shortly after we arrived. We called the hares in and got comments on trail - mostly “gobble gobble” and “not enough blue drink.” We informed the hares that they should have used more flour and chalk, and they then sang about their favourite car; I perfected my verses, but wiking a song is a horrible disease and it’s spreading.  We then called in FRB (me!) and FBI (Just from North Carolina) and then DLF - Friar and Mud Slut; they were lonesome on trail. We then called in the Virgins - there were actually 3 of them, despite the listed attendance. They are all skiers, and I believed groomed? I was getting beer; anyway they were rather confused as we explained our traditions, but figured out what “down-down” meant easily enough. Before moving fully into accusations, just Anne was called in and accused of being a Just and telling CEP an embarrassing story on trail! She was in the air force but left because she was in a threesome that didn’t go as planned; again, i missed the story as I was getting beer, but that’s what I’m going with. We quickly decided that “Vaginal Discharge” was an appropriate name, so while Just Anne went down, she will be known henceforth and forever more in the world of hashing as Vaginal Discharge. The floor was then opened up to general accusations and the visitor from Abu Badhi was called in and sang us a song of his people. Hash crashes were called in, so one of the virgins - now a just - who tripped over a speed bump drank. There were more accusations, but I forget them, so announcements were called for (see below) and we swang low.

On - Turkeys together, turkeys forever - On


General: Please try to keep the side conversations to a minimum in circle; if you want to talk go to a different area of the bar. It’s hard to hear the RA, acusizers and accused if everyone is talking.

Saturday: PooF H3 on the Cape. Go to for details and to RSVP - in order to get trail info you need to RSVP.
Saturday: Pink Taco H3: Maverick Market Place Cafe, 11am, HST

Wednesday: A trail?

Friday-Saturday: Campout and trails in the Harbour Islands. Talk to Twat/Dry Hose.

September 17th: Seacoast H3 Red Dress Run -> It’s pub crawl in Dover, you can take the train up and back. RAGE

October 14th: Boston AGM -> TOP RAGE! I Feel the need, the need to rage!

November: Sadie
Decemeber: Antibuffet
Janurary: Robbie Burns
Feburary: Moon away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras/Philly Green Dress
April: BH3 Marathon!!!!
June: Who plans this far in advance?

Thursday, August 11, 2016

That time GAP visited and we allowed him to hare a trail...trash

What: Return of GAP Trail trash
Where: Maragairtas, Wellington
Hares: General Ass Pounder, Vagitarian, Immaculate Erection
Bag Car: Mastor Gator
Pac..A shit ton of people..luckily Fellowship took attendance, otherwise I’d never have remembered half of you...

Fellowship of the Cockring, PoPo Peepshow, Double Fisted Fence Fucker, Blackcock Down, Just Erik, Capt Connecticunt, Peppermint Pussy, Spank Me May I have my Mother, Hare Club for Queers, O'Boner,  The Butler Hit It, Stick it to the Bros, Silent but Deadly, Twat My Mom, Just Ian, Clit Notes, Pat my fly, Wikipedophilia, Orgasm Falmon, 3 Ring Cervix, Can’t Eat Pussy, Glutenless Maximuss, +2 Coonass, Yankee Pay $5 More, Friar Fuck, 5 inch Penalty, Goat Throat, Dribbles, High anus,Clit van Winkle, Pussy Passport, Just Konrad, Just Matt (toe shoes), Just Alex, Mud Slut, No Man On the Moon, Willy Wonka and the Backfoor Factory, Virgin Kent, Just Lila, Too short to tuck, Ski Bobbit, THE 2nd Cumming, Necropheliac Jack, E=IMaDouche, Udder Whore, Mr Rogers, Bend Over Mommy, Sloppy Thirds

I arrived after the hares were already gay, so I have a limit ability to report on what happened before trail started; however I can say that Too Short To Touk ordered a margarita right before pay away was called, and he downed it!

Chalk Talk-

Had the ominous start of the bag car not being there, so we reviewed marks for the visitors, virgins and backsliders with our bags on; the question was “how will you die on a gap trail?”

Trail General:

The very first mark was a Turkey Eagle split, and, having been warned (or at least promised) level 5 (or above shiggy) I darted through traffic to follow trail. Trail took great effort to cross all 3451415315913 lanes of the fucked up rotary by Wellington before eventually abandoning the creek to run us through some light-urban-burbs. We ran up a hill, then down a hill on a called two and out, before running back up the hill and down another to a song check in a park. We sang about the perils of the female condition to a playground full of very confused tweens before dashing off towards BJs, abandoned train tracks and gravel fill behind a Wendy’s. However trail went into none of the aforementioned shiggy, instead sticking to the pavement and winding back under the Orange line. We passed a shockingly named restaurant (Dockside) and then had a song check by a loading dock. Following the RAs instruction I sang a long song (the engineer song) to wait for pack to catch up, and despite missing a verse or two, and messing up the order of some others, it worked perfectly as I was singing about “the whole damn thing was covered in shit” Butler showed up! Trail continued past a set of condos, and 2nd turned into zen to the BC - Bros also followed him, and they were correct, but trail actually continued down in front of the construction before turning in towards the riverside park. It should be noted that I zenned through some trees, got tangled in vines and fell on my face scrambling to get free while pack laughed and ran past. Getting to the river walk we turned right, and after a few hundred yards found the Beer Check by the side of the river.

Beer Check Sweat Floridian Shit:

We drank the Gainsborough equivalent of Gansett Shandy, but it was somehow worse. There were also some grapefruit IPAs and water. We all stood around and listened to our elders talk about the last time trail had some through here and cross the river to a beer check on the island in the Mystic. However, the hares, being NCAA couches and doctors, decided that already green water, after the run off from the first rain in months, would not necessarily be safe for swimming, so we just chilled on the river watching the families stroll by wondering why they had come to America to share their river walks with sweaty drunks.

Trail Ass-

The hares left and we got bored, so Jack and I left and walked trail until pack caught (basically the exit of the park); from there trail cut through another industrial lot and cross the Mystic river. We hit a check and a YBF. On returning to the check we found a Nips sitting in a car wondering WTF we were doing; hashing, we told her? On pavement she asked, agast? Verily, we said, and invited her to join. She demurred saying something about dogs, good beer and bleeps, or something. CEP and (and think a just) disappeared down the bike path in a generally southerly direction and never returned. Fellowship was leading about the other 3/4rds of pack when he stopped and, without evidence, said he thought we might be running Turkey/Walkers no-no, so we turned back and scouted every other direction, before giving up and actually following the marks. Shockingly, they led us to beer; arriving at the same time as a group of very beleaguered looking turkeys, speaking of which...

Trail - Turkey Death March Lost Trail

The Turkeys started off bold and strong, as turkeys normally do, with cries of “TURKEYS TOGETHER!!!” oh, how little did we know how true that would be. The first check took us right away from the Eagles. At the second check, we immediately struggled to find the direction we should be going in. After we discovered that marks had changed from chalk to washed away flour, we continued straight across  (as Dribbles called it ) “that damn bridge that we always go over. “ Pack continued along together through a neighborhood where we started noticing that checks and some marks were not as noticeable. This is about where most of us came to the horrible conclusion that since this was a dead-laid trail, and it had poured, most of the checks were gone.
            Pack somehow came out to a song check along main? Street.  We stayed a while to make sure that everyone had caught up, and at the request for medium length songs. After singing a not well known song (Manana), pack realized we had lost Wonka and Dribbles. Terribly worried for their safety, Twat left a note that we left and we continued on….. only to cross the street and have no frickin clue where to go.
I am going to short cut this next part of this only to say that it sucked. There was a washed away CB, washed away checks, and washed away marks. If you were to visit the area of the turkey trail today you would find about 100 crossed off pack marks, going in each and every direction. So many pack marks were left that we were down to three little nubbins of chalk by the time we were done. It was only by the Deus ex Machina of Nips that we were able to find our one (AND ONLY you Eagle bastards) BC. The turkeys did come into the BC happier than anyone has ever come into a BC before.
Turkeys preserved and we are stronger for it. TURKEYS FOREVER!
[guest scribed by O’Boner]

Beer Check Perfect timing:

As the Eagles and Turkeys ran into each other in their rush for beer, GAP stood up and proclaimed “Eagles and Turkeys coming to the beer check at the same time! This is a perfect trail!” We told him to shut up and we drank beers and ate food.

Trail Pounder:

Was pretty much a death march to the “Gateway Center” (that’s what google calls it). The first section was the remainder of the bike path, which included the hilarious conversation of Jack and I poking fun at a Just, calling him young, when he yelled “I’m not young; I’m 29!!!” Jack and I nearly tripped over ourselves laughing, but did think it complementary that he thought we were in our mid-20s; totally based off young, spry, looks and not a general tendency towards debauchery.

At the end of the bike path there was an interesting trail element that needs mentioning; we, for about the distance of 2 blocks, overran (no-no) turkey trail from earlier. However, the were flour marks and all pack marks had been crossed out and arrows laid next to them; so trail clearly turned right and the leading dozen or so people - a mix of original turkeys and new eagles - followed marks pretty well until we got to another instance of frogger across whatever fucking highway that is that leads towards the “Gateway Center” [I seriously hate the roads over there], and found marks leading to the a small clearing behind Micheals.

However, that was only a dozen out of the maybe 3-4 dozen hashers on trail. The rest apparently reached the end of the bike path and decided “Fuck this, lets follow turkey trail.” Now, in their defense the hares and only crossed out the first two or three marks, meaning that if you ran far enough you’d find marks, checks, etc, which, apparently pack did. Somehow they figured out their error and winded up at the end, but they filtered in so slowly that some were still arriving as we were circling.


As previously mentioned pack took their good time coming to the ONIN, which was good because so did bag car. Eventually Mastor Gator showed up with bags, beer, and pizza. His car was unloaded and the sweet nectars and delicious nutrients were brought to the waiting hashers. As we were filling our faces a security guard showed up and warned us about coyotes! We assured her that would sing loud and proud and then warned Friar against passing out in the bushes.

The hares were called in and commets were taken; mainly that both trails turned into a death march with none of the promised shiggy. We told them to use more flour and chalk, and they sang us about their favourite 70s car. FRBs were called in, and it was blackie and, since no harriets volunteered themselves, Falmon was called in (even though she came into circle was we were signing El-Camino). As we were singing to them Pat and Ski walked in to claim DFL, without opposition. We then called in a very eager Virgin, who thinks that sheep moo when they cum, and taught him how to drink. Visitors were called in - one from Guan, one from Noth Carolinia - and they tried to sing a different version of the PooFlinger song! Just Conrad was again accused of being a just and again called into be named. We got closer this time - Border Shitter, and Bloody on the Botom - were strong contenders but we threw him back and continued with accusations. THE 2nd Cumming was accused of losing his Happi Coat again, which turned into a quasi-social since when one ex-GM drinks, they all drink! After that Boner and I traded acquisitions, Butler and I were called in for same socks (BOSTON SHIGGY), and circle started to lose steam, so we moved onto announcements (see below) then swang long.

On - GAP trails aren’t so bad... - On


Volunteer for Mismanagment! RA, Hare Raiser, Dementress, Scribe, Beer Bitch positions open! Talk to Udder or I.

TONIGHT: Eager 4 Beaver, Farewell Wonka Trial! Start is 1 Nason Terrace, Woburn MA at 6:30HST, $1 hash cash.

FRIDAY: Color HASH and BBQ, 6:30HST at Charlies Kitchen in Harvard Square, $15.

SATURDAY: Seacoast Float Hash, 15 River Rd, Plymouth, NH. Float starts at 11, $5 for circle beer and orange food. BYOB for the float, and food for grilling after. Crash space available.

Wednesday, 8/17: Show Me is haring and needs a cohare (maybe a just?) to help.

Friday 8/19: CAPTURE THE BEER Moon Hash! Start is Sunset Cantina on Comm ave in Boston, 6:30HST, $5.

Saturday 8/20: BREWERY BUSTER trail; Ballbuster trail hitting almost a dozen breweries in one day! $3 HC for beer mosas and cricle beer, bring cash for beer checks. Start is the Marine Industrial Park off Summer St, 10:30HST

Saturday 8/27: August Taco River Hash!
Saturday 8/27: PooF on Cape Cod!
Saturday 9/3: Harbour Island hash!

Saturday 10/15: BOSTON H3 AGM: TOP RAGE!

November: Sadie
December: Antibuffet
January: Robbie Burns
Febuery: Moon Away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras

Thursday, August 4, 2016

3th An*l Water Wars

What: 3rd An*l Water Wars Hash!
Where: Silhoutte Lounge
Hares: Easy as 123, Bum Fucking Vagabond, Shart of Darkness*
Bag car: Just Anna
Pack: There was a lot of you wankers, here’s my best memory: Rub a Dub Tub girl, Double Fisted Fence Fucker, Goes Down on Bouys, too short to tuck, bend over mommy, O’Boner, Boner Doner, Black Cock Down, Salty Mud Flaps, E=ImaDouche, Wikipedophilia, Fellowship of the Cockring, PoPo Peep Show, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, No Man On the Moon, Twat My Mom, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Krusty the Meat Miser, Wifeout, Goat Throught, Skull Fucker, Orgasim Falmon, Sex the Final Frontier,  Blowcone, Marblelous Asshole, Captian Connecticunt, Clit Notes, Pop Cum Ear I’m Enfected, Vagatarian, Ass Stache, Show Me the Penis, Chunderellie, Just Rose*, any number of visitors, justs, virgins, transplants, etc whom I forgot.


I arrived at the un-hashly hour of 5:30 to an fairly empty bar filled with regulars. The bartender came out, apologized for what happened the last time we were there (not sure what she’s talking about) but gave me a free beer. I changed into hash attire and was presented with a wiffle-ball bat with a pinita head rammed through it, which apparently we had left behind. In a short while the hares arrived and pack slowly filled in. We traded war stories from Friday, drank beer, ate popcorn and generally had a good time. The hares left on time and after arming ourselves with the water guns they left behind, we followed.

Chalk talk-

Was held in the parking lot between the Burger King and a car repair place; marks we reviewed and the pack was inquired as to what got them wet. CEP debuted his “RAs umbrella” which protected half of him from half of the water guns being squirted at him. The important announcement was that the T/E split was right at the first mark, and I ran Turkey.

Trail turkey-soaker:

Headed down Brighton street and immediately hit a check at the next block. A good amount of turkeys saw a hill and ran up it, but we’re turkeys, so I scouted across the street towards the river, and, after not darting in front of a statie, found marks through the parking lot and across whatever that other road is. There was a song check across the road (near the ever-changing restaurant) and I got through 3 verses of the Engineer song before pack had just about enough of that and started attacking me with their water guns. We ran across the footbridge over the Pike to our first Water War Check (water ballons) where we met up with the Eagles - my guess is they took the road bridge by WGBH over the pike, I’m sure a certain racists hare had to get her miles in- and a mid-trail water ballon fight ensued.
It was as amazing as it sounds, and y’all are jealous you weren’t there. We attracted a good number of looks from passing drivers driving through our water fight, and after all the ballons had been expended, we struck out in search of trail.

From the check I scouted towards Hooker street and found absolutely no marks - I have an amazing talent for horrible scouting - but eventually looped back and caught up with pack near a jello shot check, where we all quickly down the sweet sugary refreshment, traded some fire (our ammunition was running low), before continuing scouting trail in the general direction of the Harvard Sports Complex, or whatever it’s called. Zenned from a check by a gas station through a field yielded me the sight of the hares standing around (sans bag car) at the beer/water war check.

Beer Check Good Beer:

There was not a shitty beer to be had! Magic Hat, Founders, Seirra Nevada all flowed from gloriously cold cans! A bucket full of ballons was produced and pack quickly abandoned their beers in search of ammo and tragets; Wifeout threw ballons in the air, I used my height (release point) to rain down ballons over people’s craniums [with a particular affinity for the hares]), and there was general mayhem. It should be noted that this was an almost perfect beer check since not only were the beers of high quality and cold, but there was a port-a-pody! The beer check also featured hipsters playing bike-polo in the hockey rink.  Eventually the hares dashed off and with the beer and water ballon supplies used up, we chased after them

River trail:

The second leg of trail exited the sports complex and dragged us the Kingdom of Douches (not the fun E= or land kind) known as HBS, which was defaced with dick, tit, song and hash sitapeed checks. Another round of bad scouting lead Marbles and I to storrow, along which we ran until we found trail crossing the footbridge over the highway and a Turkey/Eagle check at the base of the Weeks bridge. The eagles, those brave and foolish soles who at this point had been reduced to Falmon, Marbles and Just Rose* ran across the bridge only to find a YBF and an arrow pointing to the river. The turkeys ran along the river until we got to the JFK bridge, where trail turned back into the Harvard Sports Complex and we followed Douche, of all people, to a hash sit-a-ped by the football stadium. Trail crossed the soccer fields and rolled under that not-secure-at-all perimeter fence. There was a BVC as we dashed, unguarded across Storrow to BN and ONIN


The beer, ballons and bags were unloaded and brought into the park by a strangely flickering light on the bike path. Once “wet” and “dry” zones were demarked, the last ballon fight was had, then the first ballon parts pick up challenge! Eventually everyone was ready and we started an elongated intro-to-circle while the hares and bar car ran off to get more beer and food. We sang long songs, and Fellowship and PoPo sang us their backslider anthem, FRBs, DFLs, and virgins were devirginized. The hares returned (sans beer) and so we fast-tracked the rest of circle. New mugs were distributed and were christened with down-downs. As we were running out of beer Just Rosie was called in for having hashed for the better part of a year and still not being named! We asked her, politely, to get on her knees and the Sex regaled us with a story of how in her younger days (before she Brexited) she hooked up with 3 guys 3 nights in a row (how did she find the time!), but, on the 4th day, found that one had given her a present, so she had to call all of them and ask them to get checked; the cultrip (the middle guy) was found out to be not only a mysterious present giver, but also a magician! Many names were bantered about and it was decided that Just Rosie would be known as  Abra-Clamditya always and forever more. With the beer gone, circle business complete we moved on to announcements (see below) and kinda swang low? (We ended with the first verse of more beer). Pack then descended on the food (Bolco burritos) and then we migrated to Bus Stop Pub for on after where the hash bought round after round of beers and my mind kinda got fuzy.

On - trail of the year - On


If you want to volunteer for Mismangamgement talk to Udder or I; open positions include, scribe, beer bitch, demontor/ess, and others can always use more help!
Pink Taco Trotters need hares for August, talk to Clit Notes
Pink Taco Trotters is looking for people to help with Sadie Hawkins, in November, also talk to Clit Notes

Up cuming hashes:

Wednesday 8/10/16: General Ass Pounder is returning to hare a trail! If you haven’t heard of his trails, they were legends before the invention of the written word; will we crawl threw a drain pipe? Swim out a beer check in the mystic river? Swim across the harbour? Get lost in the woods for hours? Who knows, come to trail and find out!

Thursday 8/12/16: Wonka’s Farewell Beaver trail - details TBP

Friday 8/13: COLOR RUN AND BBQ!! Starting in Harvard Square the Hash Color Run is returning and will ONIN at the return of the Hash BBQ!

Saturday 8/14: Seacoast float hash in Plymouth NH! Rage!

Friday 8/19: Capture The Beer Moon Hash - like capture the flag, but with beer!

Saturday 8/20: Boston Brewery Buster Ball Buster Hash! 10 breweries, 12 miles, ball buster trail (bring cash monies for beer on trail), also, we need a bag car!

October 15th: AGM

November: Sadie

Decemember: Antibuffet, Holiday Party, Sliegh Hash

January: Robbie Burns

Feburary: Founders Day, Moon Away

March: Burlington Mardi Gras



Summer 2017: 4th Anal Water Wars!