Sunday, October 27, 2013

The "Oh God We Are So Hungover" Hash

the "oh god we're so hung over" trail (10/27)

Bag Car: Mudslut
Who else: Piggy, Krusty, Easy, Fisty, Gimpy, Blowbot..y...?, Bloody/Slippy, Easy, Twatty, Goaty, Gimpy, SeƱor-y, Coonassy, CEP-y, Swede-y, Clitty, Spunky, Dribbly, Moony, yours truly, and visitors Velvet Pelvis, Cum Test Dummy, Just... Tom?, and Virgin Reporter

If you're ever wondering whether playing strippy cup with hard alcohol is a good idea, the answer is "probably not, but do it anyway." After Saturday night, your faithful scribe wanted nothing more than to lie in a darkened room and be spoon-fed pho all day. Since volunteers for that role were not forthcoming, I ended up at the hash anyway.

As requested, hashers had dressed as other hashers. Honorable mentions go to Spunk as Gimp - she even made a necklace; Gimp as Goat, wearing freshly-cut jorts and one of Goat's own belts; and Easy as 123 as Cum Ear, with a big disgusting glob of lotion in her ear (and, later, a soft and lightly perfumed inner ear). OH, and how could I forget - Sweagle dressed in red white and blue (making him American Eagle for the day) and his faithful four-legged companion as Bros.

Yankee left, came back again shortly, and then left for real. We had chalk talk. Virgin Reporter was present, although we scared her off before trail; we sang her a relatively PG song. 15 minutes of fame, here we come? And with that, we were off.

We toured the scenic streets of Malden. I ran gently so as not to jostle my head too much. There were no checkbacks, falses or tit checks, all of which was A-OK with me. After running mostly in a straight line, we made it to the first beer check. I had a beer to take the edge off my headache; it didn't work.

The good news is that I wasn't the only one struggling. Leaving the beer check, pack decided silently and en masse to walk for a while. Yankee had apparently felt similarly lazy, since we were able to "scout" just by looking down the trail. As Gimp commented, "We are now going the precise speed that our hare is going."

There was, of course, a whiskey check, with an unusually low number of partakers. Shout-out to Bloody Slip Inside for singlehandedly picking up our slack. There was an incident in which Goat Throat, while trying to do god only knows what with an empty 40oz bottle he found nearby, instead broke it all over the bike path. Hashers, being nothing if not responsible citizens, proceeded to clean up the pieces... with their bare hands. Despite being unsuccessful at finishing the bottle of whiskey, we proceeded.

We ran some more, skirting our way around piles of dog poop and a used needle(!). At long last, we found ourselves at the definitely-not-reused on-in under a highway overpass and froze our asses off in circle. People were called in for stuff. Goat had some kind of incident that involved beer coming out of his nose - perhaps his body trying to tell him something? - for which he, of course, was made to drink extra. Bloody Slip Inside wandered into circle and stood there for a while until we noticed and made him drink. Good times and shitty pizza were had by all. And that's all she wrote!

* Rego for Anti-Buffett! 10 spaces left as of yesterday.
* Pink Taco Sadie Hawkins is next Friday - if you're a dude, find a harriette and feed her drinks until she pins you (note: this is the only situation in which I advocate getting a harriette drunk for the purpose of taking advantage of her)
* E4BH3 is having an away weekend this coming weekend! See calendar for detrails