Monday, October 31, 2011

Boston Moon Trail #110

Here it is! An actual trash from not only someone that was present at the last moon trail, but from a hare herself!! Holy hell fire shit, tell us about it Balls Deep!!!

Boston Moon - Trail 110
Hunter's Moon - 10/14/2011
Hares: Balls Deep and Dildo Vajayjay Baggins
Bag Car: Friar F*ck
Trash writer: Balls Deep
Edited by: Oink Oink Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It was a dark and rainy Friday night. The hashers creeped and crawled their ways to the White Horse Tavern for a pre-lube experience. Balls Deep arrives hashinably late but is greeted with smiles and orgasms by several other wankers. We enjoy a beer... and another beer... slowly realizing that the co-hare, dildo vajayjay baggins, is nowhere to be seen. "Why are we waiting? We could be......" He finally arrives around an hour late... still hashmanlike behavior. Hares away.

Disclaimer: the events of trail are mearly a speculation as the trash is being written by the hare. Any inaccuracies.. and accuracies are purely coincidental and do not reflect any actual stories.

We followed trail through the ghetto shiggy of Lower Allston, grabbed a slice of pizza at Regina's, over the pike, through the houses, and we came (oh yes we came) upon an illuminated statue of Jesus. The hash sang their praises; can I get a Hail Mary? Then ON-ON we went. Shortly thereafter we played at the playground of some higher learning establishment. OH NO - a fence! The plight (or joy!) of moon hashers. The first over-achieving wankers scaled the fence while the slower and wiser hashers realized there was a hole in the fence. Oh Glorious hole! Around the corner, past the Dunkin Donuts, and all of a sudden the pack was stonewalled... literally a stone wall. Easily scaled by said over-achieving wankers to find the golden brew for the first BC in Franklin Park.

Introductions were had since the rain had subsided. Those stupid idiots who came included the aforementioned hares Balls Deep and Dildo Vajayjay Baggins, The hasher from Rhode Island whose hash name I cannot remember, Stick it to the Bros, The Buttler Hit it, Friar F*ck, Chap Dick Charlie, Takes it in the @ssburger, Clit Notes, E=I'maDouche, Roscoe P. Cumstain, I Licked Butts, Yoron Weed, +2 Coonass, Pubic Service Announcement, Wikipediphilia, and Rogaine Sally. Rogaine brought with him a virgin: Virgin Mary. I'm not shitting you, and she was quite hashmanlike. We drank and we sang, the hares pounded their delicious PBRs and were away once again.

The hares scaled the outfield fence with the ease of gazelles, laying flour and chalk for the pack to follow. The trail took the pack past the CBS station with the giant satellite dishes. The hashers all turned into mutants. Not X-men like mutants, but like Teenage Mutant Ninja Hashers. The trail then went near the Shaws supermarket and around the construction, I swear it crossed Western Ave 69 times and then we came upon a check. Yes, trail can go in any direction including up... which it did - over the soldier's field road and into the park next to the Sweet Charles river - Can I get a Proud Mary??? Can I get a Count Back? Yes, count back and then the ON-IN at the Publik Theatre. We drank and we sang, we sang and we drank, it rained and rained some more. We spanked the virgin and she was a virgin no more.

FRB was Chap Dick Charlie due to his pre-cognative abilities, and because he helped BD scout trail... hey lower Alston can be scary at night. [That's not an FRB, that's a secret hare! Tricky Charlie!] FBI was Bros. DFL was +2 coonass. RAs were Dildo and BD. Accusations were made and many were called into the circle. I honestly can't remember who was accused of what or what comments were made cause I was pretty toasted - so much beer. All I remember is +2 wearing the disco tron ON-ON marquee shirt. Crazy honey badger.

On-After ended up being at Charlies in Harvard Square, where we finally dried off and thawed out over decent beer, warm food, and lots of humping.

Balls Deep

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Epic Hashing Weekend

This scribe got lost in that damned Danvers Corn Maze this week. I REFUSED to call 911 like those pansies though, (seriously, you can WALK THROUGH CORN "WALLS") so that's why this post is a tad late...

Hashers, there were three, count 'em, THREE opportunities to hash this past weekend! This only happens maybe once every six months: Full Moon Friday, 3rd An*l Pearl Necklace Saturday, and the good 'ol standby Sunday hash.

SO: Here's what you missed if you didn't hash at all this weekend. (...more virgins and beer for the rest of us!)

BMH3 #110 Friday 10/14/11
1) A rainy, cold moon hash that included locals and visitors from far and wide alike!
2) SO MUCH BEER at said moon hash.
3) Inaugural trail for new GMs Balls Deep and T Bags!
4) An hours late T Bags blaming traffic for his tardiness, but we really know he was working on his swag in the mirror to try to seduce harriettes later that evening...
5) It really cannot be stressed enough that there was SO MUCH BEER. This is why Moon trails are the best trails.

3rd An*l Pearl Necklace "Wicked Itch of the East" Saturday 10/15/11
Hares: There were a lot of them
Bag Car: There were a lot of them (or just one?)
Pack: About 45 unlucky wankers from near and far that were crazy enough to rego!
Visitors: Yoron, Harlot, Squatch, Roscoe ... and a lot of other people.

Pre-lube started at Tavern on the Water. In case you were wondering, Tavern on the Water is in fact on the water, and no where near any T stop. Except one bus line. Who's idea was that? There was, however, a magnificent view of Boston to remind us all of the city we crisscross weekly. And most importantly, there was BEER.

After a quick chalk talk where were all discussed where one visiting hasher may end up after sufficiently drunk that evening, we went out to find trail. (Anyone know what actually happened to him?) The pack promptly got lost within the first five minutes. Tricky hares. The first leg led us to some glorious truck stops with Porno Mags galore! The first circle included some big butt beauties found on the pages of those magazines, and some very, VERY drunk hares. It ended when we ran out of beer. A sad sight to see.

The second leg of trail led us through Chelsea and East Boston for a beer check under Route 1, a terribly marked trail where this scribe got separated from the pack, got lost, and ultimately ended up stopping into Dunkin Donuts to refuel with a delicious hot latte. Not the Dirty Sanchez kind, sorry boys. Poor AB got injured and had to limp off to lay down and die... By the time the scribe caught up with the pack at the second circle in Belle Isle Marsh, the pack had picked up a spontaneous virgin!! Can you believe it? We are an attractive bunch; I guess she couldn't resist our charm. We also celebrated the completion of the 13 beer challenge by FRBBB, Maid of Honor, and someone else. They could barely stand.

Third leg of trail finally included some lunch, and found us drunkenly stumbling into Beachmont and Revere. Honestly, I don't really remember what happened, except that we r*n in a straight line for a very long time until we wound up at The Cove! Third circle and the celebration of the end of Pearl Necklace commenced. We renamed an out-of-town hasher from Burlington, VT. Her NEW name is Harlot Globe Fondler!

Hashers listen up! We named Just Kathryn! She will forever now be known at the hash as Tail Gagger! She also goes down in history as the fastest naming ever at the Boston Hash.

BH3 Sunday Trail #(figuring that out...) 10/16/11
"The Longest Fat Boy Trail EVER"
Hare: Wikiepedophelia
Bag car: Butler
RA: Nips
Sub-Dementress: Oink Oink
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Punter's Pub
Pack: Roscoe, Nips, Assburger, Goat, Bros, Douche, Better Late then Pregnant, Dribbles, Just Dave, Just Frank, Sugar Hump Fairy, Just Brandon, Just Arjil, Pat My Fly, Just Mark, Just James, Oink Oink, and Virgin Liz!

We all knew it was c*mming. A wonderful fatboy trail where we could drink beer while slowly moseying along. Wiki was dressed in jeans at the bar and he didn't even bring chalk or flour to mark trail and was begging for donations. And then Bros happened. Bros made a comment to Wiki that not everyone had been at Pearl Necklace the day before. Wiki felt compelled to give these lazy wankers a trail; he changed into appropriate clothing and took off.

The hare got lost. And so did the pack. A huge Mass Ave intersection left us completely blindsided and lost for 15 minutes. In fact, we trudged along for almost FOUR MILES before we found the first beer check in the Fens. Our favorite game Bag-O began! Pat got into the check just as we were leaving and had no beer to drink and no orange food to eat! About a mile after the first check the trail changed to cajun. Wiki was out of chalk and the pack was about to be on their own. After two miles we came upon a Shaw's Supermarket. Second check was in an alley behind it - chosen specifically so Wiki could buy flour to continue trail. You heard that right. We had now covered over six miles and Wiki was buying materials to continue trail. Fortunately, Wiki knew there would be a mutiny if he didn't mark trail and lead us to some beer soon. Flour was strewn all about the sidewalks - not in clumps - in lines so the pack couldn't get lost. And then it happened: We found the On-In exactly where we had left it. We staggered into Punter's Pub, an A-A "fat boy" trail complete.

-Wiki got called into circle of course. Who sets a 7+ mile trail after a Pearl Necklace?
-Bros was called into circle for causing the 7+ mile trail
-Virgin Liz was called into circle and Oink tried her hardest to de-virginize properly. At least we got to witness the demonstration of her favorite sexual position!
-Overachievers were called in for attending all three trails: Assburger, Roscoe, Wiki, Bros, and Yoron
-Visitors: Yoron and Roscoe
-Sweat test failure: Cherry Poppin' Patty
-A few wankers stopped for food on trail: Yoron, Better Late, and Douche all stopped to eat! In the middle of trail!
-FBI: Dribbles
-FRB: Bros
-Backslider: Better Late than Pregnant

So there you have it! Detrails are of course fuzzy due to copious amounts of beer, but you can be sure you missed an epic weekend of debauchery.

Don't forget that AGM is this upcoming weekend! See or our very own twitter feed @BostonHash for detrails.