Sunday, March 8, 2009

Back to the Future Hash

Hares: GAP, Hoover McSuck n F*ck
Bag Car: I Eat Tea Bags
RA: Bend Over Mommy
Virgins: There were 6, 4 of which came on account of Anal Beadswell done champ
Pre-lube: Whiteys
On-in: The dock right next to the Barking Crab
On-after: Sissy Ks

Pack Members: Lots, most of which arrived at the pre-lube at 3:10 or later,
because in Boston, mid-50s makes us beach-bum lazy. Lets all forget this
weeks snow, shall we?

There must have been 35 people or so, according to my calculations. I might
have written down their names if Jolly had given me his notebook BEFORE I
drank that tumbler of Bacardi. Something to think about for next week

Trail notes:

Its amazing how much nicer the starting circle is when youre not freezing
youre ass off. Some of Whiteys patrons even followed us into the back
parking lot to observe the spectacle, or maybe to protect their cars from
the Brat Pack (reference to the 80s garb, FYI). Once BOM finished showing
off the marks, the pack was off and away. We got fairly lost in the
beginning, but eventually ended up near that Gillette dock (I think) and
then got a lot more lost in the charming alleyways right next to it. We then
made our way across some bridge, where we got WAY more lost. But alas, we
re-found trail and darted in and out of all the pissed off people waiting in
a long line to get ripped off by Amtrak, one of which exclaimed, This is
NOT a good place to go for a run. Doh.

After emerging from South Station, we quickly found our way into a parking
lot and under a scenic bridge littered with ladies� deodorant, tampon
applicators, and some syringes. We enjoyed some DE-licious brews, basked in
the sunlight, and then watched GAP and Hoover prance off and attempt to set
falses while we were still watching them, then realize we still watching
them, then give up on setting falses.

Leaving the beer check, we actually did manage to go the wrong way quite
quickly, and then retreated into Chinatown, where we went the wrong way
several more times. There was a lovely song-check in Downtown crossing,
where we sang Whip it out at the Ballgame, for the kids. That song-check was
quickly followed by another, where Hyan*s led a lovely rendition of The Days
of the Week. After that we had a reprise of the usual Hash clusterf*ck that
is Faneuil Hall, but once we found our way out of there we were rewarded
with a nice Tang check. Mmmnnn.

It was VERY soon after the second beer check that An*l Beads snared the
hares on the dock. We all gathered round and sang a song while giving the
hares a few minutes to escape. As soon as we did leave that spot, we
stumbled on another group of hashers who had zenned their way a little
further up trail and had ALSO snared the hares. Double-snare! FANTASTIC! It
was only a quick run across the bridge (led by Beat by a Girl, who
unknowingly volunteered to hare in two weeks when he took off first) until
we came upon I Eat Tea Bags with a car full of pizza. On in!

Now there were of course several funny moments in the circle, but my
personal favorite had to be when Spank Me discovered that his Members Only
jacket had a little name tag that his mom had sewn into the lining
approximately 20 years ago. Another highlight was the virgins, who did a great six-person-orgy demonstration, which looked strangely similar to the ending pose of a jazz dance number. The lowlight had to be the beer. It was mostly Genessee �Full Flavor� and Genny Light, brewed right near Shorn�s hometown! Several fist-fights over the rare but coveted Keystone Light had to be broken up.

Our lovely day of hashing concluded with a trip to Sissy K�s, where several hashers partook in an intense game of Apples to Apples. I�m not saying who won, because it wasn�t me. Argh! After most people stumbled home, the hardy spoke of an encore of karaoke at the Hong Kong. Not sure if that actually happened, but if it did, I�m sure it was the usual sh*t show!

For all of you who missed the first spring Hash, too bad my friends, too bad.