What: The Zig Zag Hash
Where: Flat Top Johnnies
Who:
Hares: Just Jeff, Queer and Foaming
Pack: Um, 6 virgins, 5 visitors, and the following people I
remember:
Pappy Van Tinkle, Jolly Green Vagaina, Udder Whore, Anal
Disco, Bring Out The Gimp, The Butler Hit It, Blondie Mc Fucksalot, Gone
GAYWOL, +2 Coonass, Easy as 123, Krusty the Meet Miser, Goat Throat, Shart of
Darkness, No Man on the Moon, CPA, Wikipedophilia, Orgasmn Falmon, Twat My Mom,
Sketchy Ho, Spunk in the Trunk, A gaggle of justs, other people I probably had
deep, soul affirming conversations which but whom I forget.
Start:
Arriving at Flat Top
Johnies about an hour early, I stumbled upon the phoenix vistors and had a
pleasant conversation with them about how much they loved Boston, and were
worried that it was going to be too cold, but the RAs had done their job, and
the weather was surprisingly Pheonix-like. I’m sure we talked about other
things. As pack began to arrive, I started walking around practicing my financial
tact in asking for Hashcash, but apparently failed miserably. My new rule will
be to not ask anyone for money until they’ve already had a beer, sorry CPA. The
Hares were announced as being gay, but then weren’t, then were announced again,
and who knows if they were, but we eventually meandered across a couple of
streets to the “Shiggy” car. Introductions were made, royal baby names were
suggested and the virgins were terrified.
Trail zig-zag:
We should have expected that a trail laid by one of the up
and cuming trail heads would feature zig zags, as we ran in a circle around the
bar, then in a circle around Kendal square – after telling the guests of the
Marriot about why we couldn’t maintain a job in Chicago. We then stumbled upon
a very strong shot check and two zig zags full of trail heads, with flame
provided. Pack participated in whatever inherbrient they most identified with,
then continue to run a zig zag through MIT and across the Longfellow bridge.
Our beer-dars were sound red alert, and after the bridge there was allegedy a
turkey-eagle split, though the vast majority of pack took the turkey because of
the aforementioned beer-dar returns. Unfortunately, the hares were part of the
Skunk works and fooled our highly tuned beer-dars and lead us on a pleasant
stroll along the banks of the Charles, with tit, dick, and song checks galore.
After some false zenning around the west end, and tancit scouting of the trio
of beer checks in that area, we crossed back over the Charles and looped around
the Musem of Science to beer check at the end of that path thing.
Beer Check #1:
There was beer, there were, and there were zenning bastards
who turned back over the Longfellow once they saw pack running and decided the
beer had never crossed the river, and a Mangina my Vagainia sighting. “I showed
up at a beer check and left, this is what I do.” The sun set over the city and
the sky was getting dark as pack continued to trickle in. After about 30
minutes, no one had seen the eagles, though we had been told that eagle trail
looped up through gov’t center, and around north station before rejoining in
front of the MoS. Slightly concerned, we didn’t know what to do, but the hares
had to get going so they left some beers (5) for the assumed number of eagles
and left. About 10 minutes later – please note that all measures of time are
completely fictional – one lone eagle showed up with glowing shoes and was given
a beer. About 5 minutes later, Easy, +2, Goat and Krusty came and and were
greated by people running towards them to give them beer. We turned our backs
and returned to the BC, only to see the vistors come struggling over the bridge
to a beerless beer check. We apologized profusely, then took off to find the
hares.
Trail 2.0:
Continuing in their zig-zag tradition, the hares zig-zaged
trail through the Cambridge Side Gallaria, then brought trail cruely close to
both Courtside and Sunset, only to give us a pair of shot checks in a park and
an uphill climb to some revolutionary fort overlooking the city to the second
beer.
Beer check castle:
Was in a castle. It was windy and I was told to keep my kilt
down because it’s a kilt. Beers were drunk and the hares were gay. We chased
them
Trail downhill (ish):
Giving up the high ground is never a good idea, but we did
it and ran through Union square. A group hug was honked at, then we missed the
light and everyone waved at the traffic. Trail continued through Imman, past a
gas station, and eventually to another BN/BC. After quelling a near rebellion –
the BC was really an ONIN – we took over some hybrid yoga studio/art gallery/psychotropic
theoropy center. Pizzas were secured and circle was started.
Circle:
Lead by the sole-less Krusty and the Sole-full Bloody, we
called the hares in and made them kneel. After forcing them to breath the
beautiful, calming oder with which we filled the space, we went around and got
comments on trail; the most common of which being that pack was surprised the
ballbuster decided to run on a Wednesday. We then sang to/with the hares a rousing
rendition of the hare version of “Cause I got high” and I think threw them out
of circle. Next in were the FRBs (Blowbot), FBI (Falmon), and DFL (CPA), and we
sang to them. At this point there were six very confused people watching this
spectical unfold with some sort of terror, so we called the virgins in. I have
no idea their names, but they were sponsored by a just, a transplant, shart,
blondie and I think CPA. CPA and Disco demented them – they suck at math, one
knows what a cow sounds like, and they are all backwoods. We then demonstrated
down-downs, and while we do not find them worthy (they never are), we will take
them anyway (because we are desperate). Next called in were … visitors? Sure, I’ll
go with that. The visitors were called in and elected to show us body parts
instead of singing, except for the male visitor who sang us some version of
Amazing Hash, I think. We then called in all the rasicts from the past weekend
(Twat, Udder, and Wiki) and I’m assuming called us dumb? The hares were called
back in for some reason, probably for laying a ballbuster, and were told to use
more flour and chalk next time (though actually the marks were fine…). At that
point Sketchy and Spunk had arrived with the pizza, and the hare-made pulled
pork was getting cold so we swang low. Oh, at some point in time we Old
McDonald’d GAYWOL, Luvalamp and Douche, because they are GAYWOL, Luvalamp and
Douche. See announcements below.
Rage.
On – May ballbuster is in the books – On
-Wikipedophilia
Announcements:
THIS WEEKEND: NURD – kegs are tapped in less than 24 hours;
buy regos online, or trade of cheaper ones.
MONDAY, 5/11: 3rd Anal Taco-versery. Cambridge
Common, Cambridge. Ladies bring bago and prepare to rage.
WEDNESDAY 5/13: Party Like You’re a Just Trail – Just Bill
and Just Emily will recreate the rage of a Just trail.
SATURDAY 5/16: E4BH3 trail in Glocster, brownbag start at
the Glocster Commuter rail, hare is Ass-Stache.
SATURDAY 5/16: CVNT Damnit Jimmy (Part 3) – (aka Vomit and
Nutters “final” hash) – info is in the CVNT FB group. Start and End and “crashing”
in Putney VT.
WEDNESDAY 5/20: Langerie Hash #3 (or 4?) – Bondage Themed,
starting at Club Café.
JULY 10,11,12: INVIHASH – Rego will be up soonish? I have no
idea. It’s a Burlington thing.
AUGUST 15-17: GAP – Rego is up (www.413h3.com)
- LAST GAP EVER (of 2015)
SEPTEMBER – Probably something
OCTOBER – Probably AGM
OCTOBER – Probably PooF Away
OCTOBER – Probably DC RDR
NOVEMEBER – Probably Saddie
DECEMEBER – Probably Antibuffet
JANUARARY – Proably Furry Hash
FEBURARAY – Porbably Moon Away
MARCH – Probably a hash or two
APRIL 2016: MARATHON
Why are you still reading?
Go get a beer.
And drink it.
Though if you’ve read this far, you should probably get two.
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