August 11 Hash Trash

One Year Closer to Death: Do Me Decimal

Hare: Do Me Decimal

Bag Car: Wikipedophilia

Pack: Chunderellie Chunderellie, Dribbles, Edward Sissy Hands, El Pornito, Extra Terresticle, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Joel, Kooter Kunte, No Man on the Moon, Patron Taint of the Willing Tongue, Poked My Stripper, Quarter Mile Queer, Testicular Mechanics, Topless Barbie

Pre-lube: Biddy Early's

Shot Check: Bridge next to Barking Crab

Beer Check 1: A Street Park

Beer Check 2: Peters Park

On-In: Rolling Bridge Park

The last time I ran a Do Me trail in South Boston, I was salty from running an extra mile on the turkey/eagle split. This time I was salty from sweating so much in the sweltering 90.69+ degree weather (thanks, RA). There were some rumblings about how trail seemed eerily familiar to the Divorce Hash, but fortunately we did not have to death march to Castle Island and back. Although I may actually have enjoyed going for a swim in Pleasure Bay. In honor of their birthday, Do Me gifted the pack with a very well-marked trail complete with no fewer than 25 song checks. I even wondered at one point whether we were going to go through an entire hash hymnal on trail. And while there were so many song checks, we had just one hash sitapede, which only four hashers attempted while the other 10 said, "yeah, no, that's not gonna happen."

At the on-in, trail comments included didn't sweat enough, sweat too much, too many song checks, not enough song checks, and Do Me is hot. Testicular was the FRB, No Man was the FBI, and El Pornito was the DFL. Our visitors were Kooter Kunte from DC, Patron Taint from Long Island Lunatics, and Poked My Stripper who tried to explain the history and politics of the northwest South Carolina kennels to me, but he only thing I remembered was that he has never hashed with the Trash. Testicular sang them the jellyfish song which people were actually excited about. Backsliders included Barbie, Pornito, and Poked, and their excuses were working, twerking, and kids. Do Me received a down down for their birthday and analversary, and then high fived half the circle.

Accusations opened with Testicular accusing Do Me of wearing The Flash socks, but they were actually Batman socks, so both did a down down. Quarter Mile drank for delegating song duties to Testicular, then drank for getting his kinds of alcohol confused (someone retold the story of when he used Fireball to clean off his eye makeup). Four of us drank for signing a chalkboard in the South End, Do Me for haring three trails in seven days (and being bag car for one), Wiki for his carbon neutral beer carrying wagon, and Quarter Mile for confusing a witchy way with a turkey eagle. Do Me accused Barbie and me for getting married in October. All the Genesee drinkers were accused of drinking a beer from marathon, all the hashers who told stories from trails that happened in the past drank, and all the Long Island natives drank.

At this point Dribbles was accused of having a cool shirt. The shirt happened to be her daughter's, and so Dribbles told us the story of her daughter stealing her pink marathon shirt (you all know which one I'm talking about) and wearing it to soccer practice. Then Just Joel was accused of not having been accused of anything yet. Wiki was accused of missing Do Me's happy birthday song, but it was with good reason as he was busy getting them an ice cream cake. He got plates, but couldn't find forks so people had to use kebab skewers to eat the dessert. We were winding down, but still had a few more accusations. Everyone who was too young to run for president drank, then Wiki accused Quarter Mile of not being at the White House to witness the Monica Lewinski incident. (That one doesn't make much sense to me either.)

Announcements included Dribbles' Beantown H3 trail on Sunday starting at the Harp + Bard, Barbie and my Tutu trail on September 22, a Carolina Trash Flash Hash that you can sign up for, and the DC RDR on October 9. BH3 needs a hare for next Wednesday, AGM is on October 2, Wiki's doing a trust me on June 18, 2022, Misman is seeking volunteers for next year, and Do Me wants you all to eat their ice cream cake.

Phew, that was a lot. Thanks for reading.

August 4 Hash Trash

Hashing of the Bulls V? IX?

Hare: O'Boner

Bag Car: Snatchchat

Pack: Anal Disco, Chunderellie Chunderellie, Clit Notes, Cums Like Clockwork, C*ntcussion, Extra Terresticle, Full Frontal Fireball, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Harry, Just Remy, No Man on the Moon, Sonic Bum, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Charlie's Kitchen

Beer check: Corporal Burns Playground

Wine check: Dana Square Park

On-in: Fort Washington Park

Last night, O'Boner brought back a popular theme: Hashing of the Bulls. Like the Festival of San Fermin in Pamplona, most of the hashers dressed in white with red bandanas while a few hashers wore darker colors and played the part of the bulls, "goring" hashers as they passed them on the street. I wish I brought my BAGGO patches because there was lots of red wine flowing on trail. If a bull were to gore a member of the pack, not only were they marked with a neon colored sticker, but they were also treated to the baggo. Playing the part of the bulls were Chunderellie and Testicular, while C*ntcussion and Disco acted as walking bulls.

Comments on trail included not enough goring, too much goring, not enough rain, too much rain, not enough baggo, and too much baggo. Wiki was the FRB and Disco also drank, though I did not catch why. Buttler and the bulls drank for being DFLs, even though the bulls were actually the third and fourth hashers into the on-in. (Not going to try to figure that one out either.) All who celebrated a birthday between last night and the last trail they ran drank--a group that included Just Harry, Snatchchat, Sonic Bum, and Disco. Then the backsliders drank, namely Snatchchat, Sonic Bum, and Disco.

Buttler accused the RA of the weather (rain), then Wiki, Sonic Bum, and Clit Notes drank for same shirts--though Wiki's shirt had seen brighter days. Clockwork drank for alcohol abuse, which I think was because he almost decapitated people with the baggo. Fireball accused the walking bulls of being bulls but having no baggo on the first leg of trail. Then Clit Notes accused the running bulls of being outwitted by a Just (Remy). Apparently Just Remy told Clit Notes you don't have to outrun the bulls, you just have to outsmart them, then almost immediately was gored by Testicular.

Accusations continued with Snatchchat accusing Clockwork of having a flagpole between his legs (at least we weren't in a lightning storm). Then Chunderellie suggested sending Just Remy into circle for a naming. Suggestions included Begging For It and Desperation Dildo, but neither stuck, and in fact the whole naming was pretty lackluster with nobody in the pack asking him any questions, so he was thrown back. Quarter Mile Queer was accused of autohashing, he tried to convince us that he was there the whole time and he was just being quiet, but nobody bought it. C*ntcussion accused anyone who was gored by a walker--Holy Dumpster Fire, Wiki, and Clit Notes, then she had trouble closing her umbrella and she mixed up the numbers in a song, so she too had to drink. O'Boner accused anyone of not being gored, but everyone got gored at least once, so she drank for the false accusation.

Announcements included Fireball's Friday Moon pre-lube to the Red Dress Run starting at Magazine Beach, then QMQ said that while capacity for the RDR was reached, people could still donate to the charity. Barbie and I are haring a tutu trail on September 22, so order your tutus from Amazon now. Sign up for MisMan. Wiki's haring a trust me on June 18-19, 2022 (hey, isn't that around the time of Shortest Night Dumbest Trail?), and there will be another Cajun Hash Sitapede brought to us by Testicular at some point in the future. The bulls were spared a grizzly death at the hands of the matadors and everyone trickled home.