Saturday April 16, 2022
Pre-lube: Lily P’s Fried Chicken and Oysters
Beer Check 1: Paul Revere Park
Beer Check 2: Gold Star Mothers Park
On-in: Dante Alighieri Society of Massachusetts
Hares: Angry Crotch, Blue Balls Matter, No Man on the Moon, Sh*ts and Ladders, Swedish Eagle, Testicular Mechanics
Co-chairs: Blondie McF*cksalot, O’bone’R
Pack: Many (Go to the event website and view the Who’s Cumming list, if you can still find it…)
For the first time in three years, the Boston Hash was able to host its annual Marathon hash event, this time themed Hashing Through Heaven to Hell. This theme was a nod to the on-in venue–the Dante Alighieri Society of Massachusetts–for it was the Italian poet who penned the Divina Commedia, or the Divine Comedy. The story consists of three parts: Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso, and tells the tale of Dante’s travels through hell, then purgatory, followed by heaven. Not sure what circle of hell he’d have met the hashers in, but if I had to guess, it would probably have been somewhere between the 6.9th one and the circle formed by a hash sitapede.
Pack arrived at the pre-lube, Lily P’s Fried Chicken and Oysters, dressed as angels and devils and lined up for their giveaways, highlighted by the reversible red and white jersey. (We now have something to wear at the next Capture the Beer hash that will help us tell the two teams apart.) We had some drinks before we were summoned across the street for chalk talk, where we were briefed on the three marked trails–a ballbuster, an eagle, and a turkey. Eagle trail craniumed over the Longfellow Bridge through Beacon Hill toward the Boston Garden and over the Charlestown Locks before arriving at the first beer check at Paul Revere Park. The other trails were not too far behind. Well, not the ballbusters, they were actually way far behind. We paused for a little bit, consumed beverages, then meandered through Charlestown, past Bunker Hill Community College, and to the Gold Star Mothers Park where the hares greeted the FRBs with still warm McDonald’s French Fries. After the second beer check, it was a quick jog to the on-in.
After a quick dinner, the RAs started circle in the brightly lit function hall. Comments on trail included awesome, boring, too long, too short, not enough ball busters, too much ball busting, not enough turkey trail, too much turkey trail, and many other comments that I didn’t get around to writing down. FRBs and FBIs included sKooter, Roofie, Peepers, Udder, and some guy whose outfit looked like it had chicken feathers glued to it. Visitors were called in next, and they included international hashers, west coast, the south, and the midwest. (Notably neglected was the northeast, Philly, the non-Boston parts of Massachusetts, and New York’s diverse representation that included hashers from NYC, Albany, Syracuse, and Ithaca.) Then the GMs and co-chairs got their down-downs.
At this point, Sex the Final Frontier drank for alcohol abuse committed when he tossed beer over his cranium in his excitement to photograph the previously accused. Mudsl*t drank for having a muggle accuse her of shoving apples up her *ss (they were pomegranates). Then the McDonald’s shoppers drank, Ate Ball drank for his trail treasure, Cum Test Dummy drank for marathoning on Monday, then all the volunteers drank. But you know who didn’t drink? The virgins! Not sure if that was on purpose or not, but the RAs failed to give Popo the opportunity to properly welcome the two newcomers. Ruh-roh.
As for announcements, the fatboy on Sunday was announced, as was the beer check at mile 20 on Monday, but those are both in the past now. I’m sure our visitors have lots of events they want to tell you about, and they can add links to the rego pages in the comments. Hash religion was conducted (though I don’t actually think any of us made it to Dante’s Paradiso) then Goat Throat took over the DJing duties for the party that followed. The lights were dimmed, the alcohol flowed, a few ass cheeks were exposed, and a good time was had.