Spooky ShIt Trail

Hash Trash: 10/30/22 Spooky Shit Trail

Hares: Taco on a Tacos, Shits and Ladders*
Bagcar: The Buttler is a Patriot
Pack: Angry Crotch*, Beeeestiality B4 Skeletons, Cookies for NoCostume*, Devil Sissy Hands, Devilgasm Famine, Father Rodgers, Fellowship of the Gladiator, Golden Snitches Matter, Mudcorset, NAMBLA (Naughty Aroused Mouse Briskly Looking for Alcohol), O’Bone’Ren Faire, Popo Baconshow, Princess Luva Lamp, Slothy Mike Wizowski, Testicular Slothcanics, Wikibunnyphilia

The hares took the well-costumed pack (*shame on the non-costume wearers) on a tour of Halloween décor around the city. This tour is also known as the Freedom Trail. It was very well-marked in red brick. Shits and Ladders left his phone at the start (by my count, this is the second time this year he’s lost his phone while haring), both hares left nearly full beers at the first beer stop, and several of their drink stops stank in the olfactory sense.

There was an orange jelloshot check that just absolutely did not look right to me, although everyone said it was good. The hares later revealed that the shots had been layered like candy corn before they ran with them and I just want to say I freaking KNEW the essence of evil was with those shots.

Blue Balls Matter shared her location to various groups so that latecomers could find the pack, and then promptly ditched the pack to spend like 20 minutes in pursuit of Starbucks. Somehow both Cookies for Nookie and Mudslut found us late, regardless, both with questionable sartorial choices. Mudslut was wearing a corset she found on the ground, and Cookies for Nookie required us to make a human wall so she could change her pants without exposing herself to children.

Some evangelical dude with a microphone in Boston Common had words of praise for Mr. Rodgers, who was dressed a little too convincingly as a priest. But he admonished Edward Sissy Hands to “take off your horns, man.” More supportive of us was the security guard at the first beer check, who was easily bought off by us sharing our snacks with him.

The trail description said to come dressed as “your deepest fear or your heart’s desire,” and Testicular Mechanics came dressed as a sloth (which is it???). Angry Crotch showed up in a pantsuit which was her actual conference attire, and everyone thought it looked like a costume, which feels like some kind of sad commentary on how we view professional women in 2022.

At the end circle there was a concrete wall spraypainted with “Wiki Leaks,” which Wiki described as “my own private urinal.” On this note, the pack migrated to our own private karaoke bar, where Shits and Ladders tested the hypothesis that the instrumental break in Total Eclipse of the Heart is long enough to leave the stage to get a beer (it isn’t).

On – your deepest fear AND heart’s desire – On,
Slothy Seconds

C*ntcussion’s Bday Trail

Hash Trash 10/12/22 C*ntcussion’s Bday Trail

Hare: C*ntcussion
Bag Car: Tacos on a Bridge
Virgins: Kevin and Yang
Visitor: Backdoor Steward
Pack: Beeeestiality Before Boys, Blue Balls Matter, Bodies in Lotion, Bring Out the Gimp, Cookies for Nookie, Chunderellie Chunderellie, Dr. Blow, Dribbles, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full Frontal Fireball, Goat Throat, Holy Dumpster Fire, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Mr. Rogers, O’bone’R, Oral Instructor, Orgasm Famine, Popo Peepshow, Puker Blooper, Sex: The Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Sketchy Ho, Slothy Seconds, Spunk in the Trunk, Strap On Strap Off, Swedish Eagle, The Buttler Hit It, The Testicular Mechanics, Topless Barbie, Triceratopped, Wikipedophilia

C*ntcussion used her birthday trail to prove she can make a lot of people cum - at least 38, by my count. She truly fucked us with a YBF and led us on a bit of a death march at the end but rewarded the people who made it to circle* with an apple tart. There was a lot of stretching at the beer checks; apparently bag car is providing eye candy in addition to orange food these days. As bag car, Tacos on a Bridge was slapping people’s hands away from the Oreos at the beer checks, only to later be heard begging people to eat them “for the love of God” at end circle.

*Not everyone made it to the end - RIP to Cookies for Nookie who left during the first beer check and missed out on the many calls to accuse her of r*cist behavior for running her first half last weekend. Mudslut ran her first full, and a bunch of clowns either just ran or were about to run ultras (and at time of press they have done that. Clowns, the lot of them).

Topless Barbie accused Extra Terresticle of knocking her up! He counter-accused her of pulling the goalie. I can’t wait to welcome little Topless Terresticle!

Luva Lamp falsely accused Oral Instructor of being a massive backslider, even though she’d been out 2 weeks ago. But before THAT it had been 10 years! What she really should be called out for wasn’t revealed until after circle: this trail was her very first time ever drinking Bud Light. And on Wednesday BH3 said, “Let there be (Bud) light!”

Lots of folks were accused (accurately) of backsliding because they’d been away at Oktoberfest. Shits and Ladders introduced a well-received, relevant song that started with yelling “Hitler,” and I just gotta give props cause that’s a hard thing to pull off.

We had two well-prepped virgins. Virgin Kevin said the alcohol he no longer drinks currently is Vodka. Why? “Because I ran out!” Virgin Yang (pronounced “young” and yes, there were young virgin jokes) no longer drinks Jack Daniel’s because she got hospitalized on it at 17, though she didn’t even get a stomach pump out of it (Bring Out the Gimp wanted to name her Too Drunk To Pump on the spot). She claimed that her favorite animal, fish, do not cum, but really proved her mettle with her demo that what doesn’t go in you goes on you by dumping a lot of beer on herself. In a break from tradition, the virgins were deemed acceptable!

There were a lot of announcements and no one knew the dates of their own events. So I guess just go out and drink whenever you like.