The Fruit Basket Hash

Hash Trash: The Fruit Basket Hash (1/8/23)

Hare: NAMBLA (Nectarines Apples Melons Blackberries Lemons Avocados)
Bag Car: The Buttler Hit It
Pack: Beeestiality B4 Boys, Disappearing Hareline, Edward Sissy Hands, Frosty the F*ckman, Holy Dumpster Fire, (Kum-On-In, kinda), Muff Snorter, Sex: The Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Slothy Seconds, Spud Porker, Type A Hole, Udder Whore

Even though it was a berry cold day, the hare laid a trail worth going bananas for. Trail was praised for exploring “new terrain for an 11-year-hasher” (Udder Whore) and employing a clever trick for crossing trail without causing any confusion. Despite the transplant hare only learned some Boston haring basics an hour before trail (like that he needs to organize the beer and what time pack leaves), the actual trail was smoothie as could be. We’ll ignore the fact that we lost a visitor literally seconds after chalk talk because we picked up some trail treasure: Kum-On-In, a transplant who came on into the pack shortly before circle.

The theme was certainly fruitful in generating little hashing novelties. A banana check – at which the FRB was supposed to find the nearby bananas and give one to whoever was behind them – resulted in some banana-based tomfoolery, including accusations of Sex the Final Frontier committing “fruit assault” on Beeees, hashers forcing their bananas on one another, and Sissy Hands saying he prefers them bruised (at least, I hope he meant the bananas). The FRB to each stop got the distinct honor of carrying a pineapple for the next leg of trail.

Frozen piña colada was a fancy treat I’ve never seen on trail before, and what better time to enjoy it than a freezing cold day? Pack members weren’t the only ones delighted by this stop – a couple of old ladies had followed our marks down to the little deck where we were drinking. They had lots of questions, and though they declined our offer of sharing, I could tell at least one of them enjoys getting lost in the rain. They were so interested in our marks that Sex gave them their own personal chalk talk. Their presence seemed to awaken some latent gerontophilia in Beees, who offered drinks to another old person later on trail. A bunch of people spilled drinks in circle and Udder Whore probably revealed something personal when she sang to us that if it’s shorter than it’s wide it’s a dildo, and then we adjourned back to Summer Shack having put off our date with scurvy for another few months.

On – did you know bananas are botanically a berry? – on,
Slothy Seconds