Hare: Hare Club For Queers
Invisible Hare: CreamWhora
Bag Car: Dribbles
Slacker Extraordinaire: Taj My Hole
RA: Goes Down On Buoys (On-Out), Bend Over Mommy (On-In)
Scribe: Jolly Green Vagina
Weather: 35-ish, clear, and slushy
Pack: Wang Chunks, Just Kendra, Super Teflon Dong, Friar F*ck, Schindler’s Fist, Dirt Latte Sanchez, Peppermint P*ssy, Just Brian, Beat By A Girl, High Anus, Laa Laa, I Eat Teabags, Dick Jockey, Just Rob, Virgin Ellie, General Ass Pounder, Dude Where’s My Virginity, Nice T*ts, Polly
When this trail started out, I had it pegged for a Wang trail. We took a bunch of stairs up a hill that would’ve made Rocky Balboa proud, and then had a lovely view of a Target/Stop’n’Shop that looked just like the one in Dorchester, and then went up and through a T-station. That was only the first half mile, though. After that, it became clear that Hare Club’s trail was nothing like a Wang trail, and was actually more like some sort of unholy hybrid between a GAP trail and Robert Peary’s expedition to the North Pole.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up a bit.
Trail was originally going to be hared by Hare Club and Creamwhora. CW, however, pulled a no-show. Whether this was due, as some said, to “family issues,” or whether he woke up on G-String’s couch sore, naked, and covered in Vaseline and was too embarrassed to show up, we may never know. CW, if you’re reading this, you should at least know that you weren’t the first, and you probably won’t be the last.
Pre-lube was at the Victory Pub off of something called “the Blue Line.” The beer was cheap, the chairs were sticky, and if you had to change, the bathroom was a frightening place to take off your shoes. In other words, it was a typical hash bar. Outside, Buoys did introductions and chalk talk in front of a few horrified onlookers, and then the pack was away.
The short Wang intro to Hare Club’s trail brought us through residential neighborhoods, where an unusually large number of people were out shoveling snow, which was strange given that the last storm had been about a week before. We also passed a building with some sort of decoration around the top that looked very much like one of those paper Burger King crowns, which didn’t make any sense. One of the people out shoveling explained that it some sort of Catholic building. Which doesn’t make any sense either, when you think about it.
From there, trail led under the approach path to Logan Airport. The planes coming in for a landing were pretty cool. The uneven, half-frozen pack-ice crusting the top of the salt marsh was somewhat less so. The major problem with half-frozen pack ice is that “half frozen” by definition implies “half not-frozen,” and some of the heavier members of the pack had the opportunity to find out what was underneath the half-frozen ice. (Answer: cold, nasty-smelling muck.) Then the pack came to several 8-foot wide channels filled with cold, nasty-smelling ice water. Most members elected to jump across. Laa-Laa, ever the nonconformist, chose instead to fall in.
After that, it was a short jaunt across a causeway, through a car wash, through a second salt marsh (complete with more channels), up a hill, and across a snow-covered field to the beer check. But there was PBR and a chance to clear the snow out of our shoes, which made it all worthwhile.
From the beer check, trail immediately led into a third and final half-frozen marsh, and then into some woods consisting of some briars, a couple of trees, some more briars, a burned sofa, even more briars, a foot of snow, briars, and animal poop. And briars. I can’t speak for anyone else, but when we got out to the road, I had to spend about 45 seconds pulling thorns out of my earlobe.
Then the trail turned residential, although running on the slushy, poorly-paved roads didn’t really represent much of an improvement over running across the treacherous, icy salt marshes. Note to the town of Revere: Maybe you could – I’m just throwing this out there – but maybe you might want to consider GIVING YOUR D.P.W. SOME F*CKING MONEY SO THEY CAN FIX THE F*CKING POTHOLES, A’IGHT?
The On-In was at BK’s, near the Revere Beach T-Stop. If you haven’t been there, the beer was cheap, the chairs were sticky, and if you had to change, the bathroom was a frightening place to take off your shoes. In other words, it was a typical hash bar.
From a 1:30 HST start, trail finished right about 4:00 PM. Unless you were Friar or BBAG, in which case trail finished at around 4:30. Bend Over Mommy was our RA for the evening, and after “And The Hares,” Hare Club serenaded Just Kendra for his song. It was something about necrophilia and included lots of yo-ho’s. That Hare Club … he sure knows how to impress the ladies.
After that Peppermint Pussy demented Virgin Ellie, who thought that Teabags was our most attractive harriette. That Virgin Ellie … she sure knows how to impress the ladies.
Then our Irish visitor Polly sang a song called, I think, “Naughty Rude Girls.” I didn’t catch all the lyrics, but it was a nice segue into our next accusation, which was that almost all the harriettes were wearing blue for no apparent reason. There were probably more accusations waiting in the wings, but by that time, the locals were starting to get uncomfortable, so we Swung Low and ate pizza. Except for Friar, who skipped the cheese-and-sauce portion of the meal and walked around collecting leftover crusts from empty down-down cups instead. Yum.
Overheard on Trail
Citizen: Why are you running?
Hasher: Beer.
Citizen: Beer that you drink?
Hasher: Yeah.
Citizen: Beer that’s free?
Hasher: Nope.
Citizen: F*ck!
Invisible Hare: CreamWhora
Bag Car: Dribbles
Slacker Extraordinaire: Taj My Hole
RA: Goes Down On Buoys (On-Out), Bend Over Mommy (On-In)
Scribe: Jolly Green Vagina
Weather: 35-ish, clear, and slushy
Pack: Wang Chunks, Just Kendra, Super Teflon Dong, Friar F*ck, Schindler’s Fist, Dirt Latte Sanchez, Peppermint P*ssy, Just Brian, Beat By A Girl, High Anus, Laa Laa, I Eat Teabags, Dick Jockey, Just Rob, Virgin Ellie, General Ass Pounder, Dude Where’s My Virginity, Nice T*ts, Polly
When this trail started out, I had it pegged for a Wang trail. We took a bunch of stairs up a hill that would’ve made Rocky Balboa proud, and then had a lovely view of a Target/Stop’n’Shop that looked just like the one in Dorchester, and then went up and through a T-station. That was only the first half mile, though. After that, it became clear that Hare Club’s trail was nothing like a Wang trail, and was actually more like some sort of unholy hybrid between a GAP trail and Robert Peary’s expedition to the North Pole.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up a bit.
Trail was originally going to be hared by Hare Club and Creamwhora. CW, however, pulled a no-show. Whether this was due, as some said, to “family issues,” or whether he woke up on G-String’s couch sore, naked, and covered in Vaseline and was too embarrassed to show up, we may never know. CW, if you’re reading this, you should at least know that you weren’t the first, and you probably won’t be the last.
Pre-lube was at the Victory Pub off of something called “the Blue Line.” The beer was cheap, the chairs were sticky, and if you had to change, the bathroom was a frightening place to take off your shoes. In other words, it was a typical hash bar. Outside, Buoys did introductions and chalk talk in front of a few horrified onlookers, and then the pack was away.
The short Wang intro to Hare Club’s trail brought us through residential neighborhoods, where an unusually large number of people were out shoveling snow, which was strange given that the last storm had been about a week before. We also passed a building with some sort of decoration around the top that looked very much like one of those paper Burger King crowns, which didn’t make any sense. One of the people out shoveling explained that it some sort of Catholic building. Which doesn’t make any sense either, when you think about it.
From there, trail led under the approach path to Logan Airport. The planes coming in for a landing were pretty cool. The uneven, half-frozen pack-ice crusting the top of the salt marsh was somewhat less so. The major problem with half-frozen pack ice is that “half frozen” by definition implies “half not-frozen,” and some of the heavier members of the pack had the opportunity to find out what was underneath the half-frozen ice. (Answer: cold, nasty-smelling muck.) Then the pack came to several 8-foot wide channels filled with cold, nasty-smelling ice water. Most members elected to jump across. Laa-Laa, ever the nonconformist, chose instead to fall in.
After that, it was a short jaunt across a causeway, through a car wash, through a second salt marsh (complete with more channels), up a hill, and across a snow-covered field to the beer check. But there was PBR and a chance to clear the snow out of our shoes, which made it all worthwhile.
From the beer check, trail immediately led into a third and final half-frozen marsh, and then into some woods consisting of some briars, a couple of trees, some more briars, a burned sofa, even more briars, a foot of snow, briars, and animal poop. And briars. I can’t speak for anyone else, but when we got out to the road, I had to spend about 45 seconds pulling thorns out of my earlobe.
Then the trail turned residential, although running on the slushy, poorly-paved roads didn’t really represent much of an improvement over running across the treacherous, icy salt marshes. Note to the town of Revere: Maybe you could – I’m just throwing this out there – but maybe you might want to consider GIVING YOUR D.P.W. SOME F*CKING MONEY SO THEY CAN FIX THE F*CKING POTHOLES, A’IGHT?
The On-In was at BK’s, near the Revere Beach T-Stop. If you haven’t been there, the beer was cheap, the chairs were sticky, and if you had to change, the bathroom was a frightening place to take off your shoes. In other words, it was a typical hash bar.
From a 1:30 HST start, trail finished right about 4:00 PM. Unless you were Friar or BBAG, in which case trail finished at around 4:30. Bend Over Mommy was our RA for the evening, and after “And The Hares,” Hare Club serenaded Just Kendra for his song. It was something about necrophilia and included lots of yo-ho’s. That Hare Club … he sure knows how to impress the ladies.
After that Peppermint Pussy demented Virgin Ellie, who thought that Teabags was our most attractive harriette. That Virgin Ellie … she sure knows how to impress the ladies.
Then our Irish visitor Polly sang a song called, I think, “Naughty Rude Girls.” I didn’t catch all the lyrics, but it was a nice segue into our next accusation, which was that almost all the harriettes were wearing blue for no apparent reason. There were probably more accusations waiting in the wings, but by that time, the locals were starting to get uncomfortable, so we Swung Low and ate pizza. Except for Friar, who skipped the cheese-and-sauce portion of the meal and walked around collecting leftover crusts from empty down-down cups instead. Yum.
Overheard on Trail
- Oooh, poopy! -Teabags
- It’s a good trail when your pants are wet and your ass is sore. – Friar
Citizen: Why are you running?
Hasher: Beer.
Citizen: Beer that you drink?
Hasher: Yeah.
Citizen: Beer that’s free?
Hasher: Nope.
Citizen: F*ck!
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