Marathon Beer Check & Crossroads

Hares: General Ass Pounder, Spank Me May I Have My Mother
Bag Car: None
Pre-Lube: Crossroads
Beer Check: None
On-In: Spank Me's place
Distance: about 6.9 yards
Weather: cool and windy, upper 40's?
Scribe: Spank Me May I Have My Mother wrote this from "memory"
Late Cummers: Sugar Plum Fairy, and probably others

The Pack
Without notes? I'll try: Peppermint Pussy, Taj My Hole, Just Vicky, Beat By A Girl, G String, Goat Throat, High Anus, Sketchy Ho, Save A Tree Ride A Cowboy, Super Teflon Dong, Catheter The Great, Dude Where's My Virginity, Harpoontang, Better Late than Pregnant, Wang Chunks, Ass Spelunker, Late Night Drive-Through, those brothers from Sweden, that guy from London, a young blond virgin, and about 40 more hashers I can't remember and probably just pissed off because I forgot you.

Trail
When I, Peppermint Pussy, GAP, Taj My Hole, and Just Vicky got to Crossroads at 4:00, it was at capacity, and there were apparently only a few hashers already inside. Ditto for the nearest backup bar — the new Corner Tavern (formerly the Last Drop).

But Taj had been given strict orders by Hare Club for Queers to spend the remainder of the Marathon weekend's cash on beer for everyone. So we were not going to let overcrowded bars get between hashers and free beer. Like a well-oiled machine of gay men on fetish night, we sprung into action — Just Vicky bought flour at the Sketchy Mart, which GAP started to use to lay trail from Crossroads. Taj and I shopped for beer at Marlborough Market while Just Vicky and Peppermint Pussy hit the chips and cookies aisles. I updated the hotline and went to my place to hide all the gay porn and warn hash crasher Ass Spelunker that he would not be able to rest after his 26.2 mile run.

Trail was Beacon to Mass Ave to Marlborough, ending at 439. GAP laid flour arrows so big that people were tripping over them. He even had a check, because, being typical GAP, he got lost on his own trail and had laid a mark down my alley instead of to my front door, so he had to mask an incorrect arrow with a check.

Circle
Someone realized that since we technically had a trail, we should have a circle, so Wang Chunks stepped in as RA and gathered people on my porch so that we could really annoy my neighbors. I was handcuffed to GAP so that I wouldn't run away screaming. Comments on trail included the obvious: "BEST GAP TRAIL EVER". Hares did their down-downs and tortured people with "Follow The Hares".

Many visitors were called in to circle; this gave the Swedes the chance to sing something that sounded like Chewbacca gargling a chicken, but we politely smiled and pretended we were listening.

G-String had brought a virgin, who was demented by a visitor. As usual I forget her name, but she was so young that I'll call her "Just Don't Tell Daddy I Served Alcohol to a Minor". (And if she ever escapes from my storage closet, I might need the services of one of you lawyers.)

There might have been a few accusations, but Wang was either bored or cold, so circle was mercifully short, without even doing Swing Low.

The partying continued, even after Taj's hash cash budget was exhausted. Not even two broken glasses and Late Night Drive Through passing out on the sleeper sofa could stop things. A spontaneous $5 hash cash collection and 2 more beer runs and some pizza kept the action going until maybe midnight.

You overachieving alcoholic wankers managed to drink 237 beers. Now if only Marlborough Market sold kegs…

Quotes:

• "Does anyone know how to get the smell of Sugar Plum Fairy out of a sofa?" - Anonymous
• "She's literally HALF your age!" - A female hasher, to an anonymous male hasher who thought that the virgin was cute
• "How do you say 'anal sex' in Swedish?" - G String