The MJ Memorial Hash

Good Morning H@shers! Hope you’re all waking up around now and strapping on those dirty shoes, getting ready to H@sh like this AGM deserves! It’s been almost two weeks since the MJ memorial h@sh and I have slacked for long enough on this h@shtrash! Forgive me if it gets a little loopy. The Nyquil is wearing off and the caffeine is just kicking in.

Hares: Shawskank & Just Sarah
Bag Car: Just Ted
Virgins: Becky, Lisa, Billy, and Melvin…. Oh Melvin

Pack: Just Sarah (another one who needs naming pronto) Time of the Munch, Goat Throat, Just Adam (I guess we broke Nabeel on the best trail ever), The Buttler Hit It, Peppermint P#ssy, Schindler’s Fist, Sugar Plum Fairy, Necrophiliac Jack, Ski, Mr. Rogers, Nipples (erectus?), High Anus, My Chemical Homance, Spunk in the Trunk, Sketchy Ho, Just Ellen, 5” Penalty, Just Ryan, Bend over Mommy, and a bunch more that I couldn’t write fast enough to catch… and admittedly had too many later to remember.

The Pack met up at the Tavern at the End of the World and started our pre-lube. We drank our refreshing beverages and marveled at our Hariettes’ well-chapeaued, single-gloved, sparkling-chested attire. The Hares departed and Necro called bag car and chalk talk. But the Hares and Bag Car were still sorting things out. Silly Necro, going to have to learn not to go off early like that! We went back in and got some extra lube. Which, as I write about it now makes perfect sense on an MJ h@sh (Sorry Macaulay.)

Bag Car called for real and Chalk talk ensued. Necro lead it. I am pretty sure someone stole my notes at this point as there is something about Necro that says “Glove and Moose knuckle” Weird right?

We warmed up the virgins with a rendition of the S&M man. It really is a beautiful sight to see some of them cringe as they comprehend just what they have gotten themselves into.

Shortly there-after pack was away. I could tell you all the details of the run…. Or I could share the super hi-tech interactive map of it. (interesting notes are included if you care to read)

Not sure if the map covers everything, but it is way beyond what I was up for remembering.

Some key points if you chose to skip the map:

• Unique check of this h@sh was an MJ check which involved singing and a h@sh-like amounts of crotch grabbing.
• We had a return of the blue chalk. Pack got itself lost just a few times.
• When we eventually did find BC #1 we were down some h@shers and virgin Melvin. Virgin Melvin is a quick lil Smaht kid who thought that scouting was more his cup of tea. I don’t know what he found on his travels… but it was not the beer check. Not for a while at least. Eventually we rounded folks up and Sketchy Ho found us. She apparently did this by asking the cops how to find us. Pretty sure I’m missing part of this story, or we are just that awesome.
• Ran more etc etc

Beer Check #2: Pack was much more together this time. And then we were treated to the sight of the lady virgins sneaking off into the dark together. Details were not forthcumming on what happened in those short, shared moments in the dark. One can only assume what two cumly, sweaty virgins who have been drinking would be doing out there alone.

More running… and we reached Porter! From whence a barrage of insights arose: “We must be going to Sligo!” “Hurray we’re almost there!” “Wait! Why the hell are we going this way? Porter is behind and this is nowhere near Harvahd.” And my personal favorite from Goat Throat “Well sh1t! I am never again accusing chicks for laying short trails”.

Eventually made it in to Paddy’s. And may I take a moment to say Bravo! That’s a dive I would never have dreamed of and it was perfect for the the hash. Lots of food, as much of the bar to ourselves as we wanted, and a lot of cheap beer!

We circled up and got to the festivities.

Virgins!

• Virgin Melvin (surrogate sponsor Just Ted) was asked the sqare root of 69 and worked long and hard to give the right answer… but failed to get 8 something
• Virgin Billy (Mr Rogers) I believe this was the second week in a row we had a virgin decline to demonstrate favorites sex positions on the grounds of incest. He was then asked what MJ’s favorite position might be: bent over a see-saw.. He then capped off his performance with a superb MJ O-face satisfying the H@sh’s perverse desires.
• Virgin Becky (Just Ellen) Turns out her favorite barnyard animal is the horse (I was impressed) and then she gave us first a horse faking an orgasm followed by a horse having an angry sex orgasm.
• Virgin Lisa (Just Ryan who doesn’t even cum for his own virgin! Shawskank to the rescue again) Turns out Virgin Lisa, when faced with a bus of lesbians would not get off.
• Good virgins – despite Melvin getting lost, and ESCPECIALLY for the lady virgin rendezvous in the woods. (Also, we like the just Lisa and Becky since they came back this week for the plague filled playground tour)

Accusations!

• Just Ellen – coaching the virgins and warning them of what is to cum.
• FRB – High Anus
• FBI – Spunk in the Trunk
• DFL – Virgin Melvin
• H@sh Crash – Just Ryan
• Racist Behavior – 5” Penalty
• Female Virgins – for their trist
• Cranium cover in circle – Just Sarah… when one hare drinks, so do Shawskank and Just Ted.
• Sweat Test Failure – Just Allison (TheRapist as of this past wednesday) showed up late but we applaud her for making it out in the face of adversity and work.. responsibilities eh?
• Backsliders – Mr Rogers
• False Accusation – Fisty
  

We sang songs, we were impressed with the neat type-face on the ridiculously well planned out itinerary (have picture to prove), we drank beverages, we enjoyed a sandwich tray, salad, and wings!

Great H@sh! Thanks Bag Car and Hares!

I don’t know if anyone took many notes for this past Wednesday’s Playground Tour. Hope you all enjoyed at least some bits of it. If you want to see where you were supposed to run here is our map.

On-h@shing-cures-the-pig-flu-ON

Maid of Honor