Trail #1
What: Eager 4 Beaver #Something
Where: Under some powerlines, between “modern” houses in Burlington, I think?
Who:
Hare: DUI Done Right
Pack: Bring Out the Gimp, Can’t Eat Pussy, Wikipedophilia, The Butler Hit It, Douchesquatch, Spunk in the Trunk, Two Justs From Salem.
Late Cumer: Salty Mudflaps
Point A:
Was marked at the edge of the parking area under the power lines and followed a rough trail straight up the slope to a check where the trails forked. Trail continued straight, past another fork, then turned right to run under the power lines, to a check back 10. The “runners” – CEP, Butler and YHS – turned and counted back to find walking pack milling about by the fork; their hashy senses telling them to scout around before the check back was counted out. Low and behold, the check back was to the unmarked fork, and trail cut into the woods off to the left of the power lines to a check, then turned back right and zig-zagged back under the power lines and down to some highway. Oh, wait, no, trail never went that far down the hill; it had turned at the crest and continued into the woods. Again, it was the “gentle joggers” who stayed on trail, while the FRBs did some hill sprints. Bush-wacking through some shiggy eventually brought us to a semi-clearing with some boulders and DUI sitting by some “beer.”
BC #1:
DUI can’t read. He says that the only reason he bought Natty Ice was because he thought it had 6.9% ABV, but closer reading of the can yielded that it was actually just 5.9% ABV. Learn to read, deward! After some public shamming, we kicked him out and mumbled about the quality of beer. We decided that it wasn’t alcohol abuse to pour out Natty Ice, so, with some donations to local flora and fauna (which ever one of those words means plants, since there were no “animals”), we chased after our hare.
Trail Phase Purple:
Crossing the ridge from the beer check, trail continued through the woods to a check at the top of a hill. There were some marks heading down hill from there, but pack wisely thought that going down hill was foolish since it only lead to the road, and this is Beaver. However, after extensive scouting yielded no marks in any other direction besides downhill and to the road, we ran down the hill to the road, where we indeed found marks. Trail ran up hill through a quiet part of suburbia which seemed completely indifferent to our passing. A few turns later, trail came back to the cars where I saw DUI sitting on a rock drinking a beer. Slowing down, thinking it was the BC/Point B, I was sadly informed that the beer was about a half a mile away. He pointed and said “go that way” and “that way” I went. Trail snaked along the power lines, diving into the woods then back before crossing the lines at the bottom of a long ridge, over a wood bridge, with the “beer” hidden in the water beneath. As I was crossing the last switch back, I saw back at the cars making their way down the hill and yelled back “Beer Near” to encourage them. CEP and Spunk and the female just kept running on trail, while Douche, Gimp and the male just made a B-Line to the beer and found a swamp in their way. Swamp or not; nothing can stop the Douchesquatch and he barreled on to the beer.
BC #2:
Again, “beer” in the loosest sense of the word since it was still Natty Ice. Since the BC was on a bridge, we quickly descended into Robin Hood Men in Tights/LotR quotes and tried really hard not to think about what we were drinking. About half-way through our beers, DUI said that the ONIN beer was the High Life, and that we could follow him back to the cars since he didn’t feel like running any more.
Trail Second Act:
We followed DUI to the cars, and walked into Salty sitting, with crutches, on the side of trail, hitting on lesbians.
CIRCLE:
In a bit of an RA by committee, we called the hare into circle and I only messed up one verse. He had nothing to say in his defense, so then we called in FRB (Wiki), FBI (female just) and DFL (salty), and sang them the song where everyone yells BUS. I tried to sing Wild West Show, but f*cked it up royally “crocked tattoed lady.” CEP some version of “bum-titty” and the entire “Big Rhode Island Read” there were announcements – the next beaver trail is at the end of 95 where it runs into 128, and will be hared by me…sometime?
ON-AFTER -> Maragritas. We all decided that we needed “real food” before moon.
Trail #2:
What: MOON AGM
Where: Lower Depths
WHO: Wine Riot*, An*l Disco
Pack:
4 Score and 20 Cocks Ago, Cocksmith, Pop Cum Ear I’m Infected, Friar Fuck, Oragsm Falmon, Blowbot, CEP, DUI Done Right, THE 2nd Cumming, Beat By A Girl, Amilia Airfart*, Goat Throat, Easy A 123, PSA, Cuddle Puddle, Bend Over Mommy, Save a Tree Ride A Cowboy, Goes down on Bouys, Bloody Slip Inside, Laurance My Labia, 5 Inch Penalty, Extra Terristical, Fatbox, Others?
Start:
Oh yeah, there was an optional Beaver On-After-After Pre-Pre-Lube at the Discodome where we sampled/tested all the shot checks and generally engaged in Debachurrey until the uber arrived, also Butler handed out cookies and candies. As we were waiting we were treated to Disco reading us txts from her beautiful co-hare such as:
Thrown out of wine riot.
Crying on a stoop.
Throwing up in an alley.
Sending Peepers home.
En route to start.
By the time we got to the pre-lube, it had been taken over about 2/3rds hashers in their masquerade finery. We sipped on fancy beers and everyone was treated to a very drunk, but very very happy Udder. Once we’d all consumed a fancy beer or 3, and the hares had stumbled off we decided it was time to get this shit show started, so we all just walked to Bloody’s car.
Circle:
Nothing special; the hares are drunk, don’t expect a long trail.
Trail Waxing Cresent:
Starting from the Alley behind the UBurger in Kendal, trail ran down Commonwealth towards Mass Ave, where we were almost immediately treated to a shot check (blue drink) then to a check and down an alley to Newbury street, or whatever. Crossing Newbury street “That man’s dressed like a woman!” mentioned one muggle on seeing Goat run past (note; it was actually a surprisingly masculine outfit for Mr. Throat, but, whatever), to a tit check in front of the Fire station, however none of Boston’s finest were around to see the finest that Boston’s harriets had to offer. Trail (true) crossed the street, past Kings and the back way into the reflecting pool. Since the pack had spread out a bit, we sang a nice song about all the things we’d do to support our girl in the hospital. The suit-wearing muggles were amused and we ran on, crossing back over Mass Ave down Huntington, past a very deciptive BEAR NEAR, and eventually into the Finns to a Beer/Gay hook up check.
Beer Check In the Fens:
Udder had given up standing, and had a pow-wow with Famon for much of the beer check. Butler had handed out some cookies at Discodome that made me very very engertic so I paced around in circles the entire check, while everyone else joined udder and sat around drinking their beers. There was no rush. Eventually, Disco pulled a bottle of Fireball out of the bag car and announced a 2nd shot check (there was one on the first leg of trail, though I forget were…) to keep us sediatied while she and udder stumbled along trail some more.
After the fireball had been drunk….
Trail Waxing Gibous?:
It should be noted that, with the exception of the walkers, most of pack ran the first leg of trail. When I set off running for the second leg, there were maybe a dozen people with me. Trail ran out of the fins, past the MFA and through Northeastern, to another shot check in the middle of the quad – a dark and stormy if memory serves – that CEP and I sipped, then since we couldn’t see the rest of pack, returned it and kept running. Trail turned back into the fens, and there was a BN on a bridge with trail pointing to Udder, who was attempting to seduce a tree.
BC #2:
Well, except that Disco had left Udder to her tree while she went to look for Bloody and beer. It was okay, since the walkers seemed to be attracting runners like some ragey-black-out-hole. The rest of pack sauntered across the bridge right as the beer arrived. Refreshments served, everyone sat down and relaxed while Famine replaced Udder in the tree and seemed to hold court, or something, as she was serenaded, I think, by BBAGs? Pack, having lost all sense of time or motivation to do anything besides sit around and drink, started opening their second beers long after the hares had ninja’d off again. Still energized by the cookies, I took off after them.
Trail To the Moon:
At this point running pack was Famon, Mommy, Laurence My Labia, CEP, 5 Inch and Butler. Trail was basically a straight shot through some light housing projects towards a park in Mission Hill. It took us all of about 5 minutes to run, and we found the hares and bag car at the top of the hill.
ONIN:
We had time to help unload all the bags and beer from the car, which was about 2 blocks away, and bring them all back to the ONIN with still no sign of pack. We were standing around, drinking and generally having a good time when we started to see cranium lamps walking up the hill. Apparently, after the runners had left the BC, everyone else walked, because it’s moon and f*ck running, or rules.
Circle…started slowly…
About half way through “Drink A Little Bit” the private parties quieted and we were able to properly serenade our hares for the shitty trail they laid. There were no virgins, or moon virgins (maybe there were, but they weren’t called into circle). Who was? FRBs and DFLs probably? Outgoing Moon GMs? When one ex-GM drinks, all ex-GMs drink. Everyone who wore a mask was called in, and then everyone who didn’t; there was plenty of beer, and not enough accusations, so we called Udder Whore into the circle and accused her of being Moon GM without a Moon Name; from this day forward, under the full moon, Udder Whore will be known as “Wine Riot.” We tried to rename Emilia Airfart to something, but I forget. Famine was supposed to be named, but no one could remember what or why, and eventually we moved onto shotgun down-downs; anyone who had never done a shotgun at moon was called in, plus Gaywol, who apparently had never done a shotgun at all. In an utter breach of decrum, circle just kind of dissolved and we went to the ON-AFTER (some karaoke bar) without doing religion. I’ll never know what happened the day I met a whore in the park.
ON-AFTER:
Happened; Butler lost his bag, no one knows White Rabbit, and Blubber showed up, then quickly left with two girls.
On-After-After:
Tasty Burger in Harvard; much to my surprise they continued serving us beer and burgers.
Trail #3
What: Boston Trail #197x
Where: Drinking Fountain, JP
Who:
Hares: Twat My Mom, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory
Pack:
Plus 2 Coonass, Yellow Dick Gnome, Goat Throat, Easy as 123, Bum Fucking Vagabond, Just Liam*, Just Twins, Two Minute Ride, Ass-stache, Just Tim, Bloody Slip Inside, Just Brian, Stuff That Reich Now, Blonde McFucksAlot, Orgasm Famine, The Butler Hit It, Friar, Dribbles.
Start:
Due to the T being lame, most of pack was extremely delayed in getting to the start, though some people were there about 2 hours early. Trail didn’t start until well after 3.
Trail Part 1:
After chalk talk – nothing special other than “T” checks (we were instructed to look around for “treats”) – trail was marked as a death march down whatever road that is back to Forest Hills station, to a CB3 and a left turn under a bridge and into shiggy. That would the last serious pavement pounding we did all trail. Zig-zaging through shiggy into Franklin Park, we sang, again, about our deep love and compassion for our girl infront of some random hospital, then followed trail around some sporting fields and down a hill towards a pond, where we found Twat and Wonka sitting on a bench.
BC #1:
I also believed them when they said the beer was on an island, but decided to just look up the hill and saw the beer behind a rock. Real beer this time; PBR. Also, there were Halloween candies. Sipping our delicious beverages we took in the foliage and watched the denizens of Franklin park walk past, noting that our hares had left, we cleaned up our mess and followed after them.
Trail part 2:
After scrambling up a hill and coming out a group hug, we played some low-level frogger as we ran across the road which cuts through the park, then up another hill to the abandoned bear changes, through them, across the golf course, then through some shiggy. Then down a hill, across another field, across another road, then through more shiggy. There was more shiggy on this Boston trail than on Beaver! WTF! Ascending a final hill, we saw the hares sitting on a fence on the other side, so after scrambling down a rather steep rock face, we found that we were at the ONIN but had to wait for beer and bags, and then we had to climb back to the top of the hill for circle.
CIRCLE:
Was about 10 paces from the edge because I didn’t want to carry the beer any further, and, surprisingly, the hash agreeded and we circled. We are still “breaking in” Bloody to RAing, so he was assisted by Goat Throat. We called the hares into circle, and sang a toast to them, then reminded them that they had laid a shitty trail. After flashing us (both sets), they sang to us that despite all the shiggy, that they were drinking in a hashers paradise. Same shirts – hashers run on PBR – were called in, as were kilted hashers. We are a stupid, though well dressed, bunch. FRB and FBI were called in, though I forget who they were. Hash idiots – those who did all three trails this weekend, Butler and I, were called in and told to get a life. Visitors – Two minutes and his justs – were called in, and Blonde was accused of new shoes. She volunteered to let science decide, and when the RA let go of her shoe, it dropped; therefore it was new. She drank some, but mostly poured it on her cranium. Next Just Liam was called in and accused of being a Just. He assumed the position. He said was from Utah, but did not have any magic underwear, though he did confirm the “fith base exception” was, indeed, a thing. The pack didn’t need to hear any more; from this day forth, Just Liam will be known throughout the world as “Poophole Loophole.” Important business over, we swang low.
On-After:
Was a burrito place that served pizza? Whatever, we shoved warm greasy food in our vissage-holes.
On-After-After:
Doyles Amber Ale, while watching Sporting Events.
On – I came 3 times! – On
-Wikipedophilia
Announcements:
November 2nd: Swedish Eagle?
November 9th: Fatboy trail.
November 15th: PooF Thanksgiving potluck in Holden, MA. www.poofh3.com
November 16th: HARES NEEDED
November 22nd: Sadia Hawkins – the pins have been given out (??), so gentlemanboys talk up your favourite harriets and get pinned to the Best Event This Side of Mississippi that weekend.
I wasn’t actually paying attention during announcements; holiday party in December, Burlington Mardi Gras in March, Marathon in April, NURD in May, something in June, Invihash in July, GAP in August, InterAm in September, blah, blah, blah.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment