Wrestle Mainia Hash

Wrestle Mainia/ The Hash where only Gimp wore a singlet

Hares: Wiki and Clit Notes

Pre-lube: Kelly Square Pub by the airport T stop

On-In: Outside by the river kinda near Wellington

Pack: Gimp, Famine, Blow bot, Ass-Stache, Friar, Cum Ear, Female Virgin, Male Virgin, Douche, Hoover, Butler, Visitor from DC  (something about a Stapler?)

Bag Car: Udder Whore

This was a Wiki trail. From start to finish. By that I mean first all of us foolish wankers traveled to a bar near the airport, only to follow Wiki around all the parts of Boston where they dump dead bodies, and then stand around at dusk in the cold singing to our hares about how shitty they were.  That being said I (Famine) did have some fun.

We gathered in the local pub to drink in preparation for trail. A brave DC visitor had brought 2 virgins so some of us socialized with them and tried our best not to scare them off before we got started. Our hares departed and we gave them what was likely far too much time as we waited for stragglers and eventually trickled out to the bag car. Butler ran a rather subdued chalk talk with surprisingly well-drawn genetalia. We introduced ourselves, told the virgins what to expect, and described the Wiki lost mark as a ‘trump card’ that negates all else. Butler led a rousing rendition of every day is Wednesday and we ran off in search of marks. Following trail went relatively smoothly until just before the bridge to Chelsea where a WN mark caused pack to mill about, someone to get yelled at by an angry salvage yard guy (or was it a crane operator?) and general mayhem. After an extended search for marks on our side of the bridge and much discussion of weather WN meant the dreaded Wiki Lost or something else I ran off across the bridge and found trail. After I had left someone found a bag of wine since apparently WN meant Wine Near. They must have stood around drinking that for some time because I got stopped by a dick check 2/3^rds of the way over the bridge and waited for around 5 minutes while 7 passing cars honked at me before a hasher caught up and freed me. From there trail curved around back towards the river on a side street and down an ally, but a dearth of marks and questionably pointing arrows made for slow going as we kept losing trail. Soon after that we came upon a song check next to a dog park so we sang about some poor dog (rover?) and then there was a tit check in an ally. As I ran out about my 5^th false of the day, pack found marks along the river that led to the first beer check!

The walkers had beaten us there and Cum Ear was gleefully searching for sea creatures along the shore line of our scenic coastal drinking spot. We drank our hard earned beers, ate orange food, told stories to terrify the virgins, and remarked on the presence of sunshine. A proper amount of time after the hares ran off we followed them and followed marks / zenned over many grassy and rocky areas in a very up-hill direction until we found a song check where we re-grouped and sang something. We found a confusing set of marks in a driveway with a true trail leading to a false 6 inches away from it and eventually found other marks leading back down the hill. Trail meandered through roads and parking lots, past a parked police man who watched me jaywalk 3 times as I ran out falses, past salvage yards and sketchy trucking areas, to yet another dick check where I didn’t really feel comfortable standing and waiting alone so I ran around and pre-checked until people caught up and freed me.  Pack seemed to be losing enthusiasm for running since suddenly a lot of walking seemed to be happening.  After running out one particularly long false I heard shouts of Beer Near and eventually found the hares and bag car hanging out in an ally. We drank more, ate more, socialized, gave the hares tons of time to mess with us, and ran on.

The third leg of trail caused the most consternation and wails of anguish within pack. It started out all right with marks and checks near major intersections that we navigated remarkably well, but soon after singing about why Jesus can’t go hashing, in front of a church, on Palm Sunday, things began to go downhill. We got mildly confused near a pizza shop that had the word food written in one color chalk and a questions mark in another color next to it. Fortunately 5 feet away from that there was an arrow-indicating trail (thank you Clit Notes). Then as far as I could tell trail totally disappeared for a while but we ran straight and found a check. We quickly found trail and another check, but that check was the last mark I saw that did not end up being a false for about 20 minutes. All of pack except for Blow-bot, who somehow went the right way, followed the false trail, milled about and searched for marks, got barked at by dogs, and searched a Best Buy parking lot for marks until the male virgin found a mark in a tennis court which we followed across a baseball field to a check where we found Blow-bot napping on some bleachers. Soon after that we realized where trail was going and ran straight to the on-in near the river.

For all that the on-in was outdoors on a day that did not quite get above 40 degrees it was rather pretty and snow free. We ate pizza before circle and then sang in our shitty hares. Comments on trail were somewhat standard but reflected the general shit-show nature of certain sections of trail. Wiki and Clit Notes sang us something I don’t remember. FRB (Blow-bot) and FBI (Famine) were called in to drink for our racist tendencies. DFL (Butler) was asked if he was lonesome tonight. I believe Wiki ended up joining him for cutting off the RA to initiate the song and then messing up the words. Udder was elected as Dementress of the day to de-virginize our 2 virgins. Both Virgins declared themselves backwoods. The male virgin sadly would not help his uncle jack off a horse, and his response to what is the square root of 69 was ‘my mouth’.  Their sponsors demonstrated down-downs, we sang them their down down song, they drank, and we decided to take them despite their un-worthiness. Accusations included technology on trail, peeing on trail, auto-hashing, and a whole lot more that I now forget. Once we started getting cold we announced some stuff and swung low.

ON-but there might not be marks-ON

-Orgasm Famine

Announcements:

Wednesday 4/1: Mismanagement Meeting 7PM Tasty Burger

Sunday 4/5 at 2:30HST: BH3 Yeaster Trail starting at The Globe near Copley

Saturday 4/11: PooF H3 Trail

Sunday 4/12: BH3 Trail

Monday 4/13: RI H3 Trail

Tuesday 4/14: Beaver Marathon Pre-lube 6:30HST

Wednesday 4/15: Taco Marathon pre-lube 6:30HST

Thursday 4/16: Ball-buster Marathon pre-lube 6:30HST

Friday 4/17: C*mbridge beer mile and pub crawl 6:30HST

Saturday 4/18: Disney Princess Marathon Trail!

Sunday 4/19: Boston Moon fat boy 2:30HST