Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Zig Zag H3 Presents: A Leap Day Trail Trash

What: Zig-Zag H3: Presents the 2016 Leapday Trail.
Where: Friendly Toast
Hares: Queer and Foaming in my Anus, Not Dead Yet
Bag car: Show me the Penis
Who:
The Butler Hit It, Vaganacologist, Just From Wisconsin, 4 Virgins, PoPo Peep Show, Sugar Hump Fairy, Fellowship of Cockring, Luva Lamp, Dry Hose, Orgasm Falmon, Bottom Wrangler, Little Spermaid, Spunk in the Trunk, Wikipedophilia, Goes Down on Bouys, Udder Whore, Frair Fuck, Anal Disco, Pulp Friction, Black Cock Down, Marblelous Asshole, Blowcone the Glitter Pussy, Others I Don't Remember

Start:
After tierlously scouting the hares told us that State Park was closed and that trail was starting at Friendly Toast - a venue synonymous with good decisions. The Reigning birthday boy, feeling as though there was still more rage left in the group, decided to bring left over cookies from his party to trail. Decisions were made and snacks were had, these decisions greatly increased the confusion felt by some of pack later in trail. Generally, though, it was a tame start. With the notable exception that when I ordered by "Cross of Gold" lager, none of the hashers present understood why I looked around dramatically and proclaimed "I will not crucify this country on a cross of gold!" History lessons aside, though there would be more of those on trail, the hares left relatively on time (okay, not really, but whatever), and then bag car needed help being shown to her own car. Remember, she's the sober one. Eventually bags were deposited, chalk talk was had, and we ran off searching for promised shots, beer, and zigzags, oh my!

Trail Pataphysical:

With the first check in front of bar trail turned left heading dangerously towards the work places of some of pack, before being imideiately stopped at a song check by the trail tracks, after a quick song and some lazy scouting down all 4 directions of the road, it was suggested that perhaps trail went down the rail road tracks, which, not surprisingly, it did. Trail continued around the back of Kendal square through some light urban housing before turning down some major road. Checks were well marked, pretty much one at every intersection, and trail aggressively switched sides of the streets (for what we thought would be the zig zag part of trail) until eventually reaching a park with a SN and True Trail marked. Marks continued for a suspiciously long time (though well within the 1/4 mile limit) to a shot check by a ball field.

Shot check Hanke-Henry:

The shot check featured some disgusting not-Fireball rip off, sweedish fish in vodka, and a bag with a lighter and two joints. Trail heads quickly assembled and pack made their decisions as to which inhebrient they wanted to peruse, and in a matter of minutes we were off down the right field line of the ballfield to to brief intermission on a play ground before resuming trail.

Trail Florentine:

Trail crossed over Prospect street and ran to a song check in front of CEPs house. Not knowing any Japanese songs besides "Hat, hat, I have a hat" - or however that translates - we sang an abortive version of Tampon factory "My laundry's hit a snag, looks like a Japanese flag" we ran off up the hill, over a bridge, to a future, maybe, someday, we hope, T station to find a combination "Hash Sitapeed/Shot check." In a blatant defiance of both physics and safety, we were able to gather all of pack on the little traffic light island to perform a very well done sitapeed (with hip trusts during Dina) before continuing onto the shot check.

Shot check Qumaran:

I have to lay it all out on the line here, after the violation of my throat which was the first shot check, and after seeing the faces of the people ahead of me, I decided to play it safe and "just keep scouting" instead of indulging. How wrong I was! This was a Moxie-based shot check, and we all know that Moxie is the sweet nectar of the gods which flows endlessly on Mount Olympous. Anyway, the rest of pack disagreed with my love of Moxie, and passed the bottle around making "Oh God, please make it stop faces" before joining the wiser, or more foolish, members of pack at a song check in Union Square.

Trail  Attic:

From the shot check trail run downhill, as I've already stated, to Union Square, from there we scouted in every possible direction, including running up two different hills and pretty much all the side streets of Union Square, until bag car was spotted in the shadows a few blocks away. With a beer near and walkers showing the way we took off down some random road (maybe Webster) towards what we thought would be beer and relazation. Except that the beer was not near. It was over a bridge and around a corner and behind a school.

Beer Check Seleucid:

At long last our thirst was quenched by the champagne of beer, and still more snacks, brought by spunk, left over from skiing/anti-buffet. After five minutes of noisy conversation, and neighbors peering out windows, the beer check was moved further into the park and the merrymaking continued until after the hares were away.

Trail Pyu:

Leaving the park and turning right we immdieatly ended up a the base of a well-known hill. Trail ran up hill, then parallel, down the other side of the street, the aforementioned trail from the shot check to the song check. This time trail was heavily laid in true trail as to not confuse us as to just was constituted a "zig zag" trail. Crossing Union square on true, we again aggressively scouted the hills overlooking union, but found trail leading away. Spured on by curiosity, we followed, until trail did turn right and up the backside of the hill. Passing a dick check just before the crest there was a CB4/YBF marked to send us on another right which eventually lead to a Beer Near and Beer check #2 in the tower overlooking the city.

Beer check Runic:

Two 30 racks awaited us as the base off the tower, as did wind and history lessons from Dry Hose - something about a flag. The beers was was notable for it's views (which were totes gorges) and the very ungentlemanly effect it had on kilters. YHS spent most of time doing his very best Maralyn Monroe impression, but seemed to be failing. It was a leisurely beer check that lasted well longer than it should have, with the hares not being gay until we had drunk all the beer, but eventually, they decided that perhaps they should lead us to warmth and beer, they left.

Trail Chula Sakarat:

Ran downhill, though, of course, no one trusted it. Trail back tracked to the dick check, then switched sides of the street to run down that hill and towards the Market Basket on Sommerville Ave, only to be greeted very quickly by an ONIN outside everyones favourite vintage record store cum ONIN. The FRBS did a quick job of moving all the racks and rugs out of the way and eventually pack, and beer, were ushered in.

ONIN:

We were told we could browse - and buy - any of the products on offer, but mostly we wanted to make sure that beer wasn't spilt on them, though I did en up picking up a gaint Budwiser patch, that someone will have to earn, somehow. Foamy quickly ran across the street to get another beer, then announced he would be returning again with pizza. A virtual plethora of different types of pizza were eventually delivered by a very confused looking Dominios guy, and our mouth holes were filled with a delicious verity of grease and yeast before, at long last, Blonde* attempted to run circle.

CIRCLE:

The hares were called in and made to drink for their crimes. There were complaints of too much pavement, not enough shiggy, not enough Moxie, and we sang them an ode reminding them to use more flour and chalk. They sang for us, something I forget but required them to stand, and then they got out of circle. We had a right gaggle of virgins - 6, I think, 3 sponsored by Foamy (or surrogates) and 3 by Gloutonous (or surrogates). The virgin from Vermount did a memorable "What does Donald Trump sound like when he cums?" of "Oh, ME! Oh, ME! Oh, ME!" or whatever. I actually don't think that's what she said, but it was funny, so, whatever. They weren't good at math, but we took them anyway. Next we called in the visitors/transplants. There was a guy who was at trail Sunday and a Just Transplant from Wisconsin. The just looked as us accusingly then said "I can't believe you haven't sung my favourite song yet" before pounding her beer and launching into "El Camino." Noticing a kindred spirit, we took up the refrain and sang along for a good while, before eventually ending the song and calling in FRBs - Falmon and Pulp Friction - who apparently came to the onin arm in arm? Friar was called in for DFL, and somehow that escalated to half the circle. After that Blonde was insistent that we do down-downs for backsliders (though no one was interested in if you were on the last leap day trail) really just so she could hand out print-outs-on-recipets of Fellowship and Popo's Total Ecpilse of the Backslider, or whatever. After that circle was opened to accusations, and racist attire was called in, though this quickly turned into - kilter hasher, gm, ex-gm, etc - so about a third of the pack was in circle. There were a few more accusations, then announcements (see below) before it was time for "Vessels in your hands, cranium covers on: 'Ziggy Zaggy...'" for religion.

Pack was told that everyone had to throw away one piece of trash before disbursing into the night.

On - Next Leap Year trail is 2/29/2020, hares and location tbd - On
-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:
3/4-6: Burlington VT-> Mardi Gras Hash! Rego is still open:
http://burlingtonhash.com/wordpress/mardi-gras/rego/
It's hashing, good beer, beeds, boobs, etc, a Mardi gras parade in Burlington VT!

3/6: The Jorts Trail, start is 2:45HST, downstairs at Tasty Burger.

3/11-13: Philly Green Dress run! Rego is still open:
https://hashrego.com/events/philly-green-dress-run-2016

4/15-18: Boston Hash House Harriers Presents Dungeons and Drag Queens! Rego is still open:
http://www.bostonhash.com/events/marathon_2016

5/13-15: Northeast Unoffical Running of the Drunks -> NURD! NURD! NURD! Rego is NOT open, but stay tuned.

No comments:

Post a Comment