What: The Quadrennial JP Hash
Where: JP? Specifically Cafe Luna, or something
Who:
Hares: Goat Throat, Goes Down on Bouys
Bag Car: Show Me the Penis
Pack:
Bring Out the Gimp, Salty Mudflaps, DUI Done Right, Easy as 123, Shits and Ladders, Orgasm Falmon, Luva Lamp, E=ImaDouche, Not Dead Yet, Skethcy Ho, CEP, The Butler Hit It, Wikipedophilia, Friar Fuck, Lobster Cock (?? transplant from EDW), Virgin Someone, Krusty the Meatmiser, Blowbot, Fellowship of the Cockring...others I’m forgetting.
Start:
Was at a very nice bar. Everyone agreed that JP was a great place to live, probably, but was wicked far from work and friends...
Trail Part The First:
Chalk talk was lead by Krusty and we went over a bunch of marks, some of which we would see and others of which we would not. We explained most of them to the virgin, and tried to go over pack marks, though that wasn’t entirely helpful as most of the chalk left to us by the hares was of the dark and not easily visible type, as we had assumed that the hares had taken the brightly colored chalk for themselves. Side note; they hadn’t, but more on that later.
Trail ran straight through the not-quite-a-brewery complex and up a set of stairs. I had attempted racist behaviour earlier in the day and my legs were protesting more than, well, it’s hard to finish that joke without offending anyone, so just understand that they were protesting, and the stairs did not help matters. Wow, that was quite the tangent, anyway, there was a very cheerful family with a mother leading her children in chants of “keep running, the zombies are coming!” as we ran up the stairs. As DFL I was lemming pretty hard, so was saved when 90% of pack hit a pretty long YBF as trail actually righted, um, left, I think, and crossed over the train tracks into more central JP. There was a series of switchbacking turns leading us up hill and past a deliciously smelling Cuban restaurant, eventually to a song check in front of a church. Either my sobriety of 4 straight days of hashing confused me to the point of thinking that it was Thrusday yesterday (it wasn’t, it was Tuesday), so I tried to sing a Jesus saves verse about pharacies, and was properly mocked. Once all of pack (minus the walkers, fuck them), caught up trail countied through the courtyard of the chruch to what was a T/E split, but had been crossed out and replaced with S/S, then one of the S’s had been crossed out with another T. My vague directional awareness took hold of me and when I saw a downhill for the eagles and and uphill for turkeys, I decided to take the turkey, guessing that our short uphill would be better than whatever the eagles were going to have to do, and I was correct. The hill wasn’t very long and before we were running down hill towards the emerald neckalce, at which point pack began playing everyone’s favourite game “guess which beer check they’re using.” Our guesses and marks eventually lead us to a beer check ontop of a hill near a pond.
Beer Check #1: (IE, where are the walkers?)
Waiting for us at the beer check was warmer than air-temperature PBR, aggressively salted salt and vineger chips, water, and no walkers. The eagles showed up moments after the turkey’s cracked their beers, but by the time we had finished the walkers were still a no-show, so we had another round and kept waiting. Eventually they strolled in, drunk and giving 0 fucks, as walkers as known to do, and we promptly set off on the next leg of trail.
Trail Phase B:
Being well marked (actually the whole trail was) on the exit to the beer check, trail crossed a road then turned back into the emerald necklace park and then did a half a loop around Jamaca Pond before a Hash Sitapeed (the check was misspelled), by the boat house. Fellowship demurred saying that it was “above his thermal tolerance” or whatever that means, but the hash is challenge by choice so we sat on each other’s laps without him. Trail from there crossed the street and meandered through the more suburban part of JP past many helpful muggles - “They went that way!” before coming to a song check on center street, at which, in honor of the transplant from EDW, we sang “Days of the Week” to the confusion of the locals. We then ran down centre street for a few blocks attracting more comments “those people are weird” before turning left and heading for some more light hills near a church type thing. There was a check and stairs and a tit check, then a dick check, more stairs and shoots near on the green way. Shots were fireball, so pack gingerly sipped then shied away from and continued down the green way, with only slight alteration in course towards the Arboretum. We ran past a lady who, while walking a dog, exclaimed “You’re hashers!” “We are” we replied and she said that she’d known of us in the past, so we yelled the website and ran on towards a beer near by forest hills station and a quick sprint through light shiggy (apparently there was a path) to the ONIN.
ONIN:
Pizza, bags, and beer were delivered, devoured, drunk and discarded. Eventually afer the quiet of mastication had descended over pack Krusty stepped forward and lead us in circle. The Hares were called for laying a surprisingly good trail, and made to drink for trying to revive a hash. FRB (that’s me!) and FBI (easy) were called in and we were told we were number one, but people were flipping us off, so it was confused messaging. DFL(s) were called in next and that group numbered almost a dozen, and we sang to them as well. The virgin, looking very confused, was called in a Clit Notes demented her; she wasn’t good at math, likes corduroy powder, and would get off a bus of lesbians, she isn’t worthy, but we took her anyway as a just. Salty was called in for sowing about half a dozen happy coats, then everyone who had a happy coat sewed by her was called in and we all drank. There were more accusations, and I was a frequent target, but all in all it was a great night for drinking in the woods, and that’s what we did. With circle running out of steam (and beer), we swang low.
On - 4 more years - On
-Wikipedophilia
Announcments:
All marathon trails are on:
Moon trail tonight - Charlies Kitchen in Harvard Square, 6:30HST
Beaver trail tomorrow - Marks from Alewife, 6:30 HST
Friday Cumbridge H3 presents it’s 6.9th beer mile: North point park, 7pm HST, followed by Pub Crawl.
SATURDAY: MARATHON MAIN EVENT
Start is Kinsale Pub, Government Center, 12:30.
Sunday: Pink Taco Fat Boy
Start is TiTs in PORTER
Monday: BEER CHECK at mile 20, and ball buster run starting at 10 in JFK park by Harvard square (ending at the beer check)
July - Invihash
Labor Day weekend - Boston Islands campout?
November - Sadie?
December - Anti-buffet?
Januarary - Robbie Burns?
Feburary - Moon away?
March - Mardi Gras?
APRIL 2018: BOSTON MARATHON PRE-LUBE by the JP HASH!
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