A glorious summer trail

Howdy Wankers and Bimbos!

Without our hash trash, Wiki, on trail last night, if falls upon yours truly to write up notes from trail. I'll do my best, but I was sorta drunk last night, so I might forget some important points. And I cannot guarantee as many unintentionally hilarious misspellings and grammar mistakes as you have come to expect from these hash trashes.

What: A Glorious Summer Trail

Hares: Swedish Eagle, Senor Cocksucker

Bag car: Sketchy Ho

Pack: Yellow Dick Gnome, Easy as 123, Orgasm Famine, Bottom Wrangler, Fellowship of the Cock Ring, Sex the Final Frontier, Brown vs. the Board of Fornication, Goes Down on Buoys, I Eat Tbags, Luva Lamp, No Man on the Moon, Mud Slut, The Buttler Hit It, Salty Mudflaps, Dry Hose, two visitors, three Justs, three virgins, lots more people that I either forgot or don't know their hash names or don't care

Pre-lube: American Fresh Brew House Beer Garden, in Assembly Square. 

Pack assembled (heh, see what I did there?), and some hashers tried to get info on trail, to decide whether or not to walk. Sweagle promised them that walkers trail sucked, so they might as well run. I'm pretty sure Brown vs. the Board of Fornication was the only walker. At some point, hares were gay, and pack milled about for a while longer before heading over to bag car and chalk talk.

Chalk talk: 

During chalk talk, we learned that there were not one, not two, but three virgins! We promised not to lose them, but you should never believe a hasher's promises. We learned about lots of different marks, then ran off to find trail. 

Trail part It's Summah, Kid:

First mark was a check in front of the pre-lube, and trail went through Assembly Sq, leading to a check (but strangely, not a song check) in front of the giant lego giraffe. From the check, trail led to a parking lot across the street, except it wound up being a YBF (this will be a recurring theme for trail). Trail instead took us across a bridge into Medford. We wended our way generally northward, through some neighborhoods, finding checks and falses all along the way, until we eventually turned onto some abandoned railroad tracks, and then into a wooded area to find the first beer check, about two miles in.

Beer check Where's the Beer?:

We arrived at beer check to find one hare (Senor), but no bag car or beer. Apparently Sweagle told Sketchy the wrong location, and Senor didn't have Sketchy's contact info. We started pulling out phones, trying to find Sketchy's contact info. Every time we called her, we got her voicemail, and pack was starting to become concerned about the lack of beer. I have no idea who finally got a hold of Sketchy, but eventually beer did arrive. Pack set about drinking their tasty beverages, and hares were gay at some point. Sex, Bottom Wrangler, and I shared some terrible Holocaust jokes, and eventually pack was away.

Trail part We Assume Senor Was No Longer Haring:

Trail left the woods, and we quickly found a check at a large intersection. Despite checking every direction, no one could find anything other than a false. Pack started ranging, and eventually we found a check. Once again, we could not find trail (aside from a two and out), so pack again started ranging. We finally found trail after a long section of no marks. Pack agreed that Senor must not have been haring on this section, because trail went from well-marked to a complete shit-show. We eventually ended up on a bike path, and then came across a hash sitapede. Since engaging in a hash sitapede on a well-used bike path in the dark seemed like a terrible idea, we moved over slightly, and had a mostly successful sitapede. From there, trail continued on the bike path to the second beer check, about 4 miles total into trail.

Beer check Is There Anywhere To Pee Around Here?

Short answer: no. Pack drank some more delicious beverages, ate some orange food, and contemplated the fact that there were no convenient bushes to pee behind. Sweagle promised us that we were close to the end of trail, though "close" for Sweagle is not necessarily close for anyone else. As soon as hares were gay, Bottom Wrangler called 6.9 minutes to pack away.

Trail part It's Full On Dark Now

...and almost no one had cranium lamps. Also, here's a little known fact: pink chalk is basically invisible in the dark. At this point, we were definitely somewhere in Malden. After a few checks, trail was mostly a straight shot to Waitts Mountain park, and it's beautiful views of Boston, for a total trail length of about 5.5 miles.

On-in Do You Know About Public Drinking Laws?

Pack started drinking their beverages, and hares were called into circle. Pack agreed that their trail was S-H-I-T-T-Y, so we sang them a song about their shitty trail. Visitors were brought into circle, and made to sing the songs of their people. Around this time, we realized that walker(s) had not arrived yet. When asked where Brown was, I was told she was on a "separate but unequal trail", which definitely wins comment of the night. Virgins were brought into circle, along with their sponsors, which is when we discovered that all three virgins were brought by Justs! They were demented by yours truly, illustrious Dementress Emeritus Extraordinaire! They were asked what the square root of 69 was, and a sponsor answered for them (bad sponsor!). They were also asked what a dollar over my crotch might be and after some rather creative answers that I can't remember, pack explained that one to them. We taught them how to do down downs, then tossed them out of circle. FBI, FRB, and DFL were called into circle and that's when we discovered that Brown had in fact made it to on-in! Hooray! Finally, circle was opened to accusations. I was accused of claiming to be afraid of head (head, who said head? Also, I have NEVER been afraid of head. I will not have my good name tarnished in this manner!). Circle was just getting good when we saw some flash lights coming towards us. It was, literally, 10 cops with nothing better to do then break up our harmless fun. Cop Mr. Big Shot looked to be about 20. He asked who was in charge (no one), why we were there (just finished a run), why we had to finish in this particular park (we like to switch up where we finish), and if we knew about laws governing public drinking (*crickets*). Salty was pretty sure that another of the cops was encouraging her to shot gun her beer, but instead we broke up the party, and headed down the hill to... no bag car. Sketchy was still trying to pick up the pizza, as apparently the pizza place had lost power and could not make our food! Demoralized, dejected, and hungry (not to mention far too sober), pack slowly made their way to Oak Grove station. People were about to disperse when a car came careening around a corner into the Oak Grove parking lot. It was Sketchy and Sex, with pizza! What was left of pack ate their fill, and maybe there was an on-after or something. I wouldn't know. I went home to get some sleep.

Announcements:

Next trail is the 7th A*nl Lingerie trail! The theme is Victoria's Secrets Angels, so get your sexy lingerie and angel wings ready!

On - this is harder to do than it seems! - on

Yellow Dick Gnome, guest Hash Trash