Friday, September 7, 2018

#GoodIdea Trash

#GoodIdeas trail
Hares: Wikipedophilia and The Buttler Hit It (sorta - more on that in a minute)
Bag car: Goat Throat
Pack: including but not limited to PoPo, Fellowship, Falmon, Mudslut, No Man, Shits, Tinder Dick, Sweagle, Gnome, Clit Notes, Testicular Mechanics, Dry Hose, Sketchy, Cuntcussion, Luvalamp, Not Dead Yet, Sex the Final Frontier, Dribbles, Pat My Fly, Virgin Drew, Cuntcussion's roommate (a just), a different Just, and several visitors (from SF, Vienna, and Edinborough, I think)


Buttler is, uh, not known for his punctuality, which is saying something among a group so chronically late that we specify everything in HST. Typically, if you're attending a Buttler trail, you can expect that pack won't leave the prelube for a solid hour+ after the advertised start time.

Prior to yesterday's trail, Wiki said that he would be gay at 6:45 regardless of whether Buttler was there or not, and he held true to that threat... sorta. He left Phoenix Landing at around 7 sans Buttler, saying that Buttler would catch up to him. This turned out to be true in a way...

Pack left the bar and headed to a parking lot for chalk talk; there was a man passed out in the middle of the parking lot, but we're not the type to let that stop us. #goodidea The RA asked us to introduce ourselves and name a recent #goodidea we'd had; most people named some variant of "attending this trail." 

We were informed by the RA that -- since there have been two recent trails that started in exactly the same area, and there were old marks galore all over Central (start location: #goodidea) -- the first 2/3rds of trail would be laid in chalk. We were also informed that there would be a turkey/eagle/duck split. Just as we wrapped up informing the virgin about the marks, a security guard rolled up with lights flashing; I'm still not clear on whether he was there for us or to kick the homeless dude out of the parking lot, but we got out of there anyway.

Leg 1: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... it's probably not a water crossing (yet)

Since we had a pretty good inkling that this trail would eventually be crossing the Charles, we were mostly inclined to scout towards the south at every check. The wily hare thus made sure that true trail headed south as little as possible. Also, since he was still solo haring at this point, he laid two checkbacks in the first, like, 10 minutes of the trail. Scouting this trail was definitely a #goodidea.

Speaking of #goodideas - we realized at like the second check of trail that the virgin was not with us. (Luvalamp: "We lost the virgin!" Pack: "No, YOU lost YOUR virgin") It turned out later that he had tried to follow Sweagle from a check, and Sweagle decided to zen.... Lesson: Don't follow the sub-17-minute-5k r*cist if you don't know where you're going.

We found the first shot check in a little park; we were relieved to find that it was haterade, since Wiki had told us beforehand that he'd intended to make a malort-and-moxie check (#goodidea) but that the grocery store was out of Moxie. We groused a little about how Wiki carries shot checks in his flour bag, ensuring that you get some nice caked-on chunky flour in every sip, but obviously we drank it anyway. #goodidea

After leaving the shot check, I was scouting south when who did I see walking up the sidewalk but The Buttler Hit It, one of our esteemed hares, who said he was relieved to find pack so that we could lead him to trail. Coharing with Wiki: definitely a #goodidea.

We eventually managed to find our way to the first beer check, which was at Hoyt Field. Getting there involved running past a very bemused rec softball team, some of whom gave us high-fives.

Leg 2: In which trail went swimmingly

Finally, the foreplay was over, and we got to our water crossing. After talking at some length about the visitor who got giardia from swimming in the Charles that one time, a group of six or so people had the #goodidea of following Duck trail. The much smarter portion of pack continued over the footbridge, where they found a Baggo for their swim-viewing pleasure.

Now that the swimmers were sufficiently stinky, we ran through HBS, where some kind of black-tie flapper-themed event was going on; I'm sure the people walking around in tuxes and fancy dresses really appreciated us.

Drink checks were starting to come fast and furious at this point; we headed immediately to that park in the back of the Allston library for the second beer check.

Leg 3: What the duck

Not gonna lie, I was feeling the baggo at this point (or maybe it was the giardia setting in). Trail, mercifully, went almost directly to on in. I'm pretty sure there was another shot check with haterade at some point, and it might've been on this leg, but I do not really know. Trail ended at that "park" in Allston that is somehow perpetually a construction zone. (I like this on-in because there's lots of heavy machinery hanging around, behind which a harriette can relieve herself in relative privacy..)


RA led us in a delightfully drunk circle. The hares sang some dumb Rhode Island song, because of-fucking-course. We heard new-to-many-of-us songs from our lovely visitors, popped the virgin's cherry, and accused our friends of various things. Then we ate pizza and left. I opened a stranger's trunk because I thought it was bag car and tried to put some leftover beverages in it, and the stranger walked up and was like "uh... can I help you?" #goodidea (Bag car was across the street.) Good times! We went to Shays for an ill-advised on-after.

Hugs, kisses, and hangovers,


The goodest idea of all: Being part of our highly-regarded Mismanagement! #goodidea If you are interested in being on Misman next year (or want to hear more about the available positions), contact Orgasm Famine at

Also a #goodidea: Going to September Ballbuster! 9/15. Check the calendar or Facebook for deets.

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