Tuesday, October 23, 2018

*8 bit trail hash trash*

*8 bit trail hash trash*

Prelube was at Versus bar,  ostensibly an arcade-bar operation. I wouldn't know for sure as I plopped myself down at the "bar" part which presented itself immediately upon entrance, and never saw any arcade games. I had some beer and ate some fried Mac and cheese bites while I waited for trail to start.
We circled up and did chalk talk.
Hares: Quarter mile Queer, Bottom Wrangler. Bagcar: The Buttler Hit It. Pack: 
Shits & Ladders, Body in Lotion, Popo Peepshow, Stick it to the Brothers, Mr Bean, Just Wes, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Testicular Mechanics, Dry Hoes, Just John, Just Josh, Sex The Final Frontier, Fellowship of the Cockring, Virgin Caroline, 2 other virgins who would ultimately not complete trail (RIP), others maybe

Leg 1:To start, trail cut across the Boston Common to Beacon Street.. We hit a checkback at Beacon and Charles Street before heading up into the Beacon Hill area. Trail eventually came out to the river and we ran North til we got to the first beer check at Lederman Park.

BC1: One of the virgins, let's call her virgin Caroline because that's her name, informed us that barnacles have the greatest penis to body size ratio in the animal kingdom. Er smallest ratio? I'm not a math scientist. The one that means they have huge dicks for their body size anyway (Cum-Ear - can you confirm if true?). Sex the Final Frontier quipped that it was not the barnacle, but in fact himself that had the best ratio. It was postulated that on in would be Courtside, but the cagey hares would neither confirm nor deny this. It was cold and windy by the river. The hares eventually left.

Leg 2:
We crossed the river by the Museum of Science, and soon there was a turkey-eagle split, which lasted for a while. The larger group (eagles) began wondering if trail had rejoined itself yet. We finally found a rejoining mark and saw the turkeys in front of us. Shortly therafter, Sex the Final Frontier snared the hares, details as follows: "I followed turkey trail, saw the hares kitty-cornered, yelled "ON HARES".  QMQ took off and Wrangler attempted to eevade[sic] me wiht[sic] a hastily drawn tit check that looked more like a Venn diagram showing 2 boobs intersecting." Wow. A thrilling account. Incredible. We stopped and sang for a while while we waited for the hares to put some distance between themselves and pack. We all apparently used to work in retail in a city in the Midwest. (actually I didn't, but I wanted to fit in so I pretended like I did for the song. like 98% sure the rest of these people know each other from someplace they used to work before all getting fired for various reasons though, most of them lewd). We started running and before long were at 

Beer check 2, Donnelly field in East Cambridge. We watched Buttler drive up and down the street for a bit, then he parked and we drank the PBR from his car.
Dry Hose encouraged pack to put on their beer jackets by drinking more, since he had learned somehow that on-in would be outside. There was much disappointment at not going to Courtside. Some of us briefly considering mutinee-ing and going there anyway, but cooler heads prevailed. We talked about how alcohol makes you feel warmer while actually bringing your core temperature down, but how it probably wasn't cold enough for anyone to actually get hypothermia. It was decided that drinking more was indeed the safest/best course of action.

Leg 3:
The next leg of trail was fairly uneventful, or not, I don't know I was in the back walking and drinking a beer I had tucked into my sleeve. Pack stayed comfortably within range while Dry Hose and I walked and drank and saw silly front runners get fish hooked back to the back of pack. We headed South past Mass Ave.

On in
was Fort Point park. We hung around for a little waiting for bagcar, or something. I attempted to mount one of the cannons in the park to sit on it and overlook the park, but fell off the side. Luckily no one saw. I then re-mounted it better. Pizza got there and we began a long pizza and beer filled circle. Comments included that it was the ok-est trail of the year, and that the hares had achieved a rare 5 out of 7 trail.  We called in FRB (STFF), FBI (Popo), backsliders (Stick it to the Brothers). Accusations included the hares for getting snared, and Wonka for moving back to Boston. We accused those who didn't wear enough clothes to the cold trail. We honor down-downed Virgin Caroline for not dying or leaving during trail, like the other 2 virgins we had started with. We accused Stick it to the Brothers of not hashing since the Nixon administration. We accused Testicular Mechanics of actually dressing properly for trail, both in terms of warmth and theme, which are both very out of character for him. Other accusations were made. At some point we were done with both the normal and ridiculous accusations, so we moved on to the preposterous accusations. QMQ was re-j'accused of stupid stuff he did many trails ago, because why not. Buttler was honored for giving up with much grace on a song that he unsuccessfully attempted. We all agreed that a Wiki attempt to stumble through it would have gone more poorly. We eventually got to hash religion and did the "ah fuck it" version. 

We then took a road soda-ey walk over to another arcade bar around Central, where we drank more and fed the broken Mario Kart clone too many tokens that it never registered.



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