July 21 Hash Trash

Swan Song Swan Drink

Hares: Tinder Dick, Full Frontal Fireball

Bag Car: Mourning Wood

Pack: Blue Balls Matter, Deflate Date, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Just Ethan, Just Harry, Just Joel, Just June, Just Matt, Just Namir, Just Shelly, Quarter Mile Queer, Roscoe Pee Cum Stain, Sex the Final Frontier, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Virgin Ariel, Virgin Oscar, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Hong Kong

Shot Check: Under the Suspension Bridge at Boston Public Garden

Beer Check 1: Under the Arthur Fiedler Footbridge

Beer Check 2: Chart House Parking Lot

On-in: End of Long Wharf

What a pre-lube tease. Do Me Decimal was on hand with their mother, Bama Bitch. Yankee Pay $5 More, who was very excited to demonstrate that he can almost comb over his hair, was on hand. And we also had Spunk in the Trunk join us. Unfortunately, the four did not do the trail, but it was still great to see them all. Being named Swan Song Swan Drink, some of us had a hunch trail would head toward the Swan Boats in the Public Garden, which it did. At the end of trail, someone brought the cooler to the parking lot behind the Chart House on Long Wharf where a few of us had a second beer check before quickly joining pack at the end of Long Wharf for the on-in. Not sure if it was actually supposed to be a beer check, but we treated it as such.

In circle, Sex and Blue Balls were FRB and FBI while Buttler and Deflate Date were co-DFLs. Sissyhands, Roscoe, and Just Joel drank for July birthdays, Just June transplanted from Beijing, and Roscoe visited from Burlington, Vt. Deflate Date, Just Shelly, Fireball, and Just Joel did their backsliding down-downs, then Wiki devirginized Virgin Ariel and Virgin Oscar. I did not catch any of their answers to the standard virgin questions, and they were not worthy, but we took them anyway.

Accusations started with Strap On Strap Off accusing Just Shelly, or "Just Nashua or Whatever" as he called her, for excessive y'alls on trail. This could have been a false accusation as New Hampshire is arguably culturally the southernmost state in New England, and the y'alls could have been acceptable, but the accusation stood and she drank for it. Testicular accused Quarter Mile of "pumping his legs" in the Commons, which meant that he tried really hard, and so he drank. Just Namir also came in for racist attire, making that two straight weeks for him, while all who participated in the Running Club with an Elevation Problem earlier in the day also drank. Fireball saved Tinder from getting snared, so she drank, then Quarter Mile drank for being surrounded by cops at the first beer check. The People Who Wake Up Super Early to Climb Stairs group drank again. Then Topless Barbie drank for sweat test failure. Blue Balls and I each drank for alcohol abuse, the hares were accused of cops at the on-in, and then all matching colors drank.

Announcements included karaoke at the Hong Kong, Beantown is looking for hares, Moon trail on the 30th with a RHPS or rather RHSM theme, Strap On Strap Off is haring next week's trail (with Luva I think), pay your hash cash, and Red Dress Run on August 7 with a registration deadline of July 30. It was the first of a few goodbye trails for Tinder Dick, so if you didn't have a chance to come to trail, you still have time to say bye to them. Be well and enjoy your weekends.

July 14 Hash Trash

The Hash Cajunipede Trail

Hare: Testicular Mechanics

Bag Car: E = I'm a Douche

Pack: Angry Crotch, Cummie Sticks, Do Me Decimal, Dribbles, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Frosty the F*ckman, Goat Throat, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Ali, Just Ethan, Just Harry, Just Matt, Just Namir, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Orgasm Famine, Po Po Peepshow, Puker Blooper, Sex the Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Silence of the Skinflute, Strap On Strap Off, The Buttler Hit It, Tinder Dick, Virgin Chris, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Dana Square Park

Beer Check 1: Old Morse Park

Shot Check: BU Sargent Activities Center Parking Lot

Beer Check 2: Amory Playground

On-in: Magazine Beach

I'll start this by saying that you really can just walk a Testicular Mechanics trail and never be more than two blocks from the FRBs because every check is a challenge to solve. His trails are not poorly laid, he just makes you work for your beer. Or you can walk trail, have everyone else work for their beers, and be just three minutes behind the pack. And on a muggy night like last night, I chose the latter.

This trail was a hash cajunipede--every mark was a check and every check was a hash sitapede. This was all fine and well until I saw BN used as a check. Just imagine being on trail, seeing that, and thinking "Beer Near!" then immediately followed with "Oh no he didn't!"

The part of trail people will be talking about for ages will be his use of a feature that I have not seen done in my 12 years of hashing. He laid trail across the train tracks over the Charles River under the BU Bridge. These are live tracks, though I've never seen a train go faster than 5 mph on them. I'm not excusing his use of the tracks, just pointing out that had a train come through, any hashers on the bridge could have outran it. Some hashers did cross the tracks, while others went over the BU Bridge and met everyone on the other side. It was a bold move by the hare.

We circled up at Magazine Beach where "her hairs were all full of weeds from squatting in the sitapedes..." We welcomed Virgin Chris, from Cambridge, brought by Goat Throat. He was not worthy (he did show up in a CRC shirt), but we took him anyway. Sissyhands and Po Po drank for July birthdays. Then we moved on to accusations.

At this point, Shits wasted no time calling Just Ali into circle. He started off by accusing her of riding in a cop car to a drink check at the SNDT hash, but it was just a ruse to get her into circle for her naming. She entered the circle and the stories, questions, and name suggestions started flying. On last night's trail, she allegedly offered to give a harriette an IUD in an alley, which I thought could form the basis of a future business--Ali's IUDs in the Alley (in Your Alley?), LLC. I think we're on to something here. She has hashers in the family, but not her parents, they're Trumpers. She was asked to tell some embarrassing story, which she refused to share out of fear of her parents finding out. For real, she brought the pack to the precipice of hearing some really juicy details about herself, then left us all hanging. Names like Make Your Parents Disappointed Again, Cop Tease, and IUD Me in the Alley were offered, but one name was chosen above all others, so let's welcome Blue Balls Matter.

Accusations continued with one for those who did more than 69 hash sitapedes: Po Po, Fellowship, Tinder, and one other. (Surprisingly, those who did 0 hash sitapedes were never called in.) Just Harry was called in for a hash crash, though it was Just Ethan that went into circle to drink. Not sure if someone was confusing the two, they aren't quite CEP/Doucheland doppelgangers, but they are both bearded men with similar hair styles/colors. Goat drank for his virgin's faux pas of wearing a CRC shirt, as did Just Namir and Cummie Sticks for their racist attire. Goat was also accused of doing part of trail on a bicycle. Topless Barbie was called in for auto hashing. Then Sex accused Cummie Sticks of losing a $20 bill, his driver's license, and his credit card on the bridge. Wiki never saw a mark and was FRB to everything, so Testicular drank.

As for announcements, Tinder is doing a Swan Song Swan Drink next Wednesday at the Hong Kong, 50 Shades of Glaze is haring Beantown on Sunday from the Silhouette, Strap On Strap Off needs a cohare for the 28th, there's a finish the beer Ball Buster on the 24th, and a Red Dress Run on August 7th. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Leave any other announcements in the comments.

June 30 Hash Trash

Swedish Midsummer Trail v5.0

Hare: Swedish Eagle

Bag Car: C*ntcussion

Pack: Blondie McF*cksalot, Body in Lotion, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Goat Throat, Just Harry, Luva Lamp, Marbellous Asshole, No Man on the Moon, O'Boner, Po Po Peepshow, Sex the Final Frontier, Silence of the Skin Flute, Sketchy Ho, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, The Second Cumming, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Pizzeria Regina at Station Landing

Shot Check: Train tracks behind the August A. Busch plant

Beer Check: Morrison Park

On-In: Fellsmere Pond

To mark the Swedish Midsummer, forget the aquavit, the poles, the hopping like frogs, the cinnamon buns, or the picking herring, our hare gave us a little bit of Thor (lightning and thunder), mixed with a touch of Loki (mischief and chaos, or what we in Boston like to say, a shiggy trail). He took us over train tracks through greenery like the branches of Yggdrasil. Treated us to an aquavit that I really enjoyed. Led us to a beer check where we witnessed a glorious lightning show. Then like a Norse god, he had an epic hash crash that slashed up his arm, and he still finished laying the trail! A trip to urgent care and 14 stitches later and he now has his own lightning shaped scar to show for it.

I didn't catch too much of what happened. I went into the last bit of shiggy with Just Harry and Body in Lotion and we managed to find a check in flour by a fence that was bent over. I crawled across the fence only to find a large parking lot with a police car circling it. Figuring that was not a direction I wanted to continue in, we walked out of the woods and started zenning around the park before we found trail again. That might have been around the place where Sweagle had his hash crash. Allegedly, he bloodied himself up, then laid trail to the on-in where there were two Malden PD cruisers already on the scene breaking up a gang of teens who were lighting fireworks. After presenting ourselves as an innocent running club, Sweagle asked the cops if they had any gauze, so they stuck around and helped bandage him up. They drove off and we circled up.

In circle, I didn't catch the comments, but Sweagle led about two-thirds of the pack over to a trio of tall flag poles where he demonstrated the hoppity hop dance and got everyone over there to join along. It was only two-thirds of the pack because there was still an active lightning storm overhead and those flag poles were about 50 feet tall. O'Boner drank for her birthday; Second Cumming, No Man, and Sketchy were FRB, FBI, and DFL in some order; Silence of the Skin Flute, Blondie, Sex the Final Frontier, Second Cumming, and Strap On all drank for backsliding, and we had no virgins so it was on to accusations.

Blondie kicked things off by accusing Wiki of being Wiki, which our RA deemed false, so Blondie drank. Sweagle drank for a hash crash so bad he needed help from the local 5-0. Wiki accused everyone who didn't get yelled at by the cops, which was basically the part of pack that lingered on the second leg of trail to watch the fireworks at Trum Field. Then O'Boner accused everyone who got hit by stinging nettles. Around this time, like Heimdall swooping the Marvel heroes away with the Bifrost, my transportation arrived, so I missed the rest of circle, but if you have announcements, throw them below in the comments.