A Trail of Two T*tties

August 10, 2022 Trail
A Trail of Two T*tties

Hares: Orgasm Famine, Shits N Ladders
Bag car: Mourning Wood
Pack: Beeeestiality B4 Boys, Blue Balls Matter, Cookies For Nookie, Crawdaddy Cooter Esq., Cumboy Wonder, Cums Like Clockwork, Cumstache, C*ntcussion, Disappearing Hairline, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fischstick, Frosty the F*ckman, Full Frontal Fireball, Goat Throat, Hickey My Dicky, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Caleb, Just Chris, Just Colin, Just Jan, No Man on the Moon, North American Massive Butt Licking Ambassador, Quarter Mile Queer, Slothy Seconds, Strap On Strap Off, Tacos on a Bridge, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Triceratopped, Virgin Cam, Wax Off

Pre-lube: The Tip Tap Room
Beer check 1: Lederman Park
Beer check 2: Train tracks under the Picower Institute
On-in: Fort Washington Park

I was pretty sure that a trail theme parodying A Tale of Two Cities meant we were going to spend time running in both Boston and Cambridge, but that wasn't all the hares had planned for us. Each leg of trail consisted almost entirely of a turkey-eagle split. I chose turkey each time and probably ran 5 miles, while those who did all of the eagle trails were reporting something in the vicinity of 7.7 miles.

The eagles easily beat the turkeys to the first beer check. Sure they ran longer, but turkeys had to climb Beacon Hill at least three times. Turkeys finished before the eagles at the second beer check. In fact we got there before eagles had even started crossing the Mass Ave Bridge into Cambridge. Then turkeys bested eagles again by arriving at the on-in first, but that was because the eagles supposedly took a trip around the MIT track on the last leg.

In circle, trail comments included too short, turkey was overcooked, turkey was a little dry, more titties, enough titties, more train tracks, worth missing a flight for, boobs, two titties is a basic amount of hotties (huh?), not enough dicks, not enough Dickens, and tricked into doing an eagle and they're not mad. Hares sang a song about Bud Light, and circle continued.

No Man and myself were the FBI and FRB. DFL was, you guessed it, Buttler. Just Caleb drank for his August birthday, then visitors were welcomed. We had Crawdaddy and Cumboy who were both in from Ithaca (to see the Alicia Keys concert), Cumstache from Greece (chasing after sweaty tramp stamped boys), Just Caleb from Happy Valley (who's here for the summer so that makes him either a temporary transplant or a recurring visitor), and Nambla who got lost on the Appalachian Trail (and is either North American Massive Butt Licking Ambassador or North American Massive Booty Lovers Association--he went by both). Oh, and Beeees stunt livered for Disappearing Hairline who left early to catch his flight.

Transplants were Hickey My Dicky who's originally from Little Rock, and Tacos on a Bridge whose origin I didn't catch. No Man demented Virgin Cam, who doesn't have an uncle Jack, considers Charizard to be his favorite animated character, had a quick comeback to a pirate joke, and was brought to the hash by Jimmy (who dafuq is Jimmy???). Not acceptable. Taken anyway.

Accusations started with Just Minnesota (Chris, I think) tackling a person using a walker, which basically makes him the anti-Necrophiliac Jack. Cumstache was accused of throwing up while running toward the beer nears (wut?). Something like 10 people pissed on trail, so they all did their environmental down down. Shits accused everyone who didn't say something brilliant, which was basically a social, except for Slothy who said that everything that comes out of her mouth is brilliant.

Um, C*ntcussion and Cookies got bit by a dog on trail, so that happened. Beeees did multiple laps on the track which was absolutely accusation worthy. I have "something something jumping fences something something," in my notes. Angry Crotch had some lost property, but she wasn't there so Shits drank. There was some confusion about the train tracks opening being closed during the construction that led to Testicular and No Man drinking.

Clockwork was concerned about circle being in the lit corner of the park, but it really wasn't an issue as the MIT police station that used to be just 100 feet away was torn down a few months ago (no they didn't defund their police, they just moved to a new building). RA drank for the weather as it was the first time in a week where the temp was not in the 90s. Then Blue Balls sang a new jellyfish song that required dancing. And finally, Just Colin drank for being stuck with a pink tutu for another week after failing to find its owner.

With accusations wrapped up, we moved onto announcements, and there were many. Pay Fireball your hash cash. Pick up your beer cans. Fishnets and Fishhooks on August 31 (starting in the South End perhaps). Talk to C*ntcussion or Do Me if you want to be on 22-23 Misman. Anything But Clothes next Wednesday. Romance Awareness Day trail this Sunday. August Moon ideally next weekend.

-ET