Anti-Valentines Day trail

2/16/25 Hash Trash, the ‘Anti-Valentines Day trail’

Gather round children, and I will tell you the tale of The Worst Weather I’ve Ever Hashed In.
The ‘Anti-Valentine’s Day Trail’ was supposed to start at The Wrong Kong (the Harvard Square Hong Kong). But the Kong was too Wrong, so start was moved to Shay’s Wine Bar.
It had snowed about 6 inches the night before, and then rained all day (including during all of trail), resulting in a wet sloppy mess everywhere. What, you wanted a sex joke?

The souls brave and/or stupid enough to a attempt trail in the snow, slush, and rain were:
Hares: Just Meghan, Whoops I Milked Her Again, O’Boner
Bagcar: Just Mark
Pack: Strap on Strap off (RA), Sex The Final Frontier, Slippy, Beeez, Just Clayton, Cummy Stix, Friar Fuck, Shits and Ladders
Angry Sock and Fellowship of The Cockring showed up to prelube, but decided that they were not quite dumb enough to do trail in the horrible weather, so bailed.

The hares left. Reluctantly, pack did too. We went over marks very briefly, then began trail.

We followed orange carpenter’s-chalk marks on Mass Ave. We missed a check and had to go back a bit. We cut through the Harvard campus. We death-marched down broadway. We turned north and went through Inman Square. I was running behind Cummy Stix when he ran into knee-deep water and fell. Not ideal. I picked a different way around. I’m not sure it mattered, we were all very wet by this point. Strap On Strap off made a joke about “caulking your boat and floating it”. Cummy Stix corrected him that a boat should already be caulked, it was a wagon that needed caulking. Sex The Final Frontier quipped that someone’s mom needed caulking.

We came to a shot check in Lincoln Park. A bucket of Pink Nips. Again, I don’t have a good sex joke here. Lame, I know. After sucking on some of the nips, we threw out the evidence. I couldn’t fit the bucket in the trashcan hole. STFF used his superior knowledge of physics to solve the problem (by smashing the thing to pieces so that it would fit through the trash hole).

We ran through Union square and ended up on summer street. I strongly considered zenning straight to Cummy-Stix/Puker’s place, where I was 95% sure we were headed, but decided to follow marks just in case. This was the correct decision, as there was indeed an actual beercheck in store for us. We nearly caught the hares right before the beer check at Somerville High School.

At the beer check, we waved to a camera that was possibly recording us. We learned that Friar was conducting his own beer check at Remnant Brewing in Union. Report from the alternate beer check: “It was good” -Friar F.

 
Back at the official beer check, the hares left and pack followed shortly thereafter.

I zenned like a mofo to the on-in, as I was cold and also now 100% sure where it would be, despite Cummystix’s bad lying. It was a very short last leg to on-in.

At on-in, we gathered in the basement for circle. We accused the RAs of the weather, Cummy of swimming part of trail, Friar of warming up in a brewery, the hares for death marching us, and just Mark for cocking the bagcar and floating it. After circle we gathered by the fireplace to warm ourselves and dry off.

I took some brief notes, thinking that I might write a hash trash about trail. The only direct quote I recorded at on-in was this: 

“Sir that is a dildo” -O’Boner. 

I will leave the context to your imagination.

After trail, much of pack, plus some additional sweat-test-failures, got a piece of scorpion bowls and pupu platters at the Right Kong (Hong Kong Boston). A symbolic righting of wrongs after our earlier false start at the other Kong.