Patriots-themed Foray into Dorchester and TWO NAMINGS!

Patriots Theme 11/13/11
Hares: Just Brandon*** and Stick it to the Bros
Bag car: Sketchy Ho
Chalk Talk: Krusty the Meat Miser
Dementress: CPeeA and Clit Notes
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Brendan Behan Pub
Virgins: Virgin Jesse and Virgin Dave

Trail:
You know it's a Bros trail when the pack gets lost before they even lose sight of the pre-lube bar. It took a solid five or so minutes to get us on track (what a terrible omen), but FINALLY trail was found and we were off. We traveled down Centre street - miraculously no one was shot - and made our way into Roxbury towards the first beer check. The hares really chose a safe environment to stop in; we sang, drank adult beverages, and made sure to avoid the used syringes strewn about while sitting atop rocks at Horatio Harris Park.

The second leg of trail led us through projects and dilapidated homes (what else?). The driver of a giant pimped out SUV got out of the car to start running with us and a hasher threatened to steal the car! We make friends where ever we go. Somewhere in there was a Group Hug check next to a giant head (who said head?) statue. Creepy. Some hashers took the opportunity to roll down a hill full of leaves. We're all really five years old on the inside. Second beer check was in another park. And yes, we were all thinking, "Maybe that promise/lie about three beer checks was true?"

Trail continued on AGAIN and the pack searched for even more beer. One man yelled at the pack while we were r*nning with some very good advice: "Pick yo' kneeeees up! Pick yo' kneeeees up!" he screamed from his car. Thanks random guy. Beer was found another two miles through one of the scetchiest areas of Boston (Dorchester) in a park located across the street from what looked like it could be a porn shop or "Gentleman's Club" but was in fact a car stereo place. The hares provided not just beer, there were shots to be had! Blue and Orange drink with what I'm sure was the very best and most expensive top shelf liquor mixed in.

And then the horror set in: There is yet ANOTHER LEG OF TRAIL. Who let Bros destroy Just Brandon*** by allowing him to hare a trail? It was turning into a nightmare. More r*nning was awaiting us at the bottom of the gallons of shots.

Luckily, those tricky hares set off to mark trail that only went another block! We took one right and down the street just one hundred feet away was our On-in!! The Dot Tavern.

Circle:
-We of course sang "Shitty Trail" to our hares and they returned a lovely favorite of the hash, "I love my girl yes I do..."
-FBI Spunk and FRB toomuchhead were flipped off in "Not #5.." and DFL Spunk (yes she was both), sang us a song that doesn't get used to often: "I'm a harriette..."
-Visitors: Knight of the Cocksucker (transplant) from Rochester and Massive Cock Check from San Fran sang us some songs
-CPeeA and Clit Notes jumped in to dement our virgins Jesse and Dave. Virgin Dave would not get off the bus full of homosexuals AND his favorite barnyard animal is a PIG! #1 in my book, too. Virgin Jesse would help his uncle Jack off that tricky roof, but his favorite farm animal is a chicken so I'm a little disappointed in him.
-Willy Wonka and Friar had to drink from Virgin Jesse's very white shoes, and Friar even licked up every last drop. No surprise there; we'd expect nothing less from Friar.
-Snap Off got an honor down-down for her first trail after becoming a US Citizen!
-Backsliders Snap Off, Poopie Chutes, Yankee, and Puff and Stuff were called in to drink for their blatant disregard for the hash.
-Toomuchhead did a hot dog down-down! (It was as impressive as it sounds.)
-Sweat test failures included Downward Facing Dyke and Twat Tart.
-Puff and Stuff was called into circle to celebrate 10 YEARS of hashing! We also sang a very Hashy Birthday as well.

***Namings of Just Brandon and Just Katie***
First, our hare Just Brandon was called into the circle. He'd been with us for a while, c*mming every week since his virginity was taken. Hell, he'd c*m everyday if he could. Many suggestions were thrown out there by the pack: Lumber Jack Off (he won some lumberjack competition), Erect Penis Ass-ociation (EPA), Swollen Balls, Two Girls One Family (a personal favorite of mine). He told us a story about this one time he was fisting his sister, or maybe it was some girl and his sister walked in and joined them ... who really knows. The important thing is he got named "Little Sister Fister"! Please refer to him by his hash name from this day forth and always.

After Sis got covered in beer, it was time to call Just Katie into the circle. She had been once thrown back and the hash was determined to get her a good name. She told us a riveting tale about how this one time she was 20 at a college party and she hooked up with a 15 year old! "He told me he was 18," was all she had to say for herself. She also happens to be from that place in California where all the swallows go. Suggestions were as follows: Cradle Bitch, 15 Will Getcha 20, Just Swallows, and Baby Boinker. Ultimately, "Statutory Swallows" won out! She will hence forth be referred to as that forever. Or until she does something really dumb.


*Hashers, please know that the Dot Tavern is a very hash friendly place to be! They had free hot dogs, and after a while, the bartender loved us so much he was passing out free pitchers for our circle. If you will be haring a trail in that area, consider stopping at Dot Tavern at 840 Dorchester Avenue in Dorchester!


--------------------------------------------
Overheard on Trail:
"She walked out of the bar and all I heard was, 'I can't find my vagina.'"
-Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory

"I feel bad running through these projects, like we're assholes."
"Nah. We're just showing them they should be running."
"So you're saying WE'RE not assholes?"
-Exchange between Just Katie*** and a guy, (possibly a virgin) with long hair

AGM Weekend

There are a lot of good combinations out there: Peanut butter and dark chocolate, cake and ice cream, pizza and beer, scribing and beer ...

Wait, wrong combo. Actually, it can be a pretty entertaining mix, but in this case the beer was a detriment. Yes, it's taken this long to decipher the drunken scribbles in the scribing notebook, a sure sign of just how AMAZING a celebration this past AGM was. So, without further ado, here is your AGM weekend hash trash!

Halloween Themed AGM 10/29/11
Hares: Outgoing GMs THE 2nd Cumming and Dirty Latte Sanchez
Bag car: ummm...
RA: Twat My Mom
Dementress: Yellow Dick Gnome
Hash Cash: Hare Club for Queers
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Beacon Hill Pub
Pack: About 50 Boston wankers and visitors!

Trail:
It was a cold and rainy day (a snowstorm was looming!) when costumed hashers from far and wide made their way to the Beacon Hill Pub to meet up for what was promised to be an amazing trail from outgoing GMs 2nd and Latte. Trail wound about MGH and through the appropriately named "Beacon Hill" area where the pack's collective quads screamed for a long downhill path. We came upon Boston Common and the Public Gardens, but at this point the pack was already lost and zenning to pick up marks as we were desperate for beer or - there it was! Along the esplanade near the Hatch shell stage was a glorious shot check; your pick of red drink or blue drink with gusty winds and rain pelting your face.

The pack took off quickly after the shot check on account of the rain and all, and crossed over Storrow Drive towards the hoity-toity Back Bay area. Soon they were scaring rich residents and pretend rich shoppers along Newbury Street. After meandering around Boylston Street for a while, the second beer check was discovered! Slightly shielded from the rain and wind, (or hardly at all...), underneath a Mass Pike bridge.

The pack didn't stay long at the check. We all knew where we were going to wind up. About a half mile up the road was Ramrod and the hash and Ramrod have a deep, meaningful, mutual love for each other. We barreled into the On-In for the warmth, the beer, and our dinner.

Circle (which the scribe tried to keep notes on... silly scribe):
Twat took the mic and called up our outgoing GMs, THE 2nd Cumming and Dirty Latte Sanchez. We knew that these two LOVE the ice so we sang as many songs as we could to prolong their joy! The pack serenaded the two of them with Chicago and S&M Man. They then witnessed a de-virginizing (yes, there was a virgin at AGM!), and the calling out of the FRB (Douche), FBI (Jello), and DFL (Buttler). Hare Club took the mic (while they were still on the ice), and read the names of ALL the past Boston Hash GMs and the dates they signed the Sword. Those present made their way to the circle and sang More Beer all the way up to the number 34! Zoopada Zoopada was sung to keep those GM asses nice and cool, they signed the sword, drank from the shoe, and FINALLY they were released from the ice, their duties as hash GMs complete.

Incoming GMs Goat Throat and Sketchy Ho took their places on the ice while Velvet Pelvis gave some sort of speech, and then we sang them Yogi Bear and When it's Hog Calling Time in Nebraska! Outgoing RAs Twat and Bend Over Mommy listened to us croon Yo Ho, and incoming RAs Krusty the Meatmiser and 2nd had to suffer through Gangbang.


Other ice block sitters:
-Outgoing Hash Cash: Hare Club, High Anus, and Spunk in the Trunk (sang There Was a Little Bird...)
-Incoming Hash Cash: same as above!
-Outgoing Haberdashers: Mexican Humping Queen, My Chemical Homance
-Incoming Haberdashers: Willy Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Mexican, and Homance (sang Wiener breath)
-Outgoing Hareraiser: Goat
-Incoming Hareraisers: Senor Cocksucker and Twat
-Outgoing Scribe: Goes Down on Buoys (sang Some Die of Masturbation)
-Incoming Scribe: Oink Oink Ohhhhhh
-Outgoing Beer Bitch: The Buttler Hit It (sang You're #1)
-Incoming Beer Bitches: Buttler, I Lick Butts
-Outgoing Dementress: Cum Locker and Yellow Dick Gnome (sang Shitonya)
-Incoming Dementer/tress: Certified Poop Accuntant and Clit Notes (sang Put Your Left Tit)
-Outgoing Holiday Party: Bondage Barbie and Mexican
-Incoming Holiday Party: Just Victoria and Miami Slut Machine
-Marathon Chairs: Twat and Gimp
-Outgoing Hash Hos: Spunk, Bondage Barbie, and 2nd (sang Follow the Hares)
-Incoming Hash Hos: Twat and 2nd (sang Glorious Victorious)
-Songmeister: Velvet Pelvis and Piss Stop (sang He's the Meanest)
-Alcohol Abuse: Pierce My Saur-ass, Goat, Coochie, and Buttler
-New hasher badges: Front Running Bork Bork Bork, Senor Cocksucker, Clit Notes, Oink Oink Ohhhhhh, Jello Wrecked 'Em, Balls Deep, and Pierce My Saur-ass.
-Visitors: Rainbow Fuckin' Brite and Face Down (sang Face Down Ass Up)

Announcements:
-Sign up and pay for Marathon!! Only $49 until November 20th! bostonhash.com!
-See 2nd Cumming for information on how to get your very own Boston Hash mug!! Complete with your name carved and painted.

Then hashers split off for more drink, chatting, and of course, strippy cup. The hash isn't complete without strippy cup.



AGM Fatboy 10/30/11
Hares: Incoming GMs Goat Throat and Sketchy Ho
Bag car: None, this was a fat boy trail!
Brunch Pre-Lube: Club Cafe (11:30 am)
Trail Pre-Lube: Clery's (1:30)


To be honest, this scribe drank way too much. I didn't make it to the Fat Boy trail because my liver was still screaming at me from the debauchery the night before. I think the pack eventually appeared at Hong Kong, an excellent choice.

But you can help write this hash trash! Comment on this post and let everyone know what happened! You know you want to.


Don't forget to check out bostonhash.com and @bostonhash for all your Boston H3 information and news!!

ON-I don't know how my liver will survive another year-ON
Oink