The Tom Cruise Hash

Hare: Gay Pride!Spontaneous Hare: BBAG
Bag Car: Floppy D*ck
RA: Jack

Pack: Taj My Hole, Just Heather, I Eat Teabags, Vagitarian, Dribbles, Show Me The Hole, Pat My Fly,The Butler Hit It, Brigham Tongue, Necrophiliac Jack, Sugar Plum Fairy, Just Jason, Just Zeke, Just Ellen and her Virgin, Just Jenny, Just Katie, Willy Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Peppermint P*ssy, and myself (Dude Where's My Virginity.) We unsuccessfully tried to recruit some famous people to be spontaneous virgins without luck (details below.)

Sorry, I probably forgot several people, I didn't write down names as I did not expect to scribe. However, given the awesomeness of the trail I have to do a short write-up!

Trail started at John Harvard's Brewhouse in Harvard Square. Note to newbies, there is a great place in Harvard Square called Whitney's where they have good cheap beer and the bartender is cool. Most of the staff apparently was decent at John Harvard's but the bartender was awful.

We ran in circles around and through Harvard and Harvard Square. We ran by BBAG's favorite building. We ended up in Cambridgeport where apparently the hares had a falling out and each set their own trail. Eventually, after about 3 miles we ended up at a beer check along the river. It was a nice location but the beer was warm and there was no water (it had gotten sunny and warm by now.) Good weather to hash!

The hares made out, I mean made up, and were off. Pack enjoyed the sun and Vagitarian going shirtless! As pack headed away, several of us noticed bag car was nowhere to be found and had not asked anyone to clean up. Vagitarian, Just Heather and I went back to clean up. Pat My Fly had gotten most of the cans together and we helped dispose of them. We also found about 10 leftover beers! Alcohol abuse! Since we are bad*ss, we decided to carry them on trail. And it was a good thing we did!

Just Heather took the lead as we ran along Memorial Drive. A pack of runners approached us. Just Heather grabbed a beer and tried to give it to the hot guy at the front of the pack. He gave us an award-winning smile and said (and I quote) "No Thank You." His quite attractive wife smiled at us. The bodyguards gaped. I stopped short and yelled, "HEATHER, DO YOU REALIZE YOU JUST OFFERED TOM CRUISE A BEER!?!?!?! And that was Katie Holmes right behind him!!!"

We laughed, screamed, and Vag ran back after them. The bodyguards waved her away. She yelled "Tom I love you and want to have your baby!" We celebrated by shotgunning beers on Mem Drive. We called the pack to see where they were since we were hopelessly behind and couldn't find any marks.

To make a long run short, we met up with the pack at MIT where BBAG led the group to a free concert (Mission of Burma.) The leftover warm beers came in handy for the lucky few who drank behind a sculpture so the cops wouldn't see them. The music was good but we didn't stay long because we all had dangerously low blood alcohol levels.

We then ran to Courtside. Some people allege that trail was 10 miles. I say 7-8. At that point there's not much difference. Circle was short. The virgin was demented (nice demo with Just Ellen of reverse doggy-style.) Two transplants were introduced (Just Jason from NY and Just Zeke from RI.) Pizza was eaten. Beer was enjoyed. Tom Cruise was discussed. Yes, he is pretty short!

-Dude Where's My Virginity (one time only scribe so I can tell you how awesome Just Heather is, and she really needs a name.)