Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Electric Dance Hash

What: Electric Dance Hash
Where: The Field, Central Square, Cambridge
Who: Accidental Anal, C*m Locker
Bag Car: I licked Butts

Pack:
Just Tim, Just Pat (not from Rhode Island), Just Lauran, Just Luara*, Visitor from DC, Plus 2 Conass, Hoover McSuck n Fuck, Beat By A Girl, Spank Me May I Have Your Mother, Save A Tree Ride A Cowboy, Twat My Mom, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Five In Penatly, Takes it In the Rectory, Nice Tits, Horse’s Ass, I Eat Teabags, Can’t Eat Pussy, Chris Brown Eye, Goat Throat, Krusty the Meat Miser, Bend Over Mommy, Cuntjungle, Harlot Globe, Goes down on Fondler, Pay My Fly, Dirbbles, Certified Poop Accuntant, Vagatairan, Cherry Poppin’ Paddy, Sketchy Ho, The Butler Hit It, Bring Out The Gimp, THE 2nd Cumming, No Man On The Moon, Wikipedophilia, A Virgin, Schindler’s Fist,  Clit Notes, Others I forgot.

Start:

There was a small group at the bar by the time I arrived, and Yankee bought a beer and a shot for the lovely harriets that followed me. I guess my tits aren’t nice enough for him. There were a lot of backsliders, so most of the time at the pre-lube was spent catching with up with old hashers and drinking. Teabags and Twat once played THUMPER there for hours until a girl they took home threw up out of the window of Twat’s car. That’s either the truth or a lie. Before the locals – who had hidden away in seculeded tables or the other side of the bar playing pool – could get too upset that we were drinking all their beer, they hares decided that they should get gay, and bag was called after an appropriate time of 6.9 minutes.

Chalk Talk:

Twat tried very hard to lead us in circle, but no one paid attention. It’s a wonder we knew what we were doing. The virgin helped us demonstrate was a Hash-a-peed check is, and we almost left before Twat could explain what “BC” and “BN” mean!

Trail Hacienda:

Trail immediately turned away from the river and into the neither regions of Imman Square/Area IV, or whatever those endless curvy streets of triple deckers are called. With a depressing lack of tit checks, trail ran past a woman working on her ipad who complained when we were blowing whistles and yelling ONON. Unfortunately for her, we had just found a song check. We sang to her about how we all had trouble keeping down jobs in Chicago. Pack then go very lost, scouting right and left, but not straight, until eventually 5 inch and Retcory didn’t come back, and we followed them to another check at a very confusing-only-in-Boston-5-way-intersection. Did 5 hashers have a 5 way in the middle of the street? It could have happened. Trail actually went off the right, then turned up (that’s what she said?), and lead us into a park to a mark they Twat almost forgot, the coveted Bear Near!! Beer was through the park, and by some fountains.

Beer Check Baz:

Too call what we were drinking beer is too kind; the hares decided that we were only worthy of Natty Ice. However, the beer check did feature fountains and a very well located portapody. After everyone stood around pretending to drink their beers and having way too many serious conversations, the hares danced their way out and we forgot about them. Eventaully we got tiered of shitty beer and ran on towards the promise of better beer on trail.

Trail Molly:

Starting through a baseball field, then meandering through parts of town unknown, trail eventually came out to a song check in some realatively popular looking square. Union maybe? There was a song check and after pack assembled, we started to sing, about how much we all love our girl friends. Since there were children preasant, Five Inch in a very unhashmanlike manor sensored (by making generic loud noises) whenever we sang out the particular parts of our girl friends that we loved. Surprisingly, the crowd cheered us. Pack kind of got lost after that since no one ran straight, but eventually we did and we ended up near Sullivan, I think? Then we ran under a highway and over another one before finding the Hashapeed check under a rail bridge. The hash understood how to sit on peoples laps, and the various sexes seemed to sort themselves out, however the idea of a circle was beyond us. CEP was able to shepard us into the correct position and we all sat down and sang. It seemed to work, and it was fun. Apparently I was trying to be considerate and not put my full weight on CPA, though instead I was told that my butt was at “boob height” the entire time. I guess I missed out on that chance? Trail from there continued past a grow-op being busted ( L they should move to Colorado or Washington…) and a check that turned us down an industrial road. It was getting dark and no one remembered cranium lamps but we kept on going and found an amazing mark. It said beer near. We whooped. We hollered. We gave thanks and waited for our friends. The beer was not near. It was down the end of the road, over some rail road tracks and around and in back of an electrical supply company.

Cricle:

I would be horribly amiss if I failed to mention that circle was held in front of stacks of empty wire reals. I would be lying if I said that no hashers climbed on them. I would be telling the truth if I said that I did not. There was beer, though, cold beer, in coolers at the bottom and the beer was nicely provided to those to just had to get a little bit higher. There was a good amount of drinking between when pack arrived (it was a large pack, so it took a while) and when circle was started. Consiquently, circle memories might be a bit fuzzy. First off we called in the hairs and demanded they sing or show us their tits. I really hope they showed their tits, though they probably sung some dumb song instead. We told them that they should have used more flour and/or chalk. They left. Next visitors were called in, and we had friends from Seattle, DC roadwhores and Bejing! They also sang us a song. Next we got down to the meat and potatos and called in our virgin, who was brought by the visitor from DC. Our lovely hare Cum Locker gladly reprised her role and, with the help of Clit Notes, welcomed the groomed and polietete (she’d help her Uncle Jack off a horse) to the hash. We called in FRBs (the virgin and some random fast guy), and DFLs (who were still showing up – Cums Off and Nimphobrainiac) and made them drink too. Then Coonass paused circle to ask if we want to continue with acusations or get in a naming. We chose naming and Just Laura was called in and got on her knees. She then proceeded to tell us that one time while she was enjoying the missionary position in Guana, she went out for a run. As she was running she felt something. Something powerful. Something warm. Something slightly relieving as she shat her pants. She crouched quickly in a bush to clean up then kept running. On her way back into town a local girl came up next to her and asked “What is that?” point to the shit stain on her pants. Also, she’s never had a bad sexual experience, but that doesn’t matter. Guaneriahha was considered, but thrown out. Just Laura will now be known as “Shart of Darkness” from now until the ending of the world. We moved onto accusations, and there were a lot of them. The best ones had to do with our epic backsliders – the hares along with Sticks it to the Bros and others. Bald guys drank. Kilted hashers drank a lot. Then the zombie arm came out. Harlot and Cuntjunggle were called in for moving to Vermount and drank/poured beer on themselves (Harlot) or threw it at us (Cuntjuggle). Goat Throat and Krusty were called in for moving in together and in some weird almost dry humping position poured beer into eachothers mouths. More things might have happened. There was pizza. With meat.

On – 24 hour party people – On

-Wikipedophillia
 
ANNOUCMENTS:
9/18: ASTRONAUGHT TRAIL at Mircle of Since, Mass Ave, Cambridge
9/19: Moon AGM Part 2
9/20: Boston Invasion of Montreal (talk to brokeback/twart)
9/25: Shart of Darkness and Yankees Pearl Necklace Pre-lube
9/27: UNDEAD ZOMBIE BEER MILE
9/28: PEARL NECKLACE, REGO:
9/29: Pearl Necklace Fatboy
10/2: Catholic School Girl Hash (Twat My Mom in Quincy)
10/9: HARES NEEDED
SUNDAY 10/13: Country Trail (Blubber Fucker)
SATURDAY 10/19: AGM!!!
SUNDAY 10/20: Fatboy by new GMs
DECEMBER 7th: Hashmas Party
April 19th: MARATHON MAIN EVENT

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