Hash-stronomy Trail

Hello hashers - I am Shart of Darkness, and I'm subbing in as scribe this week, which means 95% better spelling and a 100% less reliable narrator. You're welcome!

What: Hash-stronomy Trail

Where: Miricle (sic) of Science, Cambridge

Who: Wikipedophilia, Spank Me

Bag car: Buttler

Pack: Dunno, I'm perpetually too drunk to remember names

Prelube was at Miracle of Science, where we proceeded with our usual MO of congregating in a huge group right in front of the door, getting in the way of the waitstaff, and generally being a nuisance. Spank Me showed up in fantastic nerd garb, including a pocket protector, glasses, and a cowlick. Eventually we stumbled out, had chalk talk next to a Tootsie Roll factory (??), and went on our merry way.

In addition to not knowing anyone's names, I'm useless with navigating Boston, so this write-up will be very light on the details. However, I can say with confidence that we stumbled around MIT and the surrounding areas looking like idiots as per usual. Highlights included climbing over a locked gate and running through a field. The first beer check was at that low grassy area next to one of the bridges on the Cambridge side - yeah, you know the one. We sipped on some warm PBR and chilled with a flock of geese. Eventually, thirst temporarily sated, we left.

At that point, we crossed the bridge for the second leg of our nerdy tour and began stumbling around BU looking like drunken idiots. We ran through the GSU, thus proving to BU students that old people can be drunk and annoying too. There was a delicious Tang-y shot check behind one of the BU buildings. From there, trail directed us to The Dugout - where we found a CB1. Cursing the hares, we continued. We ran through the Kenmore T stop, where there may have been a few civilian casualties - safety third! Eventually, we found our way to the On-In...

Circle: The On-In was under a highway bridge near Storrow, most directly accessible by crossing the on-ramp, which of course the pack approached with extreme caution and good judgement. Everyone arrived except Buttler, who at last showed up with a car full of beer and pizza, at which point something resembling a circle was formed.

Accusations were made. Jello Wrecked 'Em was called in for being both FRB and FBI. Wiki was made fun of for his creative spelling (which should happen more often, in my humble opinion). There were DC and PorME visitors and a transplant from Chile.

Virgin Kristen was called in to be harassed (sponsored by Doucheland). She was surprisingly good at hash math. Her favorite animal is a squirrel, but for some reason she was unsure what noise squirrels make when they orgasm and was unwilling to guess - we'll keep working on that one. She skis and would describe herself as "groomed," and she's not Jewish. She was not acceptable but we'll let her stay.

Bald hashers drank a lot. Kilted hashers drank a lot. Former GMs drank. 5 Inch Penalty was called in for his r*cist attire. Other stuff happened but I was too busy drinking to take note. Finally, after several rousing renditions of 'swing low,' including a Bob Marley version, circle adjourned.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Montreal hash this weekend: Twat has (had?) one spot available in his car, so get at him

Invalid Pearl Necklace Hash next Wednesday!! Hared by Yankee (and me, but really by Yankee)

Undead beer mile next Friday: RSVP, you lazy bums

Pearl Necklace next Saturday: rego, you lazy bums

Pearl Necklace fatboy next Sunday: because your weekend will need a little more beer

New Hampshire hash next Saturday: in case you're too cool for Pearl Necklace

xoxo

Shart of Darkness