What: Taco Vikings
Where: Sunset Cantena, Comm Ave, Boston [See I can get it
right!]
Who: Iggnorance is Piss, No Man on the Moon
Sack Car: Peirce My Sourass.
Pack:
Jesus, you expect me
to remember this? Ok, here goes: Statory Swallows, Virigin Mike, tickets*,
Certified Poop Accuntant, Four Way Blow, Hair Crotchery, Bum Fucking Vagabond,
Jello Wrecked ‘Em, Spank Me May I have My Mother, Peeping Tom Pussy, Drippy
Spicket (I think that’s his name), Can’t Douche Pussy Land, Just Krystin, Pop
Cum Ear I’m Infected, Extraterrestical, Swedish Eagle, Polar Hortex, Mangia My
Vagiana, Pappy Van Tickle, Udder Whore, Luv a Lamp, Spunk In the Trunk,
Encylopedia of Child Buggery, Broke Back Baby, Condom Search And Rescue, Frair
Fuck. Maybe others.
Start:
After arriving at the correct start location I was going to
the men’s room to change and over heard a server in the kitchen saying “I just
passed a man in the bathroom putting on a kilt.” Wondering who I would find, I
was pleased to see that CEP was in there already but he was putting on a skirt! (I only learned of this at the On
After, but, don’t worry, he’ll drink for it!). Quickly shedding my
“professional/real people clothes” I went back to my people and ordered a beer.
Tickets told me an amazing joke about the democratic leanings of gang bangs,
and social mingling happened for a while until eventually the hares were gay
and sack car was called.
Chalk-talk:
Was anarchy. Serious anarchy. I’d feel bad for the virgin,
but after what he endured at circle, I’ll give him a pass on not knowing what
the marks meant (and he was FRB!). Oh,
we were told the hares had hidden Viking helmets on trail; anyone wearing one
at the onin would get a prize.
Trail some lady part:
About half of pack ran uphill from the start, and the other
half downhill; surprisingly trail went downhill. It turned a few blocks later
and then came to a check at the base of another hill. Zenning like I knew where I was going, I took
off uphill on a very promising 2 (and out), then turned left and ran past pack
standing at what I thought was a song check on the other side of a field. Yelling
out that I was zenning, and ignoring their responses, I continued on and found
trail leading to a (HN) mark, and found a helmet in a tree which was way too
small for my cranium. It was then I was informed that the song check I had
skipped was actually a shot check. Whatever; I pulled a nip out of my kilt,
downed it, and kept on going. Following trail through a school and across some
major road, there was eventually another left hand turn followed by a song
check and another (HN) which Spank Me found. Trail continued on a ridge of
sorts to the base of a very long, very steep hill. There was a check, but,
honestly, I don’t think anyone even scouted; we all just went up hill. Some of
us even ran the entire way up! At the top of the absurdly long hill was a
beautiful view on an open trunk with cold beer!
Beer check lady things:
It was a beautiful view of something. I had no idea what I
was looking at, but I did know that I was slowly being warmed by my PBR. Pack
arrived in waves; the FRB runners, the FRB walkers, the running pack, the
walking pack and finally the walkers. When we had all congregated we mostly
talked of travels to warmer places because it was a bit chilly and windy up
there overlooking whatever it was we were overlooking. Orange food was based
around, beer was drunk and the hares left. Then the bag car left and we got
cold and decided to leave as well.
Trail: Why do their restrooms have murals of nature scenes
and couches?
To anyone with the barest sense of knowledge of geometry,
the next part of trail was obvious; downhill. However, being hashers, pack was
skeptical of every downhill check we came across because we seriously can’t be
just running downhill the whole time , can we? Yes, yes we can. Well, except
for that one really steep downhill that was a YBF. Luckily the virgin scouted
that one out for us. Thanks virgin! Trail turned left at that check and ran
along a road until it crossed another road. Eventually, we saw a true trail
pointing into a parking lot with the bag car in it.
CIRCLE:
Lets be honest; us burritos don’t run taco trails for the
trail, we run them to experience the lady circle. It is a strange and different
kind of multi-faceted (oligarchical, I think is the best word) cluster fuck,
run by one of my favourite RAs* (well, I’m kinda scared of her now) Ignorance
is Piss. Circle started pretty normally with Drink a little bit, fuck a little
bit, then the hares sang for us and we for them. It was a romantic, beautiful
affair. The night was continuing merrily along as FRBs, DFLs, and FBIs (Virgin
Mike, Friar and Jello, respectfully) were called in and mocked for their speed.
Everyone’s favourite tradition – the administration of Pabsmhers were given to
all Burrito-carrying taco virgins – tickets, Spank Me, Virgin Mike and Drippy.
They played along and got pabshmear all over their vasages and their hair.
Then. Shit. Got. Weird. Virgin Mike (sponsored by the long lost and now found
Statory Swallows) was called in for being a virgin and Magnia and CPA came out
proudly announcing the start of a new taco tradition. With the completely
unsuspecting virgin on his knees, and under a spot light provided by DUI Done
Right, CPA and Magania produced something that looked like two spoons attached
(backwards) to a pair of kitchen tongs.
I did not know this, but apparently ladies get that shit shoved into
them. Wow, and I thought “Cough twice and turn to the left” was weird. Anyway,
they took the spatula/scapula/whatever and pried the virgins mouth open with it
to administer the down down through. Not knowing any better, he did the first –
“holy shit was is this thing” – down down like a boss. He might have been the
first virgin who was actually worthy! I really don’t remember if there were any
more accusations? Anal got a pussy? I thought that wasn’t happening until next
year? Whatever. THERE WAS A NAMING.
Standing in the circle was a burrito of such infamy that his name and
reputation are known everywhere on this side of the Mississippi, and most
likely beyond. He is a man of great talent, high abilities, and impeccable
class; he is, the perfect modern gentleman; tickets. The tacos threw this over
deserving man on the ground and made him assume the position as they pried his
mouth open for a taco-down. He went down as tickets, and arose as CUNTFACE!
There was religion, announcements, then we invaded Harry’s.
On After:
As I said, we invaded Harry’s. The bar was full with muggles
when we arrived, and none left a half hour later when it was only us and the
lesbian rugby team. Rage.
On – Seven months until Saddie – On
Encyclopedia of Child Buggery
Announcements:
Ball Buster trail tonight - Fizz Ed's, Pleasant St., Malden, MA (Malden T
Stop Orange Line)
Beer Mile/Pub crawl tomorrow: Esplinade at 7pm sharp!
MAIN EVENT SATURDAY – Registration opens at BHP at noon.
Fat Beaver Sunday – Tommy Doyles in Kendal (Brunch at 11,
Trail at 12:30)
Beer Check at Mile 20 Monday
First Wednesday trail is April 30th, hared by
Shart of Darkness and Easy as 1,2,3
NURD – In may
Boston RDR – In June (maybe)
Burlington Invihash – In July
GAP – In August
Pearl Necklace – In Septmeber
AGM – In October
SADDIE HAWKINS – In November (I hope!)
Anti-Buffet – In December
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