HASH TRASH: The "It's not gay when it's in a three-way" hash

What: The "It's not gay when it's in a three-way" hash

When: Wednesday (every day is Wednesday!), May 7

Hares: Can't Douche Pussy

Bag car: Extra Terresticle
Who came: Virgin Heather, Anal Disco, Drunk'N Drag'In, Bring Out the Gimp, Oink Oink Ohhhhh, Cum Ear, Pappy Van Tinkle, Vagibond, Luvalamp, Conan McGlitterpussy (or something like that - Blow Cone was easier to remember), Clit Notes, Necrophiliac Jack, Giggles, Spunk, Schindlers Fist, Blowbot, Furry Thing, Passion of the Dumbass, Sketchy Ho, Maple Queef, No Man on the Moon, Dribbles, Blubber Fucker, Beat By a Girl, Wikipedophilia, a bunch of Justs, and a bunch of people who showed up at circle (Mangia, CPA, Wonka, Buttler), and anyone else who Wiki forgot

Part 1: But where are the shots?, or, the dangers of zenning

Trail began at TITS in Porter, where the bartender had prior knowledge of hashing and even said something about the "rabbits." Pretty good, eh?

Circle was unremarkable except that a new check was introduced - the "heli dick" check. Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. (Not mentioned at circle, but found on trail, was the even rarer "heli boobs" check - for the burlesque dancers among the harriettes, apparently).

We ventured out of TITS and down a street. I don't know the name, but it was definitely a street. We sang a delightful song affirming that you bet your ass we're happy (doo do do doo de do de do). There was a heli dick check and a heli boob check in a highly trafficked tunnel, which was... interesting. (Fun fact: I was standing at the top of the stairs to the tunnel while Wiki scouted. Suddenly he started to bobble around erratically - I could only see him from the waist up. It wasn't until I got down the stairs that I saw the heli dick check and realized what those stairs had spared me from - er, denied me of seeing.)

Eventually, like magic (or divine intervention), we ended up at Harvard Divinity School. Naturally the trail took us between some of the buildings. At one point, I was scouting when on-on was called, so I zenned in the direction pack had gone and found marks. Great! Pack took a strangely long time to catch up but, like the r*cist I am, I took off without them. 

Eventually, Wiki and Gimp found me in Harvard Yard (shout-out to the hares, who laid a very interesting trail here with marks pointing in every direction with a note to trust only the true trail marks). It was at that point that I found out, to my chagrin, that I had missed a rainbow Haterade shot check.

After that realization, I was particularly motivated to find the beer check so I could "catch up" to the rest of pack. Fortunately for me, after a little jaunt through Harvard Square, the beer check and orange food was found.

Part 2: Shit gets sloppy

Special shout-out to Luv-a-lamp here, who informed me at the beer check that he ended up finishing much of the Haterade because no one else was drinking it. It was readily apparent that he was not lying. Sure enough, he had had a truly disgusting hash crash. Like, a skinned knee and shoulder, but the kind of skinned knee where there was actually no skin left on the knee. I'm going to stop describing it now because just thinking about it is making me kinda nauseated.

After beers, orange food and cigarettes were consumed, we left the beer check. Trail continued pretty much the way trail always continues. There were some marks, there were some checks, we sang some songs. There was ANOTHER shot check - but this one had only four bottles of one of those sweet sugary drinks. Nothing much stands out to me about this part of trail except that I got to pet a really adorable golden retriever.

Part 3-way (see what I did there?)

Circle was at a never-before-used location... Paddy's Lunch! CPA, Buttler, Mangia, and Wonka all showed up. The beer was plentiful and the company was - well, adequate, as always.

We devirginized the virgin Heather (Goat made her come without even being at the hash that night, and her impression of a goat orgasm was... well, it was something). People drank for:

* Wiki drank out of his "new" shoes (which he already drank out of at the Seacoast an*lversary, but at the hash we don't get hung up on technicalities)

* missing the first shot check (me and Gimp) or leaving it early (Wiki)

* having had a threesome

* having had an orgy

* other things? Circle lasted a long time but I can't think of any other things that were out of the ordinary. Same shirts, kilts, etc. 

So that was it! It was a lovely trail. We have confirmed that CEP and Doucheland are actually different people - or one was a very convincing hologram. And if you missed trail, you're a dummy.

Trail length (by my Garmin - I probably ran a little more than most): 5.11 miles

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

- NURD this weekend - if you'd like a discounted rego, please contact Bum Fucking Vagibond

- 5/14: BH3 trail!

- 5/15: Moon trail!

- 5/19: Taco trail!

- 5/20: my birthday!

- 5/21: BH3 trail again!

Your faithful scribe,

Shart