What: Return of GAP Trail trash
Where: Maragairtas, Wellington
Who:
Hares: General Ass Pounder, Vagitarian, Immaculate Erection
Bag Car: Mastor Gator
Pac..A shit ton of people..luckily Fellowship took attendance, otherwise I’d never have remembered half of you...
Fellowship of the Cockring, PoPo Peepshow, Double Fisted Fence Fucker, Blackcock Down, Just Erik, Capt Connecticunt, Peppermint Pussy, Spank Me May I have my Mother, Hare Club for Queers, O'Boner, The Butler Hit It, Stick it to the Bros, Silent but Deadly, Twat My Mom, Just Ian, Clit Notes, Pat my fly, Wikipedophilia, Orgasm Falmon, 3 Ring Cervix, Can’t Eat Pussy, Glutenless Maximuss, +2 Coonass, Yankee Pay $5 More, Friar Fuck, 5 inch Penalty, Goat Throat, Dribbles, High anus,Clit van Winkle, Pussy Passport, Just Konrad, Just Matt (toe shoes), Just Alex, Mud Slut, No Man On the Moon, Willy Wonka and the Backfoor Factory, Virgin Kent, Just Lila, Too short to tuck, Ski Bobbit, THE 2nd Cumming, Necropheliac Jack, E=IMaDouche, Udder Whore, Mr Rogers, Bend Over Mommy, Sloppy Thirds
Prelube-
I arrived after the hares were already gay, so I have a limit ability to report on what happened before trail started; however I can say that Too Short To Touk ordered a margarita right before pay away was called, and he downed it!
Chalk Talk-
Had the ominous start of the bag car not being there, so we reviewed marks for the visitors, virgins and backsliders with our bags on; the question was “how will you die on a gap trail?”
Trail General:
The very first mark was a Turkey Eagle split, and, having been warned (or at least promised) level 5 (or above shiggy) I darted through traffic to follow trail. Trail took great effort to cross all 3451415315913 lanes of the fucked up rotary by Wellington before eventually abandoning the creek to run us through some light-urban-burbs. We ran up a hill, then down a hill on a called two and out, before running back up the hill and down another to a song check in a park. We sang about the perils of the female condition to a playground full of very confused tweens before dashing off towards BJs, abandoned train tracks and gravel fill behind a Wendy’s. However trail went into none of the aforementioned shiggy, instead sticking to the pavement and winding back under the Orange line. We passed a shockingly named restaurant (Dockside) and then had a song check by a loading dock. Following the RAs instruction I sang a long song (the engineer song) to wait for pack to catch up, and despite missing a verse or two, and messing up the order of some others, it worked perfectly as I was singing about “the whole damn thing was covered in shit” Butler showed up! Trail continued past a set of condos, and 2nd turned into zen to the BC - Bros also followed him, and they were correct, but trail actually continued down in front of the construction before turning in towards the riverside park. It should be noted that I zenned through some trees, got tangled in vines and fell on my face scrambling to get free while pack laughed and ran past. Getting to the river walk we turned right, and after a few hundred yards found the Beer Check by the side of the river.
Beer Check Sweat Floridian Shit:
We drank the Gainsborough equivalent of Gansett Shandy, but it was somehow worse. There were also some grapefruit IPAs and water. We all stood around and listened to our elders talk about the last time trail had some through here and cross the river to a beer check on the island in the Mystic. However, the hares, being NCAA couches and doctors, decided that already green water, after the run off from the first rain in months, would not necessarily be safe for swimming, so we just chilled on the river watching the families stroll by wondering why they had come to America to share their river walks with sweaty drunks.
Trail Ass-
The hares left and we got bored, so Jack and I left and walked trail until pack caught (basically the exit of the park); from there trail cut through another industrial lot and cross the Mystic river. We hit a check and a YBF. On returning to the check we found a Nips sitting in a car wondering WTF we were doing; hashing, we told her? On pavement she asked, agast? Verily, we said, and invited her to join. She demurred saying something about dogs, good beer and bleeps, or something. CEP and (and think a just) disappeared down the bike path in a generally southerly direction and never returned. Fellowship was leading about the other 3/4rds of pack when he stopped and, without evidence, said he thought we might be running Turkey/Walkers no-no, so we turned back and scouted every other direction, before giving up and actually following the marks. Shockingly, they led us to beer; arriving at the same time as a group of very beleaguered looking turkeys, speaking of which...
Trail - Turkey Death March Lost Trail
The Turkeys started off bold and strong, as turkeys normally do, with cries of “TURKEYS TOGETHER!!!” oh, how little did we know how true that would be. The first check took us right away from the Eagles. At the second check, we immediately struggled to find the direction we should be going in. After we discovered that marks had changed from chalk to washed away flour, we continued straight across (as Dribbles called it ) “that damn bridge that we always go over. “ Pack continued along together through a neighborhood where we started noticing that checks and some marks were not as noticeable. This is about where most of us came to the horrible conclusion that since this was a dead-laid trail, and it had poured, most of the checks were gone.
Pack somehow came out to a song check along main? Street. We stayed a while to make sure that everyone had caught up, and at the request for medium length songs. After singing a not well known song (Manana), pack realized we had lost Wonka and Dribbles. Terribly worried for their safety, Twat left a note that we left and we continued on….. only to cross the street and have no frickin clue where to go.
I am going to short cut this next part of this only to say that it sucked. There was a washed away CB, washed away checks, and washed away marks. If you were to visit the area of the turkey trail today you would find about 100 crossed off pack marks, going in each and every direction. So many pack marks were left that we were down to three little nubbins of chalk by the time we were done. It was only by the Deus ex Machina of Nips that we were able to find our one (AND ONLY you Eagle bastards) BC. The turkeys did come into the BC happier than anyone has ever come into a BC before.
Turkeys preserved and we are stronger for it. TURKEYS FOREVER!
[guest scribed by O’Boner]
Beer Check Perfect timing:
As the Eagles and Turkeys ran into each other in their rush for beer, GAP stood up and proclaimed “Eagles and Turkeys coming to the beer check at the same time! This is a perfect trail!” We told him to shut up and we drank beers and ate food.
Trail Pounder:
Was pretty much a death march to the “Gateway Center” (that’s what google calls it). The first section was the remainder of the bike path, which included the hilarious conversation of Jack and I poking fun at a Just, calling him young, when he yelled “I’m not young; I’m 29!!!” Jack and I nearly tripped over ourselves laughing, but did think it complementary that he thought we were in our mid-20s; totally based off young, spry, looks and not a general tendency towards debauchery.
At the end of the bike path there was an interesting trail element that needs mentioning; we, for about the distance of 2 blocks, overran (no-no) turkey trail from earlier. However, the were flour marks and all pack marks had been crossed out and arrows laid next to them; so trail clearly turned right and the leading dozen or so people - a mix of original turkeys and new eagles - followed marks pretty well until we got to another instance of frogger across whatever fucking highway that is that leads towards the “Gateway Center” [I seriously hate the roads over there], and found marks leading to the a small clearing behind Micheals.
However, that was only a dozen out of the maybe 3-4 dozen hashers on trail. The rest apparently reached the end of the bike path and decided “Fuck this, lets follow turkey trail.” Now, in their defense the hares and only crossed out the first two or three marks, meaning that if you ran far enough you’d find marks, checks, etc, which, apparently pack did. Somehow they figured out their error and winded up at the end, but they filtered in so slowly that some were still arriving as we were circling.
ONIN:
As previously mentioned pack took their good time coming to the ONIN, which was good because so did bag car. Eventually Mastor Gator showed up with bags, beer, and pizza. His car was unloaded and the sweet nectars and delicious nutrients were brought to the waiting hashers. As we were filling our faces a security guard showed up and warned us about coyotes! We assured her that would sing loud and proud and then warned Friar against passing out in the bushes.
The hares were called in and commets were taken; mainly that both trails turned into a death march with none of the promised shiggy. We told them to use more flour and chalk, and they sang us about their favourite 70s car. FRBs were called in, and it was blackie and, since no harriets volunteered themselves, Falmon was called in (even though she came into circle was we were signing El-Camino). As we were singing to them Pat and Ski walked in to claim DFL, without opposition. We then called in a very eager Virgin, who thinks that sheep moo when they cum, and taught him how to drink. Visitors were called in - one from Guan, one from Noth Carolinia - and they tried to sing a different version of the PooFlinger song! Just Conrad was again accused of being a just and again called into be named. We got closer this time - Border Shitter, and Bloody on the Botom - were strong contenders but we threw him back and continued with accusations. THE 2nd Cumming was accused of losing his Happi Coat again, which turned into a quasi-social since when one ex-GM drinks, they all drink! After that Boner and I traded acquisitions, Butler and I were called in for same socks (BOSTON SHIGGY), and circle started to lose steam, so we moved onto announcements (see below) then swang long.
On - GAP trails aren’t so bad... - On
-Wikipedophilia
-O’Boner
Announcements:
Volunteer for Mismanagment! RA, Hare Raiser, Dementress, Scribe, Beer Bitch positions open! Talk to Udder or I.
TONIGHT: Eager 4 Beaver, Farewell Wonka Trial! Start is 1 Nason Terrace, Woburn MA at 6:30HST, $1 hash cash.
FRIDAY: Color HASH and BBQ, 6:30HST at Charlies Kitchen in Harvard Square, $15.
SATURDAY: Seacoast Float Hash, 15 River Rd, Plymouth, NH. Float starts at 11, $5 for circle beer and orange food. BYOB for the float, and food for grilling after. Crash space available.
Wednesday, 8/17: Show Me is haring and needs a cohare (maybe a just?) to help.
Friday 8/19: CAPTURE THE BEER Moon Hash! Start is Sunset Cantina on Comm ave in Boston, 6:30HST, $5.
Saturday 8/20: BREWERY BUSTER trail; Ballbuster trail hitting almost a dozen breweries in one day! $3 HC for beer mosas and cricle beer, bring cash for beer checks. Start is the Marine Industrial Park off Summer St, 10:30HST
Saturday 8/27: August Taco River Hash!
Saturday 8/27: PooF on Cape Cod!
Saturday 9/3: Harbour Island hash!
Saturday 10/15: BOSTON H3 AGM: TOP RAGE!
November: Sadie
December: Antibuffet
January: Robbie Burns
Febuery: Moon Away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras
April: BH3 MARATHON
May: NURD
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