3th An*l Water Wars

What: 3rd An*l Water Wars Hash!

Where: Silhoutte Lounge

Who:

Hares: Easy as 123, Bum Fucking Vagabond, Shart of Darkness*

Bag car: Just Anna

Pack: There was a lot of you wankers, here’s my best memory: Rub a Dub Tub girl, Double Fisted Fence Fucker, Goes Down on Bouys, too short to tuck, bend over mommy, O’Boner, Boner Doner, Black Cock Down, Salty Mud Flaps, E=ImaDouche, Wikipedophilia, Fellowship of the Cockring, PoPo Peep Show, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, No Man On the Moon, Twat My Mom, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Krusty the Meat Miser, Wifeout, Goat Throught, Skull Fucker, Orgasim Falmon, Sex the Final Frontier,  Blowcone, Marblelous Asshole, Captian Connecticunt, Clit Notes, Pop Cum Ear I’m Enfected, Vagatarian, Ass Stache, Show Me the Penis, Chunderellie, Just Rose*, any number of visitors, justs, virgins, transplants, etc whom I forgot.

Start-

I arrived at the un-hashly hour of 5:30 to an fairly empty bar filled with regulars. The bartender came out, apologized for what happened the last time we were there (not sure what she’s talking about) but gave me a free beer. I changed into hash attire and was presented with a wiffle-ball bat with a pinita head rammed through it, which apparently we had left behind. In a short while the hares arrived and pack slowly filled in. We traded war stories from Friday, drank beer, ate popcorn and generally had a good time. The hares left on time and after arming ourselves with the water guns they left behind, we followed.

Chalk talk-

Was held in the parking lot between the Burger King and a car repair place; marks we reviewed and the pack was inquired as to what got them wet. CEP debuted his “RAs umbrella” which protected half of him from half of the water guns being squirted at him. The important announcement was that the T/E split was right at the first mark, and I ran Turkey.

Trail turkey-soaker:

Headed down Brighton street and immediately hit a check at the next block. A good amount of turkeys saw a hill and ran up it, but we’re turkeys, so I scouted across the street towards the river, and, after not darting in front of a statie, found marks through the parking lot and across whatever that other road is. There was a song check across the road (near the ever-changing restaurant) and I got through 3 verses of the Engineer song before pack had just about enough of that and started attacking me with their water guns. We ran across the footbridge over the Pike to our first Water War Check (water ballons) where we met up with the Eagles - my guess is they took the road bridge by WGBH over the pike, I’m sure a certain racists hare had to get her miles in- and a mid-trail water ballon fight ensued.

It was as amazing as it sounds, and y’all are jealous you weren’t there. We attracted a good number of looks from passing drivers driving through our water fight, and after all the ballons had been expended, we struck out in search of trail.

From the check I scouted towards Hooker street and found absolutely no marks - I have an amazing talent for horrible scouting - but eventually looped back and caught up with pack near a jello shot check, where we all quickly down the sweet sugary refreshment, traded some fire (our ammunition was running low), before continuing scouting trail in the general direction of the Harvard Sports Complex, or whatever it’s called. Zenned from a check by a gas station through a field yielded me the sight of the hares standing around (sans bag car) at the beer/water war check.

Beer Check Good Beer:

There was not a shitty beer to be had! Magic Hat, Founders, Seirra Nevada all flowed from gloriously cold cans! A bucket full of ballons was produced and pack quickly abandoned their beers in search of ammo and tragets; Wifeout threw ballons in the air, I used my height (release point) to rain down ballons over people’s craniums [with a particular affinity for the hares]), and there was general mayhem. It should be noted that this was an almost perfect beer check since not only were the beers of high quality and cold, but there was a port-a-pody! The beer check also featured hipsters playing bike-polo in the hockey rink.  Eventually the hares dashed off and with the beer and water ballon supplies used up, we chased after them

River trail:

The second leg of trail exited the sports complex and dragged us the Kingdom of Douches (not the fun E= or land kind) known as HBS, which was defaced with dick, tit, song and hash sitapeed checks. Another round of bad scouting lead Marbles and I to storrow, along which we ran until we found trail crossing the footbridge over the highway and a Turkey/Eagle check at the base of the Weeks bridge. The eagles, those brave and foolish soles who at this point had been reduced to Falmon, Marbles and Just Rose* ran across the bridge only to find a YBF and an arrow pointing to the river. The turkeys ran along the river until we got to the JFK bridge, where trail turned back into the Harvard Sports Complex and we followed Douche, of all people, to a hash sit-a-ped by the football stadium. Trail crossed the soccer fields and rolled under that not-secure-at-all perimeter fence. There was a BVC as we dashed, unguarded across Storrow to BN and ONIN

ONIN:

The beer, ballons and bags were unloaded and brought into the park by a strangely flickering light on the bike path. Once “wet” and “dry” zones were demarked, the last ballon fight was had, then the first ballon parts pick up challenge! Eventually everyone was ready and we started an elongated intro-to-circle while the hares and bar car ran off to get more beer and food. We sang long songs, and Fellowship and PoPo sang us their backslider anthem, FRBs, DFLs, and virgins were devirginized. The hares returned (sans beer) and so we fast-tracked the rest of circle. New mugs were distributed and were christened with down-downs. As we were running out of beer Just Rosie was called in for having hashed for the better part of a year and still not being named! We asked her, politely, to get on her knees and the Sex regaled us with a story of how in her younger days (before she Brexited) she hooked up with 3 guys 3 nights in a row (how did she find the time!), but, on the 4th day, found that one had given her a present, so she had to call all of them and ask them to get checked; the cultrip (the middle guy) was found out to be not only a mysterious present giver, but also a magician! Many names were bantered about and it was decided that Just Rosie would be known as  Abra-Clamditya always and forever more. With the beer gone, circle business complete we moved on to announcements (see below) and kinda swang low? (We ended with the first verse of more beer). Pack then descended on the food (Bolco burritos) and then we migrated to Bus Stop Pub for on after where the hash bought round after round of beers and my mind kinda got fuzy.

On - trail of the year - On

-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:

General:

If you want to volunteer for Mismangamgement talk to Udder or I; open positions include, scribe, beer bitch, demontor/ess, and others can always use more help!

Pink Taco Trotters need hares for August, talk to Clit Notes

Pink Taco Trotters is looking for people to help with Sadie Hawkins, in November, also talk to Clit Notes

Up cuming hashes:

Wednesday 8/10/16: General Ass Pounder is returning to hare a trail! If you haven’t heard of his trails, they were legends before the invention of the written word; will we crawl threw a drain pipe? Swim out a beer check in the mystic river? Swim across the harbour? Get lost in the woods for hours? Who knows, come to trail and find out!

Thursday 8/12/16: Wonka’s Farewell Beaver trail - details TBP

Friday 8/13: COLOR RUN AND BBQ!! Starting in Harvard Square the Hash Color Run is returning and will ONIN at the return of the Hash BBQ!

Saturday 8/14: Seacoast float hash in Plymouth NH! Rage!

Friday 8/19: Capture The Beer Moon Hash - like capture the flag, but with beer!

Saturday 8/20: Boston Brewery Buster Ball Buster Hash! 10 breweries, 12 miles, ball buster trail (bring cash monies for beer on trail), also, we need a bag car!

October 15th: AGM

November: Sadie

Decemember: Antibuffet, Holiday Party, Sliegh Hash

January: Robbie Burns

Feburary: Founders Day, Moon Away

March: Burlington Mardi Gras

April: MARATHON

May: NURD

Summer 2017: 4th Anal Water Wars!