AHHHHHHHNOLD HASH

What: Ahhhnold Hash

Where: The Dogwood

Who: Sex: The Final Frontier, Abraclamidia, Just Mo

Pack:

Vaginal Discharge (??), Visitor from Porland, World Wide Whore, Boner Doner, Black Cock Down, Can’t Eat Pussy, Clits and Chips, Wikiepdophilia, Bend Over Mommy, Glutneless Maxiumus, Blowbot, Visitor from H5, More? Probably?

Trail:

Circle was infront of an unused (or closed) garage. The only new check was an “Ahhnold” check where you have to take off your shirt and flex.

Trail Part Conan:

From the start trail went, rather predicitably given the name, through Forest Hills station into the Ahhnold Ahhbouritum, though the marks leading into the park were hard to find (it was dark, not all of pack had cranium lamps). Once we got into the park there was a bery well marked trail along the dirt road to a shot check (weak tea?) about 100 yards in. Trail continued across the road where CEP and I were approached by a rather serious looking man asking if we had seen any goats. Taken aback, we asked him to confirm and he said that a pair of goats which had been hired to trim the grass had been attacked by dogs. We said that we were unaware of such activities as we were but hashers, on a scavenger hunt for beer. He seemed intreguided by this, so we told to him to look up the website and then ran on. We found a song check at the bottom of a hill and people were coming back from scouting out two and outs on the flats, and no one had checked up hill. A bit dismayed I started walking up the side incline and call out one, two, then finally ONON. There was an Arnold check at the top of the hill and I flexed for pack as they then continued to scout down hill and into the flats. Looking at the grassy slope to my left which no one had gone up, I decided to scout up hill and was rewarded with sporatic marks on tree trunks.

NOTE TO HARES: If you are laying trail in shiggy (espesically not on paths), mark on tree trunks!

Following these marks slowly as to allow pack to catch up we eventually got to a check at the top of the hill. Again pack scouted down hill and again I laughed at them and scouted up hill (which ended up being not marked, but there were marks around the crest of the hill to the right) where trail hit a dick check and then turned actually down hill. It was slow going as the mist had set in and it was a cool other woodly run through scattered trees with head lamps swinging too and fro. At the base of the hill we found another shot check and trail then went straight down the road past a BKN (beer kinda near?)  and a BRN (beer really near) before eventually getting to the BC at the enterance to the park.

Beer check Chopper:

Was a beer check. We waited for pack to catch up - some people had gotten pretty lost and we were dropping pins to follow. Eventually the hares left, and I think Mommy joined us, and we talked about that one time the Pabst Brewing Company won a Blue Ribbon.

Trail Who’s Your Daddy:

Trail left the park and pack initially scouted rightish since that was the direction to the T. However, that was wrong. There was a decitful on-two next to a BVC which sent pack scurrying across the Jamacia Way. I turned left, not wanting to re-cross the road and ran to the rotarty where I found an on two and a marked false, which I traced back to a song check in the middle of the rotarty. I then ran the perimiter of the rotarty and found another song check, and two leading down a dead end. At about this time, pack caught up with me and trail continued along the Jamaca way towards that pond at the bottom of mission hill. There was a very confusing disaperance of marks (until we realized we had run past a hash sitapeed by the lake), and we eventually found trail running again along the shores of the lake to when it turned back into the park and we found the hares sitting, surronded by beer, in a depression in the landscape.

Beer check Rubber Buddy Fuddy Bumpers-

Was a beer check which had beer.

Trail You’re on ugly mother-mother:

Heady with thoughts of beer, pack raced out of the beer check and ran the wrong way. We double pack and eventually found marks leading back towards the not-really-a-hash-sit-a-pead check only to find it replaced with a true trail arrow pointing into JP. This, at last, made us happy, since the Orange line was roughly that way. We ran a few blocks then got to a main road at which we turned right. Again, this was the wrong direction, as there was a check on the other side of the street and trail went left; past a chruch with it’s requisit song check to, finally a BN and ONIN at Cornwall’s.

(Note: At some point someone washed out the ONIN mark?)

ONIN:

We waited a while for bag car to return, but there was beer to keep up sediated. Eventually bag car showed up and we got bags, and started circle.

CIRCLE:

The hares were called in and accused of being zey shitty hares ya. It was widely accepted that RAs with fake Austrian accents, while sounding a bit off, was diffinetly less antagonistic than southie accents. More on the RAs later. The hares had nothing to say for themselves, so we told them to use more flour and chalk. At this little melody the patrons of the bar turned to regard us. Next the RAs called in visitors and the girl from Portland (who was also at Indapanties day and bemoaned the lack of 2nd in a dress), sang us an amazing version of “take me out to the ball game” but it was about getting black out drunk and hooking up with someone who’s name you don’t know. We all cheered. We then called in FRBs/FBIs (Mommy and Blackie) and DFL (Clits and Chips), and they drank. I accused Cougar of being a racist (he ran a 100 miler) and he drank; then he accused me of wearing new shoes, so i drank of them. Side note: I’m wearing them at work as I type this. The hares tried to accuse pack of not finding a third shot check, but we called the hares in for laying a shitty trail that didn’t lead us to said shot check. There were more accusations but we eventually moved onto announcements (see below) and then we swang low.

ON - I’ll be back - ON

-Wiki

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
10/14: Pre-AGM Pub crawl: Probably? Starting maybe at Parker house? I think Disco’s leading it? Udder drunk txted me, or something.

10/15: AGM -=> TOP RAGE: Do you feel the need, the need to RAGE? Come rage with us in your best Top Gun attire (or any 1980’s Tom Cruise movie). The start will be 1pm (ish), the location will be Boston. There will be long drawn out games of homoerotic beach volley ball, and pie.

November: Saddie Hawkins! Talk to Clit notes if you want to help plan.

December: Antibuffet

Feburary: Moon Away

March: Burlington Mardigras

April: BOSTON MARATHON

May: NURD

GTFO Alston Trash

What: GTFO Alston Trail

Where: The Sihl

Who:

Hares: Blondie McBlowcones Alot, Marblelous Asshole

Bag car: Spermaid.

Just Kent, Just Ian, Stinky Cheese, Shits and Ladders, Captain Connecticunt, Jiggly Tits, Goat Throat, Sketchy, the other harriet who runs anti-buffet, butler, no man, o’boner, boner doner, black cock down, wikipedophilia, vagatarian, cum ear, vistor from dc, clap for clamidia, luva lamp, easy rider, clit and chips, clit notes, a virgin and others i forgot.

Start:

Was at the sihl, and i got another free beer. I need to bring a trail there to pay the friendly lady back. Pack slowly started to arrived and we were given “dinner” (ie free popcorn) to all the tables. I might have surprised a muggle who caught me changing in the mens room, but you’re never indecent when putting on a kilt, so I didn’t care. The hares showed up latish - finally realizing that if you live on the k007 51d3 of the river it kinda sucks going south. After some confusion with bag car - if only we knew what that would foreshadow - hares were gay and we finished our beers and went after them.

Chalk-talk:

Was held by the oil-change place until they yelled at us for not being there, or whatever, so we went across the street. The Captain led us in chalk talk and we mentioned all the places in the world we’d rather be than Alston. We then ran back across the street up and hill towards that park we end at alot.

Trail In Alston:

Trail started up the street by the Sihl and we quickly hit a hash sitapeed. Most of pack continued straight, but I scouted a two and out down an alley and eventually caught up with trail coming out of the park. Sadly for Goat and I, there was a shot check that we missed. Aggressive placement by the hares, but no one complains about getting drunk early, except for those who zen around it. Losers. Trail crossed back over brighton street and ran past the shaws to the road over the pike. There was a S/S check at the base of the bridge, but the two trails combined on the bridge. An arrow turned us at the base of the bridge, but it led to a CB4 and trail went through a parking lot, past a tit check (thanks Easy!) and then turned left then right back onto the road from the bridge. Trail continued through LA for a way and it was really a question of “which LA beer stop would they chose.” Eventually marks led us to the gardens by the ampitheatre by where water wars ended and we found the hares.

Trail Still In Alston:

We stood around with the hares waiting for bag car. Bag car got lost. Like wicked lost; seriously evilly lost. When we got there hares said that they had overshot and ended up on the other side of the river by Mount Auburn. Then they said that they were coming back. Then they said that they had missed the turn again and were south-bound on soldiers field, so we’d just meet them on the other side of the bridge by the VFW/Rowing boathouse.

Trail GTFO Alston:

The hares marked trail - pretty much straight true, but I think there was a song check - threw the park and across the bridge.

Still Waiting:

We then hung out by the boat house waiting for bag who was on the cambridge side of western ave. They then crossed back over the river at the JFK bridge and got on Soldiers field road outbound, eventually crossing back over and being waved into the parking lot by 3 dozen tried, sober, thirsty hashers.

Beer check 1:

Was amazing.

Trail to BC #2:

Was the best laid segment of any trail all year!

Beer check 2:

Was even more amazing!

The hares left roughly around the time BC#2 was marked and we finished our second beers before running after them.

Note on haring change:

Bag car having been relieved of her duties (and given a beer), was replaced by Blonde who drove off as Marbles went to lay trail.

Trail Not in Alston:

Cross memorial drive; though not at a street light and luckily no one was killed. We ran to a song check and sang the beginning of the engineer song, then went and looked for trial found a check back the f*cked pack right up. We had no idea where trail went until eventually Falmon and I found it going up a random street and we called on. We hit a group hug, and a dick/tit check before crossing into the, i think it’s called, “Huron Village” area before getting a check at Paddy’s. Paddy’s was a false; true trail went straight to Doherty park. When we arrived there was pizza, beer, orange food and we knew we were ONIN.

Circle:

The hares were called in and we told them they should’ve used more flour and chalk, or given bag car a map! Next bag car was called in and we told her use a map! The visitor from DC was called in and we sang to her a nice friendly song. It was great. Then Clap for Chlamydia was called for abandoning us to DC and we sang him a song about all the farms in our nation's capital. It was one of the more aggressive Old McDonalds I’d seen. There was, at that point, one person in the circle who was very, very confused so the virgin was called in. Clit notes stepped forward to dement him and we learned that he sucks at math, doesn’t know what a dollar menu is, and is backwoods; then something a fucking his girlfriend’s mother? Whatever. Captian showed him how to do a down-down, and he drank. We then moved onto accusations. We accused the bag car of getting lost again, because, well, she deserved it. Then everyone who was given a patch for completing the “marathon challenge” [if you have, let me know and i’ll give you one]. I was then accused of not messing up a song? Whatever, I drank, and didn’t sing Nancy Brown, even though I just remembered now that our visitor was from WV and i should have! Curses! Anyone who ran a marathon was called in, and anyone who travelled out of state. There was a lot of beer so we accused people who were not wearing hash attire to drink, then we accused same shirts to drink. Eventually we all were drunk and we swang low. I know I’m skipping at least 2 accusations, but if you remember accuse me next week of forgetting your accusations! Announcements below.

On - GTFO Alston - On

-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:

Wednesday 9/14: Return to Quincy trail! That’s right kids, we’re going to the other end of the redline! Details soon. Hares are Clit Notes and Wiki.

Friday 9/16: Boston Full Moon H3, Start is Harpoon Brewery, hares are Wifeout and Dryhose

Saturday 9/17: Seacoast Redress Pub Crawl in Dover NH - train leaves north station at 9. Contact wiki if you want to go, he (i) will put you in contact with the SH3 people.

Saturday 9/17: Boston Ball Buster Hardcore Hash in Northboro - details will be announced shortly. Contact Too Short Too Tuck for info.

Saturday 9/17: Poof, I think? Check www.poofh3.com for details.

October 15th: Boston H3 AGM - Start is Coopersmith. Theme is Top Gun.

November 11/12: Philly White dress.

https://hashrego.com/events/philly-white-dress-run-2016

December 9-11: Antibuffet; rego info at some point.

January: Robbie Burns

Feburary: Moon away

March: Burlington Mardi Gras and Philly Green Dress

April: MARATHON 2017

May: NURD

June: Something?

July: Burlington INVIHASH

August: Stop planning a year in advance and drink a beer!

Douches Birthday Hash Trash

What: Douches Birthday Hash

Where: The Field Pub

Hares: E=ImaDouche, Easy as 123

Bag Car: Just Kent

Pack:

Nercophiliac Jack, Stinky Cheese, THE 2nd cuming, SALTY MOTHERFUCKING MUD FLAPS, The Butler Hit It, Dry Hose, Just from NC, Just Ian, another Just, a virgin, Clits and Chips, Bum Fucking Vagabond, Sketchy Ho, Twat My Mom, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, No Man, Queer and Foaming, others I forgot

Pre-lube:

Pack slowly trickled in, reaching critical capacity around 7, before the hares even arrived. The hares didn’t even enter the bar, just walked up to the pre-trail-trail-heads and said they’d lay marks to the bag car. The trail heads were confused (aren’t we always), but relayed this information to the RAs, who called bag car in 6.9 minutes.

Trail to bag car:

Was well marked, and pack slowly shuffled along until, at the entrance to the parking lot there was an strange looking mark - “WN” - and then a “WC/Bag car!...that’s right, there was a...

WINE CHECK

(at bag car)

We traded our bags for a bag of wine and proceeded with chalk talk in an ajoinining parking lot. We were all asked to say something nice about the birthday boy - he drinks gamdansk like a champ, looks great on a cross, and has other unique parts to his personality. Marks were reviewed for the virgins, justs and long time back-sliders, then pack was off.

Trail Hobbit*:

Trail started down mass ave then turned right as Asgard, past a Hash Sitapeed by a park, jumped a block then ran into a parking garage. Blackie and I discussed the “summer of parking garages” that happened years ago and prayed that this wasn’t a return. It wasn’t. Trail went up a set of stairs, across a level, then down another set of stairs and through some alleys to the train tracks. There was a true trail pointing down the tracks which led up back, briefly to mass ave. We turn right at Paradise, or close enough there to, I commented to blackie again (it wasn’t actually him, but whatever), jokingly, “Beer Mile near?” Before looking down at the side walk and seeing those exact words in chalk with a true trail arrow pointing to the MIT track. There was some confusion in pack “Is this really happening?” “Yes!” “Does the cop there care?” “No!” “Is Cougar running sprints?” “Yes!”

*This was called “trail hobbit” because hobbits give presents to their friends on the occasion of their birthday, not the other way around; the beer mile was a gift to pack!

BEER MILE:

The beer mile was announced and once the friendly cop left - he asked if we were going to videotape, or if this was “an official beer mile” No, we assured him, it’s a casual beer mile; which is something he hadn’t heard of. He then told us that the MIT track had been redone over the summer (it’s all soft and squishy now) and then rhode off on his bike. The track work out people kindly asked that we use the outside lanes and dragged over two trash barrels for us so that we wouldn’t refund on their track. Since people were a bit surprised by the surprise beer mile, and most of us had to work today, the participants were broken up into relay teams; only Douche, CEP, Cougar and Stinky did the solo miles. Cougar was persuaded to join us (only after getting permission from his “coach”) and the most blessed sound in the world was heard as the cans were cracked. Beer miles do not lend themselves to trash - you run in a circle 4 times - but Cougar won followed by Douche, Stinky and CEP; team Easy Cumming (Easy + 2nd) won the relay, dispite 2nd going a penalty lap. The RAs instructed us that there would be a Turkey/Eagle split on the next section of trail. The Eagles would get a shot, but an increased likelihood of dying.

Trail for the Birds-

Continued down whatever road the MIT track was on. The Eagles split off to run down the train tracks, and the narration will join them later. The turkeys continued straight and hit a tit check; which the harriets ran through (as they are allowed to) but the male justs who I was with also ran through before trail was called on! Trail continued to Memorial drive; there was a true trail drawn crossing Mem drive, but was crossed out with “Fuck that shit” written next to it and trail was laid down to the rotary. I, of course, crossed Mem drive and ran to goose shit, expecting to find libations, but instead found eagles who didn’t want to die, and led them out of goose shit, across the BU bridge to magazine beach where Easy was doing pull ups. She declared that we had reached the on-in and ran off to find bag car...which was parked like 50ft away, but more on that later. The narration will now rejoin the eagles.

According to the hare, trail was laid, and scouted, primarily for the eagles, or, more precisely for the EEE - which makes sense because the rest of the trail was a bit of a shit show. Those who were truly eagles at heart, and enjoyed a brief flirtation with death, continued following marks of flour on the tracks on the bridge over the charles. It’s a bit of a tough, and slow, transverse, as the bridge is built for train, not pedestrian traffic, and the river isn’t all too deep under you. Pack eventually made it across and then scrambled up an embankment to a construction site behind BU, where they found the birthday boy waiting with nips of tequila. Shots were had and the hare traipsed off up the slope and through BU to the footpath over Storrow. Trail turned left and ran along the river, under the bridge they had crossed earlier to true trail pointing out across the Charles; across which they could see pack waving and drinking merely without them.

Circle:

After some communication issue with the food providers - contrary to what they show on TV, most places will not deliver to a parking lot - bag car was dispatched get pizza and we circled under darkening skies. Hares were called in and forced to listen to all the nice things we had to say about them; then we told them they should have used more flour and chalk. They sang something back to us, which I genuinely don’t remember - oh, no, yes i do - they sang Dina! We then called in FBR - blackie and FBI - just from North Carolina - who was also accused of being a virgin because she cut her hair. When asked why she cut her hair she said that she had grown tired of pulling it out of her ass. Technically she didn’t say that in circle, she told me that privately during a conversation at the start but, you know, remember that for future reference. Also her boyfriends likes it better short; remember that too. Back to circle, they drank and were kicked out; DFLs were called in, and it was Douche, so Easy had to drink too. At this point the Virgin was very confused so we called him in and Foamy demented/played 20 questions with him. He sucks at math, helps his uncle jack off, is backwoods and would rather watch porn with his parents than of; i might have made up that last one. Either way; he’s not worthy, but we’ll take him anyway. After that, since there were no visitors - quasi visitors were called in - ie, people who have lived abroad for 6 months and returned to us - SKETCHY!! I think that ex-GMs, kilted hashers and danish nash hash people all drank with her. We then accused team Easy Cum of winning the beer mile, since the real winners weren’t there, so they drank again. Douche protested that, minus Cougar, he won, so he drunk again, and Easy joined him. Shart drank for sweat test failure. I was accused of missing the trash can and drank for alcohol abuse. Stinky Cheese drank for winning the swimming portion of the hash (but we didn’t sing to him about whales). We named Foamy’s dog; pizza was brought out and we swang low. See announcements below.

On - one year closer to death - On

-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:

Camp out on Paddocks this weekend; Today is the last day to sign up, otherwise trail is Saturday. Details on the website.

Taco needs hares.

September 16th: Full Moon - Wifeout is haring.

September 17th: Seacoast red dress pub crawl

September 17th: Maybe poof.

September 24th: Ballbuster in Nothboro?

October 15th: BOSTON AGM - TOP RAGE.

“I feel the need, the need to rage!”

November: Sadie

December: 9-11 -> ANTIBUFFET; rego will be up...sometime?

December 16-18: Chicago ANTHRAX!

Januaray: Robbie Burns

Feburary: Moon away

March: Burlington Mardi Gras

April: BOSTON MARATHON WEEKEND

May: NURD

June: Someone needs to do an event so I can fill this out better...

July: Burlington Invihash

August: It’s like a year from now; who cares; go drink!